˗ˏˋ wolvin ˎˊ˗

— last updated : june 12th 2026

— update log : removed strawpage and added some userboxes

So this is my sona and supposed to represent me. I was planning on using this drawing as a pfp for this blog, but i changed my mind because i also like the pfp i have right now. So i'll be using this for my dreamwidth and other future platforms instead.

this blog is like a diary to me. I don't mind if strangers come across my corny vent posts or some shit because i'll never see them again and i can just block them if i dont like them. but i REALLY dont want my best friend, or really any friend, to find this blog. i know they're nosy and will try to look at my older posts.

i think you guys already know about the situation thats going on between my best friend and i. i really don't want to get into some debate with him again. last time we did i cried myself to sleep because i thought he didn't like me anymore and that i was ganna lose him. he means so much to me, i can feel my stomach twisting when he gets even slightly irritated with me. the last thing i want is another disagreement with him. what will i do when he finds out about all the thing we disagree about? He believes transspecies is a part of radqueer, i dont. i believe physical therians are valid, he thinks therianthropy is strictly non-physical. hell i used to be a physical therian myself!! if he finds that one post i made about him and how i just go with the flow and shit, im beyond fucked. he'll just call me out again, say some shit that hurts me, i try to apologize and somehow manage to say something hurtful back without even meaning to, he'll try to accuse me of shit i didn't even say, and then it will just end up with us ignoring the problem and never making it right.

i fucking love alterhumanity and he does too. but everytime we even try to talk about it to eachother we just end up doing THAT. i feel like i'm not allowed to disagree with him or step out of line. like i have to view alterhumanity the same way and use the same sources as him or else im a stupid dimwit and uneducated. when i try to say something back it's like my words twist into the meanest thing i could ever say right before leaving my mouth, and then he just twists them even more!

But the thing is, he also very different from me. Phycology is very loved by him. He likes to delve deep into how the mind works. He likes analyzing others, have deep conversations, research, and write a lot of meaningful stuff. But i'm the exact opposite. I like to keep things simple, write about things like how i connect with my therianthropy or silly stuff I do as an otherkin. My writing skills are terrible and I'm bad with words. sometimes my fingers move on their own or I say stuff I don't really mean.

It's fun reading posts written by others who like writing about, the phycology, and the history of alterhumans and the community . I have learned a lot by doing that. But doing that myself makes me overwhelmed. I don't like explaining why something is or how it came to be. I'm not built for that, man. I just go with the flow.

But my friend loves doing that. And so everytime we try to talk about alterhumaity to eachother, he wants to talk about something actually meaningful. But when I try to talk to him about that, I just spew out complete bullshit. I have said mean things while not even trying to. When I tell you that I'm bad with words, I mean it.

Today he asked me about daemonism and my thoughts on it. She also mention that they also used to have a daemon. I was so happy! But I really wasn't looking forward to having a full on meaningful conversation like he did so I kinda lied and said I've heard about it a few times but never really looked into it WHILE being a daemain myself. But I was so happy that he also knows about daemonism so I asked them where he heard about it and gave some dumb excuse on why i asked that. But that that excuse ended up hurting her. I really didn't mean to :(

Everytime we try to talk about therianthropy it just leads to us bickering and disagreeing. I end up offending them and not understanding what he's saying. He ends up unhappy and irritated.

They mean so much to me. He has listened to my problems and supported me. I love and care about him deeply. We may have disagreements and we may be very different from eachother, but he still means sososososo much to me. My heart aches when I end up hurting him by my dumb words and I hate to see her get more irritated with every single thing that comes out of my mouth. But i really can't do anything about that unless I take classes. And I'm not doing that. money's tight and i have bigger fish to fry.

I wish i could tell him all of this but i have gotten scared of communicating with him at this point. I feel like he will get angry at me again. It's like I'm talking to an adult with a body of a teenager. They'll just end up getting hurt and I'll just end up on my knees begging for forgiveness. At this point I have even been avoiding talking to him about alterhumanity, something that means so much to me! I don't care that we disagree on some stuff about therianthropy and otherkinity but he sure does.