Classily Clumsy

College has been well, difficult these past few months. You would think that graduating from an Early College program would prepare me for the rigorous courses and talking to professors and it did, the downside to this is that what no amount of high school can prepare you for is at college you eat, breathe, sleep, live school. And for some, yours truly included, it is so easy to burn out. I can genuinely say that a good ¾ of the way into the semester I burned out. I made my first ever D in a class, still haven’t told my parents that I’m retaking my calc 2 class, slightly changed my major, (dropped the engineering part so now no longer a double major) and I’ve realized that I’m taking a lot of classes next semester. But with that said, 2017 really tested my perseverance, my motivation, and my intelligence and I’ve learned that as much as I want to coast through college in the same way I did in High School I really need to buckle down and go on this long and hard drive. 2018 has begun and while many people have started, and some even failed, their New Year’s Resolution, I want to start a New Year’s Revolution. I want to change how I live, how I learn, and how I love this year.

How I Live

To say that I’m going to change how I live is a big goal, but one I want to achieve. To begin I want to start organizing more. While I’ve always been organized in my academic life, my day to day life is more of a disheveled mess. I am instead challenging myself to focus more on what need and less on what I want. I want to reward myself for my hard work but without making it the sole motivation of the goal. I want to exercise more in the hopes of it improving my outlook on myself instead of only ever thinking that I’m solely good at academia. And the big one this year is to drink more water, yes you heard me, water. I know that while it is not a lot that I’m wanting to change, I’m hoping these small steps can make a revolutionary change in my physical and mental well being.

How I Learn

A thing I never thought I would change was my work ethic, I had been up until senior year a straight A student, and even graduated valedictorian of my class, but what the first semester of college taught me is that there are far more things to do outside of class work that can tempt me to not work as hard. With the new semester, I’m currently planning to take a 17 credit hour course load, assistant stage manage the musical, work a part time job on campus, visit the tutoring center a lot more, as well as audition for the play, I know that finding time for school work and myself will be difficult. All this aside, I don’t want to only focus on school work but need to make this my central focus of the semester. I am currently looking for a new system of to do list (if anyone has any pointers please feel free to let me know) to help me make certain that I get all of my work done. I plan on utilizing more of my time on studying each day instead of cramming a few days before and re-writing/condensing notes to focus on the important aspects instead of the superfluous ones. Overall I want this semester to be a work smarter not harder one.

How I Love

Now I’m not writing this saying that I want to be in a romantic relationship anytime soon, but rather I want to love myself more, share more love, and enjoy more love. My goal is to share positivity, encouragement, and love wherever I go instead of the negativity, negativity needs to be left behind in 2017. I want to take time and appreciate all that I was, all that I am, and all that I will be. I want to spend less time on how to make myself better by changing how I look, or feel and dedicate that time to volunteering and giving more.

The book by Jay Asher was published TEN YEARS AGO, so if the context of the show is so problematic, why has nothing been done in the past ten years of the books publishing?

Hannah is not seeking revenge in taking her own life, she was raped, bullied, and neglected, she had no clue that her suicide would spark change. In fact most people who have taken their own life (something I am not supporting in any way) are not trying to make a change, they unfortunately see no other option or way out of their situation.

This isn’t the first time a @netflix original has touched a serious topic. Aubrey and Daisy is an original documentary that discusses the story of two teenagers who were raped and took their own lives. The show Dear White People has also sparked a lot of controversy, but people continue to obsess over this one.

It speaks about very real issues that many people, high schoolers and not, face, bullying, sexual assault, depression, and yes even suicide, but Netflix has included resources to help people in these situations.

Yes while some of it has been hyperbolized for the sake of keeping the viewers attention, it is important to acknowledge that this is a work of fiction, yes the subject and context of the show is very real, people need to be able to distinguish the difference between a fictional television show and real life

The show has stayed fairly true to the book, so again if people are against letting people watch the show than also advise against the book

Some people have complained about the extreme use of profanity, I have to say that while I can see the reason to be upset, that is actually how a lot of today’s teenagers speak, and a lot of it is due to seeing it on social media or hearing it at home or school, so in that sense, Netflix was trying to demonstrate how teens communicate (for the most part as I know that not all high schoolers swear)

The show sheds light on signs of mental illness, in showing that many of the people Hannah was close to never saw her illness because she had not previously been considered “at-risk” or showed the stereotypical signs of depression.

