Cole Cash Enthusiast

Gender neutral reader

Tw: self hatred, past sh mention, sh urges, past cutting

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was that time of the night again. The time your brain took over and told you every little thing that was wrong about yourself. Where your brain tells you how better off the world would be without you. You know how it is. Its fine. Or it was. Until you started getting the stupud urge for release again. You told yourself it would be fine. That you could get through it. But you knew you couldnt.... the last time this happened well... Cole had come home to you in a bathtub covered in blood and cuts. It broke his heart.

You dont want to hurt him again you realy dontbut with him not being home and you being all by yourself.... it was too much. You just wanted to cry. So you did. You sat in the corner and cried for who knows how long all while staring at that stupud knife Cole had hanging on the wall.

It was one of the only knives Cole didnt keep on him. A stupid bowie knife. Perfect for cutting. Just one cut thats all you needed.... cmon y/n.....just one...

You heard the window open suddenly and panicked sobbing even louder when you realised Cole had come home and would see you like this. You wiped at your face trying to clean the evidence off but he saw it immediatly. He quickly dropped his bag and ran to you getting down on his knees and carefull holding your face in his warm hands.

"Y/n, sweetie whats wrong baby?" He said obviously panicking. "Are you okay?"

That made you let out an even louder choked sob. You lunged towards him and wrapped your arms around him.

"Oh sweetheart its okay im here baby im here." He reasured you while rubbing one hand up and down your back soothing and holding your head against himself with his other hand.

"I need you to tell me whats wrong honey. I want to help pkease let me help you." He held you tighter and layed a kiss on the top of your head.

You looked up at him and choked a little. You tried to speak but it didnt want to come out so instead you motioned with your hands towards the knife and too your scars on your arms.

"Oh...oh honey..its okay im here. Ive got you. You dont have to think about that no more." He said before picking you up and placing you on the bed "stay here for just a second okay? I just need to go get something ill be right back baby doll."

You waited dor him to come back and squirmed on the bed trying to keep your urges at bay. When he finally came back he had a warm danp wash cloth in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. He kneeled down infront of you and started wiping gently at your face cleaning up the tears. After he wad finished he handed you the water bottle.

"Here darlin. You should probably drink some water" he sat down beside you and hugged you to him while whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He watched you drink the water and then took it from you and set it on the nightstand when you were finished.

"Talk to me baby. Please." He looked at you pleadingly trying to get you to talk to him.

"You know for the big bad Grifter your pretty soft" you said with a light hearted chuckle.

"Y/n baby im always soft for you. Always"

You smiled at that and hugged him. You were feeling a little bit better now that he was here with you. "Cuddles baby?" He asked.

You nodded and layed down under the blanket and wait for him to join you. He got up for a second and took his gear and shirt off and layed down next to you in just his cargo pants. You immediatly cuddled up to him and let him hold you. It was always nice feeling him do that. The warmth he gave off and the smell that could only be his was always good at calming you down.

He smiled down at you and said "feeling any better baby?" You nodded and poked his nose which made him let out a small chuckle.

"I love you i promise im always hear for you okay?" He said holding your face so you were looking at him.

"Okay." you said and smiled before laying you head on his chest and slowly drifted to sleep your troubles slowly fleeing from your brain while your pillow of a boyfriend stroked his fingers through your hair and hummed for you.

~~~~~~~~