for this pretty face has torn out hearts

Zephyr didn’t like the look on Amaryllis’s face, she looked so…sad. But the sadness gave way to something else, she seemed to have frozen and was returning his gaze, not looking away and so he hoped that was a good sign. He hadn’t been sure what to expect when he finished speaking, a smack, to be ignored, to be told it was all too late. He definitely hadn’t been expecting to be kissed. But he took it in stride and returned the kiss, keeping it soft even though he just wanted to let go and let passion take over. He was being careful because he was afraid of pushing her too far. Her touch made him melt, and he brought a hand to her hair, stroking it gently and curving a hand around her waist.

He didn’t know what to say when they pulled apart, so he just apologized again. “I’m sorry Lis…I’m sorry for hurting you…”

she doesn’t tell him that it’s okay. because in her mind it still isn’t; s can still feel the ache behind her rib cage, one that’s been there for all the years since he left her. instead amaryllis smiles at him softly, evergreen eyes lowered as she shakes her head.

“ do not apologise , “ 

the queen tells him. “ the past is done , moments can not be changed  , but i love you , i always have zephyr and that is all we need to start again my love . “

Zephyr had been doing a lot of thinking because of this war, and only now felt brave enough to say what he wanted to say so he started before he could lose his nerve.

“Either one of us could die because of this war, and if that happened, you would never know…I love you. I’ve always loved you, I never stopped. I thought that over time it would hurt less but it never has, I think about you every single day Amaryllis.” He leaned against the desk, not seeing the will there because he was too focused on her face, eyes locked with her’s.

“I left because I was so afraid of getting hurt, or hurting you. I’m half demon, and it feels like a curse on me that I ruin everything I have eventually. I know you are too but you’ve got the angel half to balance it out, I don’t. And you’re a queen, I’m just an idiot warlock who can’t help you lead your people, I can’t give you children…I never deserved you. But I never wanted to hurt you either.”

amaryllis is frozen with each new word, pulse hammering beneath the paper wrapping of her skin and for a moment she feels as though it might burst out of her chest. how long had she been waiting for him to say this? it felt like far too long. the queen can’t draw her eyes away from him, not wanting to miss a moment. for a second she’s scared that she’ll close her eyes and find this all a dream. 

“ zephyr i ... “ i love you. i miss you. im scared you’ll leave me again. i’ll wait for you again even if you do..

the queen can’t find the words for what she want’s to say so instead her stands, stepping around the desk. for a second she hesitates before kissing him, touch gentle as she cups his cheek.

“i might not enjoy the thought of a war coming but-” red lips pursed for a moment as she pondered her next words. “i guess this has been going on longer than just with the recent events.”

amaryllis smiles at the redhead kindly, green eyes soft and tired.

“ no-one enjoys war my sweet , “

the queen answers as she admires the other’s red locks. 

“ but this has been a long time in the making , and i fear fate will not be kind to us for bringing her bounty so over due . “

“I do care what you do. I want to talk to you darling. I know you’re going through a lot and I want to make sure that you’re safe and you’re okay. Am I not allowed to talk to you? I’d tell you why I wasn’t before if you’d listen.” Anyone would be under a lot of stress now, but Zeph had been doing a lot of thinking and wanted more than anything to just talk to her.

“ im a queen zephyr . i’m never safe . “

the seelie responds automatically. the queen moves forward before seating herself at her writing desk, will still unfinished on top of the oak, ink glaring at her. she didn’t expect to survive in this war- so really what was the harm in hearing his excuse now? would she rather die knowing? or die with regrets?

“ then speak . but i wont give you long , so talk quickly . “

     the sudden change in the queen’s behavior caught nora off guard; she was unable to understand if the woman was being genuinely excited for her pregnancy for a moment. but figuring she wouldn’t bother so much, nora relaxed a bit, lips forming a ghostly smile. “ i - actually three. i am having triplets. ” a hand absentmindedly caressing over her belly, nora’s smile got bigger; she was right, this was one of the best feelings ever. “ it’s my first pregnancy and i now see how magical it is. aside from the morning sickness and constant fatigue, at least. ”

the queen tuts, giving a brief and humoured eye roll.

