“I get it,” Linda said. “I thought me and my college sweetheart were gonna get married. It took me longer then I wanna admit to get over him. But I eventually did. I’m 33 years old and I’m living the best of my life without him and for a long time I didn’t think I ever would.”
“It’s not that,” I said. “I mean it sorta is. Girl, I don’t know. It all seems like so much. I think I’m just overreacting.”
“But you said he grabbed your hand,” Linda stated.
“He did,” I said. “But come on. Look at him and look at me. He’s not attracted to me. He couldn’t be.”
“Girl,” Linda huffed. “If I ever see yo ex I’m giving him the ass whooping you should’ve let yo brother handle.”
I just stared at her. Benson never downed me but never built me up too much either.
“I really wish that dude was not your first.” She said.
“Well he wasn’t my very first,” I said softly.
“Nothing,” I said. “It was a long time ago, just forget it.”
“Bitch,” Linda said in a huff. I smiled and looked at her. “Talk.”
“It was my senior prom,” I said with a sigh.
“Of course it was.” She said with a smile.
“Yeah. My date and I had a great time,” I said. “But the kicker, he and his girlfriend, since freshman year, had broken up like a month beforehand. And before you say anything no, I wasn’t his rebound, nor did I feel like one. He and I had always been friends and it was senior year. You only get that once.”
“It was right before the last song.” I continued, “And I noticed throughout the night that they kept stealing glances at each other. So I pulled him aside and asked who saw himself coming to our 10-year reunion with. He just smiled and kissed my cheek and walked to her.”
“You weren’t upset?” Linda asked.
“At true love?” I responded. “Of course not, and FYI they are still together with 3 kids. They’re happily married and still won the cutest couple at our reunion last year. I’m happy for them.”
“But after you guys made out, I feel like I’m missing something,” Linda said.
“We were at a very expensive hotel so a few people got together and rented a couple of rooms at another hotel about 4 blocks away. After the last song my date came back and asked if I still wanted to hit up the party. At that point, I decided if I’m gonna be dateless I might as well get drunk, right. But I left my purse in the ballroom so I went back inside to get it and there he was.”
“Devan,” I answered with a smile. “He and I were neighbors up until 6th grade until he moved to another neighborhood that caused him to switch Junior High Schools, but it was still the same High School district.”
“He had my purse in his hand and jokingly said that all my $2 was still in it. I laughed and told him it was $3 and he owed me. Then he asked what happened with my date and I told him. He felt bad for me and said that I at least deserved a last dance, so he pulled out his phone and started to play music.”
“Yes, girl really,” I said smiling at the memory. “He reached his hand out to me and I took it. The lights were still dim and no one else was there but us.”
“That sounds beautiful,” Linda said.
“It was,” I said. “It’s safe to say he was my first crush. But never did I think he liked me back. We were still dancing when we heard someone call my name. We turned to the entrance and saw my prom date. Devan yelled back, “Aye man, she good,” and waved him off. My date apologized and smiled then disappeared.”
I looked at Linda and saw her smiling at me, I’m sure my smile was just as big.
“That really was a great night,” I said. “Devan asked me did I remember our first school dance. I did, were in 5th grade and he was the first boy I ever danced with. That’s definitely when the crush became real, but I was 11 and too scared to do anything other than dance with him. Then he admitted he was just as nervous back then as kids because he had really wanted to kiss me.”
I took a deep breath reliving the moment.
“My best friend had a crush on me too, but we were kids and too scared to do anything other than dance,” I said with a laugh. “7 years later he finally worked up the courage to make that move.”
I paused thinking of that moment. Devan’s face so close to mine. After all this time, that still made me smile.
“It was 3 weeks before my 18th birthday and I finally got my first kiss,” I admitted. “After he said he wanted to kiss me as kids, he looked at me and smiled when he saw the surprised look on my face. Then without another word, he leaned forward and kissed me.”
Linda just gave another smile and nodded her head for me to continue.
“I don’t know how long we were kissing,” I said. “I just know we were interrupted by the lights coming on and a couple of janitors looking a little flustered when they saw us. We laughed and went to the party. We didn’t stay long, maybe had a couple of shots then left. We stopped and got some burgers then went to the park. There’s a hill that overlooks the city and we just sat on the hood of his car and stared off into the night.”
I smiled more to myself than to Linda. That really was a great night.
“When we finished eating,” I continued. “He grabbed everything, dumped them into a trash can and came back over to me. I was still sitting on his car and kissed me again. He knew he’d given me my first kiss, so he knew not to go outta my comfort zone. But how well can anyone really control teenage hormones?”
“But you said your ex,” Linda started.
“Was the only person I’ve ever had full intercourse with, yes,” I said staring off in memory. “Devan's hands slid up my dress a bit and he stopped kissing to ask if it was ok and once I said yes that’s all he needed. He didn’t go too far, just touched over my stockings, stimulation only. Other things happened later.” I said with a grin. “Devan was the first person to perform oral on me, as he was the first I performed oral on.” I said looking back at Linda. “And that my dear lady, pretty much sums how I spent that summer.”
“So you don’t count that as a relationship?” she asked.
“It never felt right to call Devan my boyfriend,” I answered. “We didn’t make a big deal about it. We never went on real dates. Kinda just hung out and did things. All the benefits with no commitment, plus we knew it wouldn’t last forever, he’d been accepted to Ohio State, while I was accepted to TSU.”
“But you guys could’ve tried,” Linda said.
“I guess we didn’t want that,” I said honestly. “He was my best friend, I cherished that more.”
“Where is he now?” she asked.
