courage, dear heart

Having kids in a time of war was a difficult thing. There were some nights where she wondered why she had thought it was a good idea to keep having them, despite knowing that the war was getting worse and worse. But when she watched them hit milestones, like taking their first step, or saying their first word, it made her realize that they were the light at the end of the table. They were the reason for her to fight against all the evil in the world.

Hearing an all too familiar voice ask about her children, and her boys excitedly drop everything they were doing and run towards the voice of Alastor, Molly couldn’t help but to laugh as they ran past her and to the Auror. They both quickly rushed at the man, wanting their candy. “Be careful, boys,” Molly called out after them. “You don’t want to hurt Mr. Alastor.” The boys slightly slowed down and when they were standing in front of him, they energetically jumped from one foot to the other, ready their candy.

“You didn’t have to bring them candy, love,” Molly said as she followed her boys, one of the twins on her hip, a smile on her face. If there was one person she trusted more than anyone in this war, it was Alastor.

“It’s alright I may be old but I’m stronger that I look” Alastor said giving the kids a smile, it was easier to be around children, because they were still honest, Alastor only disliked people who lied, and in his experience everybody lied. Alastor crouched down so he could be at the kids eye level, “so lads which one you pick left or right?” he asked them showing them his closed fists, while the candy was waiting on his cloak pocket he wanted them to try and guess.  

Alastor glanced up to give Molly a smile, “it’s no bother really” scottish accent dripping from every word, “to be honest candy is my only good trick” he shrugged, “as far as I know that’s what kids like, eating sweets and playing outside” his sources were limited, but that had never failed him before, which bore the question of if he was responsible for his godson’s hyperactivity. “And don’t worry Perce, I got some sweets for you as well” he said to who was Molly and Arthur’s calmest son. “And are the twins too wee for sweets?” he asked raising an eyebrow. 

Hogsmeade Village  @constantvigilancex

Aurora came and went from her apartment usually by the illegal floo powder network set up by her friends. It was the easiest and safest way to go to and from her hiding spot without being notice. To the outside world, her flat above Madame Puddifoots looked abandoned and no longer occupied, when it reality it was Aurora’s safe haven away from the Pureblood world she now lived in. And, besides, if Walden was able to have his own, private space - Well, then Aurora was allowed to as well. At least she said as much during their first family meeting.

There were meetings to attend to that day. Now with two pureblood weddings on the horizon, there were meetings about cake and meetings about silver and china and all this and that. It was a lot for someone like Aurora to handle, so already she was not motivated to go to her meetings. On top of that, the tea from Madame Puddifoots wafted through the floor of her flat, tempting her and calling to her like a siren’s song.

She needed to leave. She needed to use her floo portal. The tea was too tempting though and Aurora made for the door of her apartment. It squeaked as she opened it, having not had any red headed visitors in a while, but no one seemed to be around to hear. She hurried down the steps and right into one of the last people she wanted to see. Alastor Moody. “I am so sorry Mr. Moody. I was in a hurry and obviously not watching where I was going.”

But after being betrayed by one of their own, and he wasn’t just talking about the order members who turned out to be aversio, no, he was talking about his aurors. And perhaps that had been his first mistake. Life had taught him not to trust anyone, not even himself, and yet he had placed trust in his young aurors. In the end it was just another lesson, and whatever progress he had made by slowly letting his walls down had been for nothing. He was an impenetrable fortress once again. And this time he was determined not to fail again.

He didn’t even felt the person colliding with him, he didn’t even know why he had ended up here, he would be concerned if not for the fact that he regularly bought leaves from madame pudifoots, habit then. “Professor Sinistra” Alastor greeted her with a polite grin, ever since her engagement to Walden, the young professor had become a priority suspect on Alastor’s list. “No harm done, wherever you are going must be important, times like this you oughta be more careful lassie.”

