I Wish I Was Good At Blogging

Fine, I’ll allow the moon too.

So one day I was day sleeping and I was dropping in an out of light sleep. I was doing this annoying thing as well where I was lucid dreaming but also day dreaming, basically my brain was consciously and unconsciously making up stories to keep my entertained. I was sleepy enough but I didn’t want to get up even though I needed to wee. I guess my brain decided it was fed up of being my jingley court jester and made an executive decision because the stupid lump of coal decided to force me awake. Now, I was dreaming about some girl being groomed and he baby kept disappearing so we were all looking for it. Weirdly, I was trying to pick up meat that kept dropping but everyone else was looking for the baby. Then I see something creeping across the counter on the corner of my eyes. Think of the spider in Spider-Man: into the spider verse but not blue or red. But like fucking massive with a lot of very hairy legs. Obviously my dream self sees this crap and loses it. I’m not really really scared of spiders but they unnerve me. So I tell everyone “omg, look at that spider” but the imaginary fucker keeps disappearing?? Then this Bitch my dream came up with goes to the edge of the room and picks up the fucking spider from a vent it had disappeared into. Dumb bitch keeps staring at said spider has if waiting for an answer to explain the discovery of the world or at least why she doesn’t feel like she’s a real person but just the figment of someone’s imagination. And then she fucking throws it at me?!! Because it’s a dream spider there to hurt me, it fucking bites me too?? And then my dream self lies of the beige carpet of this shitty room of the single mum whose baby is still missing surrounded by all the meat that I guess now live on the floor because I stopped picking them up slowly dying of poison from that huge mammoth spider which definitely is venomous wondering why considering the fact that I have some influence on this dream, why it was so fucking beige and how come no one is helping me not die? And then I woke up. My brain is such a dick. I just one day want to have a dream that sure doesn’t make sense but why be so fucking weird???

I can’t say I disagree with that notion.

Okay, okay, but hear me out. I’ve literally cried once trying to pull out of a parking spot when I didn’t back into it. Everyone just likes to.. move. As in, please stay where you are, can’t you see that I’m reversing? I only have two eyes that look forward. And they aren’t gonna look in front and behind simultaneously.

serious talk though, I loved you blue the ring.

Ladies, abortion has been sanctioned by Tower Hamlets road safety

But I won’t open it. I’m such a delicate little soul right now. A peck from a pigeon would crack me open all the way to my soul. What if he’s just like I never liked you anyways? Nah, better to bury my head and protect my pride. Sound advice as always little devil on my shoulder.

But that’s okay. I also don’t know if he’s real.

Me: Well, I tried, not my fault time is moving way too quickly.

You’re right. It can’t just be me.

I’m over all of that now. Not mentally because I’m one bad day away from a complete and irreversible mental breakdown. But I’ve decided to be over this all.

Okay, real talk. WHAT IN THE BORING FECK IS THIS? As a grown woman, how can I laugh at children for being scared of monsters when void man makes my heart beat so fast? I mean seriously!!!! Why does this scare me???? Some please explain why this scares me so much. Science side? Spiritual side? Void man side?

Whilst black people be here like if you pick up that money, you gonna turn a goat. And then add for extra sassiness, don't come bleating at me when you do.

Am I a bad person for laughing so much? It feels low key racist, right? But her character is so annoying and I'm sure any name would be ridiculed as her character is hated so much.

I have to tell you all now that I may never recover from the brilliance of this lyric.