The Bacon Sandwich Of Regret

feng shui sabotage by placing thousands of tiny ball bearings in a bag under your couch you won't see them but you'll feel the clutter

i wish mosquitos didn't make you itchy and give you horribly infectious diseases. i wouldn't begrudge them a humble nibble were it not so

still one of my favourite posts ever

#He’s a patron!!!!!

my favourite bit right now is saying "scientists still don't know" in relation to something I (One Single Scientist) specifically do not know the answer to

I love that thing when people get a little bit tongue-tied and garble what they’re trying to say so they make a little “blegh” 👅 noise and start over. verbal reset button. hitting the top of the tv to unscramble the signal

Why is pet play always dogs anyway

Youre a dirty little goldfish arent you. daddys gonna clean your tank out so good so you have to wait in the sink until im done.

Apparently because you have no idea how to care for anything but a dog

Daddy is not known for his animal husbandry

what if instead of having a fake name for internet personal-life purposes we could have a fake name for professional work-life purposes

fantasy culture where you have a different name for every role in your life and a true name that is extremely secret

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

do you love the colour of this thigh (bruise)