terrible things; bang chan
so don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose
masterlist in bio | based on terrible things by mayday parade.
happy birthday channie! sorry for posting straight up angst on your birff odifhvod
tw: female reader, death, terminal illness
There were a million things that Chan was able to talk about, or create stories about to entertain his son. Yet, on his son’s 21st birthday, he finally felt the wind taken from his lungs and his tongue stuck in the middle of his throat.
“Why do you never talk about mum?” He asks, swishing his beer around in the semi-frosted mug, “You tell everyone about how you learned about love through her yet you haven’t told me a single thing about her. Where are the pictures? Where are the stories?”
Chan stared at his son. Tears already filling in his eyes because he’s never been able to tell his son how much he looks like you. He’s never had the strength in him to tell his own son the love story that was created by the two of you, but tonight… was different. Tonight Chan needed to tell his son how much he loved you and why falling in love is such a dangerous game, and that’s exactly what he did.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Chan was twenty-two when he first met you. Seeing you across the bar, smiling widely as you sipped on your cosmopolitan and laughing with your friends. His eyes couldn’t leave you. He felt his heart sped up as he watched you say something to your friends before throwing your head back to laugh. There was something about the way you looked while you laughed, the way that he could see your eyes shine under the bar lights and the way you looked so invested in telling your story.
He could barely hear what Woojin was telling him, or what Woojin was trying to tell him as he soon gave up when he noticed that Chan wasn’t even paying attention.
“Why don’t you go talk to her?” Woojin asks, setting his glass down and chucking an elbow into Chan’s side teasingly.
“Why in the world would I do that?” Chan laughs, before taking another look at you quickly realizing that you had left the spot. His smile instantly dropped, wondering if maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Of course it was his own fault for not having the courage to even talk to you, but how could he when you were a whole goddess? There wasn’t even a small chance for him to-
“Hey.” A soft voice greeted from behind him.
Woojin choked on his drink and sent glares at Chan to turn around. You were standing right behind him with that same cosmo in your hand and a bright smile wrapped on your lips.
“H-hey.” Chan choked out, not wanting to believe his eyes because maybe fate was playing a trick on him. Or maybe he was too drunk and he was finally going crazy.
“I didn’t mean to startle you, but I saw you staring for quite a while.” You laugh and Chan could feel his heart began to beat out of his chest. After seeing you laugh and wondering what it sounded like, he was finally able to know. “Just wanted to at least say hello or something, my friends all think you’re really cute.”
“My friend thinks you’re really cute too!” Woojin shouts before begin shoved by Chan who turned a dark shade of red.
You giggle, watching the two of them argue under their breaths before Chan turned back around to continue talking to you.
“You aren’t too bad looking yourself though.” You smile before waving goodbye to the two boys.
Chan didn’t know if his ears played tricks on him, he froze in the moment before finally snapping out of it and running to catch up to you.
“Hey!” He calls out, taking a hold on your wrist and spinning you around, “Can I take you out for dinner sometime?”
And you’d never tell Chan, but you were so glad he finally found the courage in him to do it.
It took another week and a half before you received a text message from Chan. You smiled to yourself while reading the message, thinking to yourself that he probably found more confidence because it was short but straight to the point.
‘You, me. Dinner at 7 at the High Point downtown.’
As you thought your Friday night was going to be spent sitting on your couch watching reruns of some crime show, you had to run from your boring office job to your apartment to get ready for a fancy date with one of the most attractive men you have ever laid your eyes on.
You weren’t sure what to expect from the date. Were you nervous? Hell yeah. Were you almost as excited as you were nervous? Most likely. There was something about Chan that was so intriguing to you. Maybe it was the way his dimple pressed into his skin whenever he would smile. Or the way his eyes shone so brightly whenever he would laugh after saying something to his friend.
If only he knew, you were just as interested in him when you first laid eyes on him at the bar as he was with you.
“Hello gorgeous.” He smiled, getting up to greet you. He pulled out the chair for you and called the waiter at the same time to take your drink orders.
His eyes were on you the entire time. Even after you both shared a plate of alfredo because you didn’t realize how expensive the restaurant truly was. Plus you both rather spend the money on the expensive wine that the British waiter kept recommending.
“Sweet grapes that were fermented over a hundred years.” Chan mimicked, in a snooty fake accent before laughing almost to the point of tears.
“Chan stop, he’ll hear you!” You laughed, feeling your stomach ache at the amount of laughing you’ve done the past hour.
You couldn’t help but laugh as hard as he did too. Maybe it was the entire bottle of wine you both shared finally hitting you. Or maybe it was the fact that you were quickly falling in love with a handsome Australian hopeless romantic. His words not yours.
