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@cosimabailey-blog

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â  When you live in the dark for so long, you begin to love it. And it loves you back, and isnât that the point? You think, the face turns to the shadows, and just as well. It accepts, it heals, it allows. But it also devours.â
                                      [ listen â spotify ]
I donât regret burning bridges. I regret that some people werenât on the bridges when I burned them.
cosimabailey:
Cosima gave a quick roll of her eyes as she waved a hand, dismissing his question. The woman really did not care why the other had taken so long to get here, as long as they were here and were doing their job it was enough for her. â Oh, you knew him. He was far better than you, Kozak. Donât tell me you already forgot. â A bitter chuckle escaping her lips as Cosima made her way back to her desk, leaning against it sparing a glance at Ivan, from time to time she enjoyed this. Reminding the other about his long lost friend who he betrayed long ago. After some time the woman proceeded. There was no point in talking about the past anyways when what she needed was something from the present that will shape their future. â You see, we might be old beyond measure and we might have the rest of eternity for us⌠some us of at least⌠That does not mean we can allow time to get away from us. Because next thing you know, you might end up dead.â She had been sure to tell him all of this a long way ago when she recruited him. Though he probably remembered all of it, a little reminder wouldnât hurt.Â
The woman proceeded to grant him her okay to sit down as she walked back to her own chair, folding her hands together on her lap before she spoke. âNow letâs not waste any more time shall we? â I call you here because I have another mission for you. That I hope this time you manage to complete in time.â The words came in a bitter tone as she fished for some papers she had been reading over before. The undertone bitterness hinting at how he had yet to report back to her with any news about 1-8AX. Though she would not be getting into that now. â I need you to shut down the hospital on The City. Not the one located over at the Police station, but the one who gives out the credits and immortality serums. As well as shut down the one in The Hive. â She handed the man papers (which now seem nothing but useless but Cosima liked the method of having things in paper rather than in machines that could be hacked by rebels) with the information necessary. Including dates, the exact time and even the way he was to shut them off. The one in the city with a simple casual violation of orders while the on on The Hive with a bomb. Which indicated him to wait until every civilian had cleared the zone before planting it and activating it.
âPromises, promises.â Death was the easy way out, to leave behind everything that hadnât left him once in all his years and even then, the threat ( as veiled as it might have been ) wasnât anything more than a promise that wouldnât be kept. Not as long as he was useful to her. The good little soldier. The one who viewed his own standing more than anything else, not even the people that he claimed to care about as the darkness of his decision was still there â handing over him like a personal rain cloud that only fell on his shoulders.
That was his fault. One that he accepted fully as the twist of his lips was only a fraction of the pain that he felt in the pit of his stomach as nothing else would give away a hint of what he felt. A good little soldier indeed. Cosima TRUSTED him as well as anyone else that believed he stood on their side, but none of them knew the truth that lay within. The fact that he didnât belong to any but himself. A fact that he felt heâd proven too many times to be allowed anywhere near a single organization. But then again, his memory and lifespan far eluded most others who came and went in the blink of an eye while Ivan stood, still to this day.
Ivan watched her carefully, allowing the hint of amusement on his features to drop off completely in a matter of moments until he stood to full attention like the SOLDIER heâd been turned back into by her forceful hand. One thatâd guided him to the place he found himself lost in, secure in the resources that she provided as well as the intelligence to know that he wouldnât be FOOLISH enough to stand against her after sheâd given him so much. ( or would he? )Â
He took the offered papers, flipping through the schematics of the hospital that was his to shut down before glancing back over at her. âA hospital? Two hospitals.â This wasnât out of his wheelhouse but it was â UNEXPECTED to be given such a task that could have been done by any little goon in her squad as he shut the file and set it back down on her desk. âConsider it done.â
â Where are you taking me? â (Anastasia to Cosima)
Her lips instantly curled into a sinister smile at the womanâs question. How naive was the woman? Cosima would have pecked her for someone way smarter. Definitely not someone who would have come willingly to her for help. It was just hilarious. She could have told her the truth then but where would the fun be in that? Instead Cosima shushed with a simply â Be patient. â As she guided Ana towards the room sheâll see her daughter for the last time. Cosima could sympathize with her to a point, had someone as powerful as herself had lived during those times her own daughter had died, she would have been just as naive and stupid as the woman standing beside her. All for the life of her little girl. But no one had helped her and she wasnât going to help anyone now. â Weâre going to make you better. â She said after some time, breaking the silence that had settled between the two as the reached the door that would lead them into the room that would take Anaâs life as well as her daughter. // @at-324

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â Why are you here? â (from cosima)
Question sentence starters for @cosimabailey, status: accepting!
