♚ SINE METU. ❜ ⁽ ˢᵉᵐᶤ⁻ʰᶤᵃᵗᵘˢ ⁾

{☠} [ Ignoring the commander’s orders, Kyukuro swallowed the mixture of grass and dirt. He even kept some in his fist for later. Who knew when he’d get another opportunity to eat. He couldn’t fully understand what Erwin said to him, but even if he did it was unlikely that he’d fully believe him. ]

          “Come on.”

         [ A new soldier commanded him this time. Their touch was more gentle as they hauled him up to his unsteady feet, but the youth still violently flinched away from their grasp. He whimpered as they stepped into a patch of sunlight. It’s rays burned his battered skin. Thankfully it did not last long, as he was soon shoved into an empty wagon. ]

          “Stay there.”

        [ Stay. A command he understood, just like a dog might. Fresh blood threatened to stain the floor of the wagon, but thankfully Kyukuro got an itch and rubbed away the blood dripping down his upper lip. Since there was nobody else in the wagon, yet, Kyukuro got a bit adventurous. He crawled towards the doors and peeked out through a crack. What he saw was nothing abnormal, but it captivated him anyways. Soldiers bustling about, doing whatever they needed to do to get ready for the short trip to the inner walls. That was their destination and Kyukuro’s new home. Whether it was known to the commander or not, the titan child had been bought from the royal guards (for a large sum of money) to be a household pet for some rich fat pig. ]

          “Who has eyes on the brat?”

        [ A cadet, obviously goofing off, jumped to his feet. He had been shirking his duties of sitting in the wagon with the boy. He complained to the soldier that he didn’t want to be alone with the dangerous titan child, and managed to convince said upper soldier that they needed multiple bodies in the small wagon just to make sure the child didn’t escape. That was when three heavily armed men shoved the doors to the wagon fully open. By the time they climbed into the wagon, Kyukuro had already scuttled into the farthest corner where he could huddle into himself and (hopefully) not get punished. ]

          “Let’s go!”

        [ With preparations done, it was time to move out. Kyukuro visibly tensed as the cage on wheels began to move. This was not his first time in a wagon, but each time frightened him the same. He gripped onto the smooth wall with one hand and clutched his handful of dirt to his chest with the other one. This wouldn’t be a long ride for the soldiers, but for him, it’d be an eternity. Not to mention, he was alone with three angry cadets whose commander’s threat did not seem to phase them very much. He’d most likely be stepping out with bruises hidden under his dirtied tunic. ]

          as broad-shouldered as a man may stand, the commander emerges from a huddle of the few higher-ups in attendance, a lengthy discussion behind him concerning the titan boy’s future. THIS WOULDN’T BE ERWIN’S FIRST TIME DISOBEYING CORPORATE ORDERS, AFTER ALL. hange, who’d been waiting for him just outside the dungeon whilst the previous skirmishes beneath ground had taken place, seemingly cannot contain her excitement. finally, she’d been DREAMING of getting up close and personal with the rumored titan child. 

                    ❛  a change of plans,  ❜  the blond announces once he reaches the front of the supply line, his pearly steed whinnying in response to the familiar voice,  ❛  we will not be taking kyukoro to the capitol. we, instead, will be taking him outside the wall and to headquarters, where he will stay in the basement. provisions have been made for the longer trip, though we will have to re-order the line to travel south, instead of northeast. await my instruction to move out. ❜  CLEAR AS DAY, the orders come, as always they seemed to when erwin smith parts his lips to shake the earth with the force of his GREAT INTELLECT. he knows the consequences that he may face for disobeying orders given from the capital, but the commander is well-prepared to argue his case------------------to darius zackeley, in the court of MILITARY LAW, should he need to. he cares not what merchants think of nor hold against him, and CERTAINLY NOT DOES HE FEAR WHATEVER PETTY, CAPITALISTIC POWER THEY MAY ATTEMPT TO IMPOSE UPON HIM.

                    ❛  hange,  ❜  he tells her,  ❛  follow me.  ❜ 

          it takes next to no time for the formation to be re-directed to suit the commander’s order, and well does he know that not all soldiers will agree with his plan. but ‘tis fine, as he shall deal with them later, ACCORDINGLY, even if punishments should be dealt in response. little time does he have for foolish rebels. 

