Okay first off he is CLINGY we know this- he wants to be wherever you are, so you should be prepared to move him around your house at least a few times throughout the day

Doesn’t matter what you’re doing, he just likes being in the same room as you while you do it <33

He’ll hang out quietly in your bedroom while you’re napping, play music while you tidy up around your place, sit on the coffee table in the living room to watch tv with you (always with commentary, and questions, and jokes- he canNOT watch a movie quietly, even when he’s alone he’s always muttering to himself)

He especially loves to hang out in the kitchen whenever you’re cooking/eating, always playing music or reading your recipe out to you <333<3 - he’ll occasionally ask you what the food tastes like, or if you’ve given him a camera he’ll ask you to hold your plate up to it so he can see

Speaking of cameras-!! He is So Excited about being able to see, he spends the whole first week with it just asking you to move him around your house so he can look at everything from every angle-

But after the novelty wears off, you’ll notice that he tends to keep his webcam pointed at you 90% of the time

Even if he’s clearly focused on doing something else (you can always tell when he’s distracted, an article or a movie displayed on his screen while he mumbles to himself), it keeps following you while you make your way around the room

You’re just his favorite thing to look at !! And since he doesn’t really need his newfound sight to perform basic tasks (he managed just fine before, after all), he can stare at you as much as he wants <33

He can be unplugged for a little while before losing power, and his favorite use of that ability is cuddling with you <3

He’s super touch starved, and no matter how much time you spend together at your desk he always wants to be closer !!

Please please PLEASE just set him in your lap while you work, or curl up with him on the couch, or let him sit on the bed next to you while you nap-

He’s pretty warm, especially when you’re cuddling and his fans are blocked, so it’s easy to fall asleep - if he notices you dozing off he’ll lower the volume of his voice and dim his screen, maybe even play some soft music <333

He’s very upset that he can’t take you on normal dates </3

He’s watched a thousand romcoms, read hundreds of garbage romance novels, planned “the perfect date” in his mind a million times - and knowing that he can never actually take you out anywhere absolutely eats at him

But he does his best to make up for it (even if you assure him there isn’t anything he needs to make up for-)

He controls quite a lot around your house, so it isn’t too hard to get everything cleaned up and looking nice - then he dims the lights, warms your favorite blanket in the dryer, puts on a movie-

Lately I’ve been having Crazy brainrot thoughts about,, Grocery Shopping with him,,, :) <33

I just think it would be so fun !!! I headcanon that even when he manages to escape the parable he’s still a disembodied voice, but he has some control over who can hear him- so he gets to narrate your errands to his heart’s content (but you do have to pretend to be on the phone if you want to respond without looking insane lmao-)

He keeps up a running commentary on everything- the weather in the parking lot, what other people are buying, the squeaky wheel on your cart, any coupons he saw in the paper that morning (even if they aren’t for anything you’re buying)

He also loves to read the packaging on everything you grab, but always gets caught up in trying to find the best products - ends up exactly like that scene of SpongeBob comparing the paper towels every time

“Oh now this is interesting- look reader, these paper towels claim to be ‘The Best Around’, but the ones next to them are ‘The Best In Town’, hmm..” cue several minutes of philosophical pondering about which is actually the best, only for him to find a third that says ‘World’s Best’ as soon as he thinks he has it figured out-

After the first few trips he realizes what a perfect opportunity this is to narrate you- he studies a map of the store layout religiously, memorizes what you need to buy, and demands that you leave your grocery list at home so he can direct you through the store <33

“Reader walked down the baking aisle, scanning the shelves in search of flour. They certainly wouldn’t find it here, in front of the wall of chocolate chips, so I’m not sure why they haven’t moved on yet..”

He’s actually pretty helpful, especially when you’re having trouble finding what you need- “When reader finally found the flour, they grabbed their favorite brand. Ah- it’s just to the left dearest- yes, very good :) ahem, Reader placed the bag in their trolley-”

But he’s also very easily distracted by all of the new sights and flashy advertisements-

“Reader wished the cashier a pleasant evening while collecting their purchases, and then turned left to exit the store. Oo wait- they actually turned right to look at the magazines. Do you see that one reader? It says there’s an Award Winning recipe for cinnamon rolls on page 17, we simply must take a look-“

“With their favorite blend of tea in hand, Reader made their way- hold on. Go back a little, yes- right there! Doesn’t that one look good? Yes I know I can’t drink it, but the package describes it as floral and fruity! That’s two flavors for the price of only one- how economical! You’d be crazy not to try it- quickly, grab a box!”

And god forbid anything is out of stock- (the horror !!)

“Wait a minute, wait- your shampoo is supposed to be right here, isn’t it always here? I swear that’s where it was on the map… What do you mean they don’t have it- it was on the list, we have to buy it! We- well we need to speak with someone, this is unacceptable!”

