“ Selfish? Oh, honey, no. No, no, no. You are not selfish. You are probably the least selfish person I know. You do everything for everyone. Of course he needs therapy, I’m so sorry that he won’t see that.. but you’re not selfish. I’m also sorry that.. I can’t offer you any good advice. But I’m here for whenever you need me. Or a break. ”

“Thank you, babes. I know to appreciate it. You listening is enough. The same goes for you. Always welcome at ours. How are the things at home for you? Did the situation cool down a little?”

“ [..] As.. probably none of us would be.. He’s still refusing therapy? ”

“Every time I bring it up, he shuts down. Or gets angry. Either of those. I feel terribly selfish.”

“ Here, I’ll refill your wine.. and then I want the complete and honest answer. Obviously. ”

“He won’t even look at me anymore, Jill. He’s not. He’s not the same.”

wednesday, 7:29 pm, the sullivan’s porch

“ I’m telling you, Clari! She looked straight at me in the middle of Trader Joe’s, turned on her heel and pretended not to hear me when I said hello. Miles and her son were in elementary together, we used to go to all his birthday parties.. Well, I don’t know, I’m just saying something’s up.. [..] Speaking of.. How are things at home? ”

“That’s.. very strange. Did something happen between Miles and her son that you didn’t know about? Don’t think too much about it, I’m sure it’s nothing personal. Do you want the honest answer or the one I’m telling everyone else?”

“I don’t think I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life so far, as boring as that sounds. Jill and I once crashed a party even though we both had an important lecture the next day. We got there looking all kinds of groggy and I could barely keep my eyes open. Was it stupid? Yes. Do I regret it? Kind of.”

“ Well, should the flowers and that note still exist somewhere, then it would have sketched a pretty clear picture for me.. Gosh, now I’m just hoping there wasn’t a big misunderstanding with the girl I left them with. I’d definitely have to take her on your date if she’s all made up and waiting on me tonight. ”

“I don’t think I’d condone that if you did. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t blame her if she did. I’m a very sharing woman, but with my dates I draw the line. I’m positive the flowers and the note were reliably delivered to my dorm. To be safe, you can tell me what the note read. Just. In case it isn't there.”

“ A date. Or whatever else you’d want to call it, really, but I was kind of thinking of a date. ”

“Calling it a date sounds good to me. Do I get to know what you have planned?”

1988, saturday, 3:32 pm, in front of the dorms

“ Ah, hello, gorgeous – careful, I’m pretty sweaty. I suggest not getting too close. Hey, did you uh, did you get the flowers and the note? About dinner tonight? I left them with one of the girls to give to you, but in hindsight I’m not convinced she was the best person for the job. ”

“Hello to you, too. Flowers.. and a note? I don’t think that message has reached me yet. Then again, I haven’t been in my dorm since 7am. I’ll have a look when I get upstairs. You planned a date?” 

full name: clarissa laurene roosevelt age: 20 major: business and economics

Wed 28th November, 2001. Clarendon Hills.

Dear Danny,

there’s not a day going by where we don’t miss you. It truly feels like Bella is growing per minute and on top of it all, starts looking more like her Daddy every passing day. I wasn’t sure if I was just imagining it because I haven’t seen your face in so long, but my mother confirmed it. She’s definitely got your eyes, Danny.

 The other day I found her in the living room playing by herself, a photo of you in her mouth. When I explained to her, that photos aren’t supposed to be put into the mouth, she looked at me with big, innocent eyes. I sat down next to her and explained to her what you are doing for this country, what you’re doing for us. I know she didn’t understand a thing I was saying, but for some reason I felt like she did. Ever since then, I’ve found her running around the house with your photo every day. She doesn’t want to give it back -- she’s really protective of it. Speaking of which; she’s definitely got your willpower and strength. This little girl pulls hair as if her life is dependent on it.

Her favorite food is oatmeal. She adores it. For about five minutes until she finds something else that’s more interesting. She’s a bundle of energy. Definitely your child.

Christmas is nearing once again. I hope you’re somewhere warm and safe. I can’t wait until you’re back in our arms. I miss you so much, I keep sleeping on your side of the bed in hopes of it smelling like you. It’s stopped smelling like you after a few weeks. When I’m with Bella, I keep myself busy and occupied. At night, I notice just how much you’re missing. How much I wish you would spend the day with us. Carry Bella on your shoulders. Tell her stories. She loves stories. Love and kiss me.

I’m still absolutely and irrevocably crazy about you, Danny Bennett. I cannot wait to be your wife and call you my husband.

See you soon, handsome.

