~ g a l a x yĀ Ā d i s a s t e r ~

ā
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

ā

tannertan36

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dirt enthusiast

shark vs the universe

⣠Chile in a Photography ā£
styofa doing anything
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Janaina Medeiros

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@cloakedprobability
~ g a l a x yĀ Ā d i s a s t e r ~

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cloakedprobabilityā:
Hideaway | Ray | Past (After This Isnāt Stupid)
āWhy not this very moment?ā Robert countered, looking a little put out. He much more preferred people not to always question things as much as Shay seemed to. She could never seem to take him at his word and always acted in a word ā obstinate.Ā
In some moments he liked that about her. But this was not one of them.Ā
āShay. They need to understand that I donāt care about you.ā He tried to explain. Robert knew there was an element of risk to the plan, but he couldnāt see anything with better odds. Certainly nothing clear ā thanks to her status in this web. But still, something probable was better than nothing.Ā
āAnd we made a deal!ā He pulled the clothes back, not wanting to be interrupted from the packing. He needed things to be on their way, working effectively so he could stop worrying about them and move to another topic. Another fire to put out.Ā
Shay pursed her lips at his question.Ā āBecause itās almost midnight, andāā A sigh escaped her lips at his attitude. Robert was acting like this for a reason and she knew exactly what that was.
āThey need to understand or believe?ā She retorted, her nose flaring slightly as her tone suddenly becoming angry.Ā āBecause those are two very different things, Robert andāand I know youāre angry about the baby not being real, but thatās no reason to push me away!ā
This was ridiculous and part of her felt bad for pushing back, for not wanting to keep their agreement, but he was right. They made a deal and as annoyed as Shay was right then, she wasnāt going to back out.Ā
As he pulled the clothes out of her grasp and threw them into a suitcase, Shay huffed angrily and glared him, waiting for answer or response of some kind.Ā āWhy canāt we wait a few hours. Have breakfast. I donāt know, spend time together before I never see you again?!ā Her voice rose steadily with each word, though it was mostly out of annoyance than anger.Ā
Robert stopped slightly at the implication, bristling at it and looking indignant.Ā āAngry about the ba---,ā He started, repeated what she had said incredulously.Ā āReally? Me? No! Iām not angry about the baby --- what ever gave you that idea?!āĀ
Why couldnāt she understand he was compartmentalizing? Locking away his feelings because it was necessary. Feelings and emotions were nice, but messy. Enough to get them killed if they werenāt careful. He wasnāt going to let her die, but her staying with him almost certainly guaranteed that. Then came the expected bargaining.Ā
āLook. I meant what I said but youāre taking it far too personally. As usual.ā He huffed, knowing that more likely than not this was going to blow up in his face. As usual. Dealing with Shay was like meddling with explosives.Ā āIām choosing to not care because I do care. Understand? Itās whatās best for you. That means sending you off to live your life and enjoy your tea and biscuits and whatever else you intend to enjoy.āĀ
He waved a hand dismissively as if it was too much work to explain any more thoroughly than that.Ā
āWhat does another breakfast even matter? Isnāt that just going to make it harder on both of us? Wonāt it just tempt us to change our minds?ā He shook his head.Ā āI know what you want. You want some cute little memory to take with you but you donāt understand last things arenāt happy unless you donāt know theyāre last things. Understand?āĀ
cloakedprobabilityā:
Aftermath || Ray
āI realized I wasnāt thinking about us.ā Robert answered,Ā āI was thinking about what was best for me; or what I thought was best for me.ā Shay was his whole world now, and regardless of what happened now he knew she was his end goal now. Her happiness. Heād spent far too much time thinking about himself in his own conceited thoughts.Ā
āAnd you were right.ā He said slowly.Ā āI was wrong.ā He didnāt care much now who was or wasnāt, but he knew now that the way heād been living his life wasnāt working. He was getting the same results over and over again, the definition of insanity.Ā
Robert knew her voice was laced with resentment, but he couldnāt blame her. Everything she felt she had a right to feel. The truth wasnāt something that could be dismissed or denied.Ā
āShay ā Iām not here because of me.ā His voice broke,Ā āNot anymore. I know I canāt make this right āāĀ
If she wanted him to leave he would. If she wanted him to stay heād do that too. Right now his priority was what it should have been all along. Her.Ā
Shay just started at Robert, her eyes hard and yet curious. He was being honest. Heād come back. It was still his fault, mostly, but Robert had come back to fix things in anyway he could. So it was a start.Ā
Her head turned away from him as she ran a hand through her hair roughly. It was clear that there were conflicting emotions running through her head now. She loved him and hadnāt wanted him to leave her after the incident, but at the same time Shay wanted Robert to leave. Having him hear was both a comfort and a constant reminder that their lives werenāt their own.Ā
