Astrology!

Me: Oh haha happy birthday! :)

Me 0.5 seconds later:

*anxiously glances at the clock*: Leo, Aquarius, Aries, Libra

*repeatedly taps foot*: Sagittarius, Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer

Grows up the fastest: Scorpio Stays young the longest: Cancer

Speaks the clearest: Leo Speaks the softest: Virgo

Thrives with others: Libra Thrives alone: Taurus

Values power: Capricorn Values knowledge: Sagittarius

Most courageous: Aries Most savvy: Pisces

ARIES MIDHEAVEN

coach - provide training direction, encouragement, motivation and nutritional advice to prepare athletes for games, competitive events or tours

pilot - start engines, operate controls and maneuver airplanes to transport passengers, mail or freight, adhering to flight plans, regulations and procedures

medical service manager - conduct and administer fiscal operations, including accounting, planning budgets, authorizing expenditures, establishing rates for services and coordinating financial reporting

CEO - direct, plan or implement policies, objectives or activities of organizations/businesses to ensure continuing operations, to maximize returns on investments or to increase productivity

education administrator - observe teaching methods and examine learning materials to evaluate and standardize curricula and teaching techniques, and to determine areas where improvement is needed

industrial production manager - review processing schedules or production orders to make decisions concerning inventory requirements, staffing requirements, work procedures or duty assignments, considering budgetary limitations and time constraints

choreographer - design dances for individual dancers, dance companies, musical theatre, opera, fashion shows, film, television productions and special events, and for dancers ranging from beginners to professionals

judge - interpret the law, assess the evidence presented and control how hearings and trials unfold in the courtrooms

music director - direct groups at rehearsals and live or recorded performances to achieve desired effects such as tonal and harmonic balance dynamics, rhythm and tempo

politician - create or propose laws that further the general interests of the public

tour guide - escort individuals or groups on cruises, sightseeing tours or through places of interest such as industrial establishments, public buildings and art galleries

TAURUS MIDHEAVEN

fashion designer - sketch rough and detailed drawings of apparel or accessories, and write specifications such as color schemes, construction, material types and accessory requirements

television/film producer - coordinate the activities of writers, directors, managers and other personnel throughout the production process

medical transcriptionist - transcribe dictation for a variety of medical reports, such as patient histories, physical examinations, emergency room visits, operations, chart reviews, consultation or discharge summaries

landscape artist - create paintings or other artistic representations of an outdoor environment

chef - direct and may participate in the preparation, seasoning and cooking of salads, soups, fish, meats, vegetables, desserts or other foods

librarian - review and evaluate materials, using book reviews, catalogs, faculty recommendations, and current holdings to select and order print, audio-visual and electronic resources

photo stylist - find the props, lighting and colors to create just the right feeling for the editorial spread being done

elementary school teacher - instruct students individually and in groups, using various teaching methods such as lectures, discussions and demonstrations

software engineer - develop testing programs that address areas such as database impacts, software scenarios, regression testing, negative testing, error/bug retests or usability

management consultant - help organizations improve their performance, operating primarily through the analysis of existing organizational problems and the development of plans for improvement

public relations specialist - engage in promoting or creating an intended public image for individuals, groups or organizations

GEMINI MIDHEAVEN

broadcast journalist - research, investigate and present news and current affairs content for television, radio and the internet

anthropologist - plan and direct research to characterize and compare the economic, demographic, health care, social, political, linguistic and religious institutions of distinct cultural groups, communities and organizations

lawyer - study constitution, statutes, decisions, regulations and ordinances of quasi-judicial bodies to determine ramifications for cases

marketing manager - identify, develop or evaluate marketing strategy, based on knowledge of establishment objectives, market characteristics, cost and markup factors

energy broker - forecast energy supply and demand to minimize costs, and maximize availability

interviewer - compile, record and code results or data from interview/survey, using computer or specified form

loan officer - analyze applicants’ financial status, credit and property evaluations to determine feasibility of granting loans

author - write original content for publication in novels, nonfiction books or textbooks, among other types of books

event planner - meet with sponsors and organizing committees to plan scope and format of events, to establish and monitor budgets or to review administrative procedures and event progress

desktop publisher - position text and art elements from a variety of databases in a visually appealing way to design print or web pages, using knowledge of type styles, size and layout patterns

real estate agent - promote sales of properties through advertisements, open houses and participation in multiple listing services

