Come Be Assorted

Or just humorously weird like it's their job.

Installing solar is a really good financial idea. It makes a ton of sense, it's easy to finance and if you have the right set up for it, it's almost physically impossible for it to not make you money. 

Which is why I'm baffled that 70% of people who are interested in it are completely off their rockers

....of old papers. Found this 'poem' circa 7th grade

If we lived in a cardboard box, we would decorate it with crayons and move outside of a Chinese restaurant so we could eat good food and be happy

If we were fat, we would sit on a couch, watch Jerry Springer together, eat lots of icecream and be happy

If we were dorks we would dress up like vulcans, go to conventions full of other vulcans and be happy

If we died we would go to locker rooms and haunt the showers together and you would cover my eyes even though I could see through you and we would be happy

If we were flowers, we would be ugly flowers so that no one would pick ever pick us and we would live in a field and be happy

If we were retards, we would play with stuffed animals, paint with our finger paints and I would understand your speech and we would be happy

If we were truck drivers, we would haul sewage, go to truck stops, prank people on the CB and be happy

If we were construction workers, we would steal all the signs and use them for wallpaper in our apartment and be happy

If you were me, and I were you, I would laugh at your dumb jokes and you would tickle me when I said I was fat

If we were astronauts, I would drag you to Uranus and you would moon me on the moon and floating out there in the stars we would be happy

If we were rock stars, I would dedicate my songs to you, we would trash hotel rooms together, we would decorate our tour bus with silly string and we would be happy

If we were crazy we would bounce around in our padded rooms, throw our food at the security guards, make fun of the other crazy folk and be happy

If we were stoners I would give you my bong and my potato chips

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I'll probably never stop being amused by adding captions to pictures.

You know, like a Tupperware party where they sell lube and toys?

We played a game where we had to write down 'something you say during sex' on an index card. I was so, so tempted to write what I remembered from the beginning of old, obscure novel - but instead wrote 'Is it in yet?' because it wasn't the kind of crowd who would get the reference.

We ended up passing them around and then playing 'bingo' and the lady who got my card had the manliest, flattest voice I've ever heard. Every time her number got called she said "Is it iiiiiiiiiiiiiin yet?' in the most hilarious, unintentional monotone

which was funny

"GET OUT OF HERE YOU DRUG PEDDLER"

at my coworker, who had just finished saying

In an attempt to prepare for an upcoming trip heavily involving swim suits and just to say that I can - I've been monkeying with my diet for the past three days. 

So today, today is fruit fast day.

Which is actually a misnomer, because in fact I am going to Josh's house tonight which means I will be eating an excellent quantity of food of some kind.

So really it's fruit fast early morning and afternoon.

The problems so far:

I'm WEAAAAAK - five chips dipped in salsa consumed already and I ate them like they were the antidote

It's only 11:27 and I am already sending emails that involve veiled threats to tacos that are not in front of me now and being eaten. I'm going batshit.

I brought a hand held blender in - it looks and very much sounds like I am trying to initiate 'bring your sex toy to work day' 

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