Chuffys-world

Chapter 15

A week had come and gone quite quickly. Ryan, his wife Jane, and Jake all met up with Peter, then headed to their hotels to sleep off their jet-lag.

Jake was pleased to see his older brother. Peter, however, was in a bizarre mood. He'd suggested they grab a drink at the bar, he needed to speak to him alone.

“You ok? You seemed a bit off with Dad.” Jake asked, as they sat down with their pints.

“Yeah, well. He deserves it.” Peter muttered, and took a large drink of his pint.

Jake just sighed, and rolled his eyes, “What's he done now?”

“I planned all this Jake for Mum, not him. The way he's going on he's acting like it was all his idea.” Peter replied bitterly.

Jake just sighed once again, now understanding why he was so upset.

“I'm sorry I couldn't make it, you know, to the funeral. I tried Pete, I just couldn't afford the flights. Don't go blaming Dad for it too. He feels just as bad.” Jake explained, as he then took a large gulp of his own lager.

“Yeah, well. It doesn't matter now does it. None of us were there for her. *sigh* Bloody hell man, I still can't believe she’s gone.” Peter replied, as his emotions got the better of him.

“I know bro, I know. Come here.” Jake stood up, and put his arm around his brother to comfort him.

“She was fine, she was ok. And now, now.” Peter then broke down and sobbed.

Jake too began to tear up, and hugged his brother more.

“I know, I know.” Jake replied, in a whisper.

-o-

Paul was in Ryan's room talking, and unpacking.

“Peter's not ok Dad.” Paul blurted out.

“Oh?” Ryan replied, a little shocked.

“About Mum, you know.” Paul explained.

“Yeah mate, I know.” Ryan replied, as he turned and looked at his son sympathetically.

“It's all a bit weird, you know. She was a bit off at New Year with us all. Charlie got the brunt end of it mind. But, other than that, she was Mum, you know. It's just odd Dad, now she’s not here.” Paul told him.

Ryan stepped towards him, seeing the pain in the young lad's blue eyes, then pulled him into a hug.

“I know son, I know.” Ryan said tenderly.

Paul then began to sob softly into Ryan's shoulder.

“Shh, shh, it's ok, it's ok.” Ryan tried to soothe him.

-o-

Charlie sat looking at the card that sat on the kitchen table, he sighed as he read the words.

“Remember Duffy, Lisa Duffin? She wasn't just a Nurse, a Midwife, and a Sister. She was a friend, a colleague, and a Mum. Join us at the Hat and Feathers to have a drink for her in remembrance of her life. Sunday 14th June at 1pm.”

Organised by Peter Duffin, and family.

He looked up at the clock on the wall, 12:30pm. Then sighed.

Then the doorbell rang.

Charlie ignored it, then suddenly heard a knocking on the door.

Then the phone began to ring.

The voicemail instantly clicked on, and her cheery voice echoed around the room, then a beep.

“Charlie, come on mate, it's Josh, answer the door will you.”

Charlie frowned and sighed, then got up from the chair.

He walked down the hallway and reluctantly opened the door.

“About time. Jesus mate, what the hell?” Josh looked aghast as he saw the state Charlie was in – disheveled, unshaven, and looked like he'd not slept in weeks.

Charlie just sighed, and tried to close the door in his face.

“Hang on, hey.” Josh said, as he put his shoe in the doorway to stop the door from closing.

“Charlie mate.” Josh added, as he looked at his best friend in the eyes.

Charlie just sighed, then pulled back the door and walked down the hallway.

Josh sighed, and walked into the house, closing the door behind him.

Chapter 14

Charlie was still sat at the kitchen table, staring at the drawing, well, swirls, Katie had drawn for him. A curl appeared on his lips, which formed a half-smile, then a tear dropped onto the sheet of paper. He sniffed, and wiped his face. Then reached for his mobile phone. Noticing there were numerous missed calls from Peter, Robyn, David. He sighed, and cancelled the notification. As he did so, he stared down at the image that stared back at him – her smiling face.

“I'm sorry darling, I just, just can't. I miss you so much.” He then broke down once again, tears streaming down his face.

-o-

Peter sat on a stool in the kitchen, a can of lager in his hand, silent, staring off into the distance.

“Peter, bro, bro. Oi!” Paul called for him, as he stood in the doorway.

“Hmm?” Peter turned to look at him.

“Dad wants a chat.” Paul told him.

“Oh, um, right, ok.” Peter stepped down from his stool, and joined Katie, Tanya and Paul in the living room.

