hm
You’ve successfully made it another year at not trying to die this time. I can’t honestly say that us at 17 would have been happier or worse at this point in our lives, but I guess instead of teenager angst and not understating the deep desire to end it all would be so heavy everyday would ever be our life. Or developing an alcohol addiction, didn’t really realize we were gonna turn into our dad so early in our life, but I guess it has to start somewhere. There’s nothing to reflect on other than “hey, we didn’t try to kill ourselves this year!” I’m not sure if that’s really an accomplishment. It doesn’t really feel like a win to be honest, life doesn’t feel that great at the moment or any moment to be quite honest. Sure we have pockets of happiness that will hit us at some points, but overall everyday I open my eyes I genuinely feel like it’s the worst day of my life. We’re annoying as ever except now it’s becoming apparent and your friends and family defintely do not want to put up with your shit anymore. It’s okay to be alone and we need to really embrace that, we will always be that same little kid who no one wanted to be around and we just need to accept it. Even if it’s at the end of a can of beer or end of a drag of a cigarette or the never ending desire to slit my wrists again. So, I guess here’s to the last couple years of our 20s, here’s to making it this far, to finding a career, to letting our mental illness continue to kill us and hopefully one day, successfully we will succeed and I can stop bothering so many people. It’s always been too loud with us around, everyone deserve some quiet.





