                    ❛  keep the wagon toward the center, we must guard kyukoro at all costs. i will handle affairs in the capital on the morrow, so don’t concern yourselves with that. you,  ❜  he looks toward a particular squad leader, eyes DEEP with solemnity,  ❛  go to the wagon and make sure nothing uncivilized takes place there. should your instruction go disregarded, supply me with exact NAMES, AND I WILL HANDLE THEM.  ❜  dangerous could erwin be when a mission has been tampered with, when his seemingly endless patience begins to fray, like splitting rope. he’s had enough, and will put up with it no longer. 

          as for KYUKORO, he has other plans. he believes something can be made of the boy, in the legion’s favour. besides, what fate awaits him there is far kinder than in the house of some piggish merchant, whom only desires him for a centerpiece------------much like men he’d read ages ago, in his father’s history class, who’d purchased MUMMIES to hold in their house and DRINK OVER. disgusting, and it is no less than that------especially when the titan child’s state of LIFE is considered. the frown etched into erwin’s sagacious features gives strong hint to the disapproving thoughts contained by his esoteric cranium. 

     IN the eyes of the empath, humans seemed to be an interesting subject to observe and analyze their ways of living in a world that was said to be created by Him. Though he was an angel, a being who was tasked to watch over humanity, he had yet to learn about human behavior and their culture – which he had been studying for a few years since his fall. Much to his surprise, Hal never expected that all humans were normal people, as claimed by his brethren in Heaven. Rather, there were mortals with an extraordinary talent that no angel or supernatural being he had encountered held – the will to survive, even in the hardest of times. A prime example of such willpower was showcased by none other than the human who the angel had befriended: a hero of a (forgotten) past, Erwin Smith.

     HIS question prompted an immediate response from the taller male, as Hal listened intently. With how the other worded his answer, it further intrigued the angel that he had met someone who was able to conceal their true emotion under a nonchalant mask – though it also made him curious as to how Erwin was able to do it easily without getting off guard. However, the next thing that came out from the other’s mouth made Hal opened his eyes wide slightly, seemingly puzzled by the sudden question. But of course, he (maybe) had an answer to it.

   “Well, I guess you could say that it was curiosity that got the best of me, Erwin.” The angel nodded curtly. “After all, I do not think I have met anyone like you before – a human who display strong emotions towards others around them. Though, perhaps it further proves that most humans possess the will to survive in a world filled with hardship…which I would admit, I am fascinated by it.”

          how BIZARRE IT IS, that the simplistic complexities known as human beings can draw so much attention from the forces of the universe they are known to DOMINATE------------despite the innumerable life forces that inhibit this same world and many others, there is something INFAMOUSLY SPECIAL about those holding mortality ... something not even ERWIN, AS A HUMAN, can explain. though, most would call this man something other than mortal, those accusations are no more than hyperbolistic assumptions-------in spite of how much the speaker of such HERESIES believes it. erwin cannot honestly be surprised that a creature as emotionally anchored as the angel before him had taken notice to his APATHETIC HABITS. how nonsensical is it that the veteran conceals his emotions for a STRONGLY VIRTUOUS PURPOSE, THOUGH NEVER WOULD HE CALL IT THAT. sky blue hues fall enough to regard the callouses peppering his hands, worn with hard work and middle age. 

                    ❛  curiosity?  ❜  ‘TIS A SMILE THAT FORMS ALONG HIS LIPS? only close enough an eye might uncover such a truth, though with far more clarity do his eyes fill with something akin to understanding---------------as though in his chest, the emotion described by his angelic friend has made quite a dwelling for itself. a thick browline settles 'pon buffed-out ridge, and thin fingers ascend to brush the intruding fringe away from his brow, where those few strands mingle with long eyelashes.  ❛  have you some childlike need to ask many a question about what surrounds you?  ❜  THROUGH THE POSSIBLE CONNOTATION SUCH WORDS COULD HOLD, the gentle, fond tone of erwin’s voice provide evidence for an amiable and perhaps even slightly nostalgic motive behind what is, ironically, an inquiry itself. because erwin does know that he, too, holds such a CURIOSITY, no matter how it may manifest expression. 

          though it is no forgotten past from which this ANTIHERO hails, but an undiscovered future ... despite how unknown this is to either one of them. his whole existence is some FORESHADOWING of events to come, where a higher power plays him instrumentally to warn the world of what will come, should humanity continue upon this sinful path. BE HE AN EXAMPLE? no mortal can say, unfortunately so, and the incarnate will be left to wonder as long as his heart pumps beneath muscle and sinew. 

