memories.
Sight.
Just like the bright lights
That shone on my face that one friday night
When nothing in the world seemed more important
Than the simple joy of being with my family as a family
All of fremont street was entirely dormant
But, wow, was it incredible, how there was no sign of anyone driving or walking frantically
Smiles are so contagious that a smile can make any other person, including yourself, just a little bit happier
“It could make a person’s day less crappier”
Is what I was raised being told
It might even make a person less cold
I have moved from family to family
So I never got used to having a family to call my own
But when I looked far out into the crowd
of my 8th grade graduation and saw her waving and smiling at me with such pride
I lit up immediately and knew for the first time
I was somewhere good.
Hearing.
[Oh my God, how desperately I want him to hear me.]
Babies crying. The first miracle in a person’s life.
Horrible scraping on a chalkboard like it’s from a knife.
“I love you”
“I miss you”
“I want to be with you.”
Very few words.
Yet Very powerful sentences.
Quite coincidental how sentimental and consequential
These statements are to each other.
You cannot have one without the other.
Breaking.
Screaming.
Crashing.
Banging.
Thrashing.
All horrible sounds that can make a person turn in a rush.
When you look at your sister and gently tell her, shush.
You need to seem like you are not scared
So that she feels safe and prepared
For whatever could happen next
Because when your whole life is undetermined, you tend to feel like you may be hexed.
Touch
A gentle caress on the back of the neck.
The soft or passionate rhythm of a kiss.
The safety and connection from an embrace.
The bond that comes with and from sex.
All of them are something I reminisce.
His touch.
Oh how I love his touch.
Oh how I miss his touch.
Felt so infinite
Now feels so indefinite.
I miss when I used to be able to touch him whenever.
It just felt like my forever.
I wish to make it clear that touch is so sacred.
It can make you feel so naked.
Even more so when you are in love with the person.
Although You never know if tomorrow is for certain.
Smell.
Such a strong way to remember.
For example Turkey is associated with November
And spruce for December
Nose blindness is such an intriguing thing to me
The fact a human can get so comfortable and used to a scent
Their brain defines the smell as “nothing”
I do not want to be nose blind to anything
(Even though I know this is entirely impossible)
I want to remember each time I smell my home that I am home.
I want to know what I smell like.
Do I smell like the artificially created smell of linen?
Or do I smell like the artificially created smell of vanilla?
When I say artificially created, I mean candles.
Candles never get the smell right
I can not smell “cherry blossom” PINK lotion the same again
Because all I remember is when I was thirteen
And who wants to remember when they were thirteen.
I still get scared to this day whenever I smell a musty, wet type of smell.
Because all I can pinpoint it to is a man who did not make my childhood years well.
He wore a big large green coat.
I avoid the memories that are associated with every time he put on this coat.
It is just rote.
Taste.
Smell and taste are intertwined with each other.
If you cannot smell you cannot taste.
I kind of want a relationship like taste and smell have.
Where we are so brilliant as individuals
And we always work together to be our best selves
I feel like I am more taste and he is smell in this scenario.
I can not be without him.
Call it codependency if you want, but it is more than that.
It is more intimate than that.
I crave him like a man who has been stranded on an island for a month would crave a hamburger.
I just want to be like how we were.
There it is.
Sight.
Hearing.
Touch.
Smell.
Taste.
The five senses of a human.
The five inputs of memories.
