Tryin' Not To Overthink

P.S. May the force be with you.

$!@?

I'll have to admit I've been cheating on you.

Peter Drucker

Falling through his grasp, He left her breathless.. Hand along her chest below her necklace, Breathless to a point at which her chest hurt, Weak across the knees and feelin nimble Impossible to leave, she heaved, heavy breathing, mattress squeezed singing a foreign jazz as he slow-kissed upon her neck Mind wrecked and checked by false affection, Yet..she could ask for nothing more So he kept on asking, she kept givin' in to him.. Like a blessin' sent from heaven He was poison to her.. Inside her now, And now she was addicted.. Inflicted by a virus She was sickened in the head for him.. Mind intertwined with a heavily hit heart Nowhere near close to comin' part.. She was close to death but she loved it as she heaved on.. She couldn't come close to withdrawin Fragile in the soul for him Sadly struck by cupid's bloody arrow.. She was a star But now she was a zero.. She was once an angel But that was more than worlds beyond of thinkin past the chick who once lived rather than simply existed.. It was plain jane obvious That she was in love and he was in lust.. But she never realized this  at least passed the thrust.. He was her poison He was her love He was her addiction and she was just a telephone call of a fuck..

Nobody in this world likes to be alone.

..But then again, I doubt I'll need to worry about that being that I'll be putting a lot of heart into it ♥

On Blast.

I came home late at night with a mental set always readily prepared for your abuse. I could care less about what you did because I knew well that like you had no control over me, I had no control over you either. Hurt is what you taught me. The pain I forever felt in your presence became a drug, only leading me to continue my actions that would appear to be wrongful, but I knew they were not. When I was younger, I would purposely lie to you to simply have you go that much further in lashing out your anger. I would do that to suffer first, only to later twist the tables on you someday out of my own amusement. Our relationship became a game to me of good guy and bad guy..and I was both. You never saw what I saw or experienced what I'd experienced and all of your actions were based on what I'd tell you or better yet, based on your many false assumptions you had grown so adept to believing. It's disgraceful to knowingly admit that I was your number one enemy who was always a great amount of steps ahead. You may have been a great, big, hard hitting bouncer of a giant, but physical attributes were unable to surpass all the strength I'd come to hold on to mentally. I expected you to try and try to break me and you met my expectations multiple times, but completely failed in that task. You were sad then and to this day, regardless if you are no longer in my life, I'm sure you haven't changed. I guess of all the nothing you had actually done for my family, hurting had become your job. You were a fickle man to actually believe your logic could help the situation that I knew I'd always be on top of. Eventually, I bore the problems in the first place and triggered all of your actions. Your fickle to have had me mentally manipulate you to the point where today, I'm sure you'd love to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger not once, but multiple times, for multiple reasons at that. The childhood I could no longer relive will forever be poisoned by you. My thoughts and beliefs that I've come to hone, the way I've become-reflects all that had been done through our past. The little girl people once foresaw as growing up forever innocent and living a beautiful life, had been shot down before she reached double digits. As the years passed us, I grew up, grew smarter, and time had finally come for the tables to be turned and for you and I both to move on. I made the decision to leave New York for the year because things were getting nasty between us and it was beginning to change me for the absolute worse. I left and finally she had come to realization of what my whole life, I had tried for her to realize. She cried endlessly knowing that one of her three babies were stripped away from her. Finally after the Summer of 2010, she left you for me and my brothers, knowing that it was not you, but us that she had needed all along. She has her own play into our story, but only as the string that tied us together for the extent of time in which our relationship existed. I could continue on forever, but instead I'll just conclude with the sad fact that karma is the same bitch that bit you hard in the ass.

As the subway car moved and shadows shifted along quickly past the windows, I tried to catch as many faces, colors, and forms as I possibly could. One, two, a few..two..and back to one and so on..all waiting-stagnant, in hope that where they stood, a door would come to them. Finally, it slowed and my task became much easier. Success. One or two would catch me and their heads would turn in my car's direction, as I quickly shot by their eyes. I would turn too. The car eventually stopped and the doors slid open and then and there, the last beautiful face I had spotted, stepped into my little box of wonders. The doors shut and I hoped to myself that time would move slower. He sat directly across from my seat and I couldn't help but lift my eyes to his graceful, handsomely structured figure. His presence overwhelmed me. I looked down shyly as I realized he was staring at me as well. Alone with the thoughts crawling in and out of my mind, I stood quiet, one hand clutching the rail to my right, the other fidgeting a soundless beat on my lap to a still song only my inner being could hear. I didn't want to look too empty to my subway pal. Three stops in, he stood up and my concentration towards the subway car's head on "Learn English" advertisements was broken, tracing each of his steps, his single cuff fitted jeans lying upon a sleek pair of Doc Mart's. "Closer", I thought..