stressing

My name's Taylor. I'm 21 years old. And I've been forced, by my friends and my therapist, to record my thoughts. I write music. I sing. And I've had a day job from the time I was two, on. I finished high school two years early, I feel like I'm always being watched, and I'm in a band. I sing what I feel, but I never tell people what I'm singing about. I'm ambiguous that way. It's been a month and a half since I got out of rehab, and almost two months since Jenna left. Guess I should've told her where I was. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I miss her. I've been out on the road for a month, and shockingly enough, my therapist has kindly agreed to skype chats while I'm working. Last time I slept was three days ago. I think. But I can never really tell anymore. The guys always say they're worried.  They get really scared when I lock myself in the bathroom of the bus or venue and cry. I can't get any privacy around here, but I feel bad having them listen to my troubles. I lie awake every night thinking about her.About the nights we shared, the good times we had, the way we touched, the way we spoke, the way we kissed, everything. Jenna Haze amazed me and astounded me, but I didn't do the same for her. I need to accept that. I found a song I began when I was fifteen. I think I need to finish it off, to help explain to my father why I felt the way I did. I wish he'd understand that, while somethings that he did really messed me up, I still love him and care about him. He just put me into modeling. Who actually thought that'd take off? Anyways, this is what I've got so far.

I have a tale to tell about a girl whose soul was screwed She was born into a life with everything to lose Her father sold her to the trade when she was just a child She was seventeen and never ever learned to smile She took a bullet and she blew out her brains She didn’t say goodbye, she just went away And now who’s missing her?  I wish she was here Her name was Angel and she’d had a bad year

So you wanna call me the devil’s advocate When you don’t know the half of it? Cause I was raised to believe in miracles My life is so cold Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? He disappeared Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? He disappeared What’s the point of screaming out if no one gives a damn? What’s the point of reaching out if no one lends a hand? She had passed the point where there was nothing left to give She was seventeen and never ever learned to live So if you wanna call me the devil’s advocate Well you don’t know the half of it Cause I was raised to believe in miracles My life is so cold Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? He disappeared Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go? Where did Jesus go?

Angel is me, in case you didn't know, Diary. She's me. I attempted suicide. God, I bet you can still see the blood stains in my mom's bathtub. Do you think she's still mad about it? Do you think she's still blaming herself? I think I might try to sleep now. Good night diary. 

Sincerely,