Stardust

[ Text ID: It's a bright summer day, and I want to be / wanted more than anything else in the world. ]

i love the whole world violently. and i dont want to go to work

What if I never forget you? What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they aren't you?

i need the worlds easiest job and i need it to pay me $100,000 a year

oversharing online is so important cus like what if someone needed to know that

If you’ve had a period of basically dissociating from a hard time of your life, you’ll know that doing even the littlest thing that has an effect in the real world vs on a screen can be so profound. Something as little as you doing a favor for someone, or someone noticing something about you that you didn’t think anyone would even pick up on bc your brain is all messed up about being perceived. Your living footprint is all muddied and murky. It takes a lot to even feel like you’re inhibiting your body. So consequences that come as a direct result of you just living, whether big or small, blow you away on an inexplicable level

if you've ever lived an isolated life, knowing that you're making a mark in the "real world" can feel so wonderful and strange. you mean i exist, outside of this weird liminal space i inhabit? i get so hungry for that validation. you know my favorite color!!? you think i have a sweet voice?!! you remember that thing i said ages ago!!? because of these seemingly inane things, i get to affirm, again & again, i exist, i exist, i exist. im a real person!! i do things that have consequences!! i won't disappear off the face of the earth if you remember me in these big & small ways.

I'm always saying shit like "been in a weird place recently" despite never really being in a normal place to begin with

im always like hehe im so smart i will avoid shame by never doing anything ever but then i feel ashamed of not living and it turns out i didn't escape any sort of discomfort i just traded it in for a less rewarding kind

being in yr 20s is like every day is a Try Not To Spend 40$ Challenge and i keep losing

crochet, knitting, sewing... any kind of fiber art given to another person is just so indescribably filled with love. and i think part of that is bc it is a process. the gradual nature of creation. the stitches you create with yarn and your hands is replicated in your heartstrings. every stitch was made with consideration, counted and recounted. by the time the gift is complete it is heavy with love. it says: this is the part of my heart that you reside in, please handle it with care.