Frank watched the look on Alastor’s face as he processed what Frank had done. Frank thought nothings could have been worse than what he was saying to himself, but he was wrong. He was so incredibly wrong. Frank felt as though the air was ripped from his lungs as he saw the sadness and betrayal in Alastor’s eyes. How did he even get to this point? He was supposed to have been fighting the good fight. He had only wanted to make the fight more aggressive. He wanted to destroy the people who had killed his father. The institution which has killed Alastor’s family as well. Frank was caving in. Collapsing into the space which had once been filled with pride and conviction of purpose.

His breath struggled to come as Alastor dropped the box and walked towards him. Tears stung the corners of his eyes, but what right did he have to be sad in front of the man who he had betrayed so fundamentally.

Frank wished Alastor had hit him, it would have been easier. The sadness in his voice as the two words rang true. Tears escaped the corner of Frank’s eyes. “I know. I fucked it all up Alastor.” He said his breath erratic and unsteady. Alastor let him go and Frank wanted to fall to the floor and break but this was not the time or place. “How do I fix it?” He said wiping his eyes trying to hold himself together. “I can’t even find a place to start. It’s all so broken.”

Alastor was shaking. He had very few good friends, and even less that he had known for most of his life. Frank’s father had been one of them, and while he had tried to keep his friendship with Augusta, well it had never been the same. When Frank had walked into the aurors’ office it was as if Alastor was seeing his old friend again. Alastor had such high hopes for the boy, in a way they were very alike. Alastor knew what it was trying to live up to a legacy, to having the duty to uphold a family name to everyone’s standards. But never in a million years would Alastor have imagined that what Frank looked for wasn’t justice, but vengeance. Alastor knew he was about to be out of line, but it was something he could not kept down, “your father’s legacy is not that of a traitor.”

Whatever would happen next was anyone’s guess, but if Frank decided to hit him, Alastor would probably deserve. “How could you Longbottom. Forget about your certain lack of loyalty for the auror department, or the order” Alastor shook his head, there was no anger like when he had found out Marlene was Aversio, no, this was different. Frank was one of them, all Alastor was was disappointed. Sad. “your friends were there. You put your friends in danger.” The thought of losing any of the people in there would haunt Alastor forever.

“What were you even trying to accomplish? Look at what’s happened, because you” he couldn’t find the words, “because you wanted what? Revenge?” Alastor passed a hand through his face, he wondered how much of this he would have to take. “How do you fix this? Well for starters you are going to give me a name of every member of Aversio, certainly you are no stranger to be a traitor” he let the word hang in the air, perhaps he was being too harsh, but he wasn’t about to start babying people, not when they had made mistakes.

“You know what my parents always said, right?” She asked, with a soft smile on her face as she looked at Alastor’s guilt ridden expression. He apparently didn’t quite know what she was trying to get at so she explained. “They always said I was more like you than like either of them. That you had infected me with your determination and stubbornness- do you really think you could have stopped me?! They always though it was a bad thing, something that would get me into trouble but it truly is the reason I’m still here.” It was the truth, life had stopped being easy so long ago and without it she probably wouldn’t have gotten through all of this. “Yes, it truly is too late but also unneccessary. You, among with a couple of others, have always taught me to fight for what I want and that is what we’re doing, right? Somedays more successful than others but we’re trying, that is all that matters.”

It was hard trying to stay positive during these trying times but Charity was determined not to have this defeat be the end of what they’d accomplished. There were so many things that made this worth all the trouble they were going through. She nodded her head at every name he was adding to the list, all of these people were ones she looked up to or knew Alastor or Benjy valued highly, so she had nothing to say against having them in on their plans. “I already have a couple in mind who will probably be willing to talk. Honestly a lot of these kids are scared of what Aversio has turned into themselves.” She assured. Calling them kids, eventhough most of them were quite a few years older than her but they were all just kids when it came down to it. Thinkin about Benjy her mind immediately went to how good things were between them at the moment and honestly the last thing she wanted right now was to destroy that. “I think we shouldn’t tell him yet. He is still recovering and I have to concentrate on this first.” Trying to push her conflicted feelings aside she tried to put on a smile. “I will tell him when it’s time and just hope he’ll understand.”

