memes & prompts.

         assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  tv  show  that’s  ruined  my  life.  some  lines  have  been  changed  slightly  to  be  more  applicable.  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  do  you  want  to make  a  deal  with  the  devil?  ❞

❝  what  am  i  gonna  do  with  a  soul  anyway?  ❞

❝  souls  are  boring.  boo,  souls!  ❞

❝  if  we  get  through  this,  is  there  a  thing  where  we,  like,  talk  to  each  other about  stuff...  normally?  ❞

❝  you  mean  you  wanna  talk  about  the  big  shit?  ❞

❝  we  don’t  have  any  feelings,  what  are  you  talking  about? ❞

❝  you  sound  deranged.  ❞

❝  i  was  wondering,  do  you  think  it’s  possible  to  sue  a  person  -  a  grandparent,  for  example  -  in  an  affectionate  way?  ❞

❝  i  love  you,  i’m  glad  you’re  part  of  my  life,  but  i’m  taking  legal  action  against  you.  ❞

❝  the  fucking  belligerent  zucchini  here  is  set  to  close  negotiations  for  good.  ❞

❝  you’re  going  to  sue  greenpeace?  i  like  your  style.  who  do  you  think  you’re  going  to  go  after  next,  save  the  children?  ❞

❝  can  he  do  a  speech?  the  demented  fucking piss-mad  king  of  england?  ❞

❝  the  only  way  they’ll  respect  you  is  if  you  try  to  destroy  them.   ❞

❝  you’re  not  a  killer.  you  have  to  be  a  killer.  ❞

❝  family  therapy,  family  therapy,  family  therapy!  ❞

❝  i  have,  like,  twenty  bucks  left.  the  world  is  so  fucked  up.  ❞

❝  your  principles?  don’t  be  an  asshole,  you  don’t  have  principles.  ❞

❝  this  is  not  fucking  charles  dickens  world,  okay?  ❞

❝  i  just  wonder  if  the  sad  i’d  be  without  you  is  less  than  the  sad  i  get  from  being  with  you.  ❞

❝  are  we  talking  to  each  other  on  the  deck  of  a  majestic  schooner?  is  the  salty  brine  stinging  my  weather-beaten  face?  no?  then  why  the  fuck  are  you  wearing  a  pair  of  deck  shoes?  ❞

❝  you  don’t  hear  much  about  syphilis  these  days,  very  much  the  myspace  of  STDS.   ❞

❝  what  i  think  they  meant  to  say  was  that  they  wished  your  mom  gave  birth  to  a  can  opener,  because  then  at  least  it  would  be  useful.  ❞

❝  when  you  laugh,  please  do  it  at  the  same  volume  as  everyone  else.  we  didn’t  get  you  from  a  hyena  farm.  ❞

❝  they  did  once  call  me  the  cunt  of  monte  cristo.    ❞

❝  you  little  slime  puppy.  ❞

❝  don’t  threaten  me,  i  don’t  have  time  to  jerk  off.  ❞

❝  who  said  i  never  killed  anyone?  ❞

❝  i  don’t  mean  to  be  insulting,  but  having  been  around  a  bit,  my  hunch  is  that  you’re  going  to  get  fucked  because  i’ve  seen  you  get  fucked  a  lot.  and  i’ve  never  seen  [name]  get  fucked  once.  ❞

❝  i’d  castrate  you  and  marry  you  in  a  heartbeat.  ❞

❝  i  just  feel  because  of  my  physical  length,  i  could  be  a  target  for  all  kinds  of  misadventures.  ❞

❝  oh  here  they  come,  the  attention  whore.  ❞

❝  do  you  have  a  fetish  for  nearly  killing  our  dad?  like,  just  the  tip,  but  for  nearly  killing  our  dad?  ❞

❝  the  gang’s  all  here,  it’s  like  the  fucking  sgt.  pepper  for  broken  corporate  america.  ❞

❝  you  aren’t  judas-ing,  are  you?  ❞

❝  sometimes  i  think,  should  i  maybe  listen  to  the  things  you  say  directly  in  my  face  when  we’re  at  our  most  intimate?  ❞

❝  are  they  playing  from  the  approved  playlist?  because  my  thing  was  all  bangers,  all  the  time.  ❞

