145elka117

So now that we’re going to Mexico in June I plan to do two more fast. One this month and one again in May. The one in May will be for 14 days. This month will be fore 5-10 days. I’m thinking about starting next week. My motive is to lose as much fat as possible, along with doing yoga and eating hormone balancing meals to keep my tummy bloat free, and also tone and strengthen my muscles. Because I want to be super comfortable on the beach. I need to start saving. It’s going to be $1k for each of us on the whole trip. But it’s going to be incredible. I’m really fucking excited. Also I have my Leon Bridges tickets for collateral, so if we don’t go I’ll just sell them for like $100 each. 

I need sun glasses, bathing suits, and cute clothes for the trip to Mexico. I’m contemplating if I should be my hair done now, and take it out before we go to Mexico. Or if I should get my hair done before we go to Mexico.

I kind of want to wear my natural hair in Mexico because we’re going to be in and out of the water. But also washing and straightening it twice a day isn’t going to be that great for it either. I’m really excited. Wearing a frontal down there though is going to suck. Because I wont be able to get my “edges” wet. And I want to swim. Maybe I’ll do braids or something for a month or two. Or I’ll just start doing a bunch of hot oil treatments and growth serums to get back to a length I’m okay with. I really need to get all my dead ends chopped. I’m thinking that whenever we come back from Mexico. I’ll do like a big chop and cut off all my processed and dead ends and just wear frontals for a year and a half. And then I’ll have my hair at a length and density I’m comfortable with again. The thickness of my hair has improved. Taking vitamins and doing weekly scalp massages has done me good and it’s only been a month. 

If I’m consistent the growth will come, it always does. 

Anyways, I just really want to feel comfortable in my skin in Mexico. I want to not have fat deposits on my hips and I want to be proud to wear a bikini. A few days before the trip I’ll do a deep cut to. So a water weight sweat out. That I’m sure I’ll gain back in tequila and tortilla chips, but I’m down. I’m really excited! How many times can I mention how excited I am.

I feel like it’s just going to be so much fun and such a good time. I love traveling with Lukasz. I really need to do some travelling of my own. I want to go to Europe. I was going to do that this year, but since we’re going to mexico I’ll put it off. But next year, I do really want to finally take my trip. I’ll see wear my job takes me and how much I can save up. But I really want to take some time to explore the world and meet people and develop my character as an individual. Met these guys this past weekend and one of them invited me to come out with them next weekend to a rave and that they rented a lake house for the part afterwards. Which sounds so fun to me. Lukasz is going to fucking Colorado with his friends for 4/20 next weekend. So I totally think I’m going to go with those guys. Because well it’s a party and it sounds like fun. 

So I bought those work out programs, spent $35 and I’m going to make use of them. I also just bought 2 pairs of leggings online to make working out something I want to do.

So I’m going to begin going through the lessons and taking notes starting here.

8 WEEK BODY TRANSFORMATION

Be inspired by the vision and make it come true with everything that touches your lips - be mindful of what you’re eating and keep the goal at the forefront of your mind.

Eat to 80% full, sop and check to see if you’re actually full. - This will help to develop a positive relationship with the way your body feels.

Consult the sacred council of your “selves” when it comes to craving food emotionally. Whether it’s the little girl or teenage brat in me, use the wiser version of myself to monitor their vices and manage what their needs are. What does she really need and how can I give this to her with out emotional eating? Use your awareness.

Think about what will make you feel the most beautiful, radiant, and healthy. 

Move your body everyday, balance with movement. 

Reward yourself without food and find sweetness in your life. Instead of rewarding yourself with queso from twin peaks or a cheeseburger from sonic reward yourself with skin care, getting your hair done, buying a new dress or pair of shoes, getting your nails done.

Having proper “MACROS” 

_Ella speaking here: I’ve never been the biggest fan of tracking macros and tracking food. I make a mental count for calories. But I find it really strenuous to count grams of protein, fat, and carbs_

Hemp seeds - to balance hormones.

