î y a b o

I really haven't felt full or complete. I've been looking for something or trying to do something to fill in a piece I've felt missing. Sometimes I fill it with anger, remorse, embarrassment, shame and pride. Recently, been filling it with cannabis and food.

I realize that these last four years in college have been very lonely. Full of missing something, someone, and some relationships.

I feel tired even though I just got 12 hours.

I'm doing nothing but what I thought I was supposed to be doing but yet I still feel like garbage.

I always think I can't trust anyone. With my thoughts, with my feelings, with my constant switch ups on ideas. I probably can't though

I can't be the only one who thinks all their friends hate them.

I can't be the only one who actually misses having a best friend. You need someone to tell you you're fucking crazy.

Where is someone I trust?

4 years ago, I was scared, anxious, and ready to start new. Not realizing I'd dropped everyone around me in making it here.

Now I'm scared, anxious, and terrified of having to focus on rebuilding a social life that I severed and burned, ignored and found enemy with.

When will I be happy?

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Remember when I used to vent on here. Now I just randomly cry in my car while screaming song lyrics to get out my thoughts..and record on Snapchat.