❝  oh  really?  it’s  not  cool  to  tell  the  president  to  blow  me?  ❞

❝  some  guy  with  an  undercut  just  called  me  soy  boy.  ❞

❝  he  never  saw  anything  he  loved  that  he  didn’t  want  to  kick  just  to  see  if  it  still  came  back.  ❞

❝  right  now,  i’m  the  real  you.  ❞

❝  we  should  be  good  people.  wouldn’t  it  be  nice  to  wake  up  in  the morning  and  not  feel  like  a  fucking  piece  of  shit?  ❞

❝  i  think  you’re  a  super  talented  superstar,  and  i  love  you.  ❞

          assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  the  iconic  movie.  some  lines  have  been  changed  slightly  to  be  more  applicable.  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  are  you  decent?  ❞

❝  sure,  i’m  decent.  ❞

❝  is  that  your  idea  of  a  friend?  ❞

❝  we  make  our  own  luck.  ❞

❝  get  this,  i  was  born  last  night  when  we  met  in  the  alley.  no  past,  all  future.  ❞

❝  she  said  she  was  born  the  night  we  met.  all  three  of  us  with  no  pasts,  just  futures.  isn’t  that  interesting  ?  ❞

❝  you  congratulate  the  husband,  and  you  wish  the  wife  good  luck.  ❞

❝  hate  can  be  a  very  exciting  emotion.  very  exciting.  haven’t  you  noticed  that?  ❞

❝  hate  is  the  only  thing  that  has ever  warmed  me.  ❞

❝  i  want  all  of  the  hired  staff  to  approve  of  me.  ❞

❝  [insert name here]  is  such  a  hard  name  to  remember  and  so  easy  to  forget.  ❞

❝  it  amuses  me  to  feed  you  beautiful  things,  because  you  eat  with  such  a  good  appetite.  ❞

❝  you’re  here  to  take  care  of  me  because  i  belong  to  the  boss.  how  will  you  like  that?   ❞

❝  i  do  all  kinds  of  odd  jobs.  ❞

❝  i  bet  this  is  the  oddest  job  you’ve  ever  had.  ❞

❝  i  taught  her  everything  she  knows.  does  that  satisfy  you?  ❞

❝  i  want  to  have  a  look  at  you  in  your  costume  before  you  go.  ❞

❝  if  i  had  been  a  ranch,  they  would’ve  named  me  the  bar  nothing.  ❞

❝  that’s  one  of  the things  you’ll  have  to  teach  me:  good  manners.  ❞

❝  doesn’t  it  bother  you  at  all  that  you’re  married?  ❞

❝  what  i  want  to know  is,  does  it  bother  you  that  i’m  married?   ❞

❝  i  shouldn’t  make  any  mistakes.  ❞

❝  i’ve  got  some  news  for  you:  i’m  going  to  do  exactly  what  i  please,  when  i  please.  ❞

❝  any  psychiatrist  would  tell  you  that  your  thought  associations  are  very  revealing.    ❞

❝  who  do  you  think  you’re  kidding?  ❞

❝  getting  married  on  the  rebound  is  so  stupid.  ❞

❝  would  it  interest  you  to  know  how  much  i  hate  you?  ❞

❝  i  hate  you  so  much  that  i  would  destroy  myself  to  take  you  down  with  me.  ❞

❝  now  i’ve  warned  you,  it’s  all  fair  and  even.  ❞

❝  you  do  hate  me,  don’t  you?  ❞

❝  i  hate  you  so  much,  i  think  i’m  going  to  die  from  it.  ❞

❝  you  two  kids  love  each  other  pretty  terribly,  don’t  you?  ❞

❝  it’s  the  most  curious  love-hate  pattern  i  have  ever  had  the  privilege  of  witnessing.  ❞

❝  as  long  as  you’re  as  sick  in  the  head  as  you  are  about  her,  you’re  not  going  to  be  able  to  think  about  anything  clearly.  ❞

❝  only  frustrated  people  smoke  too  much.  ❞

❝  i  can  never  get  a  zipper  to  close.  maybe  that  stands  for  something.  what  do  you  think?  ❞

❝  there’s  never  been  anybody  but  you  and  me.  ❞

❝  all  those  things  i  did  were  just  to  make  you  jealous.  ❞

           assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  katya  and  trixie’s  iconic  youtube  series  (  which  may  also  include  lines  from  their  i  like  to  watch  series  ).  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary. 

