(♡⁠)༄♱⚖︎☽

I'm not inspired today. I've barely been able to concentrate on work, and I have a deadline this Thursday for an art direction project that I don't know how to start. I love advertising, but creating beer brand campaigns isn't my thing even though it sounds fun.

I've been thinking about going home for days. I miss my family and friends, but living in a different environment has made me happier. I wouldn't really say happy, more like I feel comfortable and my mind doesn't think as often as it used to.

Today I've truly wasted my time, but tomorrow will be another better day. I'll never give up.

Watching Lena Dunham's Girls (2012 - 2017) was always like looking through a dirty window into a life I didn't fully understand... until now. I found the series chaotic, sometimes uncomfortable, and overly honest. I didn't identify with any of the characters, but now that I'm living away from home, in a new environment, working and trying to understand who I am and what I want, I realize how deeply I identify with these broken, contradictory, and yet so real characters.

Hannah, with her desperate need for validation, her creative ambition, and her lack of emotional direction, reminds me of myself in more ways than one. Sometimes I find myself justifying mediocre decisions, convinced that I'm "accumulating experiences" when in reality I'm just avoiding the fear of not knowing what's next. Her unfiltered way of speaking, writing as if no one else were reading her, inspires me… but it also scares me. What if I, too, am telling myself stories to avoid facing the truth?

The character of Marnie, with her empty perfectionism and obsession with control, represents that side of me that wants everything to look good on the outside, even though I don't know what I feel inside. That need to be "the responsible one," "the one with a plan," even when I'm not even convinced by the plan anymore. And then there's Jessa: That free spirit who seems to need nothing and no one, but whose freedom is often just a facade to escape pain. There are days when I envy their detachment, and others when I see myself reflected in their emotional clumsiness, in their fear of intimacy disguised as courage.

Living far from my people, starting over, working to support myself… has made me understand what previously seemed exaggerated to me in the series. Friendship, as they portray it, is a battlefield; love, a clumsy experiment; and identity, a work in progress. Girls (2012 - 2017) doesn't offer answers, but I now understand that's the beauty of it all: the shared uncertainty, the failure narrated with irony, the growth that happens when you're not paying attention.

Today, more than ever, I feel like this series is a brutal love letter to the confusion of my twenties. And I'm finally ready to read between the lines.

A few days ago I saw the movie The Diary of a Teenage Girl for the first time, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

The story shows how early experiences can be confusing, exciting, and sometimes painful, but they are all part of the growing-up process. I've been lucky enough to live my life my way: I laughed, listened to a lot of music, obsessed, and experimented with my sexual desires with the wrong person, but I'll never regret it. Like Minnie, the protagonist, I experienced the limits of freedom, I let myself be loved and I hated men a lot, a lot... But remember >>> the value of experiencing first love lies not only in the romantic or sexual experience, but in the learning that arises from facing the complexities of desire and vulnerability. Minnie, at first, feels empowered by her control of her sexuality, but over time she discovers the emotional ambiguity that comes with being involved with someone who doesn't value her in the same way. This process of disillusionment, although painful, is essential for your personal growth.

The most important thing about this story is that adolescence is not romanticized, but is shown with all its lights and shadows, highlighting that it is a stage of trial and error, where one learns from experiences, even those that do not turn out as expected.

The Diary of a Teenage Girl (Marielle Heller, 2015)

I haven't written here for weeks. That means everything has been great, and it's true. It's been a month now and I miss my mom... and some people who stayed in the south, but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.

My body and mind are at peace.