FOODS: dark leafy veg, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cauliflower (which I love), peppers, spinach, cucumber, tomatoes, onions, garlic, spirulina, chlorella, sea veg - soaked nuts, sprouts, kelp, yams, beets, beans, kefir, sauerkraut, and tempeh.

Ginseng - helps rebuild adrenals by providing energy instead of stimulants and caffeine.

CLEANING AND DETOXIFYING THE GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT, LIVER, BLOOD, AND LYMPHATIC SYSTEMS;

Health is a pure reflection of the state of your digestion.

Ways to cleanse your colon:

1. Enzymes with every meal

2. Probiotics daily

3. Colon hydrotherapy

4. Eating fermented foods with good bacteria at every meal 

5. Castor oil packs

6. Only taking in good fats that heal - avocado, nut butters, coconut

7. Drink good clean water

8. Eat “will building” foods

9. Add Aloe to green smoothies

Colonics once a week for 6 weeks

PRACTICING SELF LOVE, MINDFULNESS, AND SELF REFLECTION

So I got on the scale this morning, and it read a number that I wasn’t happy with. I’m going to start my fast on Saturday. I bought a fuck ton of soup to eat for the next few days. I’m going to to challenge myself to work out regularly. I almost bought the work out program last night, I don’t know what’s stopping me. I’m afraid that it’s not going to be anything that I really need or enjoy. 

I’m making excuses. There are so many things that I need to do and take care of. Starting with getting this police report from grapevine. Which I could be working on right now. I really need to get around to organizing my shit and getting rid of my shit. I need to take my vyvanse and just go after it one of these days. I need to be taking my vyvanse everyday. It helps me with my eating habits. And I feel like it speeds up my heart so I’m burning more calories while on it. 

Some more manifestation

I live somewhere near the outskirts of down town fort worth. I love the style building I live in. The space is well, spacious. I have enough room for myself and guests, and I also have an extra room for an office for myself. Where I record music, write, make things, and lay on the ground listening to records while gazing at the lines the light makes as it comes through my windows. 

I cook here, clean here, create here, and entertain here. My favorite thing is to have Lukasz and all our friends over. I know a few of the neighbors in my building and they pop by for drinks too. I dim the lights and keep the music soulful and fluid. I have a slew of games and my dished rest in the dish washer or in the cabinets. 

Lukasz spends the night once a week, most nights we stay at his place. I kove having my own spaces. It’s so beautiful to hold a key that’s fully mine. To have a space that’s fully mine and to enjoy being, well, alone. But I’m never truly alone, I have the universe filling my heart, and a man I love filling my bed. 

I work, and I have hobbies, and I sing, and I am loved by myself, the universe, and all my friends. I’m working my way on up. 

I’m starting to prepare for another fast. Next week I plan to do a 7 day fast, from Sunday - Sunday. I’m also forcing myself to buy that yoga program today so that I can keep myself accountable and on track with my goals. If I buy it then I’ll feel guilty if I don’t make use of it. Coming off my fast, I plan to break with juices and soups this time. No solid foods for at least 4-5 days. My birthday is the Friday of the following week, so I’ll be holding off until then. I think I’m going to fast today. I’m feeling particularly bloated. So yeah I’m going to fast today. And go to the store to get some soup tonight. So I can have lunch for the next few days. 

I think a good lunch meal would be to have soup with rice cauliflower at the bottom of it as a filler (instead of rice). I want to start making my own soups. 

I could burn 1000 calories a day by doing cardio for 2&30 hours. Which sounds like hell. But Lukasz and I are going to Mexico in June and I am going to look fucking bomb for that. I also think I know what I need to do on my fasts now. I need to be consistent with my supplements and I plan to take a multivitamin everyday with this fast. Coming off this fast I’m transitioning to a plant based diet. PLANT BASED, meaning plant based proteins. I’m slowly coming off of cheese. But I’m going to do my best to stick to fish, if any animal protein.

