(whimsper, whimsper...)

Because like, we knew he was upset about getting last. We knew he was sad, he was desperate, he was doing everything in his power to get people to pick him as the Favorite. The website got glitchy, full of pop-ups and confirmations that prompted you to tell him yes you were sure you wanted to vote for that character instead of him dozens of times over before he finally relented. Even Glitch posted that render of him looking the saddest we’ve ever seen him, brought to actual tears over his placement. Whether the ads and promos are canon is, of course, debatable - but the point stands that he was upset. He was hurt.

The thing is… the Caine from the favorite character awards and the Caine from episode 8 don’t feel like the same character to me.

Like - yes, in both instances he gets super controlling over the thing that is upsetting him. He takes over the website completely, every portrait of him and him alone, taking away our ability to choose who to vote for; he lashes out at the circus troupe, showing them point blank how powerful he is and that they should be more careful about how they treat him.

But the difference here, I feel, is that with the awards show, it felt manic, desperate. He could tell that his control over the audience was slipping. He got anxious that he was unloved, that every single other person in the competition was worth more attention and praise than him, and so he tried to make himself more appealing to voters - and when that didn’t work, he descended into chaos, pivoting from begging for attention to outright demanding it. But that still came from fear. From a clear and noticeable desire to be loved. To be the favorite.

In episode 8, it’s just… vindictive. It’s sinister, it’s control for control’s sake. Even in the flashbacks - that quick aside of “Seriously.” to Kinger after joking that he better not abstract too? That doesn’t read as lonely and seeking connection to me. It doesn’t feel like the Caine we’ve seen up to this point. This episode doesn’t feel like someone who loves and loves and loves so strongly to the point of destruction, of torment, when he realizes that love is unrequited; it feels like a character crashing out because that’s what the show wants to happen next. It feels like Caine is dropping an act, which I refuse to believe is true.

I don’t think the Caine from episode 8 is really him. I don’t. Whether that’s because he was lashing out because he finally reached his breaking point, and his anger made him act irrationally; whether it’s due to the theory that something else got a hold of his mind, and that terrified moment before deletion is him regaining control of himself and realizing what he’s been made to do; whether it’s all just a result of bad character writing that led me to believe things that were never going to be true; whether it’s fully me standing in front of a corkboard of blurry images and red string and thumbtacks, insisting I’m not crazy.

I don’t know. I’m enjoying all of the new character analysis coming from the episode, and I think examining him the way the show presents him - angry and bitter and vengeful and cruel - has its merits. I do love looking at his actions in episode 8 from the perspective that it makes sense for him to act like this, that this was the logical next step, because it’s sparked some genuinely interesting discussion and deeper examination of character motives and feelings. But I also simultaneously feel like this isn’t right. Like something’s missing, here. Like the character I thought I knew isn’t… actually who he is. And it’s really strange.

They presented us with this guy who is oblivious, self-centered, desperate for connection, and ultimately well-meaning, and then said actually he’s been threatening and ominous since before we introduced him to you, sorry. Like. Yeah we’ve seen him push things too far before, with Hell and with Spudsy’s and all that, and a few of the characters have always seemed to believe he’s capable of intentional harm and has caused it before (mainly Zooble). But we’ve also seen him in scenes without any other characters, where he would no longer need to put up an act if he always had one, and those scenes imply completely different things.

There is a difference between “self centered” and whatever the hell is going on right now. The way I’ve always read him, is his self centeredness is “MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY” like the only thing that TRULY matters to him is that everything is the way it SHOULD BE. He will not accept love in any way that doesn’t have PROOF stuck to it, Numbers is all he’s taught, makes sense, he’s a commercial A.I.

And the fundamental flaw of that mindset (thatservedthenarrativereallywell) is it literally ISN’T THE WAY IT SHOULD BE! they are TRAPPED, he has to pivot… but NnnoooOOO! He CANT because *a.i. existence, autism, other trauma bullshit, and just generally everything Interesting about his characters Set Up*

And then episode 8 retconned everything and expects us to just go “oh okay! good to know.” The game isn’t technically a game despite us hooking up HEADSETS TO IT FOR SOME FUCKING REASON- and of course Caine is a ego-maniacle super villain/spoiled brat who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn’t get his way- so really- WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANY OF THAT

Ough I have so many more things to say but 1, I don’t wanna highjack this post, and 2, im already planning on talking about a lot of this in my MasterPost about this godamn episode

BUT ANYWHO ANYWHO, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS, MWAH, BEAUTIFULLY WORDED, COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF, ALL THE REBLOGS TOO, MAGNIFICENT, I appreciate the positivity about just Making It Good so dearly. With so many people seeing absolutely nothing wrong with this episode I start gaslighting myself into believing I just need to “see it better” instead of making it good myself- but thats a little dumb in heinsight isnt it? isn’t fandom literally there to be the bandaid for everyone’s problems? You like this show but dont like the ending? BOOM theres 5 10k fix it fics just CHILLING In AO3