āYouāre right.ā She finally replied, licking her lips again and turning to meet his eyes. They were filled with a sadness and acceptance Shay hadnāt seen before, which gave her pause. Their world had changed and he was finally accepting that they had to change together. āYou canāt make things right, butā¦you can try to make it better.ā
After a moment, she turned away from him and started picking up random things around the apartment, cleaning for something to do. It was mostly a way to keep herself from throwing things at him, but that still wasnāt out of the question.Ā
She threw laundry into a hamper by the bedroom and some empty Chinese food containers in the trash before turning to him again with a frustrated huff.Ā
āI donāt know what I want. My emotions are all over the place and have been since you left. One minute I want nothing but for you to hold me and say that everything is going to be okay. Another minute I want to scream and break things, like I did to the bedroom windows. Right now Iām considering throwing things at you.āĀ
Shay paused, breathing heavily for a moment. She could feel her heart rate start to pick up, as if running a marathon.Ā āAnd then other times I just want to be alone. In the nursery. To cry over what I lost. What weĀ lost.ā
Robert nodded slowly, letting her speak and say what she needed to; what was on her heart. He honestly wouldnāt have tried to move if she had started to throw things at him. In a twisted sense he wanted the pain; wanted something tangible he wasnāt afraid of dealing with. Here --- he didnāt have any obvious answers. Something heād never felt before.Ā
His eyes followed her slowly as she cleaned up various messes in the apartment. Robert had intended to himself, wanting to let her sleep and recover. Only now she had awoken and beaten him to it.Ā
āIf you want me here.ā He finally said.Ā āIāll stay here. If you want me to go. If you need space I can sleep somewhere else --- I donāt need to be here if you donāt want it.ā Robert had no intention to run away from the situation now that heād committed to it, but he wasnāt going to force his presence on her if it wasnāt wanted.Ā
He fell quiet again.Ā
Then, after several moments he took a broom and walked over to her side, placing a hand on hers as he stopped her.Ā āShay.ā He said softly.Ā āLet me do this.ā He knew she needed to rest. This was something he could do.Ā
cloakedprobabilityā:
Hideaway | Ray | Past (After This Isnāt Stupid)
āI did.ā Robert said, moving past her and carrying several items he had likely taken a last minute pass around the house for. Heād wanted to make sure to get as much together as he could, at least the essentials. Sheād be traveling and he didnāt want to send her off without her own necessities. It seemed the least he could do given the situation.Ā āAnd I did.ā He said, confirming what he had said and what had been done.Ā
Things were going to get a little more out of hand in the next few days. Albert was impatient and so was Godfrey. When those two actually aligned in their emotional position things moved quickly, and not in a good way at all.Ā
Simply put, it wasnāt going to be safe here anymore.Ā
āIām packing your things.ā He said,Ā āTo answer your first question. Youāre going to be traveling and youāll need them.ā Robert shook his head when she glared at him.Ā āOh, donāt give me that look! We both know actually fulfilling your side of the bargain was the last thing on your mind. This ā,ā He gestured at the clothes.Ā āIs just a little reminder.āĀ
She was going to be angry and he knew it. Robert also knew there was no avoiding the situation. Most of his and Shayās interactions varied between the very nice and then the very loud and argumentative. He didnāt need his ability to know it wasnāt the best situation.Ā
Shay could feel her face heat up with anger, even though there wasnāt a reason for it. He was right, she had promised to leave after a few days and Robert had given her more than enough time.Ā
āButāā She wanted to make some excuse to stay, but there wasnāt one. Daith had been wrong about the baby, several tests had indicated as much; she wasnāt pregnant. It was a relief knowing that now, given their situation and all that was happening here.
After a moment, Shay walked over and grabbed the clothes in his hand, stopping him from packing for a moment.Ā āCanāt this wait until morning?ā She asked, looking a little disconcerted that he was packing her things so late at night.Ā
She was mad, yes, but a deal was a deal.Ā
āItās not like Iām leaving right this minuteā¦right?ā Now that Shay thought about it, that was something Robert would do.Ā āAnd whatās the point in even leaving? Theyāll find me either way.ā Her gut told her that, but he probably wouldnāt listen.Ā
āWhy not this very moment?ā Robert countered, looking a little put out. He much more preferred people not to always question things as much as Shay seemed to. She could never seem to take him at his word and always acted in a word -- obstinate.Ā
In some moments he liked that about her. But this was not one of them.Ā
āShay. They need to understand that I donāt care about you.ā He tried to explain. Robert knew there was an element of risk to the plan, but he couldnāt see anything with better odds. Certainly nothing clear -- thanks to her status in this web. But still, something probable was better than nothing.Ā
āAnd we made a deal!ā He pulled the clothes back, not wanting to be interrupted from the packing. He needed things to be on their way, working effectively so he could stop worrying about them and move to another topic. Another fire to put out.Ā

