The Daydreamer's Boulangerie

He still remembers the first encounter. Your eyes were glued to the ground so hard, you almost bumped into him in the train. 

Then, you looked up at him with tearful eyes filled with fear. Doubt. Anxiety. It looked like you were ready to run at any moment. So he tried to calm your nerves.

When he thinks back on it now, it still makes him laugh. Every flirting technique and smile he threw at you, it was like you had a shield to block all of it out. It was impressive, really. 

Who knew you would become an existence he couldn’t live without.

You came from a mission with Hotarubi, bringing a new member of Obscuary with you. Rui could tell, having someone to take care of was good for you. You looked at Lyca with eyes of adoration but also respect. He was giving you hope. That one day, you might be able to fulfill your deepest desire. To break the curse and become 'normal' again.

You threw yourself into everything. Whether you were reading case files, studying anomalous biology, working at the bar, or talking to the professors and ghouls, you were earnest. Hands always open to help. Mind always open to learn. It was amazing to watch.

Then he started seeing himself in you. His past self. Working too hard. Smiling with trembling lips. Desperately holding onto the hope that that one day your life won't be determined for you. 

It made you reckless at times. He still remembers the first mission. You had ran toward the anomaly to save that girl. Rui couldn’t help but think you were foolish. What could you possibly do?

But he knows now...those words were for himself. Because when you ran– he reached for you. Then, his hand stopped halfway. Because what could he possibly do? 

Touch you? Save you? No.  He could do nothing but watch.

But that night had awoken something deep within him. It reminded him of the helplessness of his curse. It broke the illusion he told himself over and over. That this life was enough. That wanting more was pointless.

Every visit you made to that dark, depressing house. Every smile, every laugh at his jokes. Every time, you made him feel human again, he felt something growing in his chest. Hope. He thought he had buried that feeling long ago. He thought he no longer craved another person’s touch.

But when you stood beside him, he wanted to brush shoulders. When you looked at him with those eyes, he wanted to cup your face. And when you came to him on the verge of tears, he wanted to hold you and never let go. 

That terrified him. Because hope hurts the most. 

So he tried to distance himself from you. But it was impossible. You were like a single flower in the middle of a wasteland. And he was the bee, pathetic enough to keep coming back. 

This is dangerous. That night you fell asleep at the bar, there was no-one else around. He watched your peaceful state longer than he'd like to admit. He knew he shouldn’t. And yet, he couldn’t resist. He carefully took a strand of your hair, brought the ends to his lips. And pressed a kiss on it. This is dangerous. 

Then, it started happening. That light in your eyes, it was dwindling. Mission after mission. Disappointment after disappointment. You seemed to be carrying the burdens of the world. It broke him. Maybe even more than when he experienced the same thing himself. Because he wanted you to live. The thought of you disappearing scared him more than anything else in the world. 

If it’s to help you live…I'll do anything. That’s what he told himself. 

So when you were scouting for members, he was desperate to go on that mission with you. “Don’t take Jin. Take me.” He should’ve known…that decision would be his biggest regret.  

That night at Lockburn Castle is a nightmare he still wakes up to. Ed had told him "to prepare himself." Killing Kyklos was the only way to save you. He knew that and yet… 

When the moment came. He hesitated to take another life. He hates these hands. He hates that disgusting sensation of taking another’s breath to continue his own. For one selfish second, he wanted there to be another way. 

That single second cost you everything. 

Kyklos laughed in his face. That laugh stayed in his memories...Long after yours disappeared. 

The day you became Kyklos, Rui didn’t just lose a friend. He lost his soulmate. He lost his one true love, before he ever got to call it that.

And now Rui finds himself back at Lockburn castle. He looks up at the bell. The bell that supposedly brings happiness when rung together. If he brought you here. If the two of you had rung it together, would you still be here, right by his side? 

No. He knows better. Two curses don’t cancel each other out. They only prove that fate can be cruel twice over.

It would’ve never worked out. Not now. Not in a different lifetime. 

He dips his head into his hands. You two had made a pinky promise to “come back here again.” But now he sits beneath the bell alone. He doesn’t ring it. Because without you, happiness is impossible.