❝  i love myself, but i don’t like the way that i am.  ❞

❝  have you ever woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, thinking everyone is going to discover that you’re a fraud ?  i do this twice a week. ❞ 

❝  straight people are sick.  ❞

❝  i act out scenes at my table, and i made myself cry three times yesterday.  ❞

❝  no aspirations, no goals, no ambition . . . no bras, no panties.  ❞

❝  i lie about saying that i’m fine when i’m literally dying.  ❞

❝  you know what i still love doing ?  french kissing my hand.  ❞

❝  that little bit of human touch you just provided for me right now ?  it’s got me incredibly lonely.   ❞

❝  you liked to be dressed as the red flag you are.  ❞

❝  i am so distracted by how good i look right now.  ❞

❝  if you were straight, it would be awful.  ❞

❝  doesn’t this feel like a boob ?  ❞ 

❝  i know what to do with my life, i just don’t do it.  ❞

❝  smoking is disgusting, don’t do it . . . and it’s my favorite thing to do.  ❞

❝  if you marry your stepdad, do you become your own mom ?  ❞ 

❝  what a sad life you live, old man in wig.  ❞

❝  have you ever turned your wake into a kissing booth  ?  ❞

❝  i think we should quit while we’re ahead.  ❞

❝  why can’t you let people live, you piece of shit  ?  ❞ 

❝  are you a resolutions kind of girl ?  ❞ 

❝  i’m just trying to psychically, spiritually, and fashionably branch out.  ❞

❝  please don’t eat in my car, sir.  ❞

❝  you don’t know what i got, and i cut it half so there’s two of ‘em.  ❞

❝  you make your bed everyday ? that’s funny, because i saw your bed the other day when i was in your apartment, and it was not made.  ❞ 

❝  i invite you into my home, and you come to scope out my chores ?  ❞ 

❝  yes, vegan means you can wear things in the shower.  ❞

❝  before we start on this topic, i just want to acknowledge that i look great. and i just want to point this out, because you never do.  ❞

❝  when i’m embarrassed, i want to stand in front of a pipe that’s going to melt my skin off.  ❞

❝  nowadays i could piss my pants onstage and not get embarrassed.  ❞

❝  i know what you did last summer, but i just don’t give a shit.  ❞

❝  underwear: no one sees them, so why wear ‘em ?  ❞ 

❝  well, i wasn’t doing carbon dating on the dick.  ❞

             assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  iconic  tv  show  ; mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  i am going to find the thing you care about most, and i am going to kill it.  ❞

❝  you should never tell a psychopath that they are a psychopath, it upsets them.  ❞

❝  it’s amazing how efficient things are when you’re a dick to people.  ❞

❝  you should really ask before you touch a person.  ❞

❝  it’s going to be hard to trust me again, but i will prove myself to you. i promise.  ❞

❝  i’m going to kill you nicely, but then i’m going to make a mess of your body afterwards so it looks worse than it is.  ❞

❝  letting yourself into my apartment and drinking from a tiny cup doesn’t make you intimidating, by the way. it’s just rude.  ❞

❝  i just can’t bring myself to book a good hotel. i rather like the grubby ones.  ❞

❝  i think about you all the time.  ❞

❝  i think about what you’re wearing and what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with. i think about what friends you have.  ❞

❝  i think about your eyes and your mouth and what you feel when you kill somebody.  ❞

❝  i masturbate about you a lot.  ❞

❝  can we get one thing clear before we go on with this ? is that a sweater attached to a shirt ? is two separate pieces ? how does it work ?   ❞ 

❝  she’s outsmarting the smartest of us, and for that, she deserves to do or kill whoever the hell she wants.   ❞