UPDATE; I just got off the phone with my lawyer and I’m counting on what this police report says to possibly sue his insurance company.

Which would be fucking awesome. But I’m definitely stress eating right now. I’m going to stay with my calories today though. And I will be doing a HIIT yoga work out tonight, along with finally cleaning my room.

I ate a candy bar, and I feel like shit. I’m not gonna eat one ever again.

I came here to talk about how I would decorate my apartment.

So once I move out my bathroom is going to be like my little self care, heaven, sanctuary. 

I’ll have a rack with the top shelf filled with plants, with black piping and frosted glass shelves. I’ll keep candles and smell good bath salts and bombs on the second shelf down. The shelf below that with have a plethora of skin care mask, and hair masks. And then the shelf below that will have all of my essential everyday hair care products.

On my counter I will keep my everyday skin care essentials. I’ll have a little mirror rack for my spin brush. 

And all around the tub with be my essential body scrubs and washes, and my weekly conditioner and shampoo. I’ll have a speaker I keep in there for music and podcasts, and a rack for my straightener and blow dryers.

I’m my room on my dresser, I’ll have a mirror and a place for my serums, eye creams, and primers. And I’ll have a set up for my makeup, in front of a window. 

My apartment aesthetic will be like DIY, eclectic, soulful, modern, with a hint of wood. I want to diy a lot of my shelves, and my kitchen, and coffee tables. And for a couch I want it to be some muted shade of bluey-grey, and I want a brown/sand apolstered or even a small leather recliner. I want a rug like the one Lukasz has in his living room. That rug is freaking amazing. 

I don’t even think I want a tv, just like a really sick sound system, but I guess I should have a tv lol. 

In the kitchen I want there to be plants on top of the refrigerator and I’ll have my pantries all organized by the shelf, same in my fridge. And there will be meal prep containers and treat containers and endless kombucha and lemon water.

In front of my door I’m going to have a key holder and mirror and a proper coat rack. And I’ll have a console for my record players and pictures from my trips all over the place. I’m going to start collecting refrigerator magnets and post cards.

I need to go through my clothes and separate the things that I could actually sell from the things that I really just need to get rid of. I’ve been telling myself I would do this for months. But seriously tonight I am. When I get home I’m changing straight into my gym gear, and I’m going to run sprints, walk the dog, and go and ab circuit. Then I’m going to wash my face, take a shower, put a face mask on and get to fucking work on clearing shit out of my room and separating things in to trash bags, and finding the things I want and the things I don’t want. 

I can do this and still get to bed by 11 pm.

I really want to go somewhere. 

I want to take a trip to the beach or to a different country. I think I’m going to begin planning a trip to Europe. I want to go to Hungary, Croatia, and Amsterdam.

My goal this year is to be the person I’ve always envisioned my adult self to be. Just by talking to others and actively listening, being light-hearted and humorous, and being warm and inviting and intelligent.

My plan of action is to start with my family. I need to sit down and make small talk with them and not allow myself to be oh so effected by the things people say. Because it all really doesn’t matter much anyway. Fuck being so sensitive. I love being emotional, but at this point I feel like it’s holding me back in life. There’s no need. Let’s just have a good time. I’m considering starting to smoke weed again. I’m going to start back once I get my own place. Because when I get high I feel like I care a lot less, and things are more fun.

I’m going to try to master causal conversation with my family and actually joking around with them. Which I know I can do with my dad. My mom is going to be the hard part. We’re going to need to go to therapy, just to learn how to talk to each other. And that’s fine. I’ve been thinking that I need to go back to therapy to talk to someone like twice a month. 

I need to remember that I am a likable person. Despite what people have to say. I’m done with this awkward phase of my life. I can speak to people about common topics and I have interesting things to say. I just need to start acting like I am the things I see myself becoming and then bam I will be. Everybody needs a little help right? Like yeah, I’m going to start smoking weed again, fuck it. I’m going to get one of those small little pen things that Willie and James smoke and ask Sam where he gets his weed from, because his stuff is the best. Dude, my life is awesome. And I’m going to create great bonds. 

