Hi, My name is Kevin and I have a problem. . .
The Official History and Evolution of the Winter Warmer League
In the summer of 1993 while playing volleyball and getting drunk at Margarita Madness at Land’s End, and trying to figure out what they hell I was going to do with my life, I felt this strange void I could not put my finger on. There were no teaching jobs to be had on the Island of Long, talking about starting a business in DC with Pete and Vic never got beyond the talking and buying a tux stage. . . I decided I needed something else to occupy my time. Then it hit me. I needed to fill that competitive void left from intramural basketball, hi-low poker, and Risk (and Grandma had moved to Penn., so I couldn’t even have a good game of Bolivia or pitch. . .) I remember Eddie telling me about a Fantasy Football league he had done with his Dad and the boys from Montgomery. So I went to the book store and bought a big yellow book (need to find the name of that damn book. . .) on how to play fantasy football. This sounded interesting. . . I could get 10 guys together and have a draft in the basement and see how it goes. . . Little did I know the slippery slope I was on, and the sickness I was about to get. . .
The guys we played volleyball with were the perfect group to create a league with. Recker and Dwight were the easiest two to get. “Sure we are in.” I saw a lot of Bags that summer, so he was a no brainer and up for anything even remotely gambling related. Then I grabbed the rest of Pokorny, JP, Chad and their buddies which got us to 9. We needed a tenth, and since I wanted to have everybody present for that first draft, I never even considered all the other good friends that would eventually join but were not in Sayville that summer. Enter Mom’s third husband David who was up for anything. He could walk downstairs and draft with the rest of us clowns. And he was just another one like us who had no clue as to what we were doing. . . That first year I hand wrote a rules document that still is the basis for our league. This was a combination of some of the rules from the book and the rules I had found in Pro Football Weekly, which used some yardage and long TD bonuses I thought were pretty cool. . . We had a $50 entry fee and charged $2 per transaction. Transactions were done first come first serve starting on Friday night at 8 and went up until game time on Sunday. I can’t believe we really did it that way for years. . . 8 pm on Friday was a huge night every week in the fall. . . who was going to call me and make a move??? And each one cost $2 so more money in the pot. . . Nothing like penalizing the most active teams. . . unbelievable. . . The craziest thing was that I did everything by hand. We used the Monday USA Today as the official scoring and I checked everything first thing Monday morning. Not like I had a computer or the internet or anything. . . Better yet, right after the draft I moved up to Boston and made everyone give me self addressed stamped envelopes so I could send them the results, standings, and transactions from the past week. I made copies, dropped them in the mail on Tuesday morning so they would get to NY by Friday so people could make transactions starting at 8. I did this for years. . . incredible. We must have bribed Matt with free beer or something because the original rosters from that first draft are hand written by him. . . That first draft was amazing. The rush of adrenaline and anticipation was incredible. That first year me and Dwight each went 9-7, while Recker went 7-9, and Bags went 5-11. I ended up playing Pokorny in the finals and here was the championship matchup:
I vividly remember going over to Sayville Pizza after the early games to taunt Pokorny as I was up huge, and he only had Elway and Sharpe left. What a huge mistake. There was nothing worse then having to suffer through watching your most hated player in the league have a huge game and beat you in the championship game after you ran your mouth earlier. . . I have since never talked smack for fear of not wanting to piss off the fantasy gods. . . losing this first championship was the worst and best thing that ever could have happened to me. . . I could not wait until next year to get revenge and vowed to do more statistical analysis by hand and read more magazines than anyone to get whatever edge I could. . . this was the beginning of the end for me. . . I was slowly slipping off the deep end and loving every minute of it. . . how did I not do this sooner????
1994 was memorable for several reasons. We saw the first partnerships as Recker and Dwight teamed up and Bags brought on his buddy Rich as a partner. Bags and I also somehow convinced JB Luv to drive out from Brooklyn for the draft and the Weasel Dave came down with me from Boston for the draft. We give JB directions to get on Sunrise Highway and get off on Lincoln Ave. in Sayville. He calls us lost somewhere in Nassau on Sunrise Highway still 45 minutes away asking us where Lincoln Ave. was! Brooklyn Boy had no clue where Sayville was! Our original four had a very good year, after a year of experience under our belts and I went 11-4, Bags went 10-5, and Recker and Dwight went 9-7. I was able to get my revenge on Pokorny in the semi’s as Ricky Watters went for 3 TD’s and I won 67-43 to get to face Bags for the championship. Here was our matchup:
Strathmore Snowdogs 69ers
Championship game goes to a tiebreaker and I prevail by 2. I talked no smack and the fantasy gods smiled upon me. The universe just feels right. I have no chance of ever stopping this any time soon. . .there must be more leagues I can join somewhere, right????
