hwuh

Wanna count with me?

Just being your own best friend?

He doesn’t hate you.

You happy now?

He’s an out-of-the-box kid. He’s quirky.

No, don’t be. He’s a dick.

Before it’s as cold and black as my womb.

You should call me sometime.

No, mommy’s joking, honey. Like a clown.

God, really? ‘Cause I feel like an abandoned trash barge.

In the eighties there was this giant boat full of garbage that just drifted up and down the East Coast for weeks. They couldn’t figure out where to dump it. Eventually, they docked the boat in Brooklyn and burned all the trash.

My boss once bought me a cup of soup. I paid him back.

Lucky little bastards.

Ooh, is it money?

How does that work? Does this lady breast-feed? Jesus, there’s nothing you people won’t outsource.

That’s because she was only here at night! They come in and out like a ninja.

You didn’t hire one of those people for me, did you?

I love you, I don’t ever want to see you that way again.

I know you think this is some bougie thing that rich assholes do. And maybe it is. But remember, I wasn’t always a rich asshole. 

I feel like these last couple of years… Someone just snuffed out a match.

You need to rest, mommy.

I get it. They’re big donors, they called in a favour. 

Do I have a kid or a fucking ukulele? 

Don’t fucking touch me, [name]. 

Oh, I leave like this every day; you just don’t know it. This is the real me, when I’m not licking your asshole. Surprise!

I’m here to take care of you.

Oh, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want you to sustain a bruise to your ego. That’s cool. I’ll just cancel. I’ll just cancel and make another pot of coffee. We’re good. 

I feel like I don’t know her at all yet.

And so to bed.

Maybe she’s nocturnal. Like an owl.

I want to make it abundantly clear that you can’t be self-conscious around me. This won’t work if you are.

I’m just not used to people doing things for me, that’s all.

Well, boats get hurt by barnacles. But whales don’t. When a barnacle latches onto a whale, it’s harmless. It’s just a little obligate parasite doing its thing.

That makes me nervous, because it doesn’t get better for girls, you know?

Right? It sounds like a Tom Cruise movie, except shitty and kind of sad.

You’re laying bedrock; they’re planting flowers. 

Every morning I open my closet and think “Didn’t I just do this?” And that continues for the rest of the day. “Didn’t I just do this?” My life is like stuck on repeat mode. 

That’s the downside of living on a planet with a short solar day. Although Jupiter’s even shorter.

You’re like a book of fun facts for unpopular fourth graders.

I can’t fix the parts without treating the whole.

It’s just the gaping hole where the chicken’s organs used to be.

You know they make sangria in prison toilets, right?

I know, they call it ‘pruno’.

Does [name] ever ask about me?

Oh, well why don’t you guys just talk about it?

But you love him.

I know I picked the right person.

So why don’t you guys have sex?

I don’t want my kids to grow up like I did.

What kind of… stuff is he into?

I checked his browser history once, it was pretty basic stuff.

It’s so normal, I thought it would be something really fucking sinister.

You have had zero kids.

Wait, is this a fifties diner? I wanna be period accurate.

I had a dream about a camel. 

Um, she still has a father, doesn’t she?

Why are you so nice to me?

You trusted me with [name]’s life. That’s real, that means something.

I could murder you. Admit it, you’ve thought about it.

That is a fucked up thing to joke about!

Whoa, your molecules are everywhere.

No, I’m thirsty, not dirty.

Nobody wants to fuck mommy, okay?

Let’s say you were to take a wooden ship and replace one plank every year. Eventually, the ship would be made up of entirely new planks and there would be nothing left of the original ship. So is it still the same ship? Or a new ship?

Nothing is the same. It’s a new ship, baby. Nouveau bateau. 

Then what about people? When you look at your baby pictures, clearly you’re unrecognizable compared to now. But it’s you.

If every part of me has regenerated then I guess I’m not me anymore.

God, I loved her. I was really in love with her.

I just need you to stay a little bit longer, you know? I need your help. Please.

I was just here to bridge a gap. It’s time for me to move on.

So what do you have lined up? I bet you have big plans. Your twenties are great. But then your thirties come around the corner like a garbage truck at 5 a.m. Yeah. You gotta think long-term. What are you going to do when that cute little ass drops and your feet grow half a size with each pregnancy, and the whole “free spirit” thing stops being charming and starts looking ugly?

