Wandering Stars

@cosmosiism​ gets a starter for Mon-el from Kara

Her chest was already starting to tighten as the ship started to shake. Her wide eyes flew to Mon-el’s profile, briefly. Something was wrong with the ship. They were either being attacked or it was malfunctioning–and honestly, Kara didn’t know which was worse. As the alarms started to go off, Kara’s eyes slammed shut of their own accord. Her hands gripped the arm rests of the seat she was in as she tried to block out the noise–why were the alarms this loud? Exhaling shakily as the ship lurched, she began muttering the meditation prayer of Rao under her breath–she needed to focus on something, anything else, other then the memories of being stuck in that stupid pod as Krypton exploded.

But just as her chest started to tighten even worse, her breath coming in gasps, everything stilled. Quieted. And vaguely, she could sense Mon-el moving. Her eyes snapped open, and copper hues cut through the ghosts of her past. Exhaling shakily, Kara didn’t even fight the urge to lean toward him, her forehead coming to rest against his. “We’re okay?” She asked as she fought to slow her breathing. Her free hand came up to cup his jaw, fingers brushing across his beard–assuring herself that he was alive. That she was alive. They were okay. He landed them safely.

“Rao–I hate space ships.” She mumbled lightly, closing her eyes as she tried to focus on his presence and nothing else until she could compose herself.

@cosmosiism said: “So how long do you need me to be your secret spouse?” ( 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏 ) || 𝐅𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ➳ 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈

It hadn’t exactly been 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓, but her actions had been her only option in a moment of sheer 𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂. What else was she supposed to do when that big, burly stranger had refused to leave her alone? She had been sure that at one point he had been considering just picking her up and throwing her shoulder as she continued to refuse him. But then this handsome guy had walked past ( her possible means for 𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒑𝒆 ) and she had latched onto the prospect ( and him ) with both hands.

She is terrified and it is bleeding into every aspect of her being. Her lungs felt like they were in a vice, she couldn’t catch her breath. Her entire body is trembling and her breath was coming in a mix of gasps and sobs as she tries to make herself small, subconsciously trying to avoid a threat. It’s rare that anyone sees her in the midst of a panic attack, and probably the first time he’s seen her like that. Honestly, her panic attacks had been under control–she hadn’t had one in years. Until the Invasion. After that, she had tried so hard to bury them. Hide them from everyone. Deal with them alone. She had been successful–until Psi attacked a few months ago and forced her panic attacks and anxiety into the light.  And now…now, Kara fought hard to hide them from Winn. From Alex. From James. She didn’t want to worry them.

Tonight though…well, there was no burying this. Her bedside lamp stings her eyes as he turns it on, but she’s thankful for the light. Everything is better in the light. His figure is blurry through her tears, but somewhere, deep within her, she knows its actually him and not a dream, or a figment of her broken brain. 

Sobs escape her at a near hysterical rate as she leans into his embrace. Eventually, her hands stop gripping at her own scalp and chest and move to grip onto his shirt instead. Her tears slide off of her own cheeks to his neck. He’s become her rock in the few months they had together, and it’s hard to fight against that instinct now. She wants to say that she’s okay. She’s fine. He doesn’t need to do this, but…her body is actively protesting that part of her brain, because…she’s clearly the opposite of fine. All the terror, all the pain, all the grief that she’s felt in the last few days was escaping her as she sobbed in his arms. How could he stop someone from hurting her, if that someone was herself? A version of herself from another world, but it was her face. Her powers. Her crest that caused her friends, and innocent’s pain. 

Even when her sobs started to slow eventually, being soothed by the rocking motion he had created, or by his heartbeat. Did it matter? Probably not. Kara didn’t make a move to pull away. She can’t. Either because she’s so exhausted or she simply just doesn’t have it in her to fight her body’s pull toward him.  “Sorry..” She whispers eventually, shifting back a fraction to wipe at her face. Her skin is pale, but flushed, eyes red and swollen…she probably looks like a mess. “I’m sorry…I just–It was a bad one.” She knows she owes him an explanation, but what would happen once he knew? That he knew a version of herself existed that was so much like Rhea that it scared her to the core?

