Make it simple, but significant

It’s been nearly a year since Caitlin and I broke up and so much has happened. But as it nears that day I find myself thinking back to times where I was in a darker place and it’s got me all on edge and panicky. I asked Caitlin if she could just go stay at her bfs house (yeah there’s a bf now) on the date because something in me just wants to be alone to sulk. Then I can start 2020 out fresh... and maybe be less of a dick this year, idk. I’m in a tough spot at some points but then I feel “better” a few moments later. It’s a lot. I’m hoping I start feeling better soon.

Breaking up with the one person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with is rough. But you all know this. It’s been a month. My heart shattered that day. I felt numb for a long while. While I haven’t lost her, I feel like I have lost everything I know. And a good part of who I am. Some days are good days and then there’s days that aren’t so easy. I find myself constantly battling with my thoughts of the past and the future. Forgetting to live in the present. I just feel like I’m coasting through life going through the same motions. Like a routine. She is my best friend and I will always love her. We still live together, I’ve just moved to the second room. She’s rarely home now and it’s still not something I’m used to. I’m just sad. I know it will fade when the time comes but for now it just lingers. This sucks.