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Sometimes people put up walls, not only to keep people out, but also to see who cares enough to tear them down.
Leisa Rayven, Bad Romeo (via thebookquotes)
Rip Hunter + Tumblr Text Posts, Other Legends
Hideaway | Ray | Past (After This Isnāt Stupid)
@cloakedprobability
Things had been somewhere between tense and calm since their night together. The Ball had been interesting, to say the least, but almost everything after that was fantastic. Honestly, Shay was still in shock that sheād convinced Robert to do anything remotelyā¦normal.Ā
Though their fight earlier that day had been frustrating and Shay was still surprised that she had let Robert convince her to run away. But it was a compromise. He agreed to give her a few days and she agreed to do something completely out of character. At least being able to come to an agreement meant that whatever their relationship was might actually work.Ā
It was late as she walked through the font door, having just finished visiting her mother, only to find a suitcase on the couch. Sergeant looked annoyed at the commotion and trotted up to her, tail waggling slowly.Ā āHey, boyā¦ā Shay muttered, rubbing his head lightly before following the sounds of drawers opening.
āExcuse me. What do you think youāre doing?ā Robert was going through her clothes, tossing various items into a second suitcase that was open on the bed. Her brows furrowed together in both confusion and anger.Ā āRobertā¦ā She walked further into the room, her eyes darting between the suitcase and his feverish throwing of clothes.Ā
āI thought you said you were going to give me a few days.ā Technically it had been a week, so it was time for this to happen, but Shay had been hoping heād forget.
āI did.ā Robert said, moving past her and carrying several items he had likely taken a last minute pass around the house for. Heād wanted to make sure to get as much together as he could, at least the essentials. Sheād be traveling and he didnāt want to send her off without her own necessities. It seemed the least he could do given the situation.Ā āAnd I did.ā He said, confirming what he had said and what had been done.Ā
Things were going to get a little more out of hand in the next few days. Albert was impatient and so was Godfrey. When those two actually aligned in their emotional position things moved quickly, and not in a good way at all.Ā
Simply put, it wasnāt going to be safe here anymore.Ā
āIām packing your things.ā He said,Ā āTo answer your first question. Youāre going to be traveling and youāll need them.ā Robert shook his head when she glared at him.Ā āOh, donāt give me that look! We both know actually fulfilling your side of the bargain was the last thing on your mind. This --,ā He gestured at the clothes.Ā āIs just a little reminder.āĀ
She was going to be angry and he knew it. Robert also knew there was no avoiding the situation. Most of his and Shayās interactions varied between the very nice and then the very loud and argumentative. He didnāt need his ability to know it wasnāt the best situation.Ā
underneath the skin, thereās a human.
buried deep within, thereās a human.
despite everything, iām still human.Ā
cloakedprobabilityā:
Aftermath || Ray
āHow ā how could I not āā Robert choked out in answer, feeling her sobs resonate from her.Ā āAfter you stayed ā for me?ā It was the question that had hounded him every moment he had thought of leaving it all, from escaping the reality of what heād created. She had stayed through everything. Through Godfrey, Continuance, the portal, even after heād screamed at her to leave sheād never left his side.Ā
He hated himself for what heād done, but he hated himself even more for what heād considered. What heād almost actually done.Ā
Shay was the most precious thing in his life. He couldnāt just leave.Ā
Then she was apologizing and he froze, the words sounding wrong as they came from her mouth. How could she apologize? For what? Telling him the truth? He took her head in his hands, cradling her.Ā āNo.ā His blue eyes connected with hers, an intenseness to them.Ā āI am the one ā who is sorry.ā His voice broke.Ā
He didnāt care about the fights or the name calling. She had only been trying to help him and heād refused to see any of it.Ā
If anything ā she was right.
As Robert took her face in his hands, Shay swallowed nervously and took several more deep breaths to calm down. As happy as she was that Robert had come back, part of her still wanted to fight and throw things and even punch him. But she couldnāt bring herself to do it now. It was still too fresh and she needed his comfort more than her own small revenge.Ā
When Robert forced their eyes to meet and apologized, Shay let out a choked sob, a hand reaching up to touch his face gently. There was no need for her to accept his apology, and somewhere deep down, she didnāt want to. But part of this had been her fault too. He caused the scenario, but Shay had stepped into it, even after all Robertās warnings.Ā
All Shay could do was nod at his words, licking her lips slowly.Ā
Several minutes passed as they just stood there, gazing at one another, before pulling away. She wiped a few tears from her face and glanced at Sergeant who had somehow come to lay on the floor beside them.
It took her a few more minutes to look Robert over and force her heart rate to slow down. Finally, she looked back up at him and sighed heavily before speaking, her words a bit more controlled than her previous hysterics.
āWhat made you come back? I thought you wanted time to decide whatās best for us? Or have you finally decided to agree with me?ā Shayās tone was somewhere between bitter and forced, but she had to know the answer before fulling accepting any apologies.Ā
āI realized I wasnāt thinking about us.ā Robert answered,Ā āI was thinking about what was best for me; or what I thought was best for me.ā Shay was his whole world now, and regardless of what happened now he knew she was his end goal now. Her happiness. Heād spent far too much time thinking about himself in his own conceited thoughts.Ā
āAnd you were right.ā He said slowly.Ā āI was wrong.ā He didnāt care much now who was or wasnāt, but he knew now that the way heād been living his life wasnāt working. He was getting the same results over and over again, the definition of insanity.Ā
Robert knew her voice was laced with resentment, but he couldnāt blame her. Everything she felt she had a right to feel. The truth wasnāt something that could be dismissed or denied.Ā
āShay --- Iām not here because of me.ā His voice broke,Ā āNot anymore. I know I canāt make this right --āĀ
If she wanted him to leave he would. If she wanted him to stay heād do that too. Right now his priority was what it should have been all along. Her.Ā

