Coffee&History

You are the transcendence I could feel in the empty spaces between my fingers, spaces grown cold by hands I did not hold. Every bone that had ever broken and filled with a crack, every heartbreak that had left me ravaged with holes, every sob that had run through me and left a drought, each of these, in everything that was ever missing, were spaces I had reserved for you, for you to fill, for you to live in, for you to make your home.

You were the old man at war with the sea. A sea you knew too well would not mold underneath your soft and warm fingers. A sea you were never able to contain in a bottle, a sea you could never cut through cleanly. A sea that bled white and that hollered at your touch. You loved the sea but it was never meant for you. You knew it too well already, but how could you not cause still waters to ripple? You were a stubborn old man and the sea was even more still, as old as time.

She is made up of entire galaxies, quietly suspended at the tips of her fingers. In her palms, she holds the lost moons of planets forgotten. She is the universe, rather, she is made up of it.

I. His fingers brought galaxies together,  clouds of stardust that had for too long, been too far from each other.

Sometimes the answers we think we search for, the ones we think we want, end up doing more harm than good. We don't see it though, we only want what will heal our temporary itch, our temporary anxiety, not seeing that in the grander scheme of things, knowing and not being able to forget is a greater and a longer lasting pain than not knowing and being able to move on, free from the chains. We just need time. 

Sit in silence with me. I need it. I've heard too much,  my mind has been too troubled by words. If you would just sit with me,  in this silence,  I would be at peace and I would love you.

If not escape, then what else is left? I will leave you, but I am not running away from you. I carry you everywhere with me, dear.

J'ai pour toi les mêmes sentiments qu'autrefois. L'éloignement, ton mariage, le mien n'on pu saper mon amour pour toi. Mieux, l'éloignement l'a aiguisé; le temps l'a consolidé; mon murissement l'a dépouillé; je t'aime avec puissance, mais avec raison.

Your heavy eyelids, full of secrets, fall and find their place,  shut. Your neck,  at ease, softens and cradles, your precious thoughts,  your precious dreams. In the dark,  your chest heaves, in a rhythm, mirrored by your heart.

I understand why you believe in you and the sea. And why you dismiss me and the sea. You have lived in it your whole life, it has nurtured you, and you have loved it since birth. But I, I share a violent relationship with the sea: passion, lust and hate. It took me over like a storm, and I loved it, just as fast and just as hard. You were born into it, but I gave it life.