“The last time he and I talked was a year ago,” I said. “Online. It was a good conversation though, Benson and I were good at the time and I bragged about that for a bit. He was single at the time. Team No Kids, he told me proudly. He travels a lot for work so he missed the reunion. We hadn’t talked in a few years prior to that. We both just got busy with life, thank goodness for the internet, right.”
“I’ll never regret the best summer of my life,” I said. “Was I sad to see him get on that plane, of course, I was. Was I sad when he couldn’t make it home for the holidays, still yes. But I also understood he had goals he wanted to reach, so did I. I was working two jobs at one point, and going to school fulltime, I didn’t have time for a relationship.”
“Maybe you still don’t,” Linda said. I gave her a curious look. “Maybe what you need is another summer, because the way your face lit up as you were telling me that story you truly wanna make time for something like that again.”
“I was 18, I don’t think I can relive that again,” I said.
“The realization that you had a breakup or just being carefree again?” she asked simply.
“It wasn’t a breakup,” I said defensively because it wasn’t. I loved him, but surely not like I loved a family member. He was my best friend. He’ll always have a place in my heart. Neither one of us tried to put a label on it, we actually never talked about it. We just had fun together, why complicate things?
But this, now, is different, completely different.
“I meant I’m too old for a fling, come on, I’m almost 30,” I said. “A childhood friend and a pro boxer?”
“Says you,” Linda said. “Maybe this time, how bout you not make excuses.”
I started to say something, but she stopped me.
“So your relationship back then wasn’t serious, that’s ok.” She said. “But maybe you don’t need serious. Maybe you just need fun, because you’re right, you’re not 18 anymore, you’re 29 and just got outta your first serious relationship. You definitely don’t want your ex back, but you definitely want something.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t nod or shake my head in agreement or disagreement. Just soaked it all in. Linda wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, that I understood, just left me feeling more confused. I know that wasn’t her intent either.
“Look,” Linda said, “We have the next two days off, let’s go enjoy ourselves tonight.”
“I could really go for a drink,” I said.
“Alright, let me get to my room, check on you in like 30 minutes?” she said climbing off my bed. I climbed off and nodded timidly.
“Or we could order room service and order movies?” she suggested sensing something from me.
“I’d rather be out on a dance floor,” I said truthfully.
“Ok,” she said with a warm smile. “30 minutes?”
“I’ll be ready in 20,” I said heading to the bathroom.
“Cool, I’ll shoot you a text in a few,” she shouted leaving my room.
I had just walked out of the shower when my hotel phone rang.
Weird, I thought. Linda would have no reason to call my hotel phone. None of us did. Without thinking twice about it I answered on the third ring.
“Hey, girl I just stepped out the shower, gimmie ten more minutes,” I said.
“Really,” said a man’s voice with a thick accent. “That sounds like a nice visual.”
“Yes, how are you?” he said.
“Um..fine,” I said, very shocked. “Was just gonna head out for a bit. Take in the scenery.”
“Yes, those passes I gave you guys should hold up for your entire stay here.” He said. “But I was thinking that because you had to leave dinner early last night maybe we could have drinks at my place,”
I heard myself gulp, like a literal gulp. Oh crap. Dinner in public was one thing, but drinks at his house were a whole new level of termination that I could not afford.
“Michela are you still there?” he asked.
“Great,” he said, I’m not sure why. “I’ll send car for you.”
“You said yes for drinks here in my home,” he said.
“No, I meant yes I was still on the phone.” I stammered. “But the other thing…”
“What is problem?” he asked. His voice wasn’t demanding or angry, a little disappointed maybe, but not angry. For some odd reason, I did not want to disappoint this man. Before I could stop myself.
“Yes, I can come,” I said. What the hell?
“Very good,” he said. “The car should be there soon. See you then.”
He hung up before I could get another word in. Oh shit, what did I just do?
A few minutes later there was a knock on my door, I opened to see Linda dressed up and ready to go for a night of bar hopping. When she saw I was still in my robe her look of happiness quickly turned sour.
“Um didn’t you say 20 minutes?” she asked with her hand on her hip.
“Juergen just called me,” I said quietly.
“What?” she said quickly stepping into my room.
“Bitch, yes,” I said slamming the door. “He said that since I had to leave early last night that we should have a do-over with drinks at his place. Bitch I’m so fired.”
“No, you ain’t.” She said, surprisingly calm. “Elaine had to do a quick trip to England, Blake is still at the office, and for all everyone else knows, me and you are hitting the town tonight.”
“Michela,” she said. “Juergen Yugo asked you to his house for drinks, how many times can you say that happened to you?”
“I’m not exactly gonna scream it from the rooftops,” I said sarcastically.
“Exactly,” she said. “He has a reputation, and you have a job. The last thing he needs media distraction and he knows you’re not gonna break any secret between you two if that means losing your job.”
“So he’s blackmailing me?” I asked and began biting my thumbnail, a nervous habit I’ve never seemed to outgrow.
“He likes you and he doesn’t want a million people in his business.” She said simply. “Michela, come on now girl. No, you’re not 18 anymore, but tell me, truthfully, how are you feeling?”
I stared at her with my nail still in my mouth. I didn’t answer immediately. A swarm of emotions came over me and voice that sounded like mine said “Excited.”
I pulled my thumb out of my mouth and threw my hands to my side and looked Linda in her face.
“I’m excited,” I said. “And nervous, what the hell does he want with me?”
“Go there and find out,” Linda said with a smile. She then headed to my closet and rumbled around before turning back to me with a black lace shirt in her hand. “But first, put this on.”
discoholicmusic
germansingergirl
dededos
romaincrisis
stormborns
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
titsay
andulkaphoto
