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Superman when he hears from Lois that he only gets a kiss from her if he beats lex Luthor

Henry Cavill

Are you dizzy, Superman?

“Superman? What’s that in your briefs? It looks like some sort of device.”

“Yes… that’s exactly what it is. Mr Luthor installed it when my powers were temporarily knocked out. He was… he was way too clever for me, Jimmy. While I was weak and helpless, after he’d put the Kryptonite chain on me, he ordered me to take off my briefs and give them to him. It seemed a relatively innocent request. I didn’t think it could do any harm… I thought he was just trying to provoke me, humiliate me, and so to buy myself some time to recover, I agreed. I unfastened my belt, pulled down my briefs, stepped out of them and handed them over to Mr Luthor. I thought he would just use them to taunt me, and that while he was distracted with them I could try and free myself from the Kryptonite. But it was a dreadful mistake. I underestimated him.

“Once I slid them off, my briefs were no longer invulnerable, and Mr Luthor knew that would be the case. He made some quick incisions in them, even as I tried to protest, and he inserted this - a sort of living metal. I thought it was just a different kind of belt buckle - a petty gesture to make me look foolish, nothing more - and so when he returned my briefs, I could see no reason not to put them on… but as I pulled them back up my legs, in seconds the metal had begun to reshape itself. It flowed around my crotch and spread into tiny silver tendrils that penetrated the fabric of my tights, winding their way around my… my penis. 

“Oh!” I cried out, “Ooh! Luthor! What have you done to me? What did you put in my briefs?”

“He just stood there and laughed as I fell to my knees. In desperation, I tried to take off my briefs again, but it was too late. And just like that, my penis was in the hands of my greatest enemy; he can do what he wants with it. He trapped me, and tricked me, and now his device keeps me in my place… it keeps me submissive, binding me to him forever. Mr Luthor owns me now, Jimmy - all because I let him. I was a fool… a Super-fool. And now I’ve paid the price.