Her imagination was still busy imagining all the different ways that conversation could turn out when Alastor started proposing his plan. She quickly understood what he was trying to get at though, considering that he hadn’t been the first to silently consider that an option. Benjy’s safety had been her biggest concern during this whole thing ever since the war started and she was painfully aware of the fact that it had been too many close calls. She would never flee for her own sake but for his? She’d almost do anything. However she knew that Benjy was just like her, just like Alastor, he would never leave so she gave Alastor a bittersweet smile. “You know that won’t happen, you knew it before you even asked. None of us would ever leave to save ourselves, you won’t and Benjy sure as hell won’t either.” She looked at Alastor, it hurt seeing him this worried. When she was a kid she had always been convinced that he was the strongest out there, her protector and knight in shining armor and part of her probably still saw him that way. Seeing that guy, the one she considered so strong and brave, this unsure was rough. Times had changed. “We will all just try to do the best to protect each other, okay?” Standing up she took a few steps closer, carefully placing one hand on his shoulder and looking him in the eyes. “You will always be our protector Alastor but it goes both ways now- that’s what family is for.”

The mention of his good friends brought the threat of tears falling out of the corner of his eyes. Alastor knew he had to say something, but he was afraid that if he tried his words would get caught in the tightness of his throat. Times were so simple back then, or at least not as complicated as they were now. Because back then it was his friends believing that being alone for long periods of time would drive him crazy and they set out to come up with ridiculous situations so that Alastor would have to agree to babysit the kids. Not that he minded, but he liked it better if his friends believed he was falling for their plan. And his friends were right, Alastor had pushed people away, slowly when he had lost his family at a young age, and then all at once when he had lost his team. Being around the kids brought back the smile he had tucked away since he was sixteen. And while he loved the kids dearly, he wasn’t exactly close to them, because in Alastor’s memory attachment lead to loss. 

For the first few year Alastor pinned them wanting to spend time with him because for the most part he let them do whatever they wanted. He used to take them to his family’s state, Moody Manor sitting at top of a green hill, even let them wander into the pond on near the main house. And when they started to grow up and had started asking questions, he never hid the truth from them. It wasn’t until one day they asked if that was why he was always sad, it took him by surprise, six year olds were not supposed to noticed such things. He had nodded, Alastor promised he was never going to lie to them. It had been Charity, in her soft but determined voice the one said ‘we’ll be your family now’. Alastor would never had imagined that more than ten years later she would be experiencing the same thing he had gone through. Losing her entire family.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m glad it is you handling this situation” he said giving her a smile, “we need as many aversio members to join, but not just that, we need them to be certain that it is the best choice. We need them to be loyal” it was dangerous to let so many people into their ranks, even when it had been just the order Alastor had distrusted so many. “You are honest, you have integrity, they trust you. I am sure your hands are the most capable.” He wanted to say that her parents would be proud, but he knew from experience that it would mean nothing, because life had taken away the chance to listen those words from them. “And of course you’ll tell Ben whenever you are ready, it is your choice, as well as having me there when you do” he trusted that Charity knew Benjy more than he did, she would know when the right time was. Alastor felt her hand on his shoulder and brought up his to pat it lightly, “yes, yes, I knew what your answer would be before I even asked” he shook his head, “I still had to try. You are right, we will keep each other safe, watch each other’s backs, and if the worst comes to worst I’ll just obliviate you, plant some fake memories, and ship you off to America” he joked.

(( @constantvigilancex ))

July 30th, 1979 Order of the Phoenix Headquarters

Benjy had barely arrived back to the castle after the mission of infiltrating the party. It had been an exhausting endeavor, it was the first time he had used polyjuice potion for more than just a training exercise. He had decided not to go home yet, to allow himself some time to collect himself, while the order’s castle would be the last place he would find some alone time, the noise, and coming and goings were actually a comfort to him. Knowing he was not alone, not just while he rested, but in this fight, knowing that these people had not given up and were still willing to put their lives at risk to fight the good fight, it was what allowed him to recharge before heading back into the world at war.