I kind of want to go camping and take shrooms. I feel like that would be really fun. I’m all good, I miss reading. Fucking Mallory’s got my copy of Milk and Honey, I’m going to have to buy another copy of that. I have a couple books I’ve been wanting to read. But I really want to start reading classics. I’m going to start trying to read one book a week. I can do that if I focus. I need a list of Classics to read. 

I should have paid more attention during school. I want to go back to school, but at the same time I don’t. I don’t think it’s for me. I can get my certification as a Relationship coach and take a few classes to gain some skills. But I can analyze books and learn how to write all on my own. 

I’m tired of thinking about life. I just want to live it. Be in it. Not outside of it. 

So I broke my fast Thursday evening. I still feel great. My body still looks good.

I’m a little bloated from this weekend, as I drank quite a bit and snacked a bit too close to bed time last night. But I’m still maintaining the weight loss. And starting today I’m doing HIIT yoga everyday to drop some more weight and tone up my body. 

Saturday I wore the romper that I bought out. I wanted to show off my newly slimmed down figure. We got drunk at Kenan and Kate’s and we watched Crashing and SNL, it was great. He and I got home around 2:30 and I just figured that we wouldn’t have sex. I got all dressed up that day to impress him and show myself off a little bit. I was taking off my clothes to get in to bed, slid off my playsuit and slid on my panties. I had no idea he was staring at me. But he was. Examining my freshly slimmed down body, checking out my curves. He was tired but he couldn’t resist. He pulled me to him and kissed me. And then we fucked. He kept telling me how good my body looked and how good I did and that this was the body he was attracted to.

Which was hot and flattering, but slightly stung at the same time. Even though I knew it was true. As shallow as he is, I knew that losing some weight would keep him attracted to me. 

Now I DID NOT lose the weight for him. I lost it FOR MYSELF, because I hated not fitting into my clothes and not feeling comfortable in my skin. I’ve gained back my sense of confidence and Lukasz can’t give nor take that away from me. I’m getting fit to boost myself up. It feels so good to take steps to take care of myself and have it reap positive results through out many aspects of my life. 

Whatever he finally fucked me, like we used to fuck. And it was great. I missed fucking like that. And last night was nice. 

Friday night, he told me he missed sleeping next to me. I always miss sleeping next to him. Him pulling me closer in the middle of the night and kissing my shoulders and face is my favourite thing in this whole world. 

I’m thinking about buying a keyboard and teaching myself to play the piano. I could totally do it. Start out small, learn one song. And I need to refocus my attention to expand my knowledge on the world and experimenting. I’m thinking about going out of town to the beach or like South Padre for my birthday. The group is all planning to go to Shreveport that weekend. And as fun as I’m sure that is going to be, I don’t think I want to spend my birthday at the casino. It’s not that fun for me. As I don’t gamble and it’s Shreveport lol, might be fun if I went out out. But I would spend the night sitting next to Lukasz, inhaling cigarette smoke and trying to get him not to lose all his money lol. 

I sometimes feel like I should be making crazy stupid memories fucking around and having adventures at my age. Instead of trying to fit in with a bunch of 30 yr olds. At least for right now. But then there’s also the consideration that I don’t appreciate the mentalities of a lot of people my age. I don’t know. Either way I have to try. I enjoy hanging out with Lukasz, I do. Like I want to marry this man, but I do have to do some living of my own. And make some good friends of my own as well. I should be more open to being on the surface more and find people who share similar interests to me in music and film and art.

WEIGHT: 133.8 LBS

I’m going to break the fast. I’ve developed a rash on my chest. I’m researching it and some say that it has to do with your biol spilling into your blood stream. So when I get home I’m going to do an enema tonight. Fuck, my enema bag is at Lukasz’s. 

I do think that I need to have a BM, and I’ve had acid reflux for the last 3 nights.

