in a forgotten dream…

In youth, we carry an unwritten faith that the world honors its own beauty. We assume that if someone possesses brilliance, kindness, or a creative soul, life will naturally bend in their favor. Then, the world introduces us to reality. We see exquisite minds lost in isolation, immense talent obscured by shadow, and gentle hearts left broken. We learn that genius often walks hand-in-hand with a profound, quiet despair. To realize this is to watch a fundamental light go out; it is less an education, and more a grieving for the world we thought we knew.

Hope, joy, and ambition are just temporary interruptions. The moment silence returns, so do I, falling back into the persistent rhythm of my depression, weighted by guilt and an endless, aching absence.

God, why was I born? My life has been filled with nothing but pain and loneliness. Not once have I ever known true peace within myself. I have lived in a personal hell, watching everything I cherished and everyone I loved slowly leave me behind. I loved too deeply and cared too much, until I lost myself completely. I tried so hard, yet I was never enough. It is my own sensitivity, my stupidity, my cowardice,.. whatever remains of this thing that no longer feels human that ruined my life. Every night, I beg for release. I cry out to the God of Heaven, asking Him to take me away, to tear apart the last fragments of this unwanted resilience and free me from this earthly hell. Yet my prayers are met only with silence, as though this suffering is some punishment I was destined to endure. I am in so much pain that even my tears dried up long ago. There is nothing left for me to hold onto. Only this stubborn resilience keeps me here. And if that disappears too, then you will know there is nothing left to stop me, nothing left that could convince me to stay, because I have already made peace with Death.