He had not expected to be called in for a debriefing the minute he had step foot into the castle. But there it was, a shimmer on his watch, Alastor’s voice -the head Auror had not even glanced at him- asking him, ordering him, into his office. Benjy was well aware that he had to give a detailed report on the mission, he had just hoped it would be after he had rested, checked in with Charity, and maybe had something to eat. But it apparently couldn’t wait, and he found himself pouting all the way to the other side of the castle, where Moody’s study was located. Benjy debated about knocking, ultimately deciding on just trying the door handle, when it turned he walked in prepared for a session of having trouble remembering what Alastor deemed ‘important details’ vs. remembering what his boss categorized as ‘useless’. 

❝Hey Alastor❞ Benjy said with a small smile, ❝oh could I get some coffee before we start?❞ he asked hoping to run to the kitchen and maybe even grab a pastry, ❝I have a feeling this is going to be a long debriefing.❞

As soon as those sent on the mission to infiltrate the party arrived, Alastor had called for Benjy. It was strange using the watch that Clarissa had sent them, a thoughtful gift, meant to be for protection in times like these. He couldn’t even look into Benjy’s face, not when Alastor was going to ask him to, not exactly betray but he knew that’s how the young boy would see it, his friends. 

When Benjy walked into his office, Alastor suppressed a sigh, better not show any signs of the guilt he was feeling. “Coffee?” it was incredibly how Benjy’s mind worked, Alastor was surprised. “There” with a swift movement of his wand Alastor conjured a tray with his personal brew, that he kept around for whenever alcohol wasn’t cutting it, and of late that seemed to be more often that not. “Was Lockhart at the party?” Alastor said getting straight to the point. 

Gladys was all too aware there was a war going on around them and that she should be on alert, but rather than reaching for her wand when someone entered the shop she headed towards them. A vague thought about her wand crossed her mind, but honestly, she thought she’d set it down somewhere on the counter or by her purse. She should probably find it after this and cross her fingers that she didn’t need to be concerned around the man who had entered the store. As the distance between the two lessened she found herself relaxing even more as she recognized who it was. Everyone within the Department of Magical Law Enforcement knew how Alastor Moody was. For Gladys, it was the one person whose memos she hand-delivered quietly and quickly without any fanfare. For as fun and friendly as her relationship with Kingsley was the idea of Alastor intimidated her a bit. However, today they were on her turf and it was obvious he wasn’t comfortable in the setting around him so she flashed him a sunny smile on her approach. 

“Nonsense. You’re here now no reason to have to find time in your schedule to come back again.” She assured him wit ha smile as she looked at him. “Well, if a gift is what you came in looking for then I will be sure you walk out with the perfect one.” She promised sincerely as she glanced back at the freshly stocked racks and then back at him. “We’ve got something for just about everyone right now.  Do you have something in mind for the gift that caught your eye? Or you could just tell me a bit about them and I can help you find it.” 

Alastor was surprised to see a familiar face, not that he wasn’t expecting a familiar face while in familiar surroundings, with limited options where people could wander safely and safely being used dangerously here, it was to be expected. But he actually knew the person, he was used to seeing her almost every day, one of the few employees outside his department that he tolerated. An all around pleasant person, she was also efficient, and considerate. 

“Miss Gudgeon” Alastor greeted her with a polite smile, a bit ashamed it had taken him so long to realize it was her. Gladys always made sure to deliver important memos by hand, no doubt due to the comments about how Alastor just seemed to light on fire any memos that came in flying. He felt a bit more relaxed, or as relaxed as he could be in a situation and place where he felt like a fish out of water. There was a part of him that remembered what it was spending time with Walburga when his brothers and Orion would not let him join them because he wasn’t old enough, but Charity was far from sharing the same taste in clothes, and well pretty much everything. 

“Well it’s a gift for Charity” Alastor said hoping Gladys would know what to do, “at this point I’m sure you have a better idea of what she would like” he shrugged, Alastor knew that Gladys was a friend of both Charity and Benjy, and he was certain that the young girl had spent more time with them in the last few years that he had. “What would you recommend?”