I really love the benefits of fasting and now that I’ve made it for 8 days, I can definitely say that I’ll be doing this again. I may even break tomorrow, if not Friday. And I’ll stick to a keto diet to keep burning the fat and begin my ab circuits, as that’s where I need to tone up the most. I’m going to do 3 rounds of 10 minute abs a day, along with interval sprints, and 4 rounds of 40 squats to just tighten up. Then I’ll look into orange theory fitness to start shredding my body. I’m really running with this. I want to be in amazing shape and I don’t want to ever lose it again. Core strength and strength in my legs is so important, I’ll have one rest day a week and that’s where I’ll stretch and do intermediate yoga. I also want to try out pilates. Weight loss is truly invigorating. I feel like a whole new person, the confidence gained from it, I have a new found thirst for life. I want to accomplish everything. And I want to thoroughly organize my life. Clear up my space and polish myself and my environment.

I can definitely feel and emotional detox starting today. I’m going to meditate on my breaks and that should help with clearing some of that energy. 

I don’t feel guilty anymore. There’s nothing wrong with breaking a fast for a special occasion, Lukasz and I are gonna have a blast and I’ll feel more confident in anything I put on my body.

I just bought a pair of jeans. Lol it’s officially time for me to stop shopping, at least until next week when I get paid. We’re practicing impulse control.

3/13/18 1:47pm

So as much as I want to go the full 14 days, and as much as I know I can. I think I’m going to break the fast early and go out for St. Patrick’s day with my babe. One of our favourite bars is supposed to be doing something that day. It’s going to be beautiful weather. And just why not. I want to lose weight and I love fasting, but I’m not going to let it get in the way of my social life.

I can always fast again for 7 days and just work out to tone up and continue burning fat. I believe in myself and this journey is not ending now. I’ll start breaking my fast on Thursday. What I’ll do is drink bone broth thursday and Friday and then eat regularly on Saturday, then go back to liquids the following days. I’m not sure. I just don’t want to gain all the weight back, and the best way to do this is by not over eating. Saturday I will be drinking. 

I don’t want to hurt my stomach. I think I’ll be fine, but like I said I really don’t plan to gain the weight back. I’ll work out on Thursday and Friday, as well as early Saturday morning to prep myself. I’ll start working out 6 days a week. We’ll see how I feel. I may not eat on Saturday. But I still want to go out. I still feel really good. I can wear the romper I bought. It’s Tuesday. We’ll see how I feel on Friday.

DAY 7  coming at yooooouuuu!

Weight; 135.6lbs!

Feeling: Incredible!

Sleep: Awesome, some of the deepest sleep of my life!

I put on my old favourite pair of jeans today, last month I couldn’t even zip these up with out fear of ripping them! Today they went on with ease! I feel so good. There’s still a ways to go, but I’m all in! I feel incredible. Took my electrolytes today, got my water and La Croix. And I’m ready to take on the world.

I don’t want to gain any weight back, but I sure as fuck want pizza and a cheeseburger, and loaded nachos, and cauliflower loaded mashed potatoes, and boneless bbq chicken wings.

God, I want all the food in the world. I’m physically satiated, but I love food and I don’t want to ever give it up again. I may do another 7 day fast after this. But really I think I’m just going to focus on building muscle/weightlifting from here on out. The food cravings are so real! I want IN’N’OUT and Sonic and Twin Peaks and Domino’s, and hot dogs, and french fries. GOD, animal style french fries! I want it all.

It’s okay, don’t worry. I’m going to keep on going. Seeing the bodily changes is way better than the momentary satisfaction that these foods will bring me. After today though I’m going to start working out. Doing yoga exercises and some walking. Maybe about a mile a day. To see if I can speed up the weight loss process and just tighten my core. 14 days is nothing!!! Tomorrow is day 7.

I got this!

After Day 7, only 7 more days and then I’m free. I’m going to break my fast with a salad, now that I think about it. To just get myself back into food, because 4 days after that I’m going to have dinner at Twin Peaks and I want my body to be ready for that. I’m going to carb cycle, so 5 days keto 2 days a bit higher carb. I’m going to do my best to stay low carb. 