             FIST clenched at her side, shaking with barely controlled power, Aggie levels her gaze to the other woman, jaw clenched. âI came to get him back,âshe seethes, voice this side of composed. Itâs taking everything in her not to explode ( she wants to, she wants to make Cosima pay â but others will, too, if she loses herself here ).âI came to get all of them back.â
             Thereâs a streak of self-hate that buries deep inside her gut â when Ivan had saved her from the Garden facilities when she was younger she hadnât questioned it. Had been so scared and tired and out of it that she escaped with him without a second thought. And in the end it had taken her a few days to realize sheâd left them â Atlas & Ares. Her friends. Her family.
            She hadnât been strong enough back then to get them back â but now? Her hands vibrate with power, a tilde wave of energy threatening to break free.âIâm not going to let you hurt anyone else, âthe young girl grits out, teeth clenched.âIâm going to stop you. â
â How is that working out for you? â (from Cosima to Jake maybe?)
[ tw: torture, tw: gore, tw: blood - tagging for descriptives ][ flashback â char: jake ]
thereâs a laugh that bubbles up from his chest.  gets caught in the craw of his throat, cloying itâs way through the blood that drips in a slow stream of spit and crimson from his lips.  the sound that emerges is a half choked bark, a quick spray of fluid in a mist into the air.  a few minute drops landing on her skin - and he hopes it stains.  taints her supposed âperfectionâ and shows how truly â f l a w e d - she really is.
âjust⌠peachy.â
the last thing heâs going to do is give her any kind of satisfaction. Â itâs been - four days. Â and in that time, sheâd made him yell, made him scream, stolen his consciousness, bled him, cut him, burned him with fire - and ice. Â shoved her hand into a hole in his gut until she was elbow deep in entrails and viscera and fished around his insides like she was looking for a prize in a cereal box. Â and that was just a starter for ten.
but heâs never - EVER - going to give her the satisfaction. Â heâs not going to beg. Â heâs not going to â b r e a k. Â not for her. Â n e v e r.
heâs under no illusion that there would be any kind of reprieve.  no mercy.  no âhumanityâ.  she doesnât have a scrap of it within her toxic frame.  nothing but a septic presence, corrupting and stealing things which werenât hers to touch â no matter how âentitledâ she thought she was.  it didnât matter.  there would be revenge.  maybe not by his hand - but heâs damn sure than no amount of â genetic scrubbing â could cleanse the PURE HATRED inside of him.
âhey c-cosima⌠h-hereâs a suggestion for you.  why d-donât you cut off a f-finger next â m-make it the m-middle one⌠and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS - BITCH.â
â How is that working out for you? â
Question sentence starters for @cosimabailey, status: accepting! ( torture tw & blood tw )
             FOR a brief moment all Aggie can hear is the ocean raging inside her head, distorting the question far beyond comprehension. The young woman pulls against the shackles on her wrists, still tryingsubconsciously to break free even though her vision is spinning and off kilter. The pain has dulled to a distant ache, though she doubts it will ever truly fade. Sheâs back in a room without windows, without light save for a small bulb secured to the ceiling. Itâs musky and smells of mold and thereâs only one way in and out â a thick metal door Cosima is currently standing in front of.