1995 was the final year we went with 10 teams. Small leagues suck. Let’s add more friends and make the league deeper. I made Recker and Dwight split up and the Pokorny crew left and was replaced by some Warmer stalwarts (as well as John Murphy who I convinced he had to do it because we needed one more guy and there would be drinking at the draft. . .) The DC Force of Matt and Vic joined together, Eddie and LarrY both come on board with two of their strongest names in their illustrious history. Winona’s HOV Lane and Dueling Sphincters. Those names set the bar very high and prove to be very hard to match over time. . .At this time I am totally off the deep end. . . I have no real job as I am running bets for the boys all over NE, and am updating stats, doing projections, all by hand as I have nothing better to do during the day. The semi’s are four grizzled veterans who have learned from the first two years, as I knock off Dwight in one matchup 76-32 and David knocks off Bags 50-47. Here is our championship matchup:
Best names: Dueling Sphincters, Winona’s HOV Lane, Free Amy Fisher
Worst names: The Murph, The DC Force, Jerry’s Gone
1996 - Put a fork in me I am done. Time to expand the league and bring in more friends. Is there really anything better than this??? Time to blow this thing up to 14 and make it really competitive! In 1996 we had Matt and Vic, and Bags and Rich split up and brought in Pete and his buddy Aaron from DC, and had Packer and Dylan come on board as a team. This was a dark year in Warmer history as Dave Begley the weasel won this year. He knocked off Matt in the championship. Here is the matchup:
This was the first year I started my Post Season Awards with my year end stats by points per start by position. We had the All-Fantasy Team, All-Fantasy Second Team, Sleeper Team, All Bust Team, Quick Start Die Late Team, Strong Finisher Team, One Week Wonder Team, and All Consistency Team. I told you I had too much time on my hands. . . this would be the final year that I did everything by hand in print, as LarrY helped me create a template for all the games on my new computer where we could still track who was on the left side or the right side of the standings.
Best names: Keyser Soze, Free L.T.
Worst names: U Street, Richard Todd, Football
1997 finally saw the end of the weasel who ditched out on LarrY and I in Cleveland Circle and even screwed over his own mother who had to repo a car she had co-signed for him. . . and my Mom gave David the old heave ho as well. . . we brought on someone named Rob with a team called Magnum, who I have no idea where he came from. . . Pete, maybe??? This was a monumental year as it was the last as 14 teams and saw the first female join the league as Lisa and Rook had their coming out party as the Madhaters and finished at a very respectable 6-7. This was also the draft with one of the most infamous picks ever when Bags took the legendary Troy Davis in the first round. It was all down hill from there as his Spondulicks team put up one of the worst seasons ever in league history at 1-12. Pete beat Recker in one semi 37-23 and Ed beat me in the other 34-20 setting up a Pete and Ed championship game.
I am pretty sure this was the only year Elam played and was not on Dwight’s roster. I also think that this was the start of Pete’s famous automatic 2 best RB strategy in the first two rounds. . . To top it off this year, I did a year end Newsletter with Post Season Grades using three criteria, Draft, In season moves, Luck, and then an overall grade for the year. Might have to bring some of these back. On a non-football but still fantasy related note, this was also the year that the girl in the apartment across from our place in Cleveland Circle put on a peep show for three-quarters of the league when she took a shower with the window shade pulled back. The kicker to the story is that she turned out to be LarrY’s dental hygienist. No wonder his teeth were so clean that year!!