THE AVIAN settlers disburse in a hush, the flutter of their wings a sigh of protest — they swoop together and flock elsewhere, only to return again when his temper quells. It’s a blur of motion and they’re all away, up into the air, scattering in the spaces between clouds, dancing yards away, perching on new ledges. ( So temperamental, they tsk, and he watches as they preen and gawk and tilt their heads, their black eyes divulging nothing but the reflection of light, a subtle sheen of mischief. ) He huffs at the ones who dared to remain, sending them elsewhere, though he very well knew that they would come back and he would startle them once more; this is perhaps the third time today they’ve coalesced around him — no animal seemed to pay any mind to him and found him solely as an object of nature, which couldn’t be said of how humans oft saw him. Some of the other soldiers who had passed spared him peculiar looks, some even hateful, others bemused. He did not like how humans looked at him. But there was something even more unsettling about how the animals saw him, saw right through him, that rendered his existence nigh invisible, but tangible—

So he can’t say for certain if he had been the one to scare them off, or whether it was Commander Erwin’s voice.

IN FACT, it even rouses himself from the sudden stupor he was entrenched in, the droll passage of minutes slipping by with no mark of the time except the waning sun ( the days were getting shorter, now, so he supposed it was getting to be autumn time — indeed, he had seen some leaves brush by, their shades already of warm colors ). Jäger looks up, and between a phase of alertness and surprise he seems to acknowledge his visitor with wary perception, for Erwin rarely approached him without purpose, which seemed to be something he could not — and would never — come to comprehend. Erwin was smart, yet not in the same way that The Doctor was smart. This man, despite Jäger’s only brief and fleeting glimpses of him in the forest, held the knowledge of battle and strategy, in which he was sorely outmatched. Many times, he could recall, Erwin had conducted several attacks against him, though he could not remember their details, having forgotten them in his haste to evade the soldiers. Even now he grows taut and rigid at the memory of blades cutting through skin, through flesh, through muscle, right down to the bone — How many times had he come close to capture, even death ? Many times. Too many times. 

He remains quiet. He does not know how to respond, or even if he should, either about the birds or his lethargy. Erwin seems expectant, inquisitive, regardless; it makes him uneasy. ( He was sure the Commander’s curiosity was less … invasive as Squad Leader Hanji’s, but, ah … ) Still, he flicks his ear again for good measure and greets the man with a slow blink, restraints protesting as he is caught unawares. He’d never thought about it before. What did the birds see, with their onyx eyes, their black gazes, their soaring heights, that which surpassed even the tallest trees … ? Even he could not rival their capabilities.

          the rogue titan ‘tis not the sole intellect to view the commander’s presence as some OMEN, his ominous aura enough to scatter flocks of winged beasts and trigger fear in the eyes of wealthy and complacent men, whose hands grip TIGHTLY onto their pockets in hopes that erwin would not shake them dry of whatever dignity with which their money provides them. and only ever does the bureaucrat outstretch his wide palm to ask for the only thing they could ever give him------------------------MONEY. for their contributions amount to nothing more than the lowest supply of fuel for his military prowess, his daunting deeds that seem to turn all of humanity on an uncomfortable axis. and not too long a time ago did erwin chase after this very being, a STUBBORN look etched across his sagacious face as he ordered every squadron to bring the titan down------though not to kill him. jäger began his service here as little more than a tool, much like the disposable blades sheathed at soldiers’ hips at all times, simply without the DISPOSABLE aspect itself. 

          though much to erwin’s surprise, as little as he may consciously realize it, jäger has come to be much more than THE ROGUE TITAN. he is no longer viewed as a weapon or a tool, rather, a comrade. and how this happened flies far over their heads, similarly to the few ravens that had chosen to relocate their company------------those birds soaring high, with next to no care in the world. and how have they seen more than most, if not ALL the citizens satisfied in the embrace of their DOXY of a home wall. blue eyes transcend the very hues of the heavens themselves, then do they notice the swaying leaves, caressed by the gentle wind that does stir both he and jäger’s tresses. he cannot share the wonders beheld by the titan at his shoulder, for never has he worried over the stares of animals ... nor the stares of MORTALS, even. erwin has become some untouchable force, constantly moving forward, willing to overstep or CRUSH anything in its path to reach its goal------------and some have called him a monster, some would rather share space with this TITAN than this particular one of their own kind ... and to that, erwin can do nothing but bat an eyelash. at least, on the exterior, could he pattern these well-practiced behaviors. 