Walburga moved to sit on the bed next to him, never letting go of his hands. She wrapped her arms around him pulling him close against her. “I know, baby.” Walburga said gently stroking his hair. She rocked gently knowing and yet not being able to fully comprehend the pain he was in. “I will be your family now, me and Orion both.” She said gently holding him tight to her. “You’re not alone, Alastor. You will never be alone.” She said to him, wanting him to know that there were people in the world who loved and cared for him.

She looked at him. “I want you to come live with Orion and me for a while.” Walburga said gently never stopping the hug or the gentle rocking. “Would you be okay with that?” She asked softly. She wanted to get him out of here and to Number 12 where he would be safe from other children and their questions. “I’ve already spoken with Dumbledore and he’s agreed to let you come home with me if you want.”

Walburga could feel the sadness radiating off him and it just made her want to give him all the more affection. “You don’t have to be okay. I have you. I’ll take care of you.”

Alastor was glad they had called Walburga, she would know what to do, she always knew what to do. He wasn’t surprised the school knew who to contact, the pureblood community was tightly knit, everyone knew who was related to who, even if not by blood. It was so secret that Orion and Walburga were good friends with his brother Gregory, with all his brothers really. It had always been a topic of conversation, while the woman currently holding him in her arms, and the man Alastor considered another brother, came from a family the wizarding world had label as evil, Alastor had seen nothing but kindness and love. His family was known for putting people who was described like those in the noble and most ancient House of Black behind bars. Which was why the relationship and feelings between all of them was set to withstand even the harder of trials.

It seemed like the time to test that had finally come. Alastor felt lost, even as the words Walburga was saying registered in his mind, that he was not alone, it didn’t feel like it. Even if he had friends waiting in class, his best friend who had just tried his best to get Alastor to even say something, who without a doubt would offer his home, even as Walburga was using that big sister voice to tell him he was coming with her, and he knew there was not way he could refuse, Alastor still felt alone. Left behind, that was a better way to put it.

But you try saying no to Walburga Black. She was a force to be reckon with, in many ways it remind Alastor of the mother he had just lost. This is what his parents would’ve wanted, that he not spend this time alone. He still had a hard time trying to get words out, so he nodded and tightened the hug. “Okay” he as he prepared to leave, “could we leave a note for Will” tears still on his face, but his voice had finally even out, “he’s going to freak if he doesn’t know where I’m at” he loved Will, but right now Alastor wanted to wallow in his sadness and grief, and his friend was like a beacon of light who would surely make him feel better, Alastor wasn’t ready to feel better. “Thank you for coming.”

Charity was sitting at a chair, keeping a close eye on Alastor, who hadn’t stopped pacing up and down the entire length of the room for several minutes. For a second she thought about whether she had ever seen him that obviously distraught, somehow she could only ever remember him being calm and collected in the face of every crisis but maybe that was also just because she had been a child and he had always been her hero. After all everybody probably tended to see their hero not quite as they really were, right? But even now her confidence in Alastor wasn’t shaken the tiniest bit, she had come here to develop a further strategy with him because she trusted him, them together, to find the right way to go about this.

His gaze clearly told her that he wasn’t happy at all with the situation. And by the situation she didn’t mean the general situation, nobody was happy with that, but rather the situation her mission was in right now. For some reason she couldn’t stop herself from thinking that she hadn’t been all that good at it right from the start. At first her intentions had been about as wrong as they could be and after that? Somehow she had always been a little too late to prevent worse things from happening, at least that was what she felt like. Maybe the only good thing this all brought was that she now understood the people in Aversio, their motives, their anger. Also the fact that maybe, especially after recent events, they’d be able to get some of them to change alliances.