Propped on a stool in the room was Paul's ipad, Ryan's face displayed on the screen, awaiting Peter to arrive.

“I need a word, in private Peter.” Ryan told him.

Peter sighed, and picked up the ipad, and walked off into the kitchen.

“Jane and me are coming over next week, Jake is getting a flight from Dubai. He'll be landing a few hours before us. Will you meet us at the airport?” Ryan explained.

“Right, um, ok, yeah, yeah. I will. You'll all have to get a hotel booked though, I have Paul staying here already.” Peter replied, outlining the situation.

“I've sorted it already.” Ryan mentioned.

“Peter *sigh*, it's the best thing we can do, ok. The soonest we could all get together. I know it's not ideal. But, it's not something we expected, not, not *sigh*, not so soon.” Ryan tried to fight back his emotions, and failing.

Peter sighed himself, then answered, “I know, I know. None of us were expecting it Dad. I couldn't even, even make it to the funeral. I just, couldn't do it.” Peter began to tear up.

“I know, I know. It's not your fault son.” Ryan tried to reassure him.

“Isn't it? The last time we saw her was New Year’s Day for God's sake! We tried calling, checking up on her. But, every time we did she just said she was busy, or Charlie did. We had no idea Dad, no idea.” Peter reeled off how it had been for him.

“Have you um, *sigh, have you spoken to him, Charlie since?” Ryan asked, nearly choking on Charlie’s name.

“Not to his face no. He's not a bad guy Dad, I've known him all my life. I know it's not ideal. But, she loved him Dad, he is, was her husband. He needs to be there too.” Peter explained, the sincerity in his voice.

“That's not a good idea Peter. He isn't part of this family.” Ryan bitterly said.

“He may not be to you Dad, but, he is to me. He's quit his job.” He blurted out.

Then added, “Robyn, Mum's and Charlie’s friend, told me he’s in a pretty bad way, drinking too much. Oh, I don't know why I'm bothering telling you all this.” Peter battled with his emotions, his loyalty to his Uncle Charlie, and his Mum, causing him to reveal a bit too much.

“That's his problem isn't it.” Ryan remarked, shrugging, not even showing any sign of remorse.

Peter just sighed, then rolled his eyes.

“Yeah well. He is my problem, he was always there for Mum, for us. Someone needs to be there for him now too.” Peter explained, getting annoyed.

Ryan just sighed at the other end of the line.

“I won't go to the wake if he does, it is as simple as that Peter. I'll send you my flight details over now. See you next week.” Ryan said, and ended the call abruptly.

Peter just sighed, and downed his can of lager, and slammed it on the kitchen table.

Chapter 13

“But what will Peter think of me?” She asked, as she clung to Charlie’s arm, as they walked through the pub towards the door to the playground.

“I'll tell him you lost it at work, and you were just mad, thinking you'd lost it again.” Charlie replied, squeezing her hand with his, as he tried to reassure her with a small smile.

“Yeah, good, good idea.” She sighed, settling slightly.

As they walked into the gardened area, they saw Peter sat with Tanya's arm around him, his head on her shoulder. Katie was busy drawing a picture on the bench with her crayons.

As they neared them both, Peter looked up at her, his eyes red and puffy like he'd been crying.

“Peter?” Duffy asked, concern, and worry written all over her face, as she released her grip on Charlie’s arm.

“Why didn't you tell me Mum?” Peter asked, his eyes searching hers for answers.

“Tell you what?” Duffy asked, as she turned to Charlie in wonder.

“You have Dementia Mum?” Peter asked, as he put his hand into her bag, and withdrew the letter and showed it to her.

“What?!” Duffy exclaimed, as she looked at the letter in his hands, then back to Peter.

She gasped and put her hand to her mouth in horror. Charlie swallowed hard, and put his hand on her shoulder to reassure her.

“Why didn't you tell me Mum?” Peter asked again.

Duffy looked at how broken Peter was, and then she turned to Charlie, tears filled her eyes once again.

“I, I.” She couldn't form the words.

Charlie quickly grasped her hand with his, and she turned to look at him, he nodded at her, squeezed her hand, and she gulped at him, swallowing her fear. Charlie mouthed the words – “I'm here” at her. She then let out a deep breath, and turned to look at her son.

She sighed, as she just about managed to form her words.

“It was a shock, it is, um, it is a shock. I didn't want to have to tell you, not now. Not yet anyway. But...” She turned to look at Charlie again, squeezed his hand, he squeezed it back and smiled reassuringly at her.

