ColieEliz

These past few days have been filled with a ton of mixed emotions. 

My emotions have ranged from sadness, to anger, to complete happiness…to finally finding peace within myself. 

I finally feel at peace.

With myself about to embark on several new adventures in life…from my new job (that I start tomorrow), to starting nursing school (which starts in January), to me purchasing a new car…life has been all about new beginnings, and letting go of everything.

All this new responsibility has brought me to the hard decision of letting go of ColieEliz.

I personally spent the past two days going over every single post, deleting everything.  I read all my old blog posts, when I could NOT get enough of workout out (apparently), some posts I made several life changing revelations, and had unyielding support from hundreds of people who I’ve never met.

I owe Tumblr a lot.

I do plan on opening up a website geared towards fitness and health.  However, ColieEliz turned into something I never planned it to turn into.  So it’s just best to part ways with name. 

And since Wordpress BLOWS, I cannot use it to the ability I’d like too – so WitnessHerFitness is down as well.  Seriously, their HTML blows…unless I’m just not using it right…

I do not have a new screen name yet.  However, I like the idea of starting all over again. 

I love you guys so much.  You have given me hope, brought me happiness, and laughter.  You guys are fabulous. 

Best wishes to you all.

Sincerely, Nicole

Missing him comes in waves. When we first spilt, they seemed constant. And strong. Like waves at high tide, on a full moon.

Month or so went by and they slowly subsided. To ever other day, and not nearly as strong. To close to his return to Westlake,…I came to not even really think about him. Or miss him.

Till he finally gave me my closure that I so needed. I got hit with one tidal wave…but it subsided. And my days have been blissful.

Tonight, I was with a friend of mine.  Driving around Chicago...with the windows down...because it was too fucking hot (and my AC fan is broke).  Feeling the coolish breeze in my face, I looked over at a stop light to see the new rental bikes Chicago place all over the city.

Stricken with excitement, I told my friend..."we're fucking riding them!"

We rented two bikes...and for a half an hour...just rode up and down the streets. 

He had a lighter, and I had sparklers...and we just rode bikes freely...

It was when I looked up at the sky...and closed my eyes for a brief second, & relished in the warm night air...where I wanted no one else to be there, but him.  

I was taken back to the “emo," conversations we had way, way, way back when. Where he asked me if I would ride bikes with him when I got mine…

Even though I never got that bike...I would have loved to enjoy a ride with him by my side...

I slowly became nostalgic and though about how interesting and different he was.  & how I liked that.  & how even way back in 2009, there was like an unspoken attraction between us.  

& even last year...somewhere between name calling and laughing for no reason...I fell for him.  

To the nights, under the stars, where I realized he had a warm heart...and a beautiful brain...

I miss that.

I just hope you’re happy.

& that life goes great for you.

That you achieve your biggest dreams,

And relish in life’s simplicity too.

I hope you give more,

Even if you feel like you need to give up.

I hope that every road is easy.

But you keep your chin up when it’s rough.

I hope you teach your son to be an outstanding individual,

Just like his dad.

Teach him about the beautiful things in life

Just like you taught me, when we had what we had.

I hope that you see a sprinkler,

And remember the night we were free.

& when you take a walk in Oak Park,

That you remember me.

That when “Kiss Me,” comes on the radio

You sing along like I did.

Those memories of me come back fondly

And tears don’t fill your eyelids.

That when you look at the moon,

And the stars sprinkled in the night.

That you think of me,

And in the sun think “It’s FUCKING daylight!”

I miss you more

Than words can ever express.

& I miss waking up next to you.

& I miss me in that little black dress…

I just hope you’re happy.

& that you make it though times rough.

I love you so much,