God, she was shaking, whatever had happened in that  dream must’ve been awful because he had never  seen her like this in the past; that thought alone  not only terrified him but also broke his heart  further, because he hated seeing her this broken.  She could barely even breath, this was bad.  Now, he’s really glad he made the decision  to come to her house tonight, who knew  what she’d be going through on her own  if he hadn’t even coming over, she’d  be crying on her own, suffering,  with no one to hold her and tell her everything  would be okay, even if things seemed like they  truly weren’t at the moment.  A frown settles on his features, his gaze fixed  on the blonde sobbing on his arms, as he  rocked back and forth, humming sweet nothings  into her hair ever so often.  She definitely wasn’t okay, he really wanted to help.  If only she’d let him in, but he knew she probably  wasn’t ready to tell him what happened just yet.  So, he wouldn’t push her.  Though, he’d certainly have to ask once she  was calmer.  Shaking his head, Mon El placed a hand firmly  against her cheek, almost forcing her  to look up into his eyes, as his lips curled  into a tiny smile.   ❛ Don’t apologise. You clearly went through  something traumatic in the other world.  Something that is still affecting you right now. ❜   He whispers, copper hues searching her  face, thumb wiping away at her tears,  as he lets out a soft sigh.  ❛  It’s okay to be scared. Dreams can sometimes  look very real. Maybe, too real. ❜   he whispers softly, looking away for a  split second at the memories of the nightmares  he’d often of Kara slipping away from his reach  through the years.  ❛  But, I gotta ask, what happened in there?  If you don’t wanna talk about just yet, I’ll  understand and we can just eat ice  cream all night or lay here looking at the  ceiling doing nothing.  Whatever it is, it’s killing you.  I hate seeing you like this, Kara.  You are stronger than you believe.  I know you can fight this, I believe in you. ❜ 

Figuring out her moods hadn’t always been easy,  most of the time he’d always worry he wasn’t doing  the right thing or that she wouldn’t like that he was  getting involved to begin with, but then he began  to notice the little things.  How she coped with stress by isolating herself,  how she’d often give all her into projects to  a point she wouldn’t even eat or how when she  was mad, upset she’d always go straight  home and wouldn’t want to talk to anyone in the process.  By noticing these things, he was able to know exactly,  what he had to do to help her.  By actually getting to know her, he learnt how to be  a partner and always be there when she needed him most.  Mon El hadn’t yet brought up the fact he wasn’t  with Imra anymore, mostly because it didn’t felt  like the right time to do it, right now Kara was clearly  going through something, he knew whatever had happened  when she left for Barry’s earth must’ve been bad,  because he had never seen her like this.  And, for that reason he didn’t really share the good news  to her, instead he waited for the right time to do it.  He was just happy he was with her, that he could  at least help her in this tough time.  Looking down at the hand covering his own,  Mon El silently nods, caressing the back of her  hand with his thumb.  ❛ I’ll stay. But, let’s get you to bed. You’ll be sore  in the morning. Come on. ❜  He took careful steps towards the couch,  gently placing his arm under her waist only  to lift her onto his arms as he’d gently carry  her to bed, pulling the covers back as  he made sure he had a secure hold on her.  Gently placing her down on the mattress,  he covered her with the covers, ensuring  she was as comfortable as possible, only to  kick off his shoes and get under the covers  next to her.  ❛ I’m not going anywhere, alright?  You just looked so peaceful, I didn’t  want to impose. ❜  

He knew her moods like the back of his hand, though Kara often worried (especially after she put him in the pod and she was over analyzing every aspect of their relationship in hindsight), that she didn’t know him as much, didn’t know his moods as well. It was one of the things she swore to work on, if they ever made their way back to one another, she would make a conscious effort to know him as well as he knew her. Of course, she knew some things, like what fabrics he preferred over others in his clothing, how the human worship of coffee was just as foreign to him as it was her, how he much preferred classic rock over other genres, and how he liked to dance with her in the living room some nights after a stressful day. Maybe that was enough even if it didn’t feel like it.