          but he does wonder what it is that the giant sees of the world ... they’ve learned, by now, that there are HUMANS in some---------if not all---------titans. perhaps those BURNING EMERALDS see just the same as any soldier, wishing for the freedom of mankind, heeding to erwin’s every order, dangling by the thin strings of their lives. then, his lips curve ever so subtly, his eyes smiling more genuinely than his lips ever could muster. what a simple day in early november, though erwin hardly ever finds any day to be other than a REQUISITE. how sad, some may say, that his entire life has become a ticking clock, running on a neverending fuse. 

          perhaps, then, it is why he’s come to see EVERYTHING with some meaning to it-------some deeper concept, something more to be explored. for when one has conditioned his- or herself to do nothing but THINK, think for their lives, think for the future, think just to THINK------------it becomes as unbreakable a habit as any. and maybe, just maybe, it’s become a way to cope with the DEATH of his humanity. 

Being given the fair sized box, Mike is a bit perplexed. There’s a icy wind howling through the headquarters, threatening snow to fall soon. When Erwin said the two simple words, it wasn’t until it was spelled out to him did Mike realize what day it was. He scoffed, not at Erwin, nor his words, just at the thought of it all. Mike wondered how many people in the world knew his birthday. Erwin had known since they were young– since long before Mike took every single piece of his past and tried to throw it out the window. Hanji seemed to know everything about everyone, but Mike couldn’t recall telling her. He felt Levi knew, but Levi didn’t seem the type to give presents– not that Mike expected any at all.

“You remembered?” Mike replied, no ire or sarcasm in his voice, just genuine surprise. He held the box with both hands, and gently shook it. It didn’t make a sound, and Mike figured he could sniff at it, but it just smelt like wood polish and he didn’t know what that meant. “How cute.” Mike would never actually describe Erwin as ‘cute’ in front of another person, not sober at least. Nor would he actually say it seriously. But Erwin’s gesture in itself is charming in a way. He took to the cloth, gentle not to injure anything. He was the type to take apart presents without ever ripping the paper. He liked to keep it in tact. Perhaps just a habit of his youth, where even resources like that were hard to come by.

Once the box is opened, he’s perplexed, and the expression is not hidden on his face. Mike looked confused down into the contents of the box, and gingerly, with his left hand, he puts his hand under the wooden frame, and lifts up the picture. After a moment, it hits him who is actually in the picture frame. Then he laughed, a very rare laugh, a real laugh, almost as rare as Erwin’s. His shoulders shake containing the noise. Then he stopped himself, thinking of how he must’ve looked. Mike tried his best to hold his emotions back, as usual, but it seems in this case he had to make an exception.

“Geez…”  He looked over the glass, the carved wood, polished by hand, Mike could tell it was made recently from the smell– but that picture was anything but recent. Mike knew for a fact he’d seen people born, grown up, and die, with a lifespan shorter than the picture in front of him. He held the photograph up, and all the emotions he expressed started to get stripped away, and Mike started to show what he was actually feeling. His eyelashes were already wet. Mike urged himself not to, and he rubbed his eyes to wipe any tears trying to fall. Then he turned away from Erwin, trying not to show his face out of shame. 

“Thank you.” He spoke without a tremble, or any indication of his tears, and tried not to look at Erwin. “I’ll… I’ll put this in my room.” He murmured. Mike’s room was quite a mess of things, pressed flowers and books and all sorts of other knickknacks he’d found outside the walls. Another constant memory of how long he’d been around; his room was one of few that was actually well lived in. “Where did you find this…?” Even if he wanted to escape the room before Erwin caught him looking pathetic as ever, he really did want to know.

          it takes not even a moment for one to realize that erwin is no tender nor loving man by any nature he’d established for himself------------that he tends to avoid any expression of genuine feeling like a bite from a PLAGUE-INFESTED RAT, but he is one to make exceptions. not frequently, and not for many, but being that mike knows him in a special manner; a manner unlike any other living soldier standing amid the dwindling ranks----------------------isn’t it simply HUMAN to make little excuses as to why his soulless exterior may falter from time to time? perhaps it is whatever fragments of a human being are left to his name, reaching out and wanting to have some kind of sentiment with someone who is important to him, though how strongly he BLOCKS those urges for his own sake. but when he’d looked at the calendar last night; in a glance of a leisure kind, a glance that held little to no substance, for he’d been near certain he wouldn’t find anything of SIGNIFICANCE inscribed onto the thick parchment into which the gregorian dates are etched. 