The next few weeks were spent falling deeper in love with Chan and his smallest quirks. The way his nose would crinkle whenever he laughed. His soft curls bouncing whenever the two of you would dance at ungodly hours to music that you both loved. His honey rich accent lacing itself on every word he would say to you, whether it was just a response to you or sweet nothings into your ear while you both were cuddling. Chan had found his way into your heart… and you weren’t opposed to it.
Then on your two year anniversary, you laid on the freshly dewed grass with him. The stars shining brighter than you had ever seen in your life. Your heart racing as you thought back to the item you were dying to show Chan but were at the same time too afraid to know his response.
Chan noticed the change in your demeanor and sat up, looking down at you with a warm smile.
“What is it sweetheart?” He asks, pressing his palm against your cheek.
“Promise you won’t get mad?” You ask in return, hoping that he wouldn’t be upset with you.
“I would never baby.”
“I’m three months pregnant.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“You’re so beautiful.” Chan says through his tears, cooing at his newly born son who was fast asleep in his arms, “You look just like your mum.”
You smile peacefully at the sight of the two of them. Your two most prized loves in the universe. There was nothing that could change the amount of happiness you were feeling right now. At least, that’s what you thought for the next several months.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Leading up to your son’s first birthday, you were scrambling to work enough hours to get a vacation day. You went back and forth from work and home, with little to no hours of sleep with the thought that you were on top of the world for being able to do so. At least that was until you were waiting on your papers to print and the world around you went dark.
“Good morning, Ms. _____.” Doctor Lee greeted, a soft smile on his face. His eyes were bright, reminding you of the once life you had in your body before working way too many hours a week.
“Good morning.. Is everything okay with me? I’m sure it’s just overexertion right?” You start stammering, hoping to God that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong with you. There was too much for you to live for.
A great boyfriend and a precious son for you to come home to every night. A wonderful job that took you months to land. You were still so young. There couldn’t be anything seriously wrong. Why would there be? You were pretty healthy. You had flying colors at your last physical exam. There were the occasional migraines that began to frequent more often, but that was only because you were overworking yourself right? You were fine. There couldn’t be anything wrong with you. Right?
“We’ll have to do some more testing, but when we did your initial MRI… we might have found a tumor.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
A month passes. You had another few tests performed. Yet there was not a single word, you said to Chan throughout the entire process. You didn’t have the courage in yourself to tell him. You didn’t know how to.
You spent your son’s birthday together, smiling and laughing. Celebrating the life of your precious child, who you would give the entire world to if you could.
The next morning, you had gotten a call from the doctor’s office about the possible tumor being an actual tumor and that you needed to come in immediately for further testing.
You ended the call with tears in your eyes. Yet when you saw Chan turn the corner to walk into the room, you faked the biggest smile and kissed him goodbye, telling him you’d see him after work. He waved a loving goodbye to you with a full heart, holding your son in one hand and your heart in the other.
“There’s a possibility that it’s benign, which can be taken out with surgery.”
“And if it’s not?”
“If it’s not benign, then it would cross the territory of being malignant. A malignant tumor is extremely risky, since it can grow aggressively and rapidly. Then that goes into the talk of what type of tumor it could be, which is many different types.”
Your brain flickers to the thought of Chan and a teardrop rolls down your cheek. Why now? Why after you found your happy ending?
“How long will the testing last?” You ask, feeling your body grow weaker as you think about the series of test you’ll have to go through.
“It depends, but the sooner you start the sooner we can find out.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Five months pass. You hold your hand to your mouth to hold back the sobs that were ready to escape. Your doctor presses a firm hold on your shoulder, hoping to give you comfort yet there was nothing that could give you comfort.
“Glioblastoma. I’m so sorry. It’s too advanced to take out with surgery as it has spread towards your brain stem and most likely will go towards your spinal cord with time.”
“You’re lying.” You cry, feeling the tears continue to fall, “This can’t be true.”
“Would you like for me to call a loved one?”
“How long do I have?”
“From twelve to fifteen months. Throughout the entire process, we will continue to observe you and conduct monthly exams.”
“What if I don’t want the exams?”
Your doctor sighs and nods, almost as if he was expecting to hear you respond with this, “We send you condolences the last exam we give you, which would be today, and let you live the rest of your life the way you would like.”
Every thought you had was clouded by the pain and grief you were feeling in every ounce of your body. You weren’t thinking about your wellbeing, but instead how you wanted to spend your last days with Chan and your son.
“Thank you for everything doctor.”