I’m not afraid of the future.

You know what your problem is? You’re convinced you’re a failure, but you actually made your biggest dream come true.

I know how bad your childhood was. So now you’re giving your kids what you never had.

Yes, you are boring. Your marriage is boring, your house is boring, and that’s incredible. That’s the big dream you had when you were young. To grow up and be dull and constant and raise your kids in that circle of safety. You made it happen. You are a steady and elegant mother. Day after day. Night after night. 

I’m not safe, I’m scared!

She won’t be the same tomorrow.

One second, we’re performing a miracle!

All we do is converse. We’re like the people in a Spanish textbook. Mario and Julio, they never shut up.

Look. You’re going to be in a soft bed in your little house before you know it. Under the same roof with your three babies, cozy and crowded. That old carpeting in your bedroom. World’s weakest shower. Home. 

Obviously we can’t keep seeing each other.

If I’m older, why are you so much wiser? 

I started learning Italian, do I forget that?

Thank you for keeping me alive.

You didn’t do anything.

I just want you to be okay.

‘If I’d known you were looking for Marcia fucking Brady I would have stayed home.’

‘Yeah, I go, I go see, nobody sees me.’

‘I don’t know,

‘Does she remind you of your mother?’

‘No, she reminds me of my brother. He’s in jail now, thank Jesus.’

‘You don’t have any clothes on.’

‘Don’t change the subject.’

‘Where does everyone go when they have to go?’

‘Please don’t go.’

‘She was like a puppy who’s like “love me, love me, love me, love me!”’

‘I met somebody. Someone I really like.’

‘Take a deep breath, you are in for the ride of your life.’

‘How do you know my name?’

‘I’m God, I know everything.’

‘See? Even God knows your name.’

‘With a face like that she doesn’t need a name.’

‘Sometimes even I don’t believe it, but it’s all true.’

‘I do be the prettiest, prettiest girl. I do be that.’

‘Wanna go for a ride?’

‘Always the same story, always different.’

‘I think she was a different person to everybody.’

‘She wanted me there. She wanted me there all the time.’

‘Who died?’

‘Are you fucking a florist behind my back?’

‘You’re a model, aren’t you?’

‘Why, do I look stupid?’

‘Maybe we could party.’

‘You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen.’

‘All right, see you around.’

‘What the fuck was that?’

‘Look, I’ll come back, but I have to go home now.’

‘I need you-- I need you now!’

‘Your ass is fat, honey.’

‘Life is so disappointing, hmm?’

‘Life will be there later.’

‘It’s the only answer I know.’

‘I should’ve been a rockstar, but I can’t sing.’

‘Please, vanish from my world.’

‘And all the people loved her and she was very, very happy.’

‘The thing you have to remember is that it’s not about you.’

‘You have to stay separate from what you’re doing, you have to be somewhere else. But I don’t know where that somewhere else is.’

‘I don’t think a woman is really a woman unless she’s a blonde, you know?’

‘You don’t have to be anybody. Because being somebody doesn’t make you anybody anyway.’

‘I thought you were sick.’

‘I am sick, darling. Sick and tired.’

‘Plenty of time to rest when you’re in the ground.’

‘She really looked dead, didn’t she?’

‘The great thing about the afterlife is nobody really cares how you look.’

‘It means that you’re half dead.’

‘Oh my god, did you just almost throw up?’

‘She’s out of her fucking mind.’

‘I was thinking about you.’

‘I don’t have a boyfriend anymore.’

‘We did. We did make it work.’

‘Just out of the blue, you’re coming home?’

‘You are a piece of work, you are.’

‘I hope she fucking dies in Philadelphia.’ 

‘I could do this, you know? I could be a fucking housewife.’

‘What is wrong with you, huh?’

‘I can't live like this, and I can't live without you.’

‘Because you're a greedy fuck.’

‘Everyone's aware of the drug problem, you haven't been very discreet.’

‘I'm not supposed to talk. I'm supposed to just look beautiful.’

‘It's hard to make out the difference between what's real and what's not real.’

‘I just wanted to make you smile.’

‘Please don't leave me.’

‘I don't believe you.’

