Said a little prayer to get me through the day and apparently gods solution is to have everyone refuse???

Yeah alright!

Car made it home

If I couldn’t handle it, god wouldn’t give it to me

“I don’t think I can handle people relying on me in any way”

I have to keep reminding myself that I was not comfortable with her with the expectation of her wanting more. As she should. She should have a girlfriend that can reciprocate on her level.

it’s frustrating to know I’m probably not the one they’ll choose

I hate that I hurt her

It’s a little scary being alone

I actually feel more secure than I have in a very long time

Being told and confirmed that what happened was a big deal and was traumatizing is very comforting somehow. Like I was not able to consent. Nobody straight up told me no or stopped me. Everyone left quickly the morning after. That was genuinely the worst week of my life. And then I just had to pretend it didn’t happen so no one got uncomfortable again when it’s something I think about every single day.

Today started out the worst day ever and ended with so much peace that I’m genuinely astounded. I know his hand was in it. I’m so grateful.

I don't know when it will be the right time. aren't you sick of me yet? aren't you tired of waiting around?