CANCER MIDHEAVEN

gardener - responsible for growing and cultivating all types of plants like flowers, trees, shrubs and lawns in a variety of green spaces

nanny - model appropriate social behaviors and encourage concern for others to cultivate development of interpersonal relationships and communication skills

emergency room nurse - treat patients in emergency situations where they’re experiencing trauma or injury

counselor - give guidance on personal, social or psychological problems

yoga instructor - teach yoga, the low-impact exercise that uses controlled postures and breathing techniques to improve flexibility/strength

corrections social worker - prevent recidivism by addressing the psycho-social issues, providing education and offering social service recommendations to successfully reintegrate into the community upon release

veterinarian - treat sick or injured animals by prescribing medication, setting bones, dressing wounds or performing surgery

ecologist - conduct surveys to identify, record and monitor species and their habitats

photographer - determine desired images and picture composition, selecting and adjusting subjects, equipment and lighting to achieve desired effects

archivist - appraise, edit and direct safekeeping of permanent records and historically valuable documents

proofreader - mark copy to indicate and correct errors in type, arrangement, grammar, punctuation or spelling, using standard printers’ marks

LEO MIDHEAVEN

entrepreneur - exercise initiative by organizing a venture to take benefit of an opportunity and, as the decision maker, decides what, how and how much of a good/service will be produced

actor - perform humorous and serious interpretations of emotions, actions and situations, using body movements, facial expressions and gestures

mediator - help people in conflict settle their disputes without going to court

sales representative - contact regular and prospective customers to demonstrate products, explain product features and solicit orders

project manager - have the responsibility of the planning, procurement and execution of a project, in any domain of engineering

athlete - exercise/practice under the direction of athletic trainers or professional coaches to develop skills, improve physical condition or prepare for competitions

hairstylist - cut, trim and shape hair or hairpieces, based on customers’ instructions, hair type and facial features, using clippers, scissors, trimmers and razors

police officer - provide for public safety by maintaining order, responding to emergencies, protecting people and property, enforcing motor vehicle and criminal laws, and promoting good community relations

musician - practice musical instrument performances, individually or in rehearsal with other musicians, to master individual pieces of music and to maintain and improve skills

building contractor - responsible for building, renovating or remodeling a building, and they oversee other contractors working on the job

comedian - recite a grouping of humorous stories, jokes, one-liners or routines in front of an audience, intended to evoke laughter

VIRGO MIDHEAVEN

business analyst - analyze an organization or business domain (real or hypothetical) and documents its business or processes/systems, assessing the business model or its integration with technology

meteorologist - interpret data, reports, maps, photographs or charts to predict long- or short-range weather conditions, using computer models and knowledge of climate theory, physics and mathematics

forensic accountant - analyze, interpret, summarize and present complex financial and business related issues in a manner which is both understandable and properly supported

aerospace engineer - perform engineering duties in designing, constructing/testing aircraft, missiles and spacecraft

detective - interview potential suspects, examine records and apprehend criminals

credit controller - coordinate the debts of existing creditors and decide whether to allow credit to a debtor – ultimately managing all money borrowed or owed to your business 

purchase ledger clerk - help firms evaluate vendor shipment levels, operating inventory turnovers, working capital needs and customer management processes

statistician - adapt statistical methods to solve specific problems in many fields, such as economics, biology and engineering

playwright - write plays

astronomer - study celestial phenomena, using a variety of ground-based, space-borne telescopes and scientific instruments

criminologist - analyze data to determine why a crime was committed, and find ways to predict, deter and prevent further criminal behavior

LIBRA MIDHEAVEN

animator - create multiple images, known as frames, which give an illusion of movement when displayed in rapid sequence

video game designer - create core game features including storylines, role-play mechanics and character biographies for a new video game or game franchise

naval architect - design, build and maintain ships from aircraft carriers to submarines, from sailboats to tankers

interior designer - subcontract fabrication, installation and arrangement of carpeting, fixtures, accessories, draperies, paint and wall coverings, art work, furniture, and related items

comic book artist - illustrate comic books by drawing characters and scenes  

sound effects editor - responsible for selecting and assembling sound recordings in preparation for the final sound mixing or mastering of a television program, motion picture, video game, or any production involving recorded/synthetic sound

web developer - design, build or maintain websites, using authoring or scripting languages, content creation tools, management tools and digital media

model - work closely with photographers, fashion coordinators, directors, producers, stylists, make-up artists, other models and clients to produce the desired looks, and to finish photo shoots on schedule

dancer - perform classical, modern or acrobatic dances in productions, expressing stories, rhythm and sound with their bodies

talent agent - find jobs for actors, authors, film directors, musicians, models, film producers, professional athletes, writers, screenwriters, broadcast journalists and other people in various entertainment or broadcast businesses  

film director - responsible for creatively translating the film’s written script into actual images and sounds on the screen