And that same night, you went home crying. Crying over the fact that just when you thought the stars and planets have finally aligned in your favor, you were thrown the worse curveball you could have ever been thrown.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
“I booked a babysitter,” Chan whispers, pulling you into a hug as you batted your eyes open, “well.. It’s technically just Woojin, but I got him to watch the baby so we can go out.”
It took you a few seconds to not see stars and focus on Chan’s face, but you smiled anyways. You needed a day with just Change… even if it was just for a night.
You hummed in response, feeling a pain at the side of your head but ignoring it as you had grown used to doing.
“So, let’s get up. Get dressed in something pretty, which won’t be hard because you already are.” He laughs, pressing a kiss on your temple. Little did he know that you wanted to cry at the small gesture. Little did he know that you only had just over a year left together.
You put on one of Chan’s favorite dresses on you. It was rewarding to see that beautiful smile wrap on his lips as he twirled you around in your shared bathroom before he wrapped his arms around you.
“Let’s go live like we did when we first met.” He chuckles, pulling you down to the kitchen where Woojin was sitting as he watched your baby boy.
“We’ll be home by midnight.”
“You better or we both will go out to hunt you down.”
“I promise Woojs, thank you for this.” You smile, as you squeezed his shoulder.
You didn’t know what Chan had instore for the both of you, but you did know that he was taking a hell of a time to drive you two to the place. For most of the day, it was spending a few hours at your favorite breakfast place, laughing and dining together just like you both had done when you first started dating. Now you had been driving together for at least an hour and a half, before you got curious as to where he was taking you.
“Are we there yet?” You whine, turning the music down.
He smiled before checking the clock, “almost there. I swear.”
Then he drove onto a dirt road that lead towards a field of sunflowers. The sun was just beginning to set behind the beautiful, tall flowers. Your head was racing, almost forgetting about the pain that you had been feeling as you wondered of how Chan even knew of a place like this. A place that was almost like it was ripped out of a fairytale book you read as a child.
“What is this?” You ask, getting out of the car as Chan held the door open for you.
“Something I’ve been wanting to show you for months now.” He responds, grabbing your hand to lead you further into the field before you both reached a small fountain in the middle of it.
Now you were really wondering what Chan had up his sleeves.
He grabbed both of your hands, swinging them around softly with that cute little smile on his face. His dimples pressing deeply into his cheeks as he stared at you, almost like he knew that you both didn’t have much time left together.
“Close your eyes.” He whispered after pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. Your heartbeat began to quicken as you closed your eyes, picturing your boyfriend and the beautiful sunset that was beginning to hide behind the tall sunflowers.
“Now,” He says, “open them.”
You opened your eyes to Chan on one knee and a small red velvet box in his hands, revealing a beautiful diamond ring to you.
“Marry me?” He asked, tears filling his eyes to the brim, “marry me because I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. Marry me because when I laid my eyes on you at that bar, I knew I fell in love. Marry me because you are my soulmate and I wouldn’t change that for anything else in the world. Marry me… because you have my heart and all I want is to be able to call you my forever.”
Your heart sinks. Your smile fades and your eyes pool with salty tears even if you thought you had none left. You wanted to run, but your feet wouldn’t move. You wanted to scream but your voice remained silent. You couldn’t tell him no… but you definitely couldn’t say yes either.
“Baby?” Chan asks, beginning to feel the anxiety of you not answering him eating at him.
Your tears fell to the dry ground, as you fall to your knees. Your cries were silent, but you felt the pain wrapping itself onto every part of your limbs.
“I can’t.” You sob, “Chan I can’t… I’m so sorry. I can’t.”
He immediately wraps his arms around you, bringing a wave of comfort to you even if it wouldn’t fix anything. You couldn’t stop crying. You couldn't stop aching. You couldn’t stop wishing that you were given a better fate.
“Chan.. I’m dying.” You say, almost as a whisper, as you look into his dark brown eyes, “I don’t have long. I was so scared to tell you. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Wait what?” His face went pale as the box fell out of his hands. He joined you with both knees on the ground and almost losing all strength in his body to continue.
“I love you Chan. I really do.” You say, your hands finding their way to cup his face, “You were the best thing to ever happen to me baby. I love you and I always will.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Chan doesn’t realize he was crying until his son pointed it out. A shaky chuckle escaped his lips as he took another sip from his, now, room temperature beer.
“Will you tell me?” He asks, reaching out for a comforting hand to his father.
“All I can tell you is to not fall in love… because there’s just too much to lose.”
As there were a million things that Chan was able to talk about, or create stories about to entertain his son. Yet, when it came to the tragically beautiful love story that he had written with you, Chan felt all of the wind escape from him and he wasn’t able to say anything even if his mouth opens.










