The Bacon Sandwich Of Regret

Hey check your titties for any lumps

And ur balls if applicable

And your balls

Assess the orbs for irregularities.

Me articulating all the flaws in a piece of media & enjoying it anyway

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

the species that can take you out are literally wizards with magic boom sticks that instantly wound you from a distance. they're mostly just scared of you though, if you catch one without the boom stick they're very easy to kill. also they leave treasure chests full of delicious food around where they live and if you're smart you can figure out how to open them. going into one of their settlements is basically a dungeon crawler RPG.

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown

BREAKFAST

i like to order a lot of various evil import shit online and then spend the next week eating various evil import shit

We’re under a severe thunderstorm warning rn and my dad just opened the door to show my dog because he was begging to go out and it reminded me of that part in Dracula where Dracula opens the door to the howling wolves and Jonathan’s like um actually I’ll stay inside thanks

average sized cylindrical object

[girl in a low cut top voice] i just dont know what it is but everyone is being sooo nice to me today….[grows grave and guarded] they’re conspiring against my reign and they think me a fool

they led me to water once and i drank a bunch. i was thristy. it was easy for me. i think horses are just lame