The only problem her was quite obviously that it would mean for her to reveal what she had been doing for the last couple of month, at least to a few people. She followed Alastor’s argument and gesturing and nodded at a few of the points he made. “It definitely isn’t your fault, I volunteered and you were my contact. If anything you made sure I didn’t make any stupid decisions.” She replied, her voice soft and considerate as she tried to play through all the different scenarios he was painting. Charity didn’t care much for what the people would thing, what she did care about was not hurting Benjy. At least as little as possible. “I think we have to tell some people. I’m thinking we should definitely tell Amos for example.  and obviously we have to tell the people who want to join the Order.” That was the easy part, even figuring out who might be willing to leave hadn’t been too hard. “I don’t know how exactly we should deal with Benjy though. Maybe we should keep him out of it, still?” Or was that just the fear speeking out of her. “He will probably hate us anyway, won’t he?” Biting her lower lip she looked up at Alastor questioningly. After all, he knew Benjy for just as long as Chari did.

“Right” it had been her choice, he had to remind himself of that, but that didn’t make him feel any less guilty, “doesn’t mean I couldn’t have done somethin’ to stop yah” he said with a small smile looking at the ground, “I should’ve tried to change your mind” he was supposed to keep her safe, he had made a promise long ago, but he had been so focused on the needs of the community, the ministry had to gain the upper hand somehow, and they were right on track, up until it all went up in flames. “It’ too late for regrets” Alastor said finally stopping his pacing, he walked towards Charity, “I’m proud of you, you know that right?” he asked hoping she would, “but Kingsley says it’s good to let people know how you feel” aside from Kingsley, Charity was the other one person Alastor would allowed himself to be, well himself. 

Alastor had always wanted kinds, he had never told anyone that, and Charity was the kind of person he wished her daughter would be like. “Alright” he said taking note of her wishes, “we’ll tell Diggory” Amos was a person they could trust, besides with him aware of their plan it would be easier to get others to see their side, he was respected and well liked. “Minerva, Millicent” he suggested, “Kingsley” Charity’s fellow housemate was Alastor’s right hand man, and he would know what to do in terms of stopping people from getting angry at them. Alastor didn’t care much, but the last thing he wanted was for any of them to be anything of remotely rude to Charity, “and from there a need to know basis. As for aversio members, well you pick the ones you think we can trust, try to get them to come to an arrangement with us” he was sure that some order members would object former aversio members joining and others will be all for it, but times like these they needed all the manpower they would get. There was still one other thing they had to discuss, or rather one other person. “And Ben. Well I wish we could keep this from him forever” the truth was going to crush him, “but we’ll need to tell him eventually. And I don’t think he’ll hate us. He might be sad and heartbroken, which is going to be so much worse for us, but no hate. I hope” Alastor tried to give Charity a reassuring smile.

An idea that had been wandering around his mind finally found it’s way out, “listen I know what your answer is going to be, but just hear me out” he had wanted to bring this up for a while, it was a plan ready to go if they agreed to it. “I have a contact in America” he left out the details of the contact, those details being that the contact was his ex-fiancée, “she’s willing to help you and Benjy settle there, has jobs for you waiting, even new identities if needed” had they been any other people Alastor would’ve brought it up as soon as the war started but he knew them, he knew what they would say. “Benjy got hurt, not once, but twice, because he just had to fight” Alastor had not voiced his thoughts about the matter to anyone, if there was one person who would understand, who would feel the same way, it was Charity, “we almost lost him, I fear what might happen if he continues down that path. And you” he was worried about her too, “you took a mission, a risky one, because it was the right thing to do” he shook his head, “what more would you be willing to do? I’m worried that I’m not, that I won’t” he struggled to find the right words, “what if I can’t keep you safe?” that was his greatest fear, losing another family. “Would you at least think about it?” all he wanted was for them to be safe.

Kingsley was already taking everything Alastor was saying and making a mental list in his head. The other man was good at what he did, but was most definitely sporadic sometimes. Especially when he got thinking and started making verbal lists. Between the two of them though, they would get everything done and quickly. They were a team, the best team in this whole damn war if you asked Kingsley and this was just a small bump in the road.