“ oh trivial things my dear . soon they wont matter - and they’ll be gone even sooner , “

the seelie assures. amaryllis claps her hands and servants flood the room, a steaming pot of tea placed in front of them with two cups and a plate of floral decorated pastries. she sits neatly, gown shifting like water as she moves, it’s one of her favourites, a gift from the mer queen herself. 

“ tea , dear ? “

     “ we will have to kill each other until there’s nothing left, then ? ” it was more of a statement than a question, some sort of sadness setting on her features as her gaze dropped to the floor, hand moving to rest on top of her small baby bump. “ i just want to tell you, your majesty – that we don’t want war just as much as the next person. ”

amaryllis turns towards the other, a cutting retort on her tongue but the queen pauses. in a second she shifts, evergreen eyes alight, excited smile on her face as she almost floats towards the other. 

“ oh a baby !! you’re having a baby ?! i love babies ! do you need to sit down ? come child we’ll get you a seat . how far along are you ? shall i get you some tea ? i have a herbal blend perfect for morning sickness ; i was riddled with it carrying my twins , a glorious thing , pregnancy , it is not ? there’s nothing else quite like it . “

     “ i am not here to beg you to make peace with shadowhunters, ” she said, trying to keep her voice as straight as possible. while rose was only half seelie, that woman was still a queen and she knew she had to keep herself in check regardless. “ i am asking for a favor, for my children with my shadowhunter partner. they are just kids, ” she said, voice breaking at the end. “ i will do anything – i need to locate my kids, please, i can do anything. ”

the queen slows, eyes dulling slightly and features sympathetic as she takes in the other. the maternal instinct in her trembles and amaryllis barely restrains herself from reaching out and drawing the halfling into a hug. 

“ hush child , just breathe . i will help you in every way that i am able , this i promise . can you tell me what happened , flower ? “

Zephyr put his hands up. “I didn’t come to beg on the Shadowhunter’s behalf. I don’t care what they do. I care what you do, but you’re more than welcome to continue on. I’m here to help.” If he was smarter he might not keep trying, but he doesn’t want to let Amaryllis go. 

the queen casts a heavy glance at the warlock, turning on her heel as she continues to pace through the throne room. her guards eye her warily, knowing how foul their queen can get in a mood like this. 

“ if you don’t care what i do then why are you here ? why are you always here ? why weren’t you before ? - no . don’t answer those  i can’t have this conversation right now . “

      “what blame is it that we are laying at the children of angels feet today ??”

“ other than them being arrogant , simple minded , bigoted and their clave generally an affront to the shadow world , you mean ? “

the corner of her lips tugged upwards slightly as she heard the seelie queen’s words. she feels a tinge of panic being near her mother’s best friend, lucien’s mother, but that’s her own fault. “you must be getting a lot of those requests lately.”

“ too many little nebula , “

the queen answers with a tired smile. her eyes are kind as she takes in the princess, amaryllis still remembered when she was a newborn, a rosy cheeked little girl with bouncing blonde curls, still perched on eris’ hip.

“ i do hope that you arent here with another request , “

‘Why is everybody starting a war? What did the shadowhunters do, I’m so confused on this shadowhunter business. Can you all just sip tea and talk about your problems? ’

“ the day the clave tries to sit down with me is the day i lay them down in a seven foot grave . if you do not know then i will not tell you , i’m a busy woman , a queen has her duties after all . “

     adelina wasn’t fond of hearing those words out of her mother’s mouth. how long had it been since her mother had been part of a possible a war? very long. “you group them all in the same category as if they all decided it. they did not mother.” she knew she was tempting her mother’s ire, but she couldn’t help how she felt.

“ only one cockroach may appear in your food , and yet you exterminate the entire house do you not adelina ? “

amaryllis casts an unimpressed look at her daughter, tired weary. she loved each of her children dearly, but sometimes they forgot just who she was and what she had to do. today was not the day to push her.

     “ it will be a war only if we do fight, though, won’t it ? ” elena asked, looking at the woman. despite not looking the part, elena was quite the brave one, sometimes even to an extent that could be considered dumb; such as now, talking back at a queen. 

the queen barely resists the urge to roll her eyes, instead she turns to the petite girl with an amused smile and raised brow.

“ you’re right . you wont be fighting in a war - it will be a massacre . “

“ isn’t it custom for lovers to leave before the other awakes ? i fully expected you to be gone by now . “                                                                         @eaton-talbot