SCORPIO MIDHEAVEN

crime science technician - help investigate crimes by collecting and analyzing physical evidence

archaeologist - write, present/publish reports that record site history, methodology and artifact analysis results, along with recommendations for conserving and interpreting findings

geographer - create and modify maps, graphs or diagrams, using geographical information software and related equipment, and principles of cartography such as coordinate systems, longitude, latitude, elevation, topography and map scales

legal assistant - investigate facts and law of cases, and search pertinent sources, such as public records, to determine causes of action and to prepare cases

bookkeeper - perform any combination of routine calculating, posting and verifying duties to obtain primary financial data for use in maintaining accounting records

court reporter - record verbatim proceedings of courts, legislative assemblies, committee meetings and other proceedings, using computerized recording equipment, electronic stenograph machines or stenomasks

electrician - test electrical systems or continuity of circuits in electrical wiring, equipment/fixtures, using testing devices, such as ohmmeters, voltmeters or oscilloscopes, to ensure compatibility and safety of system

translator - translate messages simultaneously or consecutively into specified languages, orally or by using hand signs, maintaining message content, context and style as much as possible

computer programmer - conduct trial runs of programs and software applications to be sure they will produce the desired information and that the instructions are correct

pharmacist - dispense drugs prescribed by physicians/other health practitioners, and provide information to patients about medications and their use

geneticist - research and study the inheritance of traits at the molecular, organism or population level

SAGITTARIUS MIDHEAVEN

botanist - study the effects of pollution on plants and work toward environmental protection, and identify new plant species and evaluate their parts/uses

skydiving instructor - help beginning jumpers learn the safety procedures and processes needed to take their first jump

lifeguard - examine injured persons and administer first aid or cardiopulmonary resuscitation, if necessary, using training and medical supplies/equipment

park ranger - provide visitor services, such as explaining regulations, answering visitor requests, needs and complaints, and providing information about the park as well as surrounding areas

forester - plan and supervise forestry projects, such as determining the type, number and placement of trees to be planted, managing tree nurseries, thinning forest and monitoring growth of new seedlings

paramedic - assess injuries, administer emergency medical care and extricate trapped individuals

organic farmer - produce fruits, vegetables, grains or livestock without the use of pesticides, herbicides or chemical fertilizers

travel writer - produce articles for travel magazines, hotel/spa periodicals and other printed publications

college professor - teach college students

singer - interpret or modify music, applying knowledge of harmony, melody, rhythm and voice production to individualize presentations and maintain audience interest

cruise director - responsible for all activities and entertainment on a ship, from musicians and lecturers to deck parties and evening shows

CAPRICORN MIDHEAVEN

business development executive - assist their companies acquire new customers and sell additional products or services to existing ones

content marketer - create and distribute valuable, relevant and consistent content to attract and retain a clearly-defined audience — and, ultimately, drive profitable customer action

air traffic controller - manage the flow of aircraft into and out of the airport airspace, guide pilots during takeoff and landing, and monitor aircraft as they travel through the skies

hearing aid practitioner - evaluate hearing ability

polysomnographic technologist - work with people who have diagnosed or suspected sleep disorders

zoologist - study animals in their natural habitats, assess effects of environment and industry on animals, interpret findings and recommend alternative operating conditions for industry

mathematician - develop computational methods for solving problems that occur in areas of science and engineering, or that come from applications in business/industry

economist - compile, analyze and report data to explain economic phenomena and forecast market trends, applying mathematical models and statistical techniques

social media manager - administer the company’s social media marketing and advertising

art therapist - talk with clients during art or other therapy sessions to build rapport, acknowledge their progress, or reflect upon their reactions to the artistic process

biochemist - study physical principles of living cells/organisms and their electrical or mechanical energy, applying methods and knowledge of mathematics, physics, chemistry or biology

AQUARIUS MIDHEAVEN

neurosurgeon - specialize in the diagnosis and surgical treatment of disorders of the central and peripheral nervous system including congenital anomalies, trauma, tumors, vascular disorders, infections of the brain or spine, stroke or degenerative diseases of the spine

historian - gather historical data from sources such as archives, court records, diaries, news files and photographs, as well as collect data sources such as books, pamphlets and periodicals

paleontologist - study fossils that range from tiny bacteria to giant dinosaurs

firefighter - move toward the source of a fire, using knowledge of types of fires, construction design, building materials and physical layout of properties

arbitrator - draw on knowledge of relevant laws, precedents and policies to thoughtfully weigh the merits of each side’s perspective and then determine liability

community organizer - focus on fixing broken social systems, bringing about meaningful changes to peoples’ lives and empowering vulnerable or oppressed populations

orhodontist - study diagnostic records, such as medical or dental histories, plaster models of the teeth, photos of a patient’s face and teeth, and x-rays to develop patient treatment plans

content strategist - responsible for strategic elements of online content

linguist - implement scientific methodologies to the study of languages, making observations, developing and analyzing hypotheses and constructing prototypes/theories

clinical psychologist - interact with clients to assist them in gaining insight, defining goals and planning action to achieve effective personal, social, educational and vocational development and adjustment

food scientist - inspect food processing areas to ensure compliance with government regulations and standards for sanitation, safety, quality and waste management standards