❝  if she’s not killing me, then frankly, it’s not my job to care anymore.  ❞

❝  it is disappointing that the mole is the one who looks most like a rodent.  ❞  

❝  are you running or are you crying ?   ❞ 

❝  no matter what i do, i just feel nothing.  ❞

❝  sometimes when you love someone, you do crazy things. ❞

❝  i have lost two jobs, a husband, and a best friend because of you. ❞

❝  but you got some really nice clothes out of it, so. ❞

❝  god, you’re an asshole.  ❞

❝  you’re getting off on sniffing out a psycho.  ❞

❝  i’m spontaneously violent.  ❞

❝  i mean, they all die in the end anyway.  ❞

❝  i don’t want to hear what your version of the right reason is.  ❞

❝  we’re not after blood, we’re after information.  ❞

❝  it was always the ones i liked the last that i loved the most.  ❞

❝  how much of the day do you spend thinking about her ? ❞  

❝  i bet your kids are ugly. ❞

❝  why do rich people talk like children ?  ❞

❝  smell ya later.  ❞

❝  don’t speak to me like that. i like you, but not that much.  ❞

❝  don’t forget, the only thing that makes you interesting is me.  ❞

❝  i just want to have dinner with you !  ❞ 

❝  you’ll feel better soon, i’ll look after you.  ❞

❝  for my funeral, make sure they choose a flattering photo.  ❞

❝  you want me to be a mess, you want me to be scared, but i’m like you now.  ❞

❝  i’m not afraid of anything.  ❞

❝  you look like someone stuck a mustache on some fudge.  ❞

❝  i just want someone to play with.  ❞

❝  i thought you were special.  ❞

❝  i hope you like missionary !  ❞

❝  you should let yourself go once in awhile. i can help you.  ❞

❝  i feel things when i’m with you.  ❞

❝  you’re not family.  ❞

❝  it’s okay if you feel weird. you just killed someone for the first time.  ❞

❝  we have to stop running into each other like that. it’s not good for us.  ❞

❝  when i try and think of my future, i just see your face over and over again.  ❞

❝  i guess we both killed them. isn’t that romantic ?  ❞

            assorted  quotes  &  prompts  of  lyrics  from  their  last  few  singles  because  i’m  bored  ;  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  i can’t remember when we met, because you didn’t have a top on.  ❞

❝  can i take you for a drink ?  ❞

❝  i’m gonna have to think, because we’re mates, it doesn’t feel right.  ❞

❝  you’re the one that makes me feel alright.  ❞

❝  i’ve been in love with her for ages.  ❞

❝  i just can’t seem to get it right.  ❞

❝  i fell in love with her in stages, my whole life.  ❞

❝  i had a dream where we had kids.  ❞

❝  it was shit but we were happy.  ❞

❝  oh, it’s okay, lots of people think i’m gay.  ❞

❝  we’re friends, so it’s cool, why would it not be ?  ❞

❝  there’s been no way for me to say that i felt a certain way.  ❞

❝  i think our story needs more pages.  ❞

❝  i’ve been in love with you for ages.  ❞

❝  now i’m clean, it would seem.  ❞

❝  seen your friends at the birthday party, they were kind of fucked up before it even started.  ❞

❝  i was wasted and cold.  ❞

❝  do you wanna come and get fucked up ? ❞  

❝  i got myself a missus, so there can’t be any kissing.  ❞

❝  it’s all adderall now, it doesn’t make you wanna do it.  ❞

❝  this ain’t going well. ❞

❝  i thought i was stuck in hell. ❞

❝  you pulled away when i went in for the kiss. ❞

❝  you put the tap on to cover up the sound of your piss.  ❞

❝  after four years, don’t you think i’m over all this ?  ❞

❝  that’s rich for a man who can’t shit in a hotel room he’s gotta share for a bit.  ❞

❝  does it go through you when i’m talking to you ?  ❞

❝  you know that i could sue you if we’re married and you fuck up again.  ❞

❝  i depend on my friends to stay clean, as sad as it seems.  ❞

❝  i’ve been wearing nothing every time i call you, and i’m starting to feel weird about it.  ❞

❝  i think i’m gonna drink through it. ❞

❝  i don’t think that i should be calling all the time.  ❞

❝  i just wanted a happy ending.  ❞

❝  i’m soft in that department.  ❞

❝  right then i realized, you’re the love of my life.  ❞

❝  the moment that you took my hand was the best thing that ever happened.  ❞

❝  you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.  ❞

             assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  iconic  tv  show  that  deserved  better  ; mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  consider your tv liam neeson’s daughter, because this bitch is taken.  ❞

❝  i’m gonna go bawl my eyes out, and then i will be back to physically fight you.  ❞

❝  these straight folks are bringing me down.  ❞

❝  i can spin this, which is why everyone at work calls me the old spinster.  ❞

❝  hello, countess von boobs.  ❞

❝  my secret is so big that just the tip will be enough.  ❞

❝  hey, forgetti and meatballs, jason bourne called and said he remember more stuff than you.  ❞