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cloakedprobabilityā:
Aftermath || Ray
Robertās heart broke in that moment. Seeing her like that, so broken, hurt him far more than anything had in the last few days. His body moved before he could think, catching her in his arms and pulling her close.Ā
āNo. No. No Iām not leaving.ā His words felt weak, ineffective sounds that couldnāt heal the wound heād inflicted.Ā
He felt the tears finally come to him, everything heād been holding inside.Ā
She had been there for him when no one else had. Sheād made him not only live again ā but feel. Sheād broken down wall after wall only for him to try and rebuild, and now heād done something he could never change or take back. He had no right to touch her, he knew that. No right to stay in her life, and no right to think anything else.Ā
She hadnāt yelled at him. She hadnāt said anything that she had the right to. All that had come from her was a plea. A plea he couldnāt refuse.Ā
She needed him.
Shay hadnāt expected him to move, let alone take her in his arms. She didnāt fight him and instead, let herself completely lean into his touch, the support a welcome change from the past several days.Ā
Her head buried into his neck as tears started rolling down her face again, hot and fast, staining Robertās shirt. What was there to say? Nothing that would make sense or even come out of her mouth correctly right now. Shay had expected him to be gone for weeks, months, or even years. They both had said and done things to each other that shouldnāt have happened.Ā
And yet here he was.
She lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, not wanting to let go any time soon. It took her several minutes to calm down to an acceptable level before she pulled away slightly and looked up at Robert, touching his face and neck.
āYou came backā¦IāI didnāt think you would.ā Her voice was raspy and low, all of the crying having hurt her throat slightly. She sniffled a few times and choked back a fresh sob before continuing.Ā
āIām sorry I called you a robotā¦ā
āHow --- how could I not ---ā Robert choked out in answer, feeling her sobs resonate from her.Ā āAfter you stayed -- for me?ā It was the question that had hounded him every moment he had thought of leaving it all, from escaping the reality of what heād created. She had stayed through everything. Through Godfrey, Continuance, the portal, even after heād screamed at her to leave sheād never left his side.Ā
He hated himself for what heād done, but he hated himself even more for what heād considered. What heād almost actually done.Ā
Shay was the most precious thing in his life. He couldnāt just leave.Ā
Then she was apologizing and he froze, the words sounding wrong as they came from her mouth. How could she apologize? For what? Telling him the truth? He took her head in his hands, cradling her.Ā āNo.ā His blue eyes connected with hers, an intenseness to them.Ā āI am the one --- who is sorry.ā His voice broke.Ā
He didnāt care about the fights or the name calling. She had only been trying to help him and heād refused to see any of it.Ā
If anything --- she was right.
Ā Ā Ā Ā ANGERĀ Ā WASĀ Ā :Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā BETTERĀ Ā THANĀ Ā TEARS Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā BETTERĀ Ā THANĀ Ā GRIEF Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā BETTERĀ Ā THANĀ Ā GUILT
cloakedprobabilityā:
Aftermath || Ray
Robertās glance fell to the knife, a brief wondering if she had known it was him and whether the implement might be meant for him. A moment later and it was clear she wasnāt going to use it on him for the moment.Ā
His heart was thumping in his chest.Ā
He hadnāt done this before, hadnāt ever wanted to. Running had been the safest option. But somehow he hadnāt been able to bring himself to do it.Ā
āI couldnāt stay away.ā Robert finally answered her, his own voice sounding much too airy and quiet in the dark. She hated him ā she had to ā Robert knew. There wasnāt any forgiveness for what heād done. There wasnāt a chance sheād take him back. There was no point to being here. Things had been decided the moment he had made that stupid choice.Ā
Still, he couldnāt leave.Ā
There was no way he could possibly make this right ā but he needed to. More than anything heād ever wanted it was burning within him, this need to fix things. Even if the end result didnāt have room for him.
He didnāt want to leave.
She couldnāt hear anything except the pounding in her ears. His lips were moving, but Shay couldnāt make the words out.Ā āIāā It felt like something was stuck in her throat.Ā
āYouāyou left māme.āĀ
Yes, it had only been days, but they had been harder on her than those months captured by Albert and Godfrey last year. Sheād been alone to deal with something her mind just couldnāt wrap itself around.