On the days I eat high carb I will train resistance HIIT. 

I know I said earlier I would break with bone broth. I’ll incorporate it but I won’t only have that. I’m not going to have fruit juice either. Just the bone broth and I’ll eat soups during lunches and have salads at night. Then slowly build my way up and increase my calories. Because Saturday the 24th I’M GETTING A PROTEIN STYLE DOUBLE DOUBLE WITH KETCHUP AND ANIMAL STYLE FRIES I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE.

Feeling good still, just a little tired today (today is Day 6)

I’ve got 8 days left. At the rate that I’m losing right now I definitely think I could reach a 31lb loss by day 14.

There’s this guy on reddit who has lost 32 lbs on his Day14, if I lost 31lbs I would be at my goal of 117lb. And that’s where I could start building muscle and toning up. I really want to feel confident this summer in a bikini and if all the dresses I plan to buy. Wow, I’m really excited and I’m extremely proud of myself for making it 6 days, and I’ll be even more proud of myself making it 14 days :) and reaching my ultimate goal.

My mini goal today is to drink a gallon of water. I bought 2 quart sized bottles of smart water and I plan to finish them while I’m still at work. I’m also eligible for commissions at work!!!! So I’ll work my way to getting my sales up, and get my first commissions check at the end of April. I also need to do my taxes. Gotta talk to Lukasz and Renato about that. So I can get my tax return and go shopping with have of it, then put the other half of it in savings.

I’m gonna break my fast with some broth and then some diluted fruit juice then have a small salad at the end of the day. 

Post Fast

Day 1: bone broth, diluted fruit juice, small romain salad w/ walnuts cranberries and chicken (or bone broth the whole day, depending on how my body feels)

Day 2: bone broth, diluted fruit juice, vegetarian morning star nuggets w/ avo & pico de gallo salad, lettuce

Day 3: bone broth, watermelon, zuccini grilled cheese

Day 4: bone broth, salad, Twin Peaks - bbq chicken salad w/ chips&queso

DAY 4 Y’ALL

Last night when I got home, I felt extremely fatigued. My body even felt like I had developed a slight fever. But at some point in the middle of the night I woke up (likely from dehydration - today I’m making a point to drink more water) and I felt great! I took a look in the mirror to see if I could see any noticeable progress; And I definitely have full on Keto-tongue. A thick white film on my tongue. I’ve been taking progress pictures every morning. They definitely help to compare progress in a more accurate way, as the naked eyes can be tricky at times. I can definitely see a flattening out of the tummy. My bloating has gone down significantly. Also my double chin is shrinking more and more everyday. I’m moving a bit slower, but I’m functioning mentally. After Day 5 I should solely be burning body fat and I’m excited for my waist and my thighs to shrink. Like I said, if my body can stand it, I’m thinking about extending my fast to 21 days to get things over with and just reach my goal. 

I still plan to break fast with bone broth and fruit juice for a week, before I begin ingesting solid foods again. I don’t think I want to go vegan because I keep thinking about Twin Peaks boneless BBQ wings. But I will make a huge effort to fill my plate with 3/4 veggies and 1/4 protein. I also plan to eat less carbs, just in general. I’m going to practice keto on a 5:2 split while training. I want to get in shape and build my muscles so eventually I can increase my caloric intake and my metabolism. More muscle = higher metabolism. I’m really excited for the transformation and I am embarking on. I know training in the beginning is going to be hard and that it’s going to be difficult getting my body more toned, but I can definitely do it. Especially if I make the 14 days and beyond I can do anything. 

Not eating is a mental game, my body doesn’t want the food. I don’t feel physically hungry. But it’s the mental cravings that kill. Because I’m thinking so much about how good certain foods taste. But then I start looking at clothes I’ll feel confident and how good I’m going to feel about myself once the weight is melted off and it really excites me. 