❝  i wouldn’t say we spend that much time together. just breakfast four or five times a week before work.  ❞

❝  as the author of several dozen cries for help, i know a good one when i hear one.  ❞

❝  i don’t have to be in charge, though it’s better when i am.  ❞

❝  you’re not even instagramming anymore. you haven’t posted a picture of an appetizer in a week.  ❞

❝  you’re one of my oldest friends, but if we met now, we’d be enemies.  ❞

❝  i realized what turns you on most is people agreeing with you.  ❞

❝  i know you didn’t want me at your couples night, but what you didn’t count on was the extent of my loneliness.  ❞

❝  i can’t believe my love of rational business plans is clashing with my love of clandestine love affairs.  ❞

❝  i am deeply hurt that you do not know me well enough to know that i would screw this up for you. ❞  

❝  you’ve been playing a lot of guitar lately. some would say too much. i would say too much.  ❞

❝  you lightly bite one security guard, and they act like you’re a criminal.  ❞

❝  i’m not controlling, i’m just aggressively helpful. ❞

❝  as someone who’s dated enough gay guys to earn the nickname ‘will she ever learn’... ❞

❝  i’m not as dumb as i am. ❞

❝  i once saw you put sunscreen on a grape because you didn’t want it to become a raisin.  ❞

❝  i don’t have time to break out the slow cooker and make apology pork loin with a side of super sorry glaze.  ❞

❝  i hate being humiliated, unless it’s on my terms with a safe word.  ❞

❝  i’m not pretending i’m pregnant anymore, this is not eighth grade gym class.  ❞

❝  that is the worst sangria mouth i’ve ever seen.  ❞

❝  is this the same person who things the tv and computer are friends ?  ❞ 

❝  nobody calls me ‘the guy who diffuses tense situations with unexpected compliments’ but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. by the way, have your fingers lost weight ?  ❞ 

❝  you’re going to make me talk about feelings ? ugh, fine. blah blah blah, you’re a great girl, blah blah blah, you’re going to meet a great guy. ❞ 

❝  none of us has made a new friend in, like, eleven years.  ❞

              assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  iconic  tv  show  ; mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  the only person i’d run through the airport for is you.  ❞

❝  we are bad feminists.  ❞

❝  i’m not obsessed with sex, i just can’t stop thinking about it.  ❞

❝  when did you realize you were so good looking ?  ❞

❝  i masturbate a lot these days. especially when i’m bored. or upset. or angry. or happy.  ❞

❝  chic means boring, don’t tell the french.  ❞

❝  he’s one of those men that’s explosively sexually inappropriate with everyone, but makes you feel bad if you take offense because he was just being fun.  ❞

❝  i did a fart the other day that was exactly like my mom’s.  ❞

❝  truly, i just want to cry. all the time.  ❞

❝  somehow there isn't anything worse than someone who doesn't want to fuck me.  ❞

❝  there's always a stage when someone's falling in love with you that they lose their erection. the blood rushes from their dick to their heart.  ❞

❝  i like that you believe in a meaningless existence.  ❞

❝  this is a love story.  ❞

❝  it’s very intense. it’s very quiet. it’s very erotic.  ❞

❝  oh my god, we’re going to have sex.  ❞

❝  we’re going to have sex, aren’t we ?  ❞  

❝  either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or i am completely fucking alone.   ❞

❝  nobody’s asked me a question in forty five minutes.  ❞

❝  i just think i want someone to tell me how to live my life, because so far i think i’ve been getting it wrong.  ❞

❝  i think you know how to love better than any of us.  ❞

❝  i can’t have sex with you, because i’ll fall in love with you. ❞

❝  if i fall in love with you, i won’t burst into flames, but my life will be fucked.  ❞

❝  love isn’t something that weak people do.  ❞

❝  when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.  ❞

❝  i sometimes worry that i wouldn’t be such a feminist if i had bigger tits.  ❞

❝  i don’t know what to do with all the love i have for her, i don’t know where to put it.  ❞