The knife in her hand slipped her her fingers as Shayās hands started to shake slightly, hitting the floor with a loud thud.Ā āI needed you, Iāā She shook her head, feeling tears run down her face at the sight of him. Part of her still needed him, but she wasnāt ready to admit it aloud just yet. She wanted answers.Ā
Her voice was barely a whisper when Shay spoke again.Ā āPlease donāt leave me again.ā She wanted to throw something at him, but also wanted nothing more than to have Robert comfort her. It was confusing.
āPl-please donāt leave me again.ā
Robertās heart broke in that moment. Seeing her like that, so broken, hurt him far more than anything had in the last few days. His body moved before he could think, catching her in his arms and pulling her close.Ā
āNo. No. No Iām not leaving.ā His words felt weak, ineffective sounds that couldnāt heal the wound heād inflicted.Ā
He felt the tears finally come to him, everything heād been holding inside.Ā
She had been there for him when no one else had. Sheād made him not only live again -- but feel. Sheād broken down wall after wall only for him to try and rebuild, and now heād done something he could never change or take back. He had no right to touch her, he knew that. No right to stay in her life, and no right to think anything else.Ā
She hadnāt yelled at him. She hadnāt said anything that she had the right to. All that had come from her was a plea. A plea he couldnāt refuse.Ā
She needed him.
Aftermath || Ray
Robert had quite lost track of time.Ā
He couldnāt remember how many days it had been; how many nights; or how many Continuance remnants he had hunted out. Everything in his body hurt; he had overdone it but had been unable to stop. Had craved the pain. Robert had created a hurricane of noise in some mad endeavor; somehow thinking overwhelming every one of his senses might drown out that one feeling heād been unable to escape.Ā
Heād wanted to run.Ā
After everything that had happened ā the sheer impossibility of him even surviving these events ā let alone have even the slightest chance of happiness again ā only for him to destroy it all.Ā
It was a mistake. Just like the one he had made before, but worse.Ā
He couldnāt stop thinking about it. Couldnāt tear it out of his head. He could only think about what heād done and all the other paths that had been open to him ā and if only heād taken just one.Ā When he had finally managed to find the spine to return, heād limped up the stairs, a willful blow heād sustained purposely from a fight. He wanted to feel, wanted to hurt. Nothing helped. Nothing could make this better.Ā
Heād lost himself, needing to do something mindless. The apartment was a mess. He couldnāt bring himself to talk to Shay yet. She wouldnāt want to see him. Sheād be done ā just like everyone else. Because of him.Ā
Sergeant was laying on the bed with her when both of them looked up at a noise in the living room. Shay wiped a few tears from her cheek and, out of habit, grabbed a knife from the nightstand before slowly getting out of bed and walking towards the door.Ā
She had to step around several items, barely missing some broken glass, before making it to the hallway. All the lights were off, which left an eerie glow and feeling to the apartment, but Shay could make out a figure near the door. Tall. Gangly.Ā
āRoārobert?ā It couldnāt have been him. He wouldnāt come back. Robert was too ashamed to face her and even she knew that. Or at least, thatās what Shay thought. But clearly he was standing there on the other side of the apartment.Ā
She walked over towards the wall and flicked a switch, eyes squinting in the light. It really was him.Ā
Shayās eyes fell to the floor. What was she suppose to say to him? Heād abandoned. Sure, it had only been a few days, but Robert should have been there to grieve with her all of that time.Ā
āWhāwhat are you doing here?ā
Robertās glance fell to the knife, a brief wondering if she had known it was him and whether the implement might be meant for him. A moment later and it was clear she wasnāt going to use it on him for the moment.Ā
His heart was thumping in his chest.Ā
He hadnāt done this before, hadnāt ever wanted to. Running had been the safest option. But somehow he hadnāt been able to bring himself to do it.Ā
āI couldnāt stay away.ā Robert finally answered her, his own voice sounding much too airy and quiet in the dark. She hated him --- she had to --- Robert knew. There wasnāt any forgiveness for what heād done. There wasnāt a chance sheād take him back. There was no point to being here. Things had been decided the moment he had made that stupid choice.Ā
Still, he couldnāt leave.Ā
There was no way he could possibly make this right --- but he needed to. More than anything heād ever wanted it was burning within him, this need to fix things. Even if the end result didnāt have room for him.
He didnāt want to leave.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā YOU COLLECT SCARS BECAUSE YOU WANT PROOF THAT YOU Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ARE PAYING FOR WHATEVER SINS YOU HAVE COMMITTEDĀ Ā