Often Alastor was paranoid, but Kingsley knew when to take his paranoia seriously or to keep the man in check. This was one of those moments where it needed to be taken seriously. None of the Aurors were supposed to be in the office considering they’d all been given the day off for Order meetings and other things they needed to handle. Kingsley and Benjy had been in the office on a whim to take care of some things, but if they had followed orders and stayed home… Then the Ministry would have been even less protected than before.

They knew there were double agents in the Order. They’d been trying to weed them out for weeks without causing any irreparable damage, that might not have been the best decision though considering they state they were in now. “A double agent. My guess being Aversio… Like most things, they have good intentions but go about them in completely the wrong manner. Whoever this was used their alliances to make sure they Ministry would be ripe for the taking, but did not take into account the possibility of the Death Eaters taking advantage of their plan.” At least, that was what Kingsley had gathered in the short amount of time he’d been trying to sort things out. Everything had been so muddled there in the Ministry. First Aversio attacking, then chaos and the Death Eaters coming out on top - It’s what made the most sense. Especially because he couldn’t see Aversio and the Death Eaters becoming allies.

Kingsley moved ‘make a list of people to keep an eye on’ higher up on his to do list. “We need to take action now with these double agents Alastor. Benjy was seriously hurt today. We almost lost Millicent and now we’re all displaced from our homes. All because of some stupid kid that can’t keep their alliances!” Kingsley’s temper had a quick boiling point and he did his best to hide it from Alastor. Knowing he needed to calm down and that he should never raise his voice to his mentor like that, Kingsley took a deep breath and a step back. “We need to set things straight here before we can take out Lord Voldemort and his crew…”

For someone whose life was built around the concept of constant vigilance, the past year had given him quite a handful of surprises. The latest one was being caught off guard, more like not even around, thus resulting in the end of society as they knew it. Sure that might sound dramatic, which is why Alastor didn’t said it out loud, but he could not stop thinking about the repercussions of everything that had just happened. Life was about to change for many, had been for some, but this time, this time it was going to be big and loud and it could potentially end up costing many lives. Alastor wasn’t sure how many lives were already lost during the attack. He was a terrible boss. 

“How are they?” Alastor asked, while he knew Kingsley would know who he was referring to, he felt a need to say their names, “Prewett and Ben? Would you find that out for me? I know they are out of peril, but” Alastor took a deep breath, he didn’t need to pretend nor wanted to around Kingsley, if there was anyone who knew just how much Alastor really cared it was Kingsley “make sure they are alright, that they know we are proud” Alastor knew that there was no other thing both of his young aurors would’ve done except act as they did.

Right now was not the time for sentimentalisms, Alastor was glad it was Kingsley right by his side. Where had they gone wrong? In his mind it had been since the moment they thought openly recruiting was a good idea. Letting young people into their ranks, not that they were not capable of handling things, but they should’v been enjoying life not worrying about war. Still they let them join and Alastor tried to get them ready, and then it wasn’t just one group they were up against but two. “I should’ve kept pushing, I never should’ve listened to Albus about not pursuing the traitors in our midst” Alastor shook his head, if only he had followed his instincts, “we should’ve interrogated all of them” or at least those they were suspicious of, but if they turned to whatever needs necessary, wouldn’t that make them the same as aversio and the death eaters? But if Kingsley, who in Alastor’s eyes was the most calm and rational person he knew was going down this train of thought... 

“What do you suggest?” the older man asked, “you know my methods, I’m capable of pouring veritaserum down everyone’s throats to get the truth, and if something happened to Benjy” he paused, “we need to find the traitors” it was a fact, they could not move forward until they fixed that. “We know that aversio is within the order, and within the ministry, we know the death eaters are deep within the ministry” the next idea terrified him, “do you think they are within the order?” the idea seem impossible, almost as much as someone from aversio aligning themselves with the death eaters, but times like these, they could not take chances. “I know what people would say if we bring it up, that the death eaters would not take anyone unless they are purebloods. Benjy would be high on the list, Sirius Black, the McKinnon twins, Septima Vector, hell even you and me” it was crazy, “we’ve been hit too many times not to consider it a possibility” they were being hit from both flanks, were they also being betrayed.