His expression didn’t change, but he agreed…that was something, so even though Kara wanted to protest that she could walk to bed just fine, she didn’t resist as he scooped her up into his arms. It was instinctive, the way she curled into his secure hold, her head resting in the crook of his neck as her hand came to rest against his chest. A vague part of her wondered what he was thinking about in the moment–because she knew he had never seen her like this before. Every instance of solar flaring or her grief becoming too much for even her shoulders to bare happened before he crashed into her life. Astra’s death had hit her extremely hard, so hard she didn’t know if she could recover from that, or the resulting death of her uncle…but just months afterward, he had crashed into her life and lit up her entire world again. Even when she lost Jeremiah, it was much easier to cope with him around.

Her tired eyes watch him once she’s placed on the bed–but again he knows her worries before she even speaks them, and is quick to assure her that he’s not leaving her. “Silly Daxamite.” Her speech is a little slurred with exhaustion as she shifts so she’s curled into his side, head against his collar bone. “You can never impose with me.”

It wasn’t long after that before she drops off to sleep once again, lulled into a sense of safety by his mere presence. At first, her nightmares are kept at bay by the feeling of his arms around her–she was was back in the field in the white dress, but instead of on the path where he would come to meet her, they were instead by a lake she knew from her childhood on Krypton, her back against his chest as they sat on the shore. Her lips quirked into a smile as she leaned back against him–she loved these dreams, where everything was okay. They were at peace.

But then, just as Kara was fully settling into REM sleep, the dream changed. Dark clouds rushed in over the blue sky. The yellow sun became red, and just as they stood, preparing for a fight, her body going rigid in Mon-el’s arms–the scenery changed. The vacation spot became an infirmary, her white gown became the blue hospital gown. 

‘Why do you care if I take your heart? You’re not using it.’

Spinning around, Kara was no longer back to back with Mon-el…she was face to face with herself. The one from Earth X. Swallowing roughly, Kara glared defiantly at the other. “Where’s Mon-el?” Her question was audible even in the real world, anger rushing through her veins. 

‘The little Daxamite? Well, he was just as pathetic and weak as you are. Father was right about them. We are the superior race..”

Kara’s eyes flashed red briefly, but under a red sun, her laser vision didn’t take–making the other laugh manically as Kara’s body became restrained like it had been. “It won’t work–” Kara tried to protest–but before she could do anything further, the man in the yellow flash suit was back–and pressing a the scalpel to her chest.

With a large, near-sob like gasp, Kara bolted upright. Her skin was clammy, her hair was sticking to her skin–she had forgotten to pull it up. Her clothes – his clothes– felt tight. Grasping at her chest, she wildly kicked the blankets off of her scooting to the headboard. She couldn’t breath. Her free hand cradles her face, not even totally aware that tears were clouding her vision. She couldn’t focus. That laugh, her laugh, ringing in her ears. She couldn’t be that monster, could she?

Once she started sparring with him, it began to help her tremendously. It finally gave her a (safe) outlet for all the stress and negative emotion she felt, both overall and just with the day to day scenarios that being a superhero brought on. Before him, she would have to resort to using old cars as a punching bag, or training with Alex under green kryptonite, and that…wasn’t great. Even as low of a dosage as it was, the green rock was still poisonous on some level to her–so even then, she couldn’t properly express anything negative…so she held it in. Buried it. And then something would set her off. The results were never in her favor. 

But then came Mon-el, and he was quick to figure out her triggers, quick to figure out how to take care of all of her moods–not just with sparring out her stress. He knew when to bring her lunch when she got too focused into a project that she forgot to eat. Or like now–he had shown up, unprompted and unannounced just to take care of her. 

There was definitely a light coming back into him that she hadn’t seen before she left for Barry’s earth, but…Kara didn’t have the energy to figure out what the reason for that change in this moment. After the few days she’s had…how weak she felt, how helpless…she needed this. Just a moment to rest. With him here, she didn’t have to worry. Neither for herself or the city. He was there. He had her back. 