“But, I've not been feeling myself for quite some time. Last year I noticed changes in me, my, um, behaviour...” She then explained the ins and outs of her life over the course of the last few months or so.

As she did, Charlie still stood at her side, holding her hand, reassuring her through it all, until it all came out. Including why they split, and everything with Bill. Peter commented on various things, as did Tanya, Until there was nothing else left to say.

“I’m ok, though, at the moment at least. I’m noticing a few more things lately, well, we both are.” She turned to Charlie once again.

“If there is anyone who knows me more than myself, it's Charlie.” She explained, as she smiled at Charlie, who shyly smiled back at her.

“I'm sorry sweetheart, for not saying anything, for not letting you know. But, I had to do it on my own. Until I knew more, and how to learn to cope with it all. So yes, I’m living with Dementia. And no, I'm not doing it on my own anymore.” She explained, as she turned to look at Charlie and smiled at him, tears in her eyes.

Charlie smiled back at her, tears glistening in his eyes also, he was scared, worried for their future. But, he knew they could do it, as long as they were together, now and always.

Peter rose from the bench. Charlie let go of Duffy's hand and she opened her arms for Peter. Peter hugged her tightly, tears ran down his face, as he spoke.

“You won't be on your own Mum, or you Uncle Charlie. We'll be there for you. Tanya, Jake, Paul, and me.” He hugged her tightly once again.

“And me Daddy, and me.” Katie said, as she climbed down from the bench, and hugged Duffy, and Peter’s legs.

“And you sweetheart, and you.” Peter chuckled, as his daughter squeezed them both.

Duffy tried to fight back her tears, and failed as her son and granddaughter hugged into her.

“I know sweetheart, I know you will.”

Duffy then turned, and reached for Charlie's hand. Charlie stepped forward and took his hand in hers, just squeezed it, and he's eyes glistened in unshed tears too. He smiled at her, and nodded, proud of her for what she'd managed to do.

She mouthed the words – “Love you.”

He mouthed the words back – “Love you too.”

He withdrew his hand from hers, and she embraced Peter once again.

She then let out a deep breath and exclaimed.

“Now, who's up for special chocolate brownie sundaes? Hmm?” She pulled Peter back from her embrace and tilted her head at him, waiting for an answer.

“What?” Peter frowned at her, and chuckled in surprise.

She just shrugged, and said, “Oh come on, you’ve never turned down a special chocolate brownie sundae Peter?! My treat.” Her demeanour had completely changed, as she grinned back at her son, patting him on the side of his arm.

“Come on Katie, you can have Daddy's share.” She looked down at her granddaughter, and winked at her, giggling.

Duffy let go of Peter, and took Katie by the hand, and began to walk into the pub.

“Chocolate sundae Granny, yummy.” Katie licked her lips in excitement.

Charlie shook his head at her, and smiled broadly at her, that mischievous glint he saw in her eyes once again.

“Come on, or I'll get the last one.” Duffy winked at Charlie, and turned to walk into the pub with Katie.

Peter just stood in bewilderment, as he watched his Mum disappear into the pub.

“But, but?” Peter stammered, as he turned to look at Charlie.

Charlie stepped towards him, and patted Peter's arm.

“She's still your Mum Peter.” He explained, trying to reassure him.

“But, how? How can she just, just?” Peter tried to get his words out, what he was thinking.

“We just have to support her through it. Whatever she decides to do. Whatever it takes. Ok?” Charlie rubbed Peter's arm, as he spoke.

“How do you do it? How can you do it?” He asked Charlie, the tears still in his eyes as he looked at him.

“Because I love her Peter. That's it, nothing more than that.” Charlie explained truthfully.

“You really do, don't you? Even after she, she.” Peter asked him, looking at his Uncle in a new light.

“I always have, and I always will. Now, come on. Or she really will get the last chocolate sundae.” Charlie replied, and winked at him.

Peter chuckled, and shook his head, his mind full of emotions. And he slowly walked away towards the pub doors, following after his Mum.

Tanya rose from the bench, carrying Duffy's bag in her hands and asked Charlie.

“He’ll be ok, he's just a bit, you know. She’ll be ok though, right? We'll be alright, all of us, won't we Charlie?” Tanya asked, as she handed Charlie Duffy's bag.

