The Bacon Sandwich Of Regret

forgot until just now that when i went to the grocery store today i turned down the oil/vinegar aisle and there was a store employee stocking the shelf and he said "welcome to the land of wonders" to me for some reason

my friend keeps sending the groupchat voice notes of her eating bussy and calling it "asmr"..... bro go study for your physics exam 😭

age of sail tracy chapman: you've got a fast ship

DJ dubcon hopes everyone in the club is having a good time tonight but he’s not going to check

in the future humans will have something called "sinus button " and pressing it will immediately drain your sinuses of all fluid so that it can be filled with other things like rocks, webs, paint, tar, freef (new fluid that will be so important in that time) and also dr papper

#hope #hopepunk #positivity #utopia #dreamworld

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub

i think the luckiest moment of my life - at least, the luckiest moment i'm aware of & can remember - was when i poured HOURS of wrist-grinding labor into nålbinding baby socks with no pattern & vague measurements pirated off a machine-made baby sock, and they turned out weirdly long and skinny. and then the baby was born with such weirdly long and skinny feet that the only socks that fit him were the ones i made. what a very specific little lottery to win.

I love these so much.

i always love when a horror movie is like ohh we are a group of people from various backgrounds stuck together in this motel/gas station/roadside diner/grocery store/shopping mall/warehouse/underground bunker/fallout shelter/research facility/military compound/prison/police station/office building/apartment building/school/hospital/church/bar/music club/amusement park/resort/boat of some kind. the baddies are coming. quick! let us organize into some sort of social commentary

[about to be dropped into the shark tank] hey is the water cold?