Love,

Danny and Clarissa weren’t strangers to arguments. The type of life they were leading necessarily led to them every now and again, with emotions pent up over long periods of time. The beauty was that that was never an issue – things were brought up, discussed, they both took some time for themselves and by the end of the day they were in each other’s arms, whatever problem they were having either resolved or at least out in the open, not as scary to face with the two of them on the same page. Now it felt like they weren’t even reading the same book anymore. And Danny, for some reason, felt extreme anger building up inside of him at being denied something as trivial as continuing watching his show. A moment where normally he would have walked away and given himself some time to cool off. Bound to the bed, he couldn’t do that this time. His eyes were still trained on the now black screen, expression stony as it had been but with an even harsher edge to it, teeth grinding. “ Remote, ” he stated simply, voice level but with a point, holding his hand out to Clarissa. “ Please. ” 

Of course they’ve fought before. Of course they’ve had disagreements. What kind of relationship and especially marriage would they have if they didn’t? They were human, no machines. But they never went to bed bad each other. They never let an argument go on longer than it needed to. Lately all they seem to do is go to bed without having anything to say to each other. There were so many walls that she felt like she couldn’t break through. Clarissa watched Danny’s reaction to having stolen the remote to prevent him from watching a (most likely) trashy reality tv show. She had expected him not to be amused, but she was momentarily shocked to note, he was angry. She looked his outstretched hand before darting her eyes back on his face, a face that was sporting a facial expression that would have made a stranger run for the hills. “Why?” she asked, not letting him answer before adding, “I’ve been trying to get through to you for the past 45 minutes and you’re not giving me much to work with,” she confessed, her expression speechless and on top of it all, weak -- she let her arms fall to the bed, remote still in hand.

The point wasn’t that Maria from Miami was a specially captivating personality. The point wasn’t that the dramas these poor women had to face were particularly interesting at all. The point was that is was easy, numbing, something that didn’t require any brain power but still immersed Danny enough for him to not even have to think about existing in a world separate from The Real Housewives. Even easy conversations with Clarissa felt heavy lately. Virtually anything that connected him to the real world, to his here and now, the current situation he was in, felt heavy. There was no space for consciously acknowledging the effect his behaviour had on Clarissa, either. He pointedly ignored her rhetorical question, lightly hitting the TV remote against his chest a couple times before turning the volume up by three.  “ Have the girls done their homework? ” He asked after a few moments.

When Clarissa thought she couldn’t believe her eyes before, she didn’t know what exactly she was feeling now. Not once in her marriage with Danny had she felt disrespected, up until this point. She never wanted to be the woman again that let a man walk all over her -- Danny had taught her that. This hallow shell of a man that lay next to her might have looked like her husband, but he barely was. Deciding she’s had enough, Clarissa took the remote from his chest and turned the TV off -- The Real Housewives of New York morphing into a black screen, causing immediate silence in the room. 

Danny had found a channel that showed reruns of The Real Housewives of New York all day and he knew this fact because he had, in fact, been watching it all day. The stack of books he’s been meaning to read to give himself at least a little bit of a mental workout while his body was incapacitated lay forgotten and untouched on his nightstand, next to an array of all sorts of pills and painkillers. Despite the sound of middle aged women discussing their friendship statuses, there was a rather tense silence that had settled over Danny and Clarissa, who was lying next to him. She had tried to initiate a conversation a couple times over the past hour, but had rather quickly been shot down by Danny’s one word answers. Normally he loved hearing about any and all tidbits of information about her day, anything to bring normalcy into their lives that he missed on a day to day basis, but today they for some reason were adding scars and he didn’t feel like talking. He hadn’t felt like talking recently. “ Kind of weird to insinuate a five-year-old was trying to hit on you, Clari, ” he replied deadpan, not taking his eyes off of the screen. “ I’m actually trying to watch this. ”

Clarissa was sick of it. Her facial impression mirroring the level of frustration she felt, although a little taken aback. She had tried to be a good sport about this -- she had tried to make conversation, to talk about anything at all with Danny, since that’s something they had always loved to do; something that made their relationship work; something he had always seemed interested in - talking. She had attempted to release more than just one word answers from him, but no such luck. Forcing her eyes away from him, she looked at the screen, all eyes to see what was capturing Danny’s attention the way it did. That he preferred to listen to the TV, rather than how her day had been. Two grown women were debating if Maria from Miami was a good mother after all, after almost forgetting their child in a restaurant downtown. It would’ve probably not been that big of a deal, just that it was. It were all of the recent events and mutations coming together that had Clarissa not believing her eyes. She stayed quiet for a little longer before giving him an unfathomable look. “You’re not serious,” she said, not taking her eyes off him. She didn’t know how it felt to be in Danny’s shoes, she didn’t know how much he was suffering, but she was sick and tired of him acting the way he did.

THE BENNETTS;

daniel bennett ( 43 years old ) portrayed by chris evans

clarissa bennett ( 40 years old ) portrayed by rachel mcadams

lily bennett ( 10 years old ) portrayed by mackenzie foy

nancy bennett ( 16 years old ) portrayed by gigi hadid

“I learned a lot. I realised that if you truly, deeply love someone, you can make almost everything work. I feel like it was different back then. Nowadays, when things get a little tough, people are so quick to turn their backs on their partner and look for someone new, someone who’s less complicated, instead of trying to make their relationship work. Relationships are all about going through thick and thin together, through the good and the bad, and I still stick to it to this day. Relationships aren’t perfect and they shouldn’t be – don’t expect them to be.”