‘I need you so much. Don't make me do this.’

‘I don't make you do anything. I wish I could.’

‘You could take care of me.’

‘This shit owns you.’

‘I know. Right now you love everybody.’

‘What do you do with a woman who has no love for you?’

‘Who took my fucking knife?’

‘What the fuck is wrong with you people?’

‘You don't have to be perfect.’

‘You're probably just tired, you know?’

‘You wanna fuck me?’

‘You give me money, I'll let you fuck me.’

‘What, am I supposed to feel sorry for you because you're beautiful?’

‘I just got so mad. I got so mad.’

‘You wanna blame somebody, you wanna blame me? Go ahead, knock yourself out.’

‘Everything I did, I did because I loved her.’

‘Well now I don't know what to say.’

‘It's okay, I heard you. I heard it all.’

‘Everything's gonna be really good from now on, okay?’

‘Just-- I gotta be alone, okay?’

‘Could you lend me a few bucks for coffee and toothpaste?’

‘You know what I think? I think there's a reason for everything, and I think there's a plan for everyone. And I think God has a big plan for me. Just not in this life.’

‘She must have been scared too.’

‘No, no more work for me.’

‘I just thought we'd have more time.’

‘That's okay, we have all the time in the world.’

‘But today Ijust wanted to see your face. I missed your face.’

‘Maybe even settle down and have some kids, you know 

‘How straight are you now? I mean, are we talking about men?’

‘You don't need a man to have kids.’

‘And besides, you were always the one that had my heart, you know?’

‘Yeah, I guess I did know that.’

‘No, read it, I want you to. Maybe you could make some sense out of it. I never could.’

‘I'm gonna see you again, aren't I?’

‘I would like so much for us to have another chance.’

‘You were the one. You were the only one. And you are amazing.’

‘I really didn't think she would do that. I really didn't.’

‘Well, that's my business.’

‘No matter how screwed up our lives may be, we've gotta take care of our children.’

‘You can handle it. You can handle anything that comes your way.’

Uh, could I please get the banana muffin, and… a double-decker cheesecake with a chocolate fudge cookie, the strawberry cream pie with extra cream, please. You know what? Just give me anything with the word ‘fudge’ in it. That’d be great.

You know how much I love you, right?

There’s something that I gotta tell you that… It’s gonna sound a little, uh, surprising. And, you’re really not gonna like it. But I don’t want you to like, flip out on me.

Cut the shit, turtleneck.

You changed your name because of a bunch of speeding tickets?

Fuck Nixon.

He’s got the CIA, the FBI, the ATF and the IRS. It’s like an alphabet soup enema.

Jesus, I know you fucking hate Nixon. 

He’s a cocksucker. And a bullshit artist…

You wanna retire? Go fucking retire. But I’m not giving up this kind of action to go play bingo in the basement of Saint Ignatius. Nuh-uh. Not me.

If you fuck this up you'll be stocking vending machines for the rest of your natural life.

Torch the car.

I just stole it last week.

What are you, crying? You got something in your eyes? Huh?

Can I hug you?

I should get my fucking head examined.

You got some stuff- wipe your mouth. It's disgusting.

Seven years we’ve been together, and this is how you're breaking up with me?

You’re too chicken shit to say you’re breaking up with me, so you come up with this… bullshit story instead.

If you wanna leave, fine. Just leave. Just don’t make me into a fool.

Somebody put a bullet in my head and put me out of my fucking misery back here.

Palm trees look like candles on a birthday cake when they catch fire.

Yeah, this place looks like a porno.

What's that fucking vat for? We gonna crush some grapes?

What the fuck is a hot tub?

You know? You'll never look at those cock sucking birds the same ever again,

I'll shank you, you sherbet coloured asshole!

Fuck me? Fuck you! I'll shove that putter up your ass!

18 inches of concrete ain't cream cheese.

Radical. Balls out.

No, fuck that shit. I ain't going to no gay bar.

He cheated on me a year ago. With my best friend.

Ain't karma grand?

I thought I'd find you passed out with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

I'm gonna have sex with you.

Fire in the hole, motherfuckers.

I love this podunk town.

We came here to rob the president of the United States of America and we're not leaving until we do.

These guys aren't drug dealers, they're politicians.

