Jemily

garcia: for example, five minutes ago prentiss googled ‘where to buy a functional sword for five dollars’

JJ:

Emily:

Morgan:

Garcia:

Rossi: I’m gonna tell him.

Criminal Minds Parallels ~ Jemily / Simmons

cbs, if you wanted me to believe Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau aren’t IN LOVE AND MARRIED, you should have given more thought to Matthew and Kristy Simmons’ storyline (a married couple with 4 children), because now I’m like !!!!!

BONUS:

Home:

By the time she was twenty, Emily had lived in 12 different countries and spoke half as many languages fluently and if you asked her where “home” was, she would have shrugged and asked if you meant where she had been born, where she’d lived the longest, where she had liked living the best, or where she was currently living. To her, “where’s home” and “where are you from” were the exact same question with the exact same answer: “nowhere in particular”

People who’s parents hadn’t been dignitaries or military generally oo’d and aa’d at the array of experiences she’d had around the world, saying how lucky she was…and for some reason, that always made her feel a prick of annoyance. She thought maybe it was because it was said so often but deep down she knew it wasn’t. She didn’t examine the feeling though, she locked it in a box where she put all the things she didn’t want to deal with and shoved it into the back of her mind without a second thought

It wasn’t until her fifth date with JJ when the blonde casually said “you know, I don’t even know where you consider home to be” that Emily got a reaction that she never had when she rattled off the names of far off cities: sadness. JJ’s doe eyes grew soft and she had taken Emily’s hand and remarked how hard that must have been for her, to grow up without a home. Until that moment, Emily had never really thought about it like that, but that feeling that she had kept buried leapt to the surface at JJ’s words and she realized that despite all the amazing opportunities she had been afforded as an Ambassadors daughter, she had been robbed of some of the basic necessities as well

Six months after they started dating, Emily and JJ were finishing up a nice dinner and JJ absentmindedly asked whether or not they should go to a movie now. Emily had thought about it before shaking her head and saying “Let’s go home and watch a movie, I don’t have to wear pants for that”

I GOT SO MANY HEADCANONS ABOUT MY WIFE BROSEPH. SINCE YOU DIDN’T PICK A LETTER, I’M JUST GONNA FREESTYLE IT:

Her middle name is Parker which was the maiden name of her grandmother Lucy Parker, sister to Sadie Parker who would later marry Frank Doyle and become Sadie Doyle

Dodo Bellacourt is mother to Lucy and Sadie and therefore Emily’s great-grandmother (Pagetception)

Because of her ties to Bellacourt and Parker money, Emily’s mother was richer than god before she married into the wealthy Prentiss family. But the Prentiss name had political connections that the Parkers and Bellacourts did not

Emily’s best friend (and sometimes lover) in London, Mark, is a pansexual trans man she met at a queer nightclub outside London and they hit it off immediately

Emily is actually homoflexible but usually just tells people she’s a lesbian because it’s easier

Emily is demiromantic

She now has three tattoos: a large iris in colour on her upper right ribcage, the quote “Everything Is Beautiful And Nothing Hurt” from Slaughterhouse-Five just above her lower back in black calligraphy, and at JJ’s suggestion actually did get a blackbird to cover the clover brand over her heart

Emily and JJ admitted their feelings for each other FINALLY on the plane to France. JJ spent two weeks in Paris “making sure Emily was set up” but really they were just having long talks they should have had a long ass time ago and making love

Emily, JJ, and Will were in an open polyamorous triad with JJ as the pivot until JJ was like “eh, I wanna be with my wife tbh” and her and Will split amicably and Emily and Will actually got to be friends (uh, friendly acquaintances at least)

She and Fiona Duncan dated all through graduate school

She drives a BMW M4 (black, natch) and has only ever let JJ drive it. Which JJ only did once because Emily was an INSUFFERABLE passenger

She got pregnant at fifteen because she felt pressured into being accepted and being accepted meant being straight so she slept with John Cooley and got pregnant. Matthew Benton was the one that really helped her through the abortion though. That’s why John apologizes to her at the end of Demonology for not being there for her in Italy

She’s agnostic but was raised Catholic and has an intense distaste for organized Christianity (I mean, that last part is p much canon tho)

