relationship: astarion/wulbren bongle (you heard me)
rating: e
ongoing, updated every tuesday
slow burn, pining, banter, emotional constipation - see ao3 for full tag list
After all the preparation and struggle it took to destroy the Steel Watch, one shot by an irrelevant prick sets off a chain reaction that takes down Wulbren’s Ironhands. A prick with no less than seventeen pillows in his corner of camp, who spends all his time looking in a mirror he can’t even see himself in, and who, in no uncertain terms, doesn’t really “do” gnomes.
A prick who Wulbren is falling for. Hard.
💣💥💣💥💣
Hi! Welcome to the Bonglestarion fic. *slaps roof of car* This bad boy can fit so much love for the fandom’s most hated character in it. I started this fic ages ago on a whim as a ‘how would this ship work’ challenge to myself and it turns out (imho) really fucking well, actually! I’m really happy with how this fic turned out, and if you like emotionally repressed assholes hopelessly in love, maybe you will like it too. You can read it on AO3 here 🫶
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I love you weird fanfiction. I love you unpopular kink. I love you unsanitized sex scenes. I love you fics that the mean girls make fun of on twitter. I love you monster fucking. I love you daddy kinks and foot fetishes and water sports. I love you stories about complex human emotions and bad choices with no consequences and characters hurting each other. I love you threesomes or polycules. I love you rare pairs. I love you furry art. I love you dark fantasies. I love you kink that’s so specific and self indulgent it was clearly written just for the person writing it. I love you ships that people think you shouldn’t be allowed to ship. I love you anyone who has the courage to put their art into a public space when that art is weird, or dark, or taboo, or something that will be considered unacceptable by the puritanical fandom police.
In this reblog post, I reasoned why Astarion might like the legend of the drow hero Drizzt.
My first Tav is the non-Lolth drow wizard Imrae, who found himself in a romance with Astarion because they could relate to one another for very similar reasons.
But where Astarion likes Drizzt, Imrae will scoff and roll his eyes at the mention of the man.
And that is because for Astarion, there is still a certain distance between him and Drizzt. There are parallels, but he is, in the end, not a drow elf. He can, if done right, still pass for a normal elf and he knows the culture of the surface world.
Imrae does not have that luxury. He is a drow. He has to go to great lengths or use magic to not look like one. He also knows how it is to survive in the Underdark and how cuthroat it is.
He does not find the paragon Drizzt inspiring, he finds the stories threatening because he fears that he will be held to that standard if he just wants to exist without fear. That only being the perfect hero will earn you the curtesy of others letting you live.
He's not evil. He's not good though, either.
He just wants to be free.
He never found a lasting friendship. His only friend, the drider Zhah, died trying to get rid of his curse. Imrae lost hope for lasting companionship after that, thinking that he had his chance and wasted it.
He fell into making himself threatening to ward off pursuers (but also friends, in a way) as "The Mad Drow", who is better left alone.
A small part of Imrae panics when Astarion expresses admiration for Drizzt. Is he just an ersatz for the rogue? A fantasy?
(One of Sorn Orlith's most popular requests is to pretend to be Drizzt, after all, so popular that the man is tired of it)
That panic doesn't last long, of course. Astarion's not with Imrae because he's a drow just as the reverse is true for Imrae not just pining for a vampire, though he does admit that during that first night, he did stomach seducing him by pretending in his head he's with his hero.
That did not last, of course, because he comes to enjoy and want their real bond, with this mad bastard of a drow mage he has found.
Imrae does learn to appreciate what the stories mean to others, especially if it gives his beloved hope, even if he himself cannot see the appeal.
ICE killed another person in maine today, just days after the murder of lorenzo salgado araujo in houston
the maine immigrants rights coalition has released a statement confirming he was a 26 year old columbian man who was authorized to work in the US and had a valid social security number
will update this post with a gofundme link if/when one becomes available
his name was joan sebastian guerrero. his 3 yr old daughter was in the backseat of the car in her bluey pajamas. after he was shot, witnesses saw ICE agents pull him from the car and cuff him as he died
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the worst writing crime you can ever commit in my opinion is watering down the dirty talk because you’re self-conscious that it sounds like it’s from a bad porno…..i cannot stress this enough……leave it alone. the moment you tell yourself he would not fucking say that you’re doomed. people will say almost anything if their dick is hard enough
anyway. dragon age friends! i got all the games while they were 90% off during the steam sale and could use a distraction so am thinking of playing. any recommendations for the best one to start with? I don’t know how much it matters in terms of understanding the lore, if there’s one considered significantly better or the best introduction to the series etc and i trust you guys more than reddit bros. impart your wisdom
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making every conversation into being about The Character with the same reliability and conviction of a youth pastor going “you know who else partied? our lord and savior”
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I can't believe he's dead. It feels like just yesterday Lindsay Graham and I were just young boys playing down by the creek. "CT buddy, one day I'm gonna start a war with Iran" he would tell me, "and then by god I'm gonna immediately lose and die." Well look where we are now old friend. Look where we are now.
