Radical

I ripped the band aid.

I didn’t run back.

Instead i ran towards the sun

and the seas, looking up at the sky, wide eyed and wild eyed

blissfully unaware of all the promises I’m stepping on as i ran

so that i may remember what it feels like to be free

and as i ran towards myself, a self that i was yet to find

i looked back

only when i was far enough to know i wouldn’t change my direction and return

with my head hanging low

i saw, so clearly,

what a fucking asshole you are.

what a con.

that i was just a variable in an experiment you were conducting to massage your megalomania.

and i gave myself to you, completely.

i tried. and i meant what i said.

and you broke me.

you choked me.

but i breathe better now.

the air is sweeter now.

i just have one promise left to break

that ill always love you

I have this vision of me

Laughing and dancing

With reckless abandon

And it haunts me like a memory that I didn’t hold onto

One that’s fading

And only on days that my own delusional suffering gets too unbearable

Can I hear faint echos of my laughter

Visions of the sun kissing my skin and glinting in my eye

Mirages of me moving faster than the wind while it tries to catch up with me

Feeling soft petals of delicate flowers on the tips of my virgin fingers

Looking up at The sky with uncorrupted and unpolluted hope

Hope that isn’t penetrated by the cynicism of reality