sheds a single tear

every august 18th my notifications break and i go, fuck, tumblr has failed me once again, but it hasn’t. it hasn’t failed me. it’s just the taking the hobbits to isengard-iversary. happy 12 years

20th anniversary this year, trying to get this out a few days in advance.

21st anniversary!

im not immune to the condition that makes you think "but what if the evil alien/robot/eldritch entity/whatever that kills everyone was nicies to me. because im literally chill and have good vibes."

come with me hold my hand. listen. the age gap is sometimes part of why the ship is so good. that’s okay. god isn’t going to smite you for liking an age gap relationship between fictional characters. go now. be free from the mind prison you’ve locked yourself in

and hey while we’re on the subject, age gap relationships between adults in real life are also fine. there’s no inherent problem with an age gap as long as everyone is happy and wants to be there and treats each other with respect. which is possible to do in an age gap relationship. hope this helps

I mind my business, but I do pay attention.

holy shit i love grieving things before they’re gone

i believe in sexual liberation and pervert rights except if you sext me with this emoji 🤤 then i think it should be automatically removed from your personal emoji library so you cant ever say that to me again

in fact leave emojis out of it completely. i need you to convey your lust to me without emojis. i believe in you

beer before beer that's ✌️two beers

you’re jerking off and suddenly my leitmotif starts playing

having ADHD means you know a person who also has ADHD but it's somehow the most debilitating ADHD of anyone who's ever lived and they smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day and drink 3 double-shot espressos by 10 am with more to come by noon and when they see you take your adderall they're like "my doctor prescribed me that but i don't want to become dependent on medication to function."

me @ my friend while they down their 5th can of monster energy before 6 PM: wouldn't it be cool if scientists could somehow distill stimulants into an easy-to-swallow once a day package that won't Harm you

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

I know a woman with 2 first names, whose last name growing up was Chapman. She married a man whose last name was Chapman. So her name is Something Someone Chapman Chapman.

My friend Sam is dating someone else named Sam. They refer to this as Sams Club.

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child