          oh, how wrong he had been to assume that. 

          for the moment his steely blue hues fell onto the yellowing paper, he bore witness to the date, circled in RED INK, which, in the code of erwin’s annotations, indicates utmost importance, or urgency. RED is that same hue where oceans of blood are spilled in the name of a RIGHTEOUS mission, is it not? but he knew, he knew then exactly what that arabic numeral indicated the moment he’d laid eyes upon it. it was mike’s birthday. 

          how many times in the last TWENTY OR SO years had he seen that november date, circled by some pen to draw the deserved amount of attention to it. to erwin, it isn’t like his own birthday, which is nothing special at all---------no, this is the birthday of someone who MATTERS, who matters so greatly that erwin cannot say he would be the man he is today without this man’s influence ... for better or worse, maybe even for better AND worse, but no worries are held by way of mike’s impact in his life. he feels nothing but POSITIVITY toward it, nothing but gladness to call the taller man his friend, his greatest friend. 

                    ❛  have you ever known me to forget anything?  ❜  the question comes somewhat playfully, despite the underlying double-entendre. even when you want to forget things, you can’t. but this impeccable memory comes to his aid as much as it does his ail, and he brings himself to give a rare, genuine smile to mike’s inquiries. upon being called “CUTE” however, erwin’s nose crinkles in distaste, much like a rabbit’s, though he’d loathe the comparison. rarely ever did mike refer to him as such anymore, and it causes the blond to give a single-breathed laugh as his head turns slightly away. lengthy lashes come to rest over frosty blue hues, evident as soon his oculi return to the too-familiar face before him. 

          there is some EMOTION in the air, as erwin had suspected there may be, but not to this degree. the photo, of course, means a lot to him---------it is one of the last surviving trinkets of his YOUTH, the proof that he once was human, as his wide smile and lively eyes behind the glass of the frame do attest. never again may he wear that expression, but how nice it is to know that he COULD, once. 

                    ❛  of course. i’ve kept it for years now ... i found it quite a bit ago, as i was straightening up my room, back in my father’s house. how relieved was i, for all those years i thought i had left it behind in those trainee dorms, way back when we used to sleep there. it is one of the only surviving photographs of us, and of course i’ve hoarded them all, to quench some compulsive need i’ve always had to bask in the past ... when times were far simpler than they are now. though i cannot bring myself to complain toward anything. i can only appreciate whatever it was i had, then, and reminisce rather than mourn. and i thought, perhaps, you would want to do that, too.

                    and, admittedly, some selfish part of me wanted to give you something only i could give you. something with meaning, albeit ... i ... i don’t know how many more of your birthdays i will get to experience with you. i cannot take it for granted, mike. as small as it may seem, it matters greatly to me.  ❜  

      🎉🎉 THANK YOU FOR 275+ FOLLOWERS! 🎉🎉

                                                               ( art cred. )

where do i even begin? honestly, i was going to do this sooner, once i’d gotten to about 250, but my lazy ass was like naaaah i’ll just wait lol and suddenly more and more people showed up and just???? holy dang. first of all, i can’t even begin to say how blessed and honored i feel to have such an amazing community of people to write and be a meme with. it’s honestly one of the best feelings in the world and it’s one of the few things i have to be happy about in my life, and i don’t want this to get overly sappy / gay but i just want you all to know that I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. the fact that more than 2 people are following my ass is a miracle tbh. but more than one hundred times that decided that my blog, my muse, my writing was enough to stay for. and that’s pretty heckin cool. so this won’t be anything super elaborate or fancy, but i just wanted to give y’all a lil’ somethin to show how happy i am. i know by tumblr hipster ass standards this isn’t a lot of people but i don’t give a flyin fuck about that. i’m so happy, considering the short time this blog has been revived, that this many people see it as something special; or at least special enough to click the blue / white plus sign. 

even if you didn’t “make it” on this list, that in no way means i don’t appreciate you or don’t want to write with you. these are just the people that gave my crusty ass a chance and they deserve some mclovin so i’m gonna try to give them that. every single one of you are some boss ass bitches in your own way and i respect that so much. but i’ve rambled enough. it’s time to get on with the gay.