“Yeah, I know, I know. She will. We will Tanya. We'll all be ok. I'll make sure of it. Alright?!”. Charlie emphasised as he squeezed Tanya's arm to reassure her too. Tanya smiled softly at him, and mouthed the words – “Thank you" at him.

Tanya grabbed Katie's back-pack, and walked towards the pub doors, following after Peter.

Charlie stood, holding Duffy's bag, he sighed, as he turned to look at the letter on the bench. He’d seen it before, when she'd showed him it weeks before. Tears filled his eyes, as he re-read the words on the page – “Follow-up Appointment for Mrs Lisa Fairhead - following diagnosis of Vascular Dementia”. He quickly shoved the letter into her bag, and closed his eyes, hiding his unshed tears, knowing full well things were never going to be the same for her, or for them in the future. He sighed, let out a deep breath, and turned and walked into the pub, in search of his family.

Chapter 12

Memories of a day out they shared as a family entered his mind.

It was a few weeks after they'd renewed their wedding vows. And, also the first time Peter and Charlie had spoken, man to man, as they sat outside the pub watching Katie, Tanya and Duffy playing in the playground in the park of the pub.

“So you're back together again then?” Peter remarked, as he then took a large gulp from his pint of lager.

Charlie sat up straighter, and then smiled timidly, then nodded, as he sipped at his own pint of beer.

“If you hurt her Uncle Charlie.” Peter frowned at him, and pointed his finger at him.

Charlie sighed, as he replied.

“I would never do that Peter.”

“Pfft.” Peter scoffed.

“I've loved your Mum for a very, very long time Peter.”

“Whatever.” Peter muttered.

Charlie sighed once again.

“Why did you let her walk out on you then hmm?” Peter pried.

“It's complicated.” Charlie frowned, and took a large gulp of his beer.

“Don't give me that.” Peter retorted.

“It's not my place to say why Peter.” Charlie explained.

“Just don't hurt her again.” Peter squinted his eyes at him, then took another gulp of his lager.

“I never have, and never will. You've known me all your life Peter. Well, most of it anyway. It was just a rough patch. Nothing more than that. Work got in the way. These things happen.” Charlie shrugged, trying to sway him off the topic.

“Whatever Uncle Charlie, whatever.” Peter rolled his eyes at him.

“Uncle Charlie?! Pfft. Like that means anything anymore.” Charlie suddenly became bitter at the young man.

“Excuse me.” Peter asked him, shocked by his tone.

“Haven't you ever wondered why I'm your Uncle? Why I've known you, Jake, well, Paul as well I suppose, since you were all born?” Charlie asked him, clearly trying to make a point.

Peter just shrugged, “You've always been Mum’s best friend. Not my fault is it?”

Charlie laughed at his reply.

“You sound like that stroppy teenager I once knew for a moment there.”

“Well, I um.” Peter suddenly blushed.

“I've always been there for your Mum Peter, throughout her life. And for you and your brother's. Well, until she went to Auckland that is.” Charlie sighed, feeling maudlin for a moment.

“Why, why though? She had Dad, Gran, then Ryan. But she always ran to you when things got tough. I don't get it.” Peter replied, unsure where he was going with this.

“Take a wild guess Peter.” Charlie glanced over at him, and rose his eyebrow at him.

Peter was lost for words, surprised even.

“It doesn't matter how long it took, or how we got there eventually. But, your Mum and me, we've loved each other for a long, long time. And I promise to look after her for the rest of our lives. Ok?!” Charlie added, and smiled sombrely at the young man.

Peter looked at the honesty in Charlie's face, then turned to look at his Mum, then back to his Uncle Charlie.

“Ok.” Peter nodded at him, and took a large gulp of his beer.

Duffy came bounding over, carrying an excitable Katie in her arms, who was desperate to get down.

“Grandpa Charlie, Grandpa Charlie, come and play on the swings with me.” She exclaimed, as she wriggled down from Duffy's arms.

“Ok, ok, careful Katie.” Duffy giggled at her granddaughter.

Charlie beamed into a smile, as Katie ran towards him, he opened his arms for her, and scooped her up in his arms.

“Did someone say swing?” Charlie chuckled, as Katie giggled at him.

Duffy came over to his side, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“Go easy on him Katie sweetheart, he's scared of heights.” Duffy chuckled, at them both.

“Shhh, that's supposed to be a secret Granny.” Charlie winked at Katie.

“Don't worry Grandpa Charlie, I'll hold your hand so you don't get scared.”

Katie just giggled, and kissed Charlie on the cheek, just like Duffy had done.