❝  well, fuck you then.  ❞

❝  you know, the worst thing is that i fucking love you.  ❞

❝  women are born with pain built in. we carry it within ourselves. ❞

❝  the next person who talks in here is getting ridden to death.  ❞

❝  i don’t know how to talk to babies, sorry.  ❞

❝  don’t make me an optimist, you will ruin my life.  ❞

❝  putting pine nuts on your salad doesn’t make you a grown up.  ❞

❝  listen, people are all we’ve got.  ❞

❝  grab the night by the nipples and go and flirt with someone.  ❞

❝  i wish you were my type.  ❞

❝  you better start sleeping with a lawyer.  ❞ 

❝  what’s your favorite period film ?  ❞ 

❝  you really do look ghastly, darling.  ❞ 

❝  it’s a sad, sad day. i’ll get the champagne.  ❞ 

❝  i thought you’d be in prison by now.  ❞ 

             assorted  lyrics  from  father  john  misty’s  discography  ; mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  my love, you’re the one i want to watch this ship go down with.  ❞

❝  everything is doomed, and nothing will be spared.   ❞

❝  i love you, honey bear.  ❞

❝  don’t they see the darkness rising ?  ❞ 

❝  people are boring, but you’re something else completely.  ❞

❝  damn, let’s take our chances.  ❞

❝  dating for twenty years just feels pretty civilian.  ❞

❝  you’re something else i can’t explain.  ❞ 

❝  take my last name.  ❞

❝  i haven’t hated all the same things as somebody else since i remember.  ❞

❝  what are you doing for your whole life ?  ❞ 

❝  there’s no need to fear me.  ❞

❝  i can hardly believe i’ve found you and i’m terrified by that.  ❞ 

❝  that’s how you live free: truly see and be seen.  ❞

❝  if you try that cat-and-mouse shit, you’ll get bitten.  ❞

❝  why the long face, blondie ? i’m already taken.  ❞  

❝  i’ve said awful things, such awful things.  ❞ 

❝  no one ever really knows you and life is brief.  ❞

❝  so i’ve heard, but what’s that gotta do with this black hole in me ?  ❞ 

❝  maybe love is just an economy based on resource scarcity.  ❞

❝  but what i fail to see is what that’s gotta do with you and me.  ❞

❝  i can hardly believe i’ve found you and i’m terrified by that.  ❞ 

❝  love is just an institution based on human frailty.  ❞

❝  she says, like, literally music is the air she breathes.  ❞

❝  someone’s been told one too many times that they’re wise beyond their years.  ❞  

❝  i’m feeling good, damn, i’m feeling so fine.  ❞

❝  don’t be alarmed, this is just my vibe.  ❞ 

❝  those aren’t extras in a movie, they’re our clientele.  ❞

❝  perhaps you shouldn’t drink alone.  ❞

❝  i’m just dumb enough to try to keep you in my life for a little while longer.  ❞ 

❝  i’'ll take it easy with the morbid stuff.  ❞ 

❝  honey, i’m worried about you. put yourself in my shoes.  ❞

❝  you’re too much to lose.  ❞

❝  you’re all that i have.  ❞  

              assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  the  film  ; mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

❝  you’ve got thirty of my fucking seconds. thrill me.  ❞

❝  i peed on the corpse. can they get identification from that ?  ❞

❝  i’m sorry, you peed on what ?  ❞ 

❝  why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse ?!  ❞

❝  i shot him with a small revolver i keep near my balls.  ❞

❝  merry christmas, sorry i fucked you over.  ❞

❝  look up idiot in the dictionary, and you know what you’ll find ? the definition of idiot, which you fucking are !  ❞

❝  i’m going to be an actress.  ❞

❝  like most soon to be fucked up girls, she was wicked smart.  ❞

❝  i’m wetter than drew barrymore at a grunge club.  ❞

❝  do not think, just walk the fuck away.  ❞

❝  look around, there’s younger and better.  ❞

❝  i don’t want younger and better. i want you.  ❞

❝  did you father ever love you ?  ❞ 

❝  sorry, i swear a lot.  ❞

❝  i killed him, didn’t i ?  ❞ 

❝  what, do you think i’m stupid ?  ❞ 

❝  i think you wouldn’t know how to feed yourself if you didn’t flap your mouth so much.   ❞