She ALWAYS goes to Sin To Win weekend in Atlantic City which takes place twice a year and started out as a way for gay high rollers to get together and drink during prohibition but now is just an invite only three day, two night queer party centered around a high stakes poker tournament

Emily is a FANTASTIC cook. Like, Rossi would be jealous she’s so good. She HATES to cook for just herself and won’t do it so she eats like a 21 year old college kid

She’s very fond of eating ready made meals designed for toddlers (chicken nuggets absolutely taste better when they’re dinosaur shaped) and sugary cereals and frankly, JJ is appalled the first time she goes to Emily’s apartment and sees all the junk she eats. No one is convinced she can cook until she actually does it

She lives in a townhouse in Dupont Circle, which, idk if you know a lot about the DC area, but it’s where all the Rich Gays live

Emily is a big ol romantic. Like she’s actually made out of marshmallow fluff and emotions, but rarely anyone sees that about her because she’s also a hardass afraid of being vulnerable and afraid of being truly known

Her and Derek, before either of them settled down a bit, really enjoyed trying to one-up each other with the women they’d pick up and they’d wingman for each other a lot

Emily can seduce the skirt off a succubus with little effort UNLESS she’s caught Feelings™. Then she’s an awkward baby deer who self-worth issues and doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing

Part of her really did fall in love with Doyle because Lauren loved him. It’s no coincidence that when Morgan brings up Mother Night when she says she’s a nerd, that she quotes the first half of "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” She struggles with it a lot because she’s disgusted with herself for loving him, but Lauren Reynolds had to fall in love with him and Emily, for all intents and purposes, was Lauren Reynolds and Lauren Reynolds truly fell in love, even though Emily didn’t

Emily is maternal AF and wants very much to be a mother and give a child an upbringing full of love and nurturing that she never got from her mother who gave her every opportunity and material thing but didn’t give her affection or time very much

Emily’s father left the family when she was little because Elizabeth’s political aspirations were breaking down their marriage. Her father was was very loving and kind and wanted to take Emily to live with him but Elizabeth convinced him she would be able to give Emily a better life. Emily didn’t know about this until after he died and still holds a grudge against her mother for it, though it’s softened over the years

By the time she was twenty, she had lived in a dozen countries and was fluent in half as many languages. She speaks English (her native tongue), French, Arabic, German, Spanish, and Italian fluently and is passable in Russian, Portuguese, and Czech. She knows enough to get a room and a drink in many other languages but isn’t conversational

She’s set up a trust for each one of the BAU babies: Jack, Henry, Michael, and Hank. She hasn’t told anyone about them and probably won’t

She likes to show her affection through provision. So she likes to treat her friends to dinners, fine drinks, nights out, personal gifts that while thoughtful are typically expensive. She’s got a concept of how extravagant is TOO extravagant though so she never oversteps or makes someone feel like a charity case

Her and Morgan meet up at Sharpshooters in Lorton a couple times a month 

You are so valid, Anon-Friend

☾ - sleep headcanon

JJ is a total blanket hog. She doesn’t even burrito in it or anything, she just…shifts the blankets over while she’s sleeping and half of the comforter ends up hanging off the side while she’s covered in the other half. Emily has taken to folding some blanket under her but she’s not too put off by it, since it’s a good excuse to snuggle

★ - sad headcanon

There are no sad headcanons here, fren. The only time I can ever sadcanon is when a specific thing prompts it. I guess if you want sad, though, this is the saddest Jemily thing I ever wrote and it’s all @blackbird-brewster‘s fault

☆ - happy headcanon

At their wedding, Rossi does all the father of the bride duties for Emily and you can’t change my mind

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

They rarely fight tbh. When they do, it’s almost always because one of them is bottling up some emotional Thing™ they either haven’t processed fully, or are blaming themselves for, and it comes out sideways but in general, they’ve gotten really good at going to each other with things that need to be talked about even if they don’t particularly want to talk about them. I would say they have more disagreements than arguments. Little tiffs p much

✿ - Sex headcanon

I’m 900% sure this is a Fact and you can’t change my mind, but they get into s/D dynamics–sometimes more deeply than others–but JJ is definitely the Domme in this dynamic. Typically, Emily’s top leaning verse because of her pathological need to have total control over herself and to not let anyone ever really get to her. Even her version of “letting go” with people was still mostly topping from the bottom