Charlie's heart melted at the little girl, she was just like her Granny, her long flowing red-hair bounced around her giggling face.

Duffy’s heart burst too, as she looked at the two of them, as they walked off together, trying desperately to savour the moment, and to save the memory.

“Oh, wait a sec you two. I'll take some photos, see if you can get Grandpa Charlie to go high Katie.” Duffy called out as they walked off into the distance, into the playground.

“Mum, here, Tanya can do that”. Peter suggested, as he rose from the bench.

“Oh, right, ok.” Tanya replied, as she just joined them all.

Duffy was busy looking in her coat pocket for her phone, flustered all of a sudden wondering where it was.

“I just had the damn thing, where is it? Oh, for goodness sake.” Duffy became increasingly stressed.

Duffy then grabbed her bag from the table, and began to frantically search for the phone, and tipped out all the contents onto the table.

“Mum, what are you doing?” Peter asked, shocked by her behaviour.

“My phone, where's my damn phone. I just had it.” She exclaimed.

Charlie had put Katie into the swing seat, and was just walking behind her, when he looked up and saw Duffy frantically searching through items of her bag scattered all over the bench. Charlie swallowed hard, and quickly picked Katie out of the swing seat.

“Grandpa Charlie, I want to swing?” Katie harrumphed at him, kicking her legs, as he carried her away.

“Where is it?” Duffy searched at the bottom of her bag, zips, pockets, no phone.

“Mum, what's with you?” Peter tried to calm her down, by putting his hand on her arm, she knocked his hand away.

“I need my phone, I need pictures. I need pictures.” She repeated.

Charlie had put Katie down, who was very annoyed with him at this point, and stood folding her arms in a huff.

“Duffy?” He called out, as he came up behind her, he put his hand on her shoulder trying to reassure her.

“I can't find my bloody phone Charlie. I need pictures. Need to take them. Where the hell is it?” Duffy's voice cracked, as she was nearly in tears, as she fiddled with her pockets once again.

He calmly put his hand onto hers that frantically patted on her coat, to still her.

“I've got your phone, you gave it to me to take some photos of you all in the park.” Charlie replied, as he put his hand into his pocket, and showed her it.

She sighed, and sniffed back her unshed tears.

“You, you, um, yes, right, of course, yes. Um.” She looked at him nervously, frightened even, as she breathed a sigh of relief, and she stroked the phone in her hands.

“Mum? Are you ok?” Peter asked, scared at her reaction.

“Yes, yes, fine, fine. Totally fine Peter. Yes, um.” She looked between Peter, then Charlie.

Then she ran off into the pub, trying to get away from them, to hide, to be alone.

“Mum? Mum?” Peter called after her, and tried to go after her.

“No, no, I'll go.” Charlie told Peter, as he grabbed his arm to pull him back gently.

Charlie then walked after her, into the pub, frantically searching for her.

-o-

Peter just looked at Tanya, holding a shocked Katie in her arms.

“What the hell is going on?” Peter asked Tanya shocked.

Tanya just shrugged, and Katie hugged into her, scared.

Peter then turned to look down at the contents of his Mum's bag, gathering the items and shoving them into her bag. As he did so, he noticed a partially folded letter, with a header that stuck out at him. Curious, he opened it, and began to read, realising the severity of the situation as he took in the words.

“Neurologist Specialist Dementia Consultant – Follow-up Appointment for Mrs Lisa Fairhead, following diagnosis of Vascular Dementia” with the date of two weeks prior.

Peter took in a breath, as his hands began to shake, he sat down on the bench, tears filling his eyes.

“What is it Peter? What's wrong?” Tanya asked, as she was worried from his reaction.

“It's Mum, she's, she's...she's got...Dementia.” Peter stammered as he held up the letter for Tanya to read.

“What?” Tanya exclaimed, as she too began to read.

-o-

Charlie knocked furiously on the door to the ladies toilets, no reply. So, he covered his eyes with his hand, and walked in.

“Sorry ladies, but, um, has anyone seen my...wife.” Charlie said, as he then removed his hand from his eyes, as he heard her sniffing into a tissue.

“Oh sweetheart, come here.” Charlie took a step towards her and she buried her tear-streamed face into his chest.

“Shhh, shhh it's alright, it's going to be alright.” He soothed her, and rubbed her back.

“How, Charlie, how?” She sobbed on his chest.

“One step at a time, one step at a time. Shhhh, shhh.” Charlie replied, and continued to try to calm her.

Chapter