She gives him a signature smile as they tease back and forth, but she is exhausted and they both know it. It’s not long before she’s falling asleep…her dreams haven’t even begun before she is stirring to the feeling of gently being moved. The feeling of the loss of his warmth is immediate, and not even her blanket (her favorite red one) can become a replacement. The feeling of his lips, and his stubble on her brow is what pulls her into a sort of wakefulness, and just as he is about to turn, Kara reaches up and gently grabs his hand. 

“Please stay…” Her voice is a thick whisper, and her eyes are shining with exhaustion and the physical pain she is carrying from being exposed to a red sun for so long like she was. She’s not trying to be mean…she knows he has a wife, and a team. She knows there’s no place for her in his life now…but in this moment, as exhausted, hurt and drained as she was…she just needed a break. Couldn’t the universe give her that much? Didn’t she sacrifice enough? Didn’t they?

Figuring out her moods hadn’t always been easy,  most of the time he’d always worry he wasn’t doing  the right thing or that she wouldn’t like that he was  getting involved to begin with, but then he began  to notice the little things.  How she coped with stress by isolating herself,  how she’d often give all her into projects to  a point she wouldn’t even eat or how when she  was mad, upset she’d always go straight  home and wouldn’t want to talk to anyone in the process.  By noticing these things, he was able to know exactly,  what he had to do to help her.  By actually getting to know her, he learnt how to be  a partner and always be there when she needed him most.  Mon El hadn’t yet brought up the fact he wasn’t  with Imra anymore, mostly because it didn’t felt  like the right time to do it, right now Kara was clearly  going through something, he knew whatever had happened  when she left for Barry’s earth must’ve been bad,  because he had never seen her like this.  And, for that reason he didn’t really share the good news  to her, instead he waited for the right time to do it.  He was just happy he was with her, that he could  at least help her in this tough time.  Looking down at the hand covering his own,  Mon El silently nods, caressing the back of her  hand with his thumb.  ❛ I’ll stay. But, let’s get you to bed. You’ll be sore  in the morning. Come on. ❜  He took careful steps towards the couch,  gently placing his arm under her waist only  to lift her onto his arms as he’d gently carry  her to bed, pulling the covers back as  he made sure he had a secure hold on her.  Gently placing her down on the mattress,  he covered her with the covers, ensuring  she was as comfortable as possible, only to  kick off his shoes and get under the covers  next to her.  ❛ I’m not going anywhere, alright?  You just looked so peaceful, I didn’t  want to impose. ❜  

That was the thing about Kara that most did not understand. When she isolated herself from everyone when when she became upset, she was doing it both for her ‘benefit’ and theirs. She may not be able to express her negative emotions properly, but she could, at least lessen the impact of the emotive explosion that would follow. Or at least, she tried. Sometimes…sometimes the way the DEO reacted around her, they way even Alex reacted…it was the last thing she needed when she got into those moods. Something that he seemed to just instinctively picked up on and automatically knew how to circumvent. By taking care of her. In anyway possible—which could mean doing exactly what he was doing now, or by getting her into a training room and sparring with her until she felt better.  As such, a bond was built that even in their early days, she couldn’t deny. 

A bond that once it was taken from her, Kara really didn’t know how to function without that outlet. It was why she shut down so fast and so hard, and she was sure if and when Mon-el heard about it from Winn or just the gossip mill–she honestly doubted he would be surprised. He knew her too well, and had seen nearly every side of her. So much so that him, showing up at her apartment like this? It felt so familiar that she was fighting with herself not to fall back into her old (and current) feelings. It was a fight she was losing every single moment, little by little. Inhaling sharply at his kind touch, Kara couldn’t fight the instinctive reaction of leaning into his hand. Her heart audibly (to them) skips a beat at the sight of that smile. 

He really is good at weakening every defense she’s tried to build around her heart. She shifts her position against him, her back against his side and legs stretched across the open space of the couch beside them.  His arm was still over her shoulder and chest–his hand level with her stomach, draping across her like a form of protection. It was a subconscious gesture on her part, a position of her trust with him. 

Her head tilts back against his collar bone, and she can’t help the fact that her lips quirk up a bit up at him. “She must be pretty smart.” The Kryptonian teases back, though weakly.  Her heart warms at the fact that he never finished the movie–it was an experience she wanted to give him. “Well, wonder no more.” She replies, her tone already a little brighter then it was when she had answered the door. 

