☆.。:*

if i could only shrimp like a cat, i feel like i would unlock the secret to inner peace

not even Burt and all of his Bees could save me this time

Self care is going into a corn field at night to get abducted by aliens

these?? 💕💖💞💖💕💘💘💗💞💘💞💖💖💞💖🌸💕💖💞💖💞💖🌸💕💖💘💕💖💞💕💖💕💖💕🌸💕💖💞💖💞💘💖💗💞💖🌸💗💖💘💗 for u

no offense but I’ve been learning how to have fun in dumb circumstances

I was showering during the storm tonight and the light started flickering violently so I peeked out from the curtain and looked at my cat sitting on the counter and said to her “mrs obama it’s been an honor” and then the power went out

actually, [animal that isnt a dog] is bad and evil because [behavior that nearly every animal does]

actually, [horse] is bad and evil because [eats flesh]

I can’t believe people can get the point across with crackers.

BITCH HAJXSJJ S.A. NSJSJALAHAJNSJSKANXSNSN

Tag yourself, im Skoogeth

this is the type of content i wanna see when i sign onto tumblr dot com

why does using someone’s name in conversation feel so intimate, like the way a touch feels gentle as someone is fixing ur hair or brushing out a stray strand

someone: *uses my name to address me* me: oh my God, i am a physical entity… …..

On some real shit, I do not fuck with people who ride those boat things at the carnival. People who get on those do not give a fuck about life, they don’t care about you, ya mama or your kids. They literally have nothing to lose. You don’t care about life so there’s no need for me to fight you because you’re not going to give a damn about my face. 

12? I got on this bitch when I was 21 and had my head in my ex’s shoulder the ENTIRE time. Screaming like a bih too. Nope. Never again. I was praying to the gravity gods the entire time.

?????? All it does is swing back and forth???? I don’t understand the concern??????

centrifugal force keeps you in your seat.

Centrifugal force isn’t keeping me from crying tho

why is this so funny

Thats pussy babe!