Wandering Gaijin

I honestly can't. I miss my best friend. We should have never dated.

I lost one of my longest best friends and someone I considered my soulmate for years... over nothing and everything at the same time.

One problem snowballed into another. Instead of trying to work it out, he let the hurt fester and I refused to close the gap. We could never fully make the transition from friendship to dating work and the long distance made it worse.

I miss him. I've missed him all year since this BS started. I just want my friend back but if its this easy for him to say ok, be well I just... Idk...Was he my friend? Is he as shattered as I am? Does this even bother him? I don't know.

Insurance says I'm not at fault, thank God and that they'll cover if it's over $500....which it is according to the shop....🤦🏾‍♀️ I don't have rental coverage so I have to pay that out of pocket and its just...like the mountain of shit rn. Have to figure out who I'm asking to help me out until my next check and I HATE asking people for money. I don't do it. I've asked for help like... twice? in the last 5 years.

Cause even though I'm managing to pull imaginary money to cover this car shit... I can't do it all.... I have to pay my enrollment fee for school by Sunday, almost out of cat food, probably gonna have to pay a deposit for this rental, not to mention this expensive ass gas to drive it, and I've got a little less than $40 split between cash and a negative chime account....until next Friday....

I have already taken out all of my savings...like once gas doubled, that was it. I had to choose like do you really want to ask people for gas money or you just want to make it work for now? So I cleaned out all my shit and maxxed out my card... like I have no money at this point. I'm using like the last bit of imaginary loan money that I have from affirm and that's it... that's it until I get paid next week and until then IF I can get this rental to get to work, I'll just be living off tips, maybe I can try to find time to do some food delivery? because it won't matter what car I'm in...but I'm still trying to get through this semester and I'm already struggling in these classes.... just how the fuck are am I supposed to do this?