Fasting shrinks your stomach, I’m definitely going to work my way back up to bigger portion, as I realize yesterday that I love food very much. I love all different tastes and textures. And I still see food as more than just fuel. It’s wonderful to me. I still want to fully enjoy my culinary experience just in a more health conscience and flexible way. I want to get to a point where I’m not counting calories and just paying attention to portion size. Eating less fried foods and more leafy greens and veg, and using those lower calorie, nutrient dense items to fill me up. But I’m not gonna lie, after this is all over I’m going to IN’n’OUT and getting a double double protein style with extra cheese and animal style fries. I’ve been craving burgers like crazy on this fast.

I was thinking about doing another 7 day fast. I may do a 5 day one, but 7 days I don’t know. Actually, who knows it all depends on how I feel at the end of this one. Everyone said that Day 4 they felt the worst. But I’m definitely still feeling relatively good. Not having many physical symptoms, apart from some extremely mild body pains. This morning my stomach was hurting for a bit. It was making noise. Also I passed gassed which was interesting. Still a live and I can’t wait to get home and weigh myself. My new scale comes in today. The one I have at home isn’t very accurate. I bought a digital one and I’m excited to see what it says. I’m really hoping that I’m in the 130′s already.

GOAL 117LBS, maybe even 115LBS. And in May/late April I’ll go back to twin peaks. While at TP I’ll just need to remember to be conscious of what I put in my body. Not nachos everyday, but maybe a salad with some shrimp and bbq sauce. Gosh I can’t wait to see more results.

Still feeling really optimistic.

DAY 3

Still going strong, I felt a little light headed this morning, and I was more groggy upon waking up. I had a really good night’s sleep however.

I had slight aches this morning. But right now I feel totally fine. I’m moving a little slower than usual, but nothing drastic. I supplemented with pink himalayan salt and ACV in my water this morning. I had my La Croix and, and I’m currently sipping on some black decaf coffee.

I’ve been taking progress pics, that I will post online once I complete my fast.

I’m going to fast until I reach my goal, if that comes before hand, then all the more better. The week after I break my fast, I will only be ingesting bone broths and fruit juice, in progressive quantities. As time goes on, the less and less I crave food. I’ve been looking at keto recipes online and not drooling like I was yesterday. I think that I after I start eating solid foods again, I’ll stick to a ketogenic diet for a few weeks and keep up a 5:2 split of eating for 5 days; fasting for 2. Until I’m in a body fat percentage that I’m happy with. I’ll also begin, like I’ve said many time (but repeated it helps me stay accountable) circuit training, cardio, and rock climbing to become more active as a whole. Today is the last day until I transition into full on ketosis. And I’m ready! I’m ready to see what my body can do.

Lukasz just texted me and said that after this weekend his going on a vegan diet to join me in solidarity. And I think that’s incredible and motivates me all the more. He’s going to feel so good, and as am I. I can’t wait to be pleased with my body’s appearance again. I almost typed proud, but I already am proud of my body for everything that it does for me. For carrying me, for it’s ability to heal itself, and for it’s sustainability. I wouldn’t be able to complete this fast with out my amazing body. I’m doing this for her. She deserves to feel good and look good. I’m healing her from all the crap I’ve put into her over the years. 

If I can get under 130 on this fast that would be incredible. And if I got under 120 on this fast, that would be all the more better. Now depending on how I feel on Day 14, I’ll decided if I would like to continue to 21 days. Because, after 21 days, I would definitely be at my goal body fat percentage,

This whole experience is teaching my patience. It’s also helping me remain true to myself. Sure, I’m thinking about food, but I’m also remaining focused on my goal. I want to accomplish this. I want to feel like myself again. This weight has taken me out of my element of being confident with my body. And on the first day of this fast my mood was immediately improved. I feel so optimistic and so happy. That may have to do with my gut bacteria getting back imbalance. There’s a relationship there. But I haven’t felt this nice and content for a consecutive period in a while. 