Hey, hey, diamonds too. Some pretty swanky shit going on here.

You guys set out to rob Nixon?

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

I swear to god, the next time I think I'm gonna fall in love, I'm gonna fall off a bridge instead.

If I told guys my dad was the sheriff I'd still be a virgin.

Looks like I'll be sticking around for a while.

I'm your boyfriend now?

I screwed it up, didn't I?

How does this motherfucking piece of shit work?

Look at you, little Thomas Edison boy genius.

I married her, fuck nuts.

I dunno what's wrong with me, I guess I'm just happy.

It's either that or we grow wings and fly the fuck away.

Who are these assholes?

Somebody wanna tell me what the fuck is goin’ on?

Since you lost your goddamn fucking mind.

They're gonna make fucking statues of him! And they're gonna plaster his dog-ass face on first class fucking stamps!

Let's just get the fuck out of here.

Female intuition should be admissible evidence.

Let me buy you a cup of coffee, you look like you could use one.

Is it always like that… or do you get used to it?

That was the last time I ever saw my little brother.

I'm done running.

We’ll go on the run, like Bonnie and Clyde!

Wait a minute, didn't Bonnie and Clyde get shot to death?

I'll wait for you, okay? I'll wait for you forever.

Is it sexual?

It's not not sexual.

Just tastes better in a fancy glass.

What kind of realtor are you?

I brought a knife in case something went wrong.

I might have bit him.

You're lucky you're cute.

Love your sandals!

Excuse me, I gotta go lie to a cop.

Yes. We are best friends now.

I didn't ask before I fucking killed him.

So, what'd you do with the body?

That and the filthy, filthy sex.

Yeah, like hand stuff.

You know what it sounds like? Oral.

_____ played trumpet in high school, so he's really good with his lips and his hands.

My sister didn't listen to me, so now she's getting a divorce.

Oh, when I tried to kiss you and you pulled away horrified. No, I totally forgot about that.

So I guess you really wanna kiss me.

You know, we've been friends for 48 hours, so maybe I can make a suggestion.

You want me to kill again?

First of all, no, I'm not.

That's such fucking good news!

These explode, right?

I yipped again, huh.

He's got a closet full of illegal shit, but he chews me out for riding my bike on the sidewalk.

I'm not doing cocaine, I have a feeling I'm going to be unbearable.

I thought about what you said in the car, and you're right, I'm not a killer.

Now you're just making it worse.

Am I, stud?

Wait… Are you just doing this because you feel bad about not kissing me?

Get the fuck off his couch, you know how he feels about shoes on his furniture!

Oh, I'm terrified. But having you around makes it okay.

Oh, I was just on my way to a charity watermelon eating contest.

Bubblegum Bitch

Don’t care if you think I’m dumb, I don’t care at all.

I’m the girl you’d die for.

I’ll chew you up and I’ll spit you out.

That’s what young love is all about.

Pull me closer and kiss me hard.

Steal me with a kiss.

Life gave me some lemons so I made some lemonade.

Dear diary, I met a boy.

He made my doll heart light up with joy.

I think you’re gonna be my biggest fan.

Trigger Warnings for: emetophobia, vague mentions of self harm

Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1

Do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive.

Let people call you crazy for the choices that you make.

Just stay alive.

Play with matches if you think you need to play with matches.

Don’t hurt anybody on your way up to the light.

Find the one safe way.

Lakeside View Apartment Suite

Most nights now we sleep in the kitchen.

You can’t judge us.

Just before I leave, I throw up in the sink.

One whole life recorded in disappearing ink.

_____’s left a message thumbtacked to the door.

Cry for Judas

Some things you do just to see how bad they’ll make you feel.

I am just a broken machine.

I do things that I don’t really mean.

I’m still here.

All is lost.

Feel the storm every night, hope it passes by.

Sad and angry, can’t learn how to behave.

Harlem Roulette

It’s 1968.

Everybody’s of the clock by 10.

The loneliest people in the whole wide world are the ones you’re never going to see again.

Every dream’s a good dream.

Even awful dreams are good dreams, if you’re doing it right.

Get pretty sentimental now and then.

White Cedar

I saw the light of my spirit descend the other day.

I don’t have to be afraid.

