angel boy

if i was in an alien movie i'd be luring the xenomorph into a hot wok and adding chili, garlic, ginger, shaoxin wine, scallions, white pepper and sesame oil

odysseus tying himself to the mast but he's doing some proto shibari type shit to make his tits look really good and his crew isn't saying anything but it's kind of hard not to notice

if Humpty Dumpty ever stopped being in danger then he would lose his identity & go insane

(to the tune of mary had a little lamb): mary had a little lamb

in space no one can hear you moan like a girl

Ground control here, we can hear you just fine

season 2 of heated rivalry should start with both of them dying in a freak plane crash and then pivot into a nature documentary about ants

age aggressing to 65 so i can retire

my wound salt that I keep beside my bed

unemployed flying object

I'm actually from Baltimost, Merrierland so forgive me if I'm less than impressed

i dont struggle with skin picking im very good at it

one time i ate a berry once and smiled twice

rotisserie gnat would hit rn

Oh.. well met, traveler. (You notice me skinning and field dressing a grinch carcass strung up by the rafters of the cabin) Oh this? Yeah bagged it just this morning. Male, not too old. Meat's gonna be good. (I stare, somewhat detached, at the grinch corpse hanging in front of me for a moment before plunging my knife through its heart) Fucking sickos. You know they hate Christmas? That time of the year where good kids get presents and, heh, well.. when adults get egg nog. (Quiet slicing and carving sounds, bloodlust professionally but barely contained) Wind's howling,

ground control to crazy frog

would you rather have $000,000 or dinner with no one

i think the angriest ive ever made someone on reddit was when they used an emoji while arguing and i said "What is this tiny yellow picture"