I breathe in and am grateful for my breath. I’m grateful for the friends I do have. And I plan to be more attentive to them and just in general be a better friend. I’m realizing where I was wrong in my actions with Farrah, I want to apologize and make it better but I’m not even sure if it would be worth it. We’re in different places in our lives at this point. And that may have been the driving force in our distance. But also I wasn’t very accommodating to her growth. I realize now that it’s not right to make people feel bad for not being at my beck and call. And I can’t be upset with her for not giving me the response I “need”. All I need are people who support me and show me a good time.

I’m grateful for my parents. Also, and incredible thing happened yesterday! Carmax offered us $3500 for the jeep. Which is awesome because that’s exactly the price of my car from Lukasz, and it’s going to feel so good not having to owe him money. And it sets me up so I can get purchase the new car immediately. I’m very excited. I already owe Lukasz a couple hundred dollars for tolls. Which he will get back in due time. But I’m excited about my new car. It looks good. I can make $220 payments to pay off the jeep and in the next few years I’ll get a second job or a new job and make larger payments on it.

Also, once I come off this job, I’m going to go back to Twin Peaks and work their on Sundays, to bring in an extra couple hundred bucks a month. I’m also considering getting my hair done in the next 2 weeks. Because my hair is falling out and I need to take car of it.

I need to have my taxes done this week. My dad and I are working on getting me moved out. I think/ I’m pretty sure I want to move to Fort Worth. I like it there a lot now and it’s way cheaper than Dallas. Bridgette was talking about looking at places out there. And if I can get my finances under control and find a way to make some more money, I’m down to move in with her and her friend. She’s a really good source of energy to be around. 

DAY 2 

I feel incredible.. I haven’t had this high of a consistent positive attitude, in what feels like, years. I don’t know if it has to do with not ingesting crap. I have energy, my head can feel a little loopy if I’m moving to fast or I intentionally raise my heart rate. But I have NO food cravings today. I feel full.

I’ve been drinking tea (ginger digestive tea), La Croix, and water. I’m thinking about breaking my fast with a week of bone broth and fruit juice afterwards. And then work my way back up to eating solid foods again. And when I start eating again eating a plant based diet. 

Even though I’m craving a cheese burger right now. I don’t know if I can give up cheese. But who knows how I’ll feel at the end of these 14 days. 

I’ve been researching other women’s experiences and they all talk about experiencing and emotional detox along with the physical. Which I think could be healing for me. I’m just really happy to be doing something to take care of myself in such a drastic and result driven way. There is a tangible number on the scale that I can see dropping each day.

LAST WEEK: 149lbs

LAST NIGHT (3/7): 145lbs 

THIS MORNING (3/8): 141lbs

I think my body may already be in a state of ketosis, if not then getting close to it. My tongue was coated white this morning. But then again, I’ve always noticed a light white coating on my tongue at all times. 

I see the possibility of losing -25lbs during this fast as a plausible outcome. If I could lose more that would be incredible. My ultimate goal is to be between 115 - 121, I plan to drop weight to 117 then gain lbs in muscle to keep my figure at the maintenance weight of 121. 

I started looking at small bikinis last night :) Something to motivate me to keep going, to fit into for the lake this year. Once I drop this weight completely, I’ll be in a place financially (I’m hoping) to start shopping regularly. I plan to revamp my entire wardrobe, and actually start taking care of myself and my appearance like a functioning human being. 

I’ve start actually coming my hair to go to work, and wearing work appropriate clothing. But I want more business casual attire.As well as dressy clothing. I want to feel professional but feminine. I do already feel this way (internally) but I want to look like a boss girl when I pull up to places. 

FASTING DAY #1

WOOOOHHHH!!! Here we go! It’s the first day of pushing my body to this level it’s never been to before! I’m excited as hell! I’m ready to see results as well as see how much I improve after this. This is me testing my resiliency, my determination, and my dedication to myself.

I’m all in. 

I’ll record how I feel and take progress pictures every day. I plan to make the next 14 days my bitch!