❝  go home before something bad happens to you.  ❞

❝  are you threatening me ?  ❞

❝  moron, go home before the bad guys do something to you.  ❞

❝  i’ve never finished anything that i started in my entire life.  ❞

❝  i have this thing where somewhere down the middle, i cut and run.  ❞

❝  you don’t get it, do you ? this isn’t good cop, bad cop.  ❞

❝  is she dead ? no, she’s just resting her eyes.  ❞

❝  that’s pretty fuckin’ obscure, man.  ❞ 

❝  your mouth is a recommended place to put a sock.  ❞

❝  i grabbed your tit, it’s a fucking biggie !  ❞

❝  fuck off, don’t be a schmuck.  ❞

❝  good morning, elmo, what’s in your basket ?  ❞

❝  by now you may wonder how i ended up here. or maybe not. maybe you wonder how silly putty picks up shit from comic books.  ❞

❝  you put a live round in that gun ?  ❞

❝  there was like an eight percent chance . . .  ❞

❝  who the fuck taught you math ?  ❞

❝  there’s an empty table over there. i hear it’s a recommended cheeseball hang out.  ❞

❝  the other reindeer just laughed at him. then, out of the blue, they need him.  ❞

❝  go. sleep badly.  ❞

❝  what, fuckhead ? who taught you grammar ?  badly is an adverb.  ❞

              assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  the  tv  show  ; mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

“  i don’t need friends, i need more champagne.  ”

“  people like me don’t write books, we’re written about.  ”

“  three words, eight letters. say it, and i’m yours.  ”

“  you can’t make people love you, but you can make them fear you.  ”

“  if you’re going to be sad, you might as well be sad in paris.  ”

“  maybe i am a total bitch. ever think about that  ?  ”

“  stop trying to pretend like you’re a good girl.  ”

“  you were the lightest thing that ever came into my life.  ”

“  there’s a difference between a great love and the right love.  ”

“  i’m sorry i didn’t tell you that i loved you when i knew i did.  ”

“  what we’re entitled to is a trust fund, a house in the hamptons, but happiness does not seem to be on the menu.  ”

“  your eyes are doing that thing where they don’t match your mouth.  ”

“  i wasn’t aware that robots got jealous. did they update your software while i was away  ?  ”

“  you really know how to hurt people. i admire you for it.  ”

“  don’t you see we’re the same  ?  stop trying to fight it.  ”

“  did you have a reason for coming here to see me  ?  because if you want to insult me, there’s a website you can go to.  ”

“  only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.  ”

“  the worst thing you’ve ever done, the darkest thing you’ve ever had, i will stand by you through anything.  ”

“  i would say get a room, but yours is right above mine. please remember that.  ”

“  maybe you just want me to be as unhappy as you are.  ”

“  look down deep into the soul i know you have, and tell me if what you feel is real or if it’s just a game.  ”

“  i love her, and i can’t make her happy.  ”

“  everywhere i went, you caught up with me.  ”

“  you forget one thing: sleeping with the enemy is hot.  ”

“  we’re your best friends. anything you did is something we’ve done too.  ”

“  just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean i don’t love you.  ”

“  i haven’t slept, i feel sick, like there’s something in my stomach fluttering.  ”

“  we do belong together. we’re both sick and twisted.  ”

“  your world would be easier if i didn’t come back.  ”

“  it wouldn’t be my world without you in it.  ”

“  i don’t think about you at all.  ”

“  once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they can settle for catfish.  ”

“  i’m sorry i gave up on us when you never did.  ”

“  i think they’re in a fight over who loves each other more.  ”

“  you don’t get nearly enough credit for your wit.  ”

“  i’m going to get drunk enough to make you seem interesting.  ”

“  i never thought the worst thing you could do would be to me.  ”

                assorted  quotes  &  prompts  from  the  netflix  series  ;  mature  content  and  language  may  be  used,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary.

“  the universe is trying to fuck with me, and i refuse to engage.  ”

“  it’s my bad attitude that keeps me young.  ”

“  who loves drugs more than me ?  ”

“  humanity  —  a little bit overrated, no ? ”

“   sexualizing self-hatred is the hallmark of any relationship.  ”

“  i love that you’re a cunt. it makes me feel morally superior. ”

“  i don’t know what i’m doing. i was gonna go home and fuck this guy, but now i just feel so profoundly empty.  ”

“  you are serial killer calm.  ”

“  life is a fucking nightmare, right ?  being a person is a fucking nightmare.  ”

“  do guys like blow jobs, or is that just a rumor ?   ”

“  if i killed somebody, i’d do something cool, like move to mexico and start a band. ”