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Aftermath || Ray
@secretsheldoraverage
It had been a few days since the nightmare. Sometimes, Shay could still feel shadows of blood running down her stomach. Robert leaving had put her in a bad place mentally. She hadnāt left the house in days, let alone showered. Shay had sat in bed in the fetal position, only getting up to pee, walk Sergeant, or occasionally grab food. Though honestly, no matter what she ate, nothing tasted the same. Part of her didnāt want to eat anything.
At night, she tossed and turned in her sleep, sometimes falling off the bed or screaming herself awake and accidentally shattering glasses in the house. Apparently some of the neighbors had complained, but there was nothing she could do. It was part of the reason Shay hadnāt let Alex or anyone else stay in the apartment with her. Occasionally, someone would stop by with food, but it would almost always end up in the trash after a few bites.Ā
A shadow moving caught her glimpse from the other side of the bedroom. Shay closed her eyes and glanced away, shaking her head before staring out the window. Robert wouldnāt have come back. Heād left. For good. Because it was his fault. Butā¦a part of her had wanted him to stay. How was she supposed to get through this without him?
Robert had quite lost track of time.Ā
He couldnāt remember how many days it had been; how many nights; or how many Continuance remnants he had hunted out. Everything in his body hurt; he had overdone it but had been unable to stop. Had craved the pain. Robert had created a hurricane of noise in some mad endeavor; somehow thinking overwhelming every one of his senses might drown out that one feeling heād been unable to escape.Ā
Heād wanted to run.Ā
After everything that had happened -- the sheer impossibility of him even surviving these events -- let alone have even the slightest chance of happiness again --- only for him to destroy it all.Ā
It was a mistake. Just like the one he had made before, but worse.Ā
He couldnāt stop thinking about it. Couldnāt tear it out of his head. He could only think about what heād done and all the other paths that had been open to him -- and if only heād taken just one.Ā When he had finally managed to find the spine to return, heād limped up the stairs, a willful blow heād sustained purposely from a fight. He wanted to feel, wanted to hurt. Nothing helped. Nothing could make this better.Ā
Heād lost himself, needing to do something mindless. The apartment was a mess. He couldnāt bring himself to talk to Shay yet. She wouldnāt want to see him. Sheād be done --- just like everyone else. Because of him.Ā