PISCES MIDHEAVEN

speech pathologist - assess and treat persons with speech, language, voice and fluency disorders

house sitter - temporarily live in a residence that is not theirs to deter intruders and keep the household in shape while the regular occupant is away

family practitioner - provide comprehensive care to patients of all ages with all sorts of conditions  

music teacher - teach people how to play an instrument, or give singing and voice lessons

animal trainer - conduct training programs to develop or maintain desired animal behaviors for competition, entertainment, obedience, security, riding, or related purposes

marine biologist - study plant and animal life in saltwater environments

cinematographer - in charge of the camera and lighting departments while shooting a film

soil and plant scientist - conduct experiments to develop new or improved varieties of field crops, focusing on characteristics such as yield, quality, disease resistance, nutritional value or adaptation to specific soils/climates

intelligence analyst - piece together information from a variety of sources in order to assess threats and prevent attacks from interior and exterior enemies

muralist - create very large paintings, usually the size of an entire wall or even the entire side of a building

Mercury in Aries: jokes at others’ expense, tries to be funnier than the people around them, likes to tease (or goad), loves wacky dares, very physical and demonstrative, does funny things more than says them, immature, likes stunts. Mercury in Taurus: quirky, charming, classic, lots of idioms, euphemisms, and innuendos, subtle implications, smooth, flirtatious, sophisticated, rhetorical, doesn’t exactly “joke” but they’re entertaining anyway, can be dry or ironic. Mercury in Gemini: turns everything into a joke, can be inappropriate, very quick-witted, clever, ironic, rhetorical, demonstrative, loves to use facial expressions, silly, playful, loves pranks and games, punny, mischievous. Mercury in Cancer: sometimes indirect and subtle but seldom sarcastic or dry, old-fashioned, loves to make puns, wholesome humor, cute, silly, can be demonstrative, may exaggerate, mostly simple & fun, often immature. Mercury in Leo: very dramatic, jokes at literally everybody’s expense (including their own), makes playfully arrogant/vain statements, demonstrative, loves to exaggerate, very perceptive of reactions & caters to their “audience.” Mercury in Virgo: tells jokes people don’t get, good at puns, can be self-depreciating, dry humor, witty, often ironic, jokes are complaints & complaints are jokes, sophisticated, can’t play along, good at telling amusing stories. Mercury Libra: might disguise unkind jokes under charm/niceness, master of “relatable” jokes, makes a lot of references, often dramatic, indirect, avoids sarcasm, usually tries to make sure their jokes aren’t at anybody’s expense. Mercury in Scorpio: dark humor (sometimes offensively so), inside jokes galore, ironic, sarcastic, indirect, vague, often takes their jokes too far, tells jokes for their own enjoyment, likes to get reactions, mildly mean, rhetorical. Mercury in Sagittarius: exaggerates a lot (& tends to be sarcastic as a result), often offensive, uses a lot of accents, tells hilarious stories, very blunt & direct, can be mean, can’t tell a joke with a straight face, inappropriate. Mercury in Capricorn: tends to be condescending, very dry humor, hilarious things spoken in a totally deadpan manner, extremely sarcastic in a bland but entertaining way, “intellectual” jokes, lots of shrugs and eye-rolls, mature. Mercury in Aquarius: usually pretty offensive, witty, loves pushing the envelope of comedy, tests people, very sarcastic, the kind of person to stretch their joke on for as long as possible & keep adding to it, enjoys reactions. Mercury in Pisces: self-depreciating, amazing at impressions & mimicking, very creative & good at situational humor, endlessly ironic, makes sure you know they’re joking & probably apologizes for a lot of their jokes, vague.

Your Jupiter sign generally describes what you consider to be funny, so if you have Jupiter in Aries, for example, you will likely laugh the most at people who have an Aries sense of humor.

Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to the sun: sense of humor will be more dramatic, self-centered, creative, unique, and exhibitionistic. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to the moon: sense of humor will be more innocent, wholesome, considerate, softer, and more modest. Jupiter in aspect to Mercury: sense of humor will be wittier, exaggerated, more inappropriate, playful, mischievous, quirky, and youthful. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to Venus: sense of humor will be more graceful, sophisticated, refined, classic, inoffensive, polite, and charming. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to Mars: sense of humor will be more aggressive, impactful, immature, quick, mean, demonstrative, and boyish. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to Saturn: sense of humor will be more dry, mature, sarcastic, careful, calm, reserved, and uncertain. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to Uranus: sense of humor will be more eccentric, offensive, unique, shocking, strange, random, and interesting. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to Neptune: sense of humor will be more imaginative, sensitive, nonsensical, unique, adaptable, and confusing. Mercury or Jupiter in aspect to Pluto: sense of humor will be more intense, morbid, taboo, interesting, controversial, twisted, and reserved.