Best names: The Chefs, Madhaters
Worst names: Hockey, Magnum
1998 was the first year we went to our now famous 16 team format and officially named the league after most of our favorite beer at the time, the Harpoon Winter Warmer. The Vegas swingers Farns and Stu came on board for their short run as a team until Farns took his act solo. It also saw the addition of Genny Tim as he broke up with the girlfriend he was living with to move in with me and LarrY at the new Clark St. Compound with DirecTV and a minimum of 4 TV’s to watch all the Sunday games. He seriously broke up with her to join the Warmer league and watch games with us. . . and we hadn’t even started playing Settlers yet. . . and I thought I was sliding down a slippery slope. . . at least I was not clinically depressed and didn’t pull my groin jumping up and down after another Warmer and Bills loss. . . but, I digress. . .
It was around this time that Fantasy Football was really going mainstream. . . There were magazines, websites, and services everywhere and more and more people were doing leagues. Around here is when we realized how different our league was from most other leagues. First off, no one had a 16 team league. No one. Only four teams made the playoffs, so it was ultra competitive. And our scoring system was pretty unique and had barely changed since inception. (I think we added 1 point for sacks, Int’s, and fumble recoveries somewhere around here. . .) We tried a run n shoot option for a couple of years, where you could play 1 RB and 4 Rec. but that was short lived and we switched back.
In our first 16 team season where we played everybody once and then only took the top 4 for the semi’s Recker beat Pete in one matchup 37-31 and Dwight defeated Genny Tim 54-26 to make the finals. Here is the Championship matchup between the two old warhorses and ex partners:
R. Jordan 6 J. Anderson 9
Worst names: Field Hockey, Peanut
1999 saw a tightly contested season where LarrY took out Dylan in one semi 55-47 behind the miracle Kurt Warner and Vic beat Dwight 57-21 in the other semi. For some reason I was still tracking $2 transactions and doing it by hand. This year Vic made 27 transactions, LarrY 26, Dylan 13, and Dwight his normal zero. How a team could have made it to the semi’s and not made one move all year is unbelievable! We also saw Matt with the classic name of Agatia beat the Madhaters in the 5th place game. Here is the championship matchup which for the first time an actual trophy went to the winner to immortalize their victory for all eternity:
Vinny’s Phantom 6 LJ Connection
Key. Johnson 0 Muhammad 6
What ever happened to the draft trophy that went to the team with the best record in the regular season?? Vic gave it to himself this year but it was never seen again…
Best names: L.J. Connection, The Embezzlers, La Bellies, Owes Pete Beer
Worst names: Vinny’s Phantom 6, Insurance
2000 was a big year in our history as we saw the Madhaters split up and Lisa and Mike had their own teams (nothing like a little spousal rivalry. . .The Rook won bragging rights and had his best season ever as he finished 9-6 and just missed the playoffs and Lisa finished 5-10 and after the Vic towel incident at Davis Park, Russ came on board to join in on the Warmer fun. . . This also marked a very sad year, as it was the first I did not do by hand (no more left/right side of the standings to delineate the good from the bad). We went to something called Commisioner.com and beginning this year, I do not have all the hand written matchups and write ups that had become such a huge part of my life. . . (excuse me, I need a tissue. . .) It is really sad that the internet shifted Fantasy Football and Winter Warmer forever, in a way that I am not sure was for the better. . . and our records have irrevocably been altered forever. . . I am not sure what I am even looking at to make sense of the couple of sheets I printed out during the year off the website. . . The top 4 points teams made the playoffs and we started to see the familiar make it to 9-6 with points to get in each year. . . I faced off against Jamie in one semi and got smoked 51-28 behind a Culpepper outburst, while Ed took out LarrY in the other semi 29-18. The finals saw this out of Jamie and Ed:
Snug As A Bug Glen Allen Hall
C. Carter 0 I. Hilliard 6
D. Jackson 0 B. Schroeder 0
Nothing like putting up a 43 spot in the finals without getting a point out of a RB or Rec. . . Both teams combined only got 6 out of their RB’s and Rec’s! Too bad Packer blew all his winnings when he took the trophy to Tiffany’s to get it engraved the following year!