             âPr-retty good, actually,â she grounds out, tongue swiping over her split bottom lip. No matter what happens, not matter how much pain or torture she endures â Aggie will not submit to Cosima. Ever.Absently she pulls at her restraints ( the metal chain pulls feebly at itâs secured point on the floor, stapled unmoving by a flat metal bolt ). Her breath hitches, a sort of wheezing gasp, body teetering on the edge of focused consciousness.
             Straightening, she sits back slightly on her heals, dragging in a breath â a spark of fire spreads across her chest, starting at her ribs and rushing up her throat. Bruised or broken ribs. The funny thing is, though, Aggieâs been through worse. Sheâs been through so much worse. âTell me,â she ventures, clenching her jaw and squaring a glare in Cosimaâs direction ( something warm, wet & sticky runs down the side of her face ). âHow much does it piss you off that Iâm a success, that I can do all of these things â â her voice is low and broken but holds a level of venom she didnât know she had. â â and that I would rather die then do what you want.â
âdonât you dare walk away.â
five word prompt
Thewords echoed around the two of them while only one thought came to mind.
OrWHAT?
Whatelse could Cosima do to her at this point? Calliope had already beenlabeled a traitor by the one before her; the one she would have doneanything for without hesitation and did more times than not. What wasleft? What could be dangled over her head if she dared to walk away?Her own life was it and part of her knew that time would comeeventually, but now wasnât the time for it. Cosima loved holding that ideaof her and wouldnât dare end it so quick.
âIsnâtthat what you want anyway?â No matter the fact that each breathwasnât quite steady, her tone was even and the words flood from heras smooth as ever. âYou want me to leave and never return. You wantme EXILED. Make up your mind, Cosima. Should I go or should I stay?Did you want me to kneel before you and beg? Because I am TIRED ofit.â There was so much that Calliope was tired of and there wasstill no escaping her exhaustionâjust the same as there was noescaping her.
âSoâŚââSwallowing the lump in her throat before sucking in a deep breath,her heart raced in her chest while allowing the words to pass herlips that she had said a number of times before and now said them ina much different manner. âWhat would you have me do next?â
â What do you think I should do? â (to anastasia from cosima)
Anastasia was breaking. Two young children stricken down, dying in her arms, so helpless to stop it. She couldnât fight an illness. Watching Selene fall in was the last straw. There had to be a way to save her, to give her a chance to live. Anastasia would give everything to see her live, even her own life. After all she wouldnât survive losing her.
âGive her a chance, please. Sheâs only seven. She has her whole life in front of her. She deserves to have her whole life in front of her. I will give anything if you give her that chance, anything you want. Please heal her, let her liveâ

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âno, i donât need you.â (from cosima)
NO, she didnât need him. No one did. And yet, he still stood there while his expiration date had long since past. Ivan knew this, didnât need to be reminded of it by HER of all people and even though they both knew it, Cosima had a way of still getting under his skin and leaving him with a bittersweet taste in his mouth. One that he craved in a way that it clouded his better judgement, saved himself for the better position in her eyes, and KILLED everyone else in his life.
What a guy, right? He was a real prize. One that he wore around her neck like a medal but when he closed his eyes, letting her words wash over him â Ivan felt the noose around his neck, the one that heâd helped her place there.
It was his own fault. One that didnât stop him from what he did, her bidding to keep him in her good graces but it only lasted so long before he was moving to his next high. His next score. His next moment to hold onto and believe that it would carry him forward longer than this, into the next lifetime and then some.Â
Who would he be if there wasnât someone who needed him? How would he exist if there wasnât a reason for him? So he had to make the reasons EXIST. He had to work the system in his favor, keep himself employed and NEEDED despite the fact that was glaring at him in the face that he wasnât. He wasnât wanted or needed. Not a soldier who couldnât listen to all the orders and follow them through, not when his own thoughts INVADED his mind to the point of no return.