She trusts JJ more than she’s trusted anyone though, even more than herself a lot of times so she actually does let go with her and JJ delights very much in the fact that she can see such solid proof of Emily’s trust in her to be vulnerable around her and that she trusts her in mind, body, and soul

■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

When they moved in together, they got a place in Adams Morgan in Northeast DC. It seems very much the type of place Emily’d insist was good for kids because of the big mix of cultures–and yanno, it’s like directly attached to Dupont Circle, so, still counts as a gay area

 ♡ - romantic headcanon

They always tell each other “I love you” when they wake up in the morning. Whether verbally or through text and it’s not like that’s the only time they ever say it during the day, but with their jobs and everything, they want to make sure they tell each other in case, you know, they don’t get to. They even do it when they’re mad at each other

♥ - family headcanon

They have kids after Henry and Michael. There’s Charlotte, who JJ carries from Em’s egg. She’s partially deaf and the whole family is very proactive in learning ASL and making sure she has friends and mentors in the Deaf community. There’s Shelly, who actually started out as a babysitter for Charlotte and due to Reasons™ Jemily adopt her. Henry is super into being a little brother

I have so many feelings about Charlotte and Shelly, I won’t make this too long, but feel free to lemme know if anyone’d want a separate post about it

☮ - friendship headcanon

Emily and JJ alternate who goes to Rossi’s poker nights every week while whoever stays home has a fun lil date night with the kids. Whoever goes, always ends up sharking anyone new. Rossi never warns them cause he figures if someone is gonna underestimate them, they deserve to get wiped clean 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

I don’t know that you’d count it a collectors hobby, butuh, there’s important information magneted to their fridge it is:

-A tally mark list of who lost what fight because they started making out-A collection of takeout menus from places that don’t charge them for delivery for Reasons™-A list of how which bars they’ve been kicked out of for Reasons™

There are for real reasons behind each Reasons™ but, again, it’s gonna make this too long so hmu and I’ll do a separate post

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

They like double dates, family nights, when their kids manage to make Elizabeth act like a regular grandma, trying to destroy Helen during the PTA bake sales

They dislike spending too many nights sleeping apart, Helen from PTA, having to take two cars for road trips, when their phones ring after midnight or before eight

▼ - childhood headcanon

JJ basically came out as bisexual when she was in first grade and insisted that she was going to marry her best friend Melanie and when her mom laughed and asked what happened to marrying her other best friend, Stephan, who had been the spouse of the week last week, JJ said when she was done being married to Stephan, she was going to marry Melanie

Her family never disabused her thoughts like that though the people in her small town were less than accepting when she was getting older and still thought about things like that. She came out “for real” in fifth grade when she realized her crush on Melanie was an actual crush. Her family was all very supporting and her friends that mattered were supportive. The town she grew up in, though, was small and small-minded in a lot of ways

Emily actually never really came out in so many words to her mom. When she was growing up all over, she wanted to fit in and would feign crushes on guys but never really caught feelings for any of them. She started feeling a lot of peer pressure about not dating and being a virgin while she was in Italy and she ended up sleeping with her friend John because she wanted to like him that way and other girls did and he liked her so maybe she could force it so they dated briefly, breaking up after The Incident™

Matthew was actually the one who helped Emily come to terms with the reality that she just didn’t see guys as romantic partners. Her mom knew she was dating other girls but the only time it was every brought up was when she told her that she couldn’t bring her friend to one of the functions she was being forced to attend 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

They’re gonna be those people who are constantly globe trotting after retirement

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Emily is an amazing cook. No one would know it though because she prefers to eat like a toddler let loose in a store to buy their own groceries. JJ is suitably appalled after they start dating and she’s privy to Em’s eating habits and has to constantly qualify the question “did you eat anything green today” with the specification that gummy worms, while green, don’t count

JJ’s found a way to hack Emily’s trash eating habits though and mentions often that she loves it when Emily cooks and she likes to help her do it, so Emily cooks more than she ever did before JJ moved in

ൠ - random headcanon