You can’t tell me what my spirit tells me isn’t true, can you?

My visions won’t ever learn.

I’ll be reborn someday.

If I wait long enough.

I don’t wanna be afraid.

Until I am whole

Stand there and watch them drown.

I think I’ll stay here.

I think I’ll stay here ‘til I feel whole again.

On a picnic bench alone.

Watch the sky go dark.

Dig my nails into my hands, hope it leaves a mark.

Night light

She’s only passing through.

Not sure what I’m gonna do.

Plug a night light in.

Leave the porch light on.

Live like an outlaw.

Dream of maybe waking up someday, and wanting you less than I do.

This a dream, though.

It’s never gonna come true.

The Diaz Brothers

Spent the wet night tracking visions through the pines.

See the sky open up and rain down.

Hard to know who might or might not be your friend.

Hunt us like dogs.

Keep one step ahead of enemies.

Foretell worse things than such frightful nights as these.

Bury us there in the sand.

Counterfeit Florida Plates

Make a great big mess.

So many so-called friends working for the government.

Can’t quite catch ‘em all.

Wait for the coming disaster.

I could do this all day.

It seems like everyone’s cut me free.

I’ll probably pass out soon.

I can at least feel numb.

In Memory of Satan

Stayed up late and wrecked this place.

Woke up on the floor again.

Someone needs to clean up this mess.

Call in a favour from an old friend.

It’s just me.

Locked up in myself, never gonna get free.

I crawled down here to dig for bones.

One more season then I’m gone.

Spent Gladiator 2

Everybody looks surprised.

Stay in the game.

Just try to play through the pain.

Then stand there and get hit.

You’re always desperate to avoid.

Maybe spit blood at the camera.

Stay forever alive.

Transcendental Youth

I despise this town.

Hold hands.

Rise in the darkness.

Sing for ourselves alone.

Soar ever-upwards.

Let the music play.

Learn some secrets.

Never tell.

Stay sick.

Don’t get well.

Ride the highest wave.

Try to explain ourselves.

By the time you receive this, we’ll be gone.

teach me

i’ll learn not to look at you with scorn

damn it don’t expect me to change

how am i expected to behave?

i’ll never love you enough

i’ll never hold you close enough

10am gare du nord

this feels right and i’m letting it

i know just what to do

i will not tire of you

nothing is fair

please do not break my heart

you don’t have to make any promises

i’m afraid i might die for you now

you

don’t do it alone

your life was my life’s best part

lying to you

i can see in your eyes that you mean it

i’m lying to you

i’m not looking for you 

i just do better to hide it

i’m truly alone and i like it

as we lie in bed i feel lonely 

you’re kind and you’re beautiful, too

i feel in some way i do love you

i’m not in love with you

the best today

you seem to look right through me

i wish i could stay with you

don’t look for the faults like me

don’t swim

where have you been?

i was miserable

i love you, please don’t go

kronos

just tell me i have not been wrong

i’ll be leaving and i won’t come back

i’d give you all i have

i hope you end up missing me

beekeeper

believe me

this loneliness won’t go away

i have gone astray

they’ll die or leave you either way

the sad fact is i’ve lost my mind

i’m getting started

all i want is to be left alone

tact from me is like blood from a stone

can you see?

sweetheart, what have you done to us

what have you done?

what have you done to us?

please just come here

don’t fight with me

i think you may have broken me

in the morning

is it morning yet?

no we have a couple hours left

god knows what’ll happen, then

i will see you in the morning

i know every mark on your hand

you know the crowds unsettle me

please don’t look at me

milk teeth

don’t think of me like that

think of me leaving and not coming back

let it go

don’t let me go

is it love you regret?

you won’t be returning, i guess

your eyes are so still when you speak

you haven’t spoken all week

if i don’t have to

i did it all for you

please don’t cry

i’ll love you until the day i die

do you know who i am?

you’re all that i have

it hurts because of you

you seem to know who i am

on the news

make me fall in love with you

please just make me tell the truth

do you wake up lonely every day?

baby, take me all the way

turns out we don’t belong

this feels different than it felt before

i am selfish to my very core

let’s just have this fight today

say i’m worthless

you feel betrayed

don’t leave, i got more to say

someday there’ll be hell to pay

hey, we’re all alone