Faces of people in his past slipped in through his armor, reminding him of how VULNERABLE he was to his own feelings that were better off g o n e. Atticus. Mal. Agatha. They blinked in and out of his field of vision, before they were replaced with the face thatâd put him together and remade him in the form of the soldier that he was now. SHE was the one thatâd called for him, but would have easily replaced him with another.
Another who deserved better than what he got. All because of IVAN. That was the one she NEEDED. That was the one that she WANTED. But Ivan was the one standing before her as a sick twist to his lips replaced any of the stony exterior that he handcrafted so well with a cock to his head.
âThat might be true but guess what? Iâm all youâve got.â
Two could play at that game. And heâd been playing it for a long time.
You can love a monster, it can even love you back, but that doesnât change its nature.
Eliza Crewe, Crushed (via psychquotesss)
Youâre my puppy. I love you.
cotgememe: The Children
subject a.23BÂ - Agatha Barlow
subject r.45-3 - Ares Riggs
subject ex.12Â - Astoria
subject classified - Atlas
The Lord of the Wastelands || Self-para
TW: dissociation, violence, terrorism
Keep reading

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ivankozak:
Ivan strode in as if he owned the place, eyes averted by everyone that passed as none even THOUGHT to stand in his way or delay him a second longer unless they sought to seek out the wrath of the one in their office that he was entering. Sure, he was late, but that was all on him and heâd face that alone and walk out of the office in one piece ( relatively ) but anyone else would be a head on a stick. A head-sicle. One that heâd have to carve out as a point to be made, but perhaps that was Ivanâs imagination getting the better of him as he cast a grim smile across his features the moment the thought was planted in his head and found himself face to face with Cosima again. âDo you want the truth or not bother with it?â He grinned a bit wider at that, letting her take the reins immediately as he recalled the near head on collision heâd had earlier that morning on his way to her office. âWho else would you call? Iâd love to meet them. See who even comes close to me?â While his face didnât change, there was an unmistakable shift in his body language thatâd been easy and fluid before started to become as if made out of stone while he stood before her in the office, an officer there to serve rather than chit chat. âI made it eventually. Time just, got away from me.â
Cosima gave a quick roll of her eyes as she waved a hand, dismissing his question. The woman really did not care why the other had taken so long to get here, as long as they were here and were doing their job it was enough for her. â Oh, you knew him. He was far better than you, Kozak. Donât tell me you already forgot. â A bitter chuckle escaping her lips as Cosima made her way back to her desk, leaning against it sparing a glance at Ivan, from time to time she enjoyed this. Reminding the other about his long lost friend who he betrayed long ago. After some time the woman proceeded. There was no point in talking about the past anyways when what she needed was something from the present that will shape their future. â You see, we might be old beyond measure and we might have the rest of eternity for us... some us of at least... That does not mean we can allow time to get away from us. Because next thing you know, you might end up dead.â She had been sure to tell him all of this a long way ago when she recruited him. Though he probably remembered all of it, a little reminder wouldnât hurt.Â
The woman proceeded to grant him her okay to sit down as she walked back to her own chair, folding her hands together on her lap before she spoke. âNow letâs not waste any more time shall we? -- I call you here because I have another mission for you. That I hope this time you manage to complete in time.â The words came in a bitter tone as she fished for some papers she had been reading over before. The undertone bitterness hinting at how he had yet to report back to her with any news about 1-8AX. Though she would not be getting into that now. â I need you to shut down the hospital on The City. Not the one located over at the Police station, but the one who gives out the credits and immortality serums. As well as shut down the one in The Hive. â She handed the man papers (which now seem nothing but useless but Cosima liked the method of having things in paper rather than in machines that could be hacked by rebels) with the information necessary. Including dates, the exact time and even the way he was to shut them off. The one in the city with a simple casual violation of orders while the on on The Hive with a bomb. Which indicated him to wait until every civilian had cleared the zone before planting it and activating it.