Best names: Smoke and Mirrors, Sniffers Row, Merlin Olsen, Snug as a Bug
Worst names: Glen Allen Hall, Scrumptious,
2001: A Football Odyssey and the beginning of our long standing run with CBS Sportsline to host our league and my records get really spotty. . . no league turnover as a waiting list begins for our unique 16 team format. . .same as always you need to be 9-6 with points to get in. (Sorry Ed. . .) Semi’s were Rochester Battle Royale between Larry’s MotherFaulkers and Genny Tim’s Minnis Me (still an all time classic. . .) LarrY buried Genny Tim 47-26 like we buried his car in the snow that year. . . and Vic’s Glorious Reactivation beat Pete’s Diplo Meat 44-26. This set up a Larry vs. Vic final where Sean Alexander scored on a long one with 2 minutes left in the late game to put the dagger in against LarrY which he is still VERY bitter about.
Best names: Minnis Me, DiploMeat, Baby Got No Backs.
Worst names: Colonel Kilgore, Glorious Reactivation.
2002 saw some turnover as Billy and Krista joined the fun and Lisa and the Rook did their famous Peaches and Herb thing. . . I think that 2002 was the first year we stopped charging for transactions and just upped the entry slightly. . . In the semi’s I beat Dylan 41-23 and Dwight beat Krista 21-16 in a very impressive first season for Krista. . . Here is the championship matchup (can’t believe I had Elam against Dwight!).
Best names: Peaches and Herb: Reunited, One Day Late, Kevin Cvozzo
Worst names: Slave to the Hair, 15th Pick
First It Giveth. . . Irregular Correspondence
2003 saw another year of stability and another year of needing to get 9 wins and points. LarrY made it to the semis again and beat Billy 61-25 in a thorough shellacking. In a Hamilton St. battle Bags beat Ed 41-38 in a classic setting up a LarrY vs. Bags final. Bags won the title on a team that Dwyer drafted in his absence. Go figure. . .
Best names: Baldacious Dada, Haley’s Vomit.
Worst: Man, Myth, Legend MVP, Still Irregular Correspondence, Chucky’s Repeat.
Can’t Do Much Worse Haley’s Vomit
2004 saw the waiting list grow and no changes. Judging by the names selected, this was the infamous Drunk Draft which no one can seem to remember but everyone talks about. You needed 9-6 and points to make playoffs. The semis saw LarrY once again, but this time losing to Pete 50-36. The other semi saw Farns beat Recker 39-16. Setting up a final of world traveller Pete’s Banana Republican agains Farns’ Rem Dawgs.
Best names: Best Draft. . . Was That My Ass?, Best Corner Ever!, Bulger In Pocket, Penis & Vagine.
Banana Republican Rem Dawgs
D. Gabriel 0 D. Bennett 6
2005 raised the bar and saw 10-5 and points needed to get in the playoffs. Waiting list got longer. . . Stability rocks. We did see Dylan’s infamous Got Rings squad put up a 16 team worse 2-13. . .Pete missed out at 10-5. . . no stinkin 9-6 this year. . . Semi’s saw LarrY spank Farns (and he loved every minute of it. . .) 49-15. The other saw Russ outduel Dwight 71-57 in a scoring classic. Russ made it to the finals without making a single transaction all year! (LarrY actually had a Warmer record 92 transactions!) Russ’s Hail Baby squeaked by Hannaphylactic Shock 50-48 on 12 friggin points by L. Toefield (who the hell is that?? And why was he started in the finals??) and then on a Wash Defensive TD in the late game. As Larry says, so brutal. . .
Best Team Names: PMPNANTEZZ, Who’s Your Daddy?, Got Rings?
Worst: Sox in 7, Tripping in NE, Just Ducky, Scabs.
Hail Baby Hannahphylactic Shock
L. Tofield 12 D. Foster 12
2006 was a monumental year as we went to 6 playoff teams and had 7 teams use Ron Mexico names from the name generator. Once again, 9-6 and points made the playoffs. In the quarters Dwight beat Krista 28-18 and Vic beat Bags 29-23. The semis saw Packer beat Vic 40-36 and LarrY, again in the semi’s, beat Dwight 35-26. This set up LarrY’s TJ Hookers (and somehow did NOT use the most obvious Ron Mexico name ever “Larry Ireland” as his team name. . .) against Packer’s Lichtenstein’s Locked in the Crapper which LarrY won 43-26 as LT put up his first goose egg of the season. Random quotes written down by LarrY during the draft. Vic “If I was a salad I would splash my dressing. . .” “ Bone on bone is not what you think it is.” “There’s never a problem reaching for Bush.”
