clingy crumbs

im so pissed and i keep going from loving you to absolutely wanting to die because of you

i know that it’s expected and i shouldn’t feel hurt, but fuck you. i love you most in my life but i can’t express it because it is so fucking lame to admit it when i am not even up there for you. and i shouldn’t be mad cause it all makes sense but fuck you fuck you fuck you. i wanted to be important to you. i wish i fucking was. but i guess shit like this is why im not. I just want to be more.

just fucking say you hate me please it would be so much easier if you didn't fucking care. why are you still pretending. and if youre not. then why do you fucking care?

it is fucking whiplash to go from wanting you so badly and thinking i can do this friendship better to then realising i act so horribly all the time and that you deserve better than to wait for a stubborn me to change.

i know i am trying to get you to push me away but im scared you'll really do it one day. ill do too much and you'll have enough of it, and ill want you back so badly even if i caused it. on purpose.

please don't fucking play with me. everytime it's good i start to expect shit and then it gets crushed immediately. please don't let it happen again. please.

you make me so mad and i dont want to hate you but im starting to and i seem to have no control over the expression of my emotions.

you tell me you care and that you love me and then you leave me hanging and desperate knowing that you are all i have. i hate you but i hate myself more and i fear i will hurt you evilly if this keeps going on.

i wish you would just tell me you wanted this friendship to end. the longer we prolong this the worse it'll hurt when the inevitable happens.