Every year around this time, I think about all the people in my life and how fortunate I am to have them in my life. I also think about my sisters and family, who are huge part of life even though they are so far away. I often consider moving to be closer to them. I think about my friends because no matter what, they have my back. This year I especially think about someone that I see everyday. This person has been in my life for the past 4 years and when people ask me if we still have chemistry and if we are still happy, it feels good to say yes. Of course everyone is always thankful for their significant other, but I am thankful for the way he has influenced my life and made me into a person that I can be proud of. I can't say I felt that way about myself before. I am thankful for the space and courage he gives me to grow and learn. He has become as much a mentor as a significant other to me. I think about him especially this year because I've come to realize how different I would be as a person if I hadn't met him. I hope to be as supportive to him as he is to me.

With everything going on in society, people are quick to voice their opinions and views. Not to say that they aren’t justified or that they shouldn’t, but I rarely see people making arguments with a legitimate plan or idea to fix societal issues. It’s great to raise awareness but I see complaints and personal views, which again, are fine, but if you want to see change, look at the whole picture, see all sides even if you don’t agree, and then take action. Rarely do I voice my opinions on controversial topics on any social media and it isn’t because i am afraid or don’t care. I just don’t know all the facts, nor is it easy to get all the facts. I don’t believe in letting my first reaction to something decide if it is right or wrong when it comes to controversial topics. You don’t have to be an expert to have an opinion but you should be thoughtful because what you decide to say could make a huge impact on people. Choose your words carefully. 

These past few months i have really been trying to figure myself out and it’s scary how difficult it is. People always say that it’s okay to freak out about your future, especially at this point in your life. You shouldn’t know what you want to do and you certainly won’t know who you will be but that gives me so much anxiety. I recently left my job, sort of spontaneously too, and i don’t regret it because i know i was not happy but what scares me is that that job should have worked out. My plan was to take this opportunity as a pathway to my career, i had it so planned out and it failed. Now i feel like i have to start from scratch. I would like to think i have it figured out and i would like to have some sort of outlook on my life but now i have none. the expectations i set for myself are unrealistic because it saves no room for mistakes or change. but i’m still disappointed that nothing worked out. I’m disappointed that i’m letting myself be disappointed. 

Talking to my sisters seems to solve all the troubles in the world for me. It's like they instantly understand before I even say anything. Sometimes I don't even need to talk about my problems, I just need to catch up with them. I can't imagine what it is like to be the only child or not have relationships with your siblings. I'm so thankful for mine.

For a while now, i have been really thinking about how it would be like to live in a different country for a couple years. It seems to be one of those things that shouldn’t be a priority but i tend to think about it more and more. I spoke to mom today and like usual she vents to me about how stressed she is because all her kids are in different parts of the world. It makes me sad because i haven’t done even a fraction of what i want for my mom, yet i’m already thinking about leaving her to have my own life across the world. I used to want nothing but to make money and support my family because honestly, i had no long term goals for myself. Now that i do, it’s exciting but i feel like i’ve become more selfish. 

will forever be sad that i didn’t take the opportunity to go intern aboard this summer. 

Just found out there is a large Dog Feasting Festival in China every year. They torture, steal, and kill large numbers of dogs for this event. I respect all cultures and their customs but this has made me so sad. 

When Cheat comes back, we're going on a little getaway to San Fransisco. I'm pretty excited because the last time I was there, I only really stayed in Chinatown. Even that was great though, I've never seen such a busy and big Chinatown. Before that, I'll be in Puerto Rico with my family for about a week. And this weekend, I'm heading to see J Cole up in Seattle. Along with all of these adventures, I'm also taking a class on public policy that I truly enjoy. It's been a good summer so far even though it'll only get more expensive from here on out lol.

Made the decision of dropping one of my core business classes this summer and taking it in the fall. Its not a huge deal, people drop and retake class all the time but i feel especially down about this class. Mainly because i went into it thinking i was going to work really hard and do super well but it really just kicked my ass lol. I hate the feeling of giving up on something i made a commitment to. 

I feel like I legit need to go see someone about this. I almost trashed my apartment, about to have a meltdown, almost broke my laptop. Some times it doesn't bother me at all, other times it makes me go crazy. I don't get it.

Today I started learning the piano again. I'm learning traditionally with an acoustic piano. I was speaking with my teacher about how some people might think learning and taking lessons at my age is a waste of time or "too late". He told me all he learned was music his whole life. one day he picked up his stuff and moved to California to start a business consulting professionals on leadership in the business world. When I asked him why he would want to do something completely irrelevant to his skills, he said "because if I didn't try, I'd never know if I was successful at it." He ended up making enough to retire before the age of 40 and now teaching music for fun. With no business background at all. We had a really intriguing conversation and I really admire this guy. I would bet money he's a lefty. Anyway, I feel really good about playing again. I hope to find a keyboard with weighted keys so I can practice at home also.