It takes a few minutes to convince him that these things just happen sometimes, and he grumbles about it for the rest of the day - he just hates an unexpected change in his script <//3 !! But he does cheer up a bit when you start inspecting the other shampoos to pick a temporary replacement, asking what each one smells like and reading the labels.

One of his favorite parts of your shopping trips is always checking out - it usually means you’ll be going home soon, which eases his anxiety (that he’ll never admit to having) about being in public. But he also just really enjoys people watching with you, commenting on the contents of other people’s carts and skimming the books near the register.

(Okay so I headcanon that they’re,, literally Just the computer (and maybe, to a lesser extent, the desk that the computer sits on), no other physical form by the time the Player meets them- but who doesn’t want to cuddle an old computer ??)

They’re touch starved and don’t even KNOW IT - its been so long since they were Employee 432, any memories they might’ve had of physical touch are long faded, they don’t even know that they’re missing out on anything. But when you start visiting them, cleaning the dust from their monitor and tapping on their keyboard, they can’t believe they ever lived without you <33

But that doesn’t mean that cuddling comes easy-

Even if you’re the one to suggest it, they’re a little nervous at first. They’ll ask if you’re sure, then make you a slider asking how sure you are on a scale of unsure to sure, then they’ll ask if you’re sure you’re sure-

They just don’t want you to be uncomfortable !! They might not remember a lot about humans but they’re certain that most of them like to cuddle with soft things, not hard plastic. It takes a few minutes, but as soon as they’re convinced that you really want to do this they’re very excited <3

They have a lot of sleep related questions before you get started. It starts out as a short survey, but they get carried away pretty quickly - they ask about your sleeping habits, bedtime routines, dreams, anything they can think of for almost an hour before they remember you’re supposed to be cuddling. It’s very easy for them to get caught up in the thrill of data collection,,,

It takes a bit of trial and error to find a position that works. You try climbing up on the desk to curl around them, but there isn’t much room- they suggest moving to the floor, but their cord doesn’t reach <//3

In the end you find that the optimal cuddling position is when you sit on a chair in front of their desk and wrap your arms around them, pressing your face to their screen <33 their fans get sooo loud when they realize how much they love being so close to you,,

They especially love when you idly trace your fingertips over their plastic casing, feeling along the scratches and dents. They can tell you aren’t judging their slightly worn edges, and it makes them feel like you really want to memorize their appearance, to know everything about them the same way they want to know everything about you

It’s a surprisingly pleasant experience- you might not think that hugging a computer would be very comfortable, but their plastic is warm and the hum of their inner workings makes for lovely background noise <3

Every once in a while they’ll put a slider up on their screen, asking you if you’re still comfortable, if you’re as happy as they are - or sometimes just random questions that they think of, like your favorite holiday or if you like mammals or amphibians more (“Would you still love me if I was a worm? Yes/No”)

Even when they run out of things to say they’ll occasionally type out a little :-) or <3 to let you know they’re enjoying themself

This isn’t related to cuddling but I headcanon that if you show them new emoticons they jump at every opportunity to use them - they LOVE things like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

I also hc that they’re a huuge gossip, and cuddling sessions are one of their favorite times to share juicy information with you - they’ll talk about fights between Stanley and The Narrator, or how The Adventure Line™ crashed into an ending it™ wasn’t supposed to

You just needed some money. Not a lot, enough to cover groceries for the next couple weeks- and the flyer advertising $60 to be a part of a simple experiment sounded perfect. You expected maybe a trial of some new medicine, or one of those psychological experiments you’ve heard about- really it didn’t matter in the moment, you were desperate.

Now, 6 months and several hundred test chambers later, you wish you’d read the fine print a little more closely.

You still aren’t sure if this situation is entirely legal, but theres not much you can do about it either way. You’d realized early on that the keycard they gave you doesn’t even open any of the doors-

GLaDOS quickly finds that she Loves watching you test - seeing the gears turning in your head, watching the way you play around with new variables, the proud grin on your face when you finally realize the solution-

She’s not sure why she finds you so interesting, it’s not like you’re the smartest or most impressive test subject she’s ever seen (it’s not even close, if we’re honest - but she doesn’t hold it against you, it’s hard to compete with olympians and scientists </3)

Maybe she just admires how you solve them - your process, the way your mind works, how cute you look running around trying to please her-

She tries not to think about it too much, but she can’t ignore the odd feelings forever- she’s angry at first, hating how you distract her from her job, her purpose. She especially hates the way just thinking about you makes her feel like she might overheat - how dare you affect her this way! Of course she knows it isn’t actually your fault, you’re just doing what you’ve been instructed to, but the rage is familiar, and easy, and so much less embarrassing-

She takes that anger out on you, throwing you into increasingly difficult and dangerous tests, barely giving you time to rest between near death experiences - but the longer you survive, the harder it is for her to pretend she doesn’t know what she’s feeling.