The show encourages discussion, discussion about signs of mental illness, what to do if you or a loved one might be dealing with a mental illness, and also discussion about grief and learning to move on/let go when someone we know dies.

Part of the controversy, is that the issues discussed, underage drinking, sexual assault, suicide are all taboo in society and seldom discussed in the classroom or at home. Many parents/teachers hope that if students never hear or see it they will never think to do it, but with this show and book these issues again are being talked about much like they were when Perks of Being a Wallflower and Speak had their time in the controversial sun.

If any issues in this show are concerning, it’s that Hannah had multiple cries for help but was dismissed for being a moody teenage girl who turned everything into her problem when she was truly struggling with her inner demons

Netflix has done a lot of things to warn people of the graphic content of the show, to begin, the show does have a TV MA rating which is defined as shows with content that may be unsuitable for those under the age of 17 to watch, and they have put may disclaimers throughout the series.

At the end of the day, this show wanted to start conversations, and it did just that. It is important to know that everyone has different maturity levels, and it is okay for a person to say that maybe they or their child is not quite ready to watch the show yet, I do hope that this show and book become key discussion points for these issues.

‘There once was a delicious pie

that was left on a shelf up high

along came a flea

who jumped up with glee

I was nervous that first time

I don’t have time

We went on a date

To go on a date

I had no clue what to say

This is kind of hard to say

And when it was all over

I hate to say it’s over

I couldn’t wait to see you again

I mean the likelihood of me seeing you again

I knew from the start that it may not last

Considering the circumstance you see why it can’t last

And still I got involved

I’m too involved

The sweet goodnight kiss in the car

High school has been one rather long amusement park ride for me, and not like one of those cool ones like Space Mountain, I mean like getting stuck on It’s A Small World and the only thing working is that annoying song (yes this has happened to me, it wasn’t a fun experience at all).  But no seriously, who ever said these would be the best years of my life were just spoon feeding me lies. I mean sure I’ve made probably the best friend I could ever have, but I feel like so many people I know and are currently at my school are people who I will probably never see after High School. I think what inspired me to write this post was seeing number 1 one of my friend’s blog post about her taking a gap year next year, and number 2, that in about a month I not only graduate from high school, but also college, or at least community college, since I’m in an early college program. This brings us to the first “G-word” on my list: Graduation.

Sure graduation means not having school (or at least mandatory education as college in the US is not required ~for now~) and celebrating the accomplishment of finishing school, but for me it symbolizes moving into the ~adult~ world and the problems facing us today like the threat of war, a lunatic for president, crippling student debt, the list goes on; and facing these alone has me completely petrified. I mean sure, I’ve picked my college (Meredith College *whoop*) and my major(s) but in December everything felt so far away and now in April it feels too close. Also another thing no one tells you about graduation is senioritus is actually a lot harder to combat that most people believe, if you’ve ever known a person or had a sibling who graduated high school maybe they told you it was real, maybe you just thought they were hyperbolizing the entire experience, maybe you though “senior year won’t be that hard”. Well, they were right, it’s real and it’s a struggle.  To briefly explain it, you don’t really feel senioritus in the fall semester because graduation feels so far away, then, usually after winter break, you start to feel like the school year is dragging on. What doesn’t help is most students know by March where they did and didn’t get in  so the mentality sets in, “I’ve gotten into college/university, why do I need to continue to work?” the issue with this is of course there is still the rest of the school year that you have to finish. But I think the most daunting thing about graduating is leaving, I have all of my friends at my school, some who are in grades behind me and aren’t graduating yet, some who are taking gap years, and some leaving the state to attend college; it’s just all so unfamiliar to me. But hey, that’s growing up.

Ahh yes the next “G-word” growing up, or in my case not wanting too. Now I’m not proposing that I run away to Neverland with Peter Pan, unless of course he just pops in and offers, and then maybe I’d be game, but just maybe find a way where I can still be a “kid” despite now legally being an adult. I think this stems from this feeling I’ve had since a child that I’ve always had to be a min-adult. I’ve always felt that I had to act more mature than people my age, that I had to be more academically and socially advance than people my age, and in the process I’ve felt as though I’ve never really had the chance to “act my age.” So far this school year I’ve been trying to do this, doing a play and musical at the same time, I went on my first date, had my first kiss, broke curfew, skipped a class (or two), and while I’m not saying all of these are things people should do before college, it has helped me to feel more like a high schooler rather than a mini-adult. So maybe growing up doesn’t completely terrify me, but rather the fear that I haven’t been able to be my age.