𓃹

will you come back before you go ?

acrylics   curl   inward   as   the   gymnast   balls   her   fists   ;   not   to   cause   him   any   harm   ,   but   to   ground   herself   amid   the   storm   swirling   within   her   psyche   .   ❝  i   give   a   shit   ,   what   the   fuck   do   you   mean   ?!   in   what   world   would   i   not   care   that   you   were   flirting   with   her   ?!   ❞

" you're not my girlfriend — you know that. " it's dismissive, his hands reaching back for the neck of the bottle he'd been nursing in the midst of his deflection. " we are nothing. " she needs to kill the part of her that gives half a shit before he destroys the both of them. " get that through your head, syd. "

‘  you  want  the  truth,  or  the  version  that  lets  you  sleep  tonight?  ’

" that would mean i care. " drawled out and bored, as she takes another puff of dulled cigarette. " spit it out. "

you'd  like  that  .  "which  part  --  us  being  friends  or  you  squirming  ?"  amusement  lingers  behind  brown  eyes  ,  enjoying  her  attempt  to  disregard  him  like  they  both  didn't  feel  the  exact  same  thing  .  "'cause  last  time  i  checked  ,  you  didn't  mind  when  i  was  knuckle  deep  inside  your  pussy  the  other  night  ."  but  that's  what  she  did  .  came  apart  in  his  hands  just  to  pretend  it  never  happened  .  instead  of  doing  what  she  says  ,  he  just  steps  closer  ,  towering  over  her  ,  "make  me  ."

" both. " bitter on her tongue, and she can almost convince herself that neither of those are a probability — the way it should have been. but his words are bringing her back to the cold reality of it all. " everyone makes mistakes. " the words brush over his easily, despite the turmoil beneath her stone demeanor. she had made her bed with him and no amount of guilt would make her clean again. " stop being a nuisance. " her patience is wearing thin with him able to strike every pressure point. palm is pressed up to his chest in a near tender moment, before it's thrusting him back and out of her way. " is that what you wanted? "

she  manages  something  like  a  smile,  a  breath.  but  her  chest  tightens,  heart  bleeding  through  its  armor.  ‘  please.  ’  go.  she  turns  away  from  him.  don’t  say  that.  ‘  things  are  different  now.  ’  her  voice  is  soft,  raw  from  crying.  ‘  i’m  different.  ’

" this is what you're trying to do? " even at her pleas for him to leave her the same way others had, he's still there. taking careful steps forward until his chest is brushing against her back. far enough away to leave space for everything that was unsaid. fingertips graze along her wrist, a careful touch to keep her in place. " you're not going to push me away just because they left. " — " i'm not doing that to you. "

‘ you’re done wasting my fucking time. ’

“ now i’m wasting your time ? ” sharp on her tongue, despite the noticeable mist settling along her eyes. she’s used to the men coming and going, never wanting to get too close out of the fear her father invoked. she just thought he was better. how naive. “ what changed between now and last night? ” — “ did you find a better lay? ”