Best names: Jean Claude Yemen, Stark Guatemala, Big Boy Morocco, Wonder Boy.
Worst names: Boston Massacre II, Blue Knees, Grumpy Old Men.
The TJ Hookers Lichetenstein Locked in the Crapper
2007 saw Mike kick Lisa to the curb (because she was obviously the reason why he had never had a playoff team) and we said hello to his bro whose wonder twin powers formed The Brothers McHating. Not surprisingly the song remained the same for the perpetual Rookie as 6-9 was the best they could muster. It was a bit of a down season for everyone though as three teams tied for the best regular season record at 10-5 and 8-7 with points snuck LarrY into the last playoff spot which he capitalized on by knocking out Billy 27-22 in the quarter finals while Eddie took out Bags 38-10. However, the #1 (Vic) and #2 (Dylan) seeds flexed their muscles in the semis and ended the upset dreams of LarrY (52-23) and Eddie (45-28) respectively. And in probably the highest scoring final ever, 45 points was not enough for Vic as Dylan’s Muddler team took out Majority Rules 55-45. (Sorry, can’t locate a boxscore for the finals.)
Best names: Bostonian by Insertion, Viva Las Vaginas, Brown Bush Driver, Sunni Delight
Worst names: Majority Rules, 99 Cent Special, Blueberry Muffin, Lucky #13
2008 represented an up year where you had to have at least 10 wins to get to the dance. Rookie fared no better flying solo as his team cozied up next to Bag’s in the basement at 3-12 (although he provided his usual comic relief with his team name “Brown Eye for the Tat Guy”). The quarterlies saw Russ take out Cuozzo 49-29 and Dylan hand Ed his annual playoff loss 47-17. However, in the semi’s the defending champ Dylan was spanked 63-28 by Pete while Russ snuck by Farns’ #1 seeded team 25-20. In an ironic twist of fate, Pete’s “My Mailman is Blond” team lost to Russ’ “Obama Made Me a Republican” team 47-38. (Sorry again, no boxscore for the finals).
Best names: Brown Eye for the Tat Guy, My Mailman is Blond, Grant Me a Sweed Bush
Worst names: Waiver Wire Winner, Swan Song for the Cathedral
2009 – Goodbye chick, hello bird! Krista bows out and is replaced by Perks who as if to rub salt into the Dwight’s nearly 20 years of frustration, immediately ties for the best regular season record and follows through by winning the whole damn thing in his first year. In the quarters, Vic squeaked by Recker in the highest scoring playoff game in league history 58-51 while Packer pounded Dylan 44-32 (or was it the other way around? Aren’t they one in the same?). The semis saw Perks send Jamie packing 50-27 while the #6 seed Vic upset Pete 45-37 setting up a new vs. old final of Vic and Perks. Birdman showed he had no respect for Tradition as Mr. Morningwood throttled Vic 51-28. (No boxscore. Tough shit.)
Best names: Bags to Riches
Worst names: Tradition, Lucky Dawg, Them Crooked Vultures
2010 and he did it again! Perks first title had repercussions that lasted well into the following season as Farns and the Rookie both quit in a fit to bring us down to 14 teams. In addition, the league decided to start factoring yardage into the scoring as well as FAAB in an effort to raise the level of difficulty and prove Perks’ title was more luck than skill. But Perks proved he’s not only lucky but blessed as well as his team of many names (Don’t Hate Me Bc I’m FF-Bumbleful, Flub Buehlers, etc.) won for the first back to back titles in league history despite trading away his best two players (McFadden, Roddy White) for some shiny beads and baubles. In his first playoff appearance in over a decade, Matt wrecked Recker 65-35 while Perks slipped by Billy in a tiebreaker 30(20)-30(17). Another nailbiter followed for Perks on the way to the title as he had to pick it up a notch to take out Vic’s #1 seeded Tradition 48-45 while Kev took Matt to the woodshed 72-58. In the championship though it was all Flub Buehlers 63-43. Will the trophy ever leave Maine again??
Best names: Lord of the Wings, Livin’ in a Fogg
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