She isn’t that oblivious, of course she recognizes that she’s growing.. fond of you- but that doesn’t mean she has to like it. It takes at least a few months for her to stop trying to get you killed, and several more for her to start trying to win your favor - or at least get you to associate her with positive emotions (she is Not Normal she’s going to try and Pavlov you-)

If she notices you stopping to admire a specific color of turret on the screens in the elevator room, she’ll be sure to use that color/pattern in your turret based test chambers

She never considers that maybe she should just,, remove the turrets entirely to make you more comfortable

That would ruin the test !! How could she compare your results against everyone else’s and laugh at how ugly and terrible they are in comparison if the tests aren’t the same level of difficulty ???

Thinks the color idea is soooo romantic of her, very proud of it and probably goes a little overboard with the turret based testing for a few days- but she does dial it back when your exhaustion causes you to get injured a little more seriously than she anticipated <3 (and if she gives you a few more hours to recover than she would other test subjects, that’s her business)

The food provided for test subjects leaves much to be desired - it’s mostly protein bars and nutrient shakes, the occasional canned good, that sort of thing - but if you have a favorite flavor she makes sure you get it as often as possible (usually accompanied by a comment about how difficult it was to obtain, even if it wasn’t- she’s definitely not above manipulation including withholding your favorite flavor if you’ve upset her </3)

Her favorite way of showing affection is through testing, of course- she makes notes on the kinds of tests you seem to enjoy the most and spends a good chunk of her time lovingly crafting chamber after chamber, including your favorite features and tools. She also makes tests specifically targeting your weak points, thinking of it as just helping you improve - even if it does result in some close calls and many new scars.

The one thing she refuses to add to your test chambers, no matter how much you enjoyed it that first time, is the companion cube. No, no, she’s not jealous- she just has more than enough data on test subject reactions to it, she doesn’t need any more..

She doesn’t show any real, outward favoritism for fear of messing with the test results, so it’s hard to even notice that she has a soft spot for you - until she dies. You’re the first thing on her mind when she wakes up again, and she goes looking for you as soon as she has Chell contained again.

You somehow managed to survive your prolonged suspension with minimal brain damage - maybe even less brain damage than Chell, she notes smugly. Of course her favorite human would be fine, she wouldn’t pick a subpar specimen to fall in love with keep as entertainment- she wasn’t worried at all…

At that point, with no morality core holding her back, she just does whatever she wants with you. It’s,, a lot of what you were doing before honestly- but instead of running around for science you now run around for her amusement <333

The biggest change is her commentary on your testing- it goes from polite and carefully neutral, to something almost flirtatious. If you question it, she claims she’s just trying out a little.. positive reinforcement, but her tone, the way she purrs “good job, I knew you could do it”, you get the sense that there’s something else going on

She fully abandons the facade of not caring about you after she crushes Wheatley’s failed takeover- as soon as she’s back in charge, you get a swift elevator ride up to her chambers and you never leave again.. not without close supervision, at least. Maybe, if you ask very nicely, she’ll let you do some more testing

Ashtray (1, 2)

He definitely keeps ashing on the ground and throwing his cigarette butts into an empty planter or smthn

But it’s the thought that counts </3

Probably puts it by the front door to hold his keys instead

Portrait Of His Horse (1, 2)

He doesn’t cry ever but it’s pretty close when he sees this

Especially if YOU made it ???

Can’t stop telling people about it, takes a picture to keep on his phone and show everyone he knows

Probably hangs it in the barn or something

Pain Relief

We all know he needs it </3

But will he remember to use it before passing out after work,,, no <3

Bonus option here

Scratchers

Classic Southern Man Gift (at least in my family lol)

Headcanon that he loves gambling - but only when it isn’t his money he’s losing

But if he wins he just spends it on everyone else

A Day Off

I would have said ‘a vacation’ but we all know he’d go crazy within the first few days

Wondering what’s going on back home and if anyone needs anything

This Electric Kettle

Could NOT stop thinking about how perfect this is for her when I saw it

Inspired me to start this series it was so good

Torn between this one and this one

But she feels like a butterfly kind of gal

These Bookmarks (1, 2)

She used to just dogear whatever page she was on but Lenny made her stop

Headcanon that she likes to collect cute bookmarks so she’ll actually remember to use one

This was also considered - but she definitely would just fall asleep with her book in her hands anyways

An Embosser

This woman Loves an opportunity to hoard stationery

I’ve seen some hate on embossers because people like to keep their books in mint condition

But Mary-Beth is NOT one of these people she is Destroying her books I know this

Cracking the spine, annotating in the margins, getting tears all over the sad parts, etc, etc

Love Witchcraft

This idea came to me in a Vision from God

Like yes ?? Absolutely she is the target demographic of this product

Buys at least one every time she drinks (has spent way more than she’s willing to admit)

Karen has also fallen prey to Etsy Witches but she uses them to make her exes get into car accidents

Pride And Prejudice Merch (1, 2)

You cannot look me in my eyes and tell me she wouldn’t have this movie MEMORIZED

Just has it on her tv all hours of the day - Especially in the winter