LoveIsAllYouNeed

I have been trying to figure out why I have been so depressed. I think a part of what’s making it hard in my recovery [im not sure I have a right to call it recovery ] is the issue I am facing with my PCOS. It makes me feel like I am in a body that isn’t mine sometimes. I’m not meant to have all this hair on my face. It makes me so depressed that I always have to deal with that. It gives me so much anxiety because sometimes I done feel feminine enough.

I also think this is part of the problem of why I am constantly putting myself down about never being in a relationship. It’s been extra hard r century seeing all of the people I know either get married or engaged…some even having children already. I’m just sitting here…25…with depression and PCOS and insecure about everything wondering if that will ever happen to me….then thinking a second later “Yeah,right. That will never happen. Have fun with your cat and being single the rest of your life! Who the hell could ever love you?”

Sometimes I try to accept that this is how life will be for me. That this is as good as it will ever get- moving back home in a part time job more lost than I have ever been…that’s when I start to think we’ll maybe I should just end it because why the hell would I want to live like this every day. Then I think about what my friend told me recently when I told him that he would be fine without me. He said “how would you know? That would be so selfish of you to do that to me”… I guess I just assumed people would move on. They don’t seem like they need me now…