intrigue me

I am managing. I’ve got a lot of good people around me who support me and let me vent from time to time. I know im sad, and possible bordering depression again, but I’m trying to let myself be loved.

A good friend of the family, our neighbor, died two days ago. He was pretty old and had leukemia. Still it was a weird thing to witness.

I had to go to my parents house in a rush. And we all literally waited for the poor man to die. There was nothing else we could do.

May he rest in peace.

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Ofc my dad didn’t hesitate for my grief to settle. Just a few hours after the man’s passing he started bashing the lesbian couple living in our neighborhood. He explicitly wanted to know what I thought about them having a baby. I didn’t want to discuss that with him. I just wanted him to leave me alone. He ruined my days by just being himself, and I cried so much when I finally got home again.

Everything sucks right now, and I really don’t want to do school work. But at least I’ve got some good people around to comfort me.

Who am I; what am I; what am I supposed to be.

All of this just makes me sad because I don’t have the answers right now

I don’t have the time to think about any of it.

But it feels like each day I spend in oblivion, is a day wasted

I know I’m hard on myself, but I can’t just turn my head off and focus on school.

Everything and everybody makes such a big impression on me and I have to think about all of it. Everything needs it’s own neath little place in my head or else i’m restless. And it’s exhausting.

I know i’m the one who always wants to be around people, but they simple distract me from my real problems.

I’m not slipping into a depression again.

All of this is also part of growing up I guess.

My face was on national television during a docomentary on LGBT people in my home town.

I have the BIGGEST crush on Melody Gardot

goshh

that woman

during the day I cry, stare in into the void and don’t get shit done

BUT AT NIGHT

I suddenly feel the need to do all me work and don’t sleep