“ hey man, didn’t you get the news  ? we’re about to die. ”

“  doesn’t matter, i die all the time.  ”

“ this kid just gave me the finger. she’s perfect !  ”

“  well, looks like someone just threw a gauntlet right into my puss-puss.  ”

“ nothing in the world is easy, except pissing in the shower. ”

“  thank you for changing my life. lives are hard to change.  ”

“  buildings aren’t haunted, people are.  ”

“  you were this tiny seed buried in darkness, fighting your way to the light. ”  

“  you wanted to live. it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. ”  

“  i look at you now, chasing down death at every corner. where is that gorgeous piece of you pushing to be part of this world ? ”  

“  she calls you the gingerbread man.  ”

“  you promise i’ll be happy  ?  ”

“ i can promise you that you will never be alone.  ”

“  nobody chooses me. i’m the hole where a choice should be.  ”

“  holding two incompatible ideas in your head at the same time and accepting both of them ---  that’s the best of being human.  ”

“  i’m the abyss !  ”

“  this isn’t gonna be very fun if you keep rejecting my theories.  ”

“  i’m interested in plagiarism as an art form.  ”

“  i thought you were a real sick fuck, but i see you’re pretty deep, actually.  ”

“  i gave every person here an opportunity to tell me i’m a bad person. nobody did it, because i fucking rule.  ”

“  i don’t want to be attached to anyone.  ”

                    a  collection  of  lines  from  the  amc  tv  show  ;  mature  content  may  be  used,  and  as  always,  feel  free  to  adjust  as  applicable. 

‘  if you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation.  ’

‘  sometimes we don’t get to choose where our talents lie.  ’

‘  of course i love you. i’m giving up my life to be with you, aren’t i ?  ’ 

‘  if they’ve tried to make you feel that you’re different from them, you are. and that’s a good way to be.  ’

‘  you think i’d make a good ex-wife ?  ’

‘  the reason you haven’t felt love is because it doesn’t exist.  ’

‘  love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.  ’

‘  they don’t know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.  ’

‘  this never happened. it will shock you how much this never happened.  ’

‘  i feel bad for you.  ’

‘  i don’t think about you at all.  ’

‘  someday you’ll be glad i made this decision.  ’

‘  it’s so simple when it’s someone else’s life.  ’ 

‘  it’s easy to give up something when you’re ashamed.  ’

‘  i’d say go to hell, but i never want to see you again.  ’

‘  am i the only one who can drink and work at the same time  ?  ’

‘  i’m glad this is an environment where you feel free to fail.  ’

‘  i hope she knows that you only like the beginnings of things.  ’

‘  i told him to be himself. that was pretty mean, i guess.  ’

‘  you old men love building golden tombs and sealing the rest of us in with you.  ’

‘  i know everything about you, and i still love you.  ’

‘  every time i look back, all the good stuff was with you.  ’

‘  did you ever think about the number of things that had to happen for me to get to know you  ?  ’ 

‘  you’re all so cynical. you don’t smile, you smirk.  ’

‘  i married you, and i’m going to be with you ‘til i die . . . which could be this afternoon.  ’

‘  you are the finest piece of ass i’ve ever had, and i don’t care who knows it.  ’

‘  i’ve got to learn a lot of people’s names before i fire them.  ’ 

‘  you love stirring the shit.  ’ 

‘  i’m not a solution to your problems. i’m another problem.  ’ 

‘  why does everybody need to talk about everything  ?   ’ 

‘  if i’m going to die, i’m going to die in manhattan.  ’

‘  men don’t take the time to end things. they ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate.  ’

‘  you know you’re cute as hell.  ’

‘  you’re not dying for me because i never liked you.  ’ 

‘  not every little girl gets to do what they want. the world could not support that many ballerinas.  ’ 

‘  i worry about a lot of things, but i don’t worry about you.  ’ 

‘  not to get too deep before cocktail hour, but do i need to remind you of the finite nature of life  ?  ’

‘  i think about how you came into my life, and how you drove me crazy. now i don’t even know what to do with myself because all i want to do is be with you.  ’

‘  you make everything okay. you always do, no matter what.  ’

‘  what did you ever do that was so bad  ?  ’

‘  check your calendar for valentine’s day: masturbate gloomily.  ’

‘  don’t be a stranger.  ’

‘  my god, you’re so square you’ve got corners.  ’