Once the container of potstickers in her lap was done, she moved briefly to place it on the coffee table, but quickly resumed her position. It doesn’t take too long after, that Kara starts to doze off against him–soothed by her favorite movie and his heartbeat.

He had always been a firm believer, that if someone wasn’t  feeling their best, the best way to deal with that was to  channel into something productive; if they were mad,  they should channel their energy into something  that would get that anger from within, sparring sessions  usually helped with that, as she’d be able to take out  all that negative energy and stress she had build up  into fighting him.  There was always a way to deal with someone’s emotions,  sometimes people just needed to get creative or think  outside of the box, humans normally were unable to do that.  They were always so in tune with their emotions and so  fixed on trying to solve a problem, they’d forget that maybe  that wasn’t what the person needed.  By paying attention to the little things, Mon El had managed  to learn the do’s and don’ts when it came to Kara, if  he wanted to avoid being yelled out or making her  feel like he was another person trying to be in control  of how she should feel.  All those years he had been without Kara, even Mon El  himself, hadn’t really been himself, much like she had  he had shut down in ways that made it feel like  he could barely function on his own, for the first few months,  he was a mess.  He only really cared about work, he never really left his room  and when he did it was either for meetings with his fellow  workers or going out to eat out of necessity.  He only really managed to begin to function normally again,  once he came to terms with the fact he may never see  the love of his life again, even then he was never the same  person he was on earth.  He didn’t tell as many jokes, he didn’t smile as much,  he didn’t laugh, all the joy he had for life was gone, he  was just living and trying to figure out ways to keep  that world from perishing.  Now that he was on earth, he felt more and more like his old  self, which was a good thing.  It felt like he had found a lost part of him again.  He can’t help but smile at the position they’re currently  in, it felt nostalgic to sit in the living room, just holding  her like this, it felt like he had never left on that pod,  time had never stood still for them and their hearts  had never been shattered individually.  It felt natural and so incredibly effortless.  His body would lean closing into hers, relishing  on the closeness that he had missed all those years.  His head tilts down ever so slightly, copper hues  meeting blue ones, as he smiles tracing his thumb  along the side of her arm.  ❛ Smartest woman, I know. No one could ever  compete. Not even Einstein. ❜     The daxamite teases, his own heart warming  at the fact she’d want him to experience  finishing a movie, he never really got to,  because they never really had that chance before.  ❛ I guess, I finally won’t.  ❜   He replies his tone  light and soft, glad she seemed to be feeling  a little better.  It doesn’t take him long for him to finally finish  his container of potstickers, to engulfed in the  movie to notice how much food he actually  had left, as soon as he reached the bottom  he carefully set the empty box on the table,  noticing the new sleepy Kryptonian on his arms.  Smiling ever so slightly, he carefully got up,  making sure to set her head against the pillow,  so she’d be comfortable, making sure  he’d never disturb her sleep as he looked  around for a blanket.  Once he found one, he covered her with it,  leaning forward to place a kiss against her  head.  He’d make sure to clean up everything,  from empty containers, to anything  that should be going into the trash,  once he was done, he’d be taking  one last look at her before quietly  leaving the kitchen. 

@cosmosiism​ asked  “ I can’t take it anymore. ” ( from Mon El to Kara) 

Kara’s sleeping pattern was…odd. Some nights, she could sleep through pretty much anything, whereas there were other nights, the smallest noise could wake her. One thing, however, never failed to wake her up, and that was Mon-el. Usually, he woke her up with kisses–not tonight though. Bolting awake at his shout, Kara’s eyes flew open, scanning the immediate area–their bedroom at the loft for a threat. Finding none, her blue eyes moved to his face–and immediately softened. Oh. He was having a nightmare. One probably about Daxam and his parents, given the shout.

Heart breaking at the mere thought of him in pain, Kara shifted up closer, and pressed her lips on his jawbone. “Mon-el, babe.” Her voice was calm between kisses as she trailed them down his neck and then up toward his lips. Eventually, she had move over so her legs were entangled with his as she hovered above him.