Narcissa was past the point of caring. She knew that when she had married Lucius she was committing to protecting not only her family’s legacies, but Lucius’ as well. The consequences of people finding out she was now wearing muggles clothing, heading into a muggle park, to meet with -well there was not proof but if anyone was going to be on the side opposite to them it would be Alastor Moody auror extraordinaire- a member of the opposition, were unthinkable, and that was perhaps why she had decided to stop thinking about what would happen. She had not come this far for nothing.

It had been a bold move, a dangerous one, if anyone were to find out, on any of the sides involved in this war… but she had done it. Narcissa had successfully managed to contact Alastor Moody. It had not being easy, but she could not wait for him to ask how she had figured it out. Because once you thought about it it had been a little obvious. Alastor came from an old pureblood family, just like hers, and just like hers they had a home. Not just a home, a manor, a estate. And even if the opinions she had heard about him were as diverse as the multitude she had passed on her way to the rendezvous, Narcissa recalled the times she had met Alastor when she was a little girl, and that’s how she figured out how to contact him. 

The last time they had been in a muggle park, well ran into each other, the situation had been complicated, and yet not as dangerous as this one. Narcissa had taken Alastor’s advice, because only a fool would not listen to what the man suggested, and she had charmed her clothing halfway through her intricate route towards St. James Park. She had gotten there a few minutes ahead of the agreed time, and sat down, it would gave her a few minutes to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Narcissa was usually calm and collected in high pressure situations, it was what had gotten her such a trusted place in the Dark Lords ranks, but this, this was too important to mess up. It was while deep in thought that she failed to see Moody approach, at least she had not jumped.

❝Sir❞ she greeted him with a nod, unsure if she should have used Detective, they had posed as law enforcement the last time they had been in muggle London together. A small smile appeared on her face before she shook it away. ❝Right…❞ this was harder than she had imagined, ❝it’s about my sister❞

Alastor’s relationship with the noble and most ancient House of Black was a complicated one. During his childhood he had forged a relationship that went beyond a friendship, they had become siblings to him, with two people who would then end up marrying each other. It was in Walburga and Orion that Alastor found a family when he had lost his. They had taken him in, watched over him. While his relationship with Cygnus had always being civil, it didn’t reach quite beyond that. And it would be many years later that Alastor would wonder if it was because Cygnus felt like Alastor had taken a place in Walburga’s life that ought to be only for Cygnus. Maybe one day he would ask.

Right now as he sat next to Narcissa on a bench right smack in the middle of a muggle park, Alastor could see how much Narcissa resembled Cygnus. And if she looked like her father, then was Alastor only helping Narcissa because she reminded him of Walburga? Walburga who was like a sister and at a young age took on a role of a mother figure for him. It certainly could not be all there was, right? Alastor considered himself a good person. Not nice, not kind. But good as far as he could tell. He was helping Narcissa because it was the right thing to do. Not because after all these years he still felt like he somehow had to pay back all the things Walburga and Orion had done for him. 

“Well it is safe to assume it’s not the one that’s married to the current minister, right?” or if rumours were to be believed ranks so high in Voldermort’s circle that it could well being second in command. Alastor decided it was best if he didn’t voice those thoughts. He waited for Narcissa’s reaction at his attempt at a joke, he was never going to listen to Benjy’s advice for lightening a situation.

But then, perhaps Narcissa did remind him of someone. “My mum was an extraordinary woman” Alastor began, he didn’t know what had prompted him to start talking but it seemed like he couldn’t stop, “in a house with five men her word was law” a small smile crossed his face at the memory, “she was an equal to my father in every aspect, even work” the auror field having being a male dominated world until recently, even during his time there were only a couple of women. “She was as smart as she was beautiful” he turned to look at Narcissa, “people respected her, listened to her” once he offered his help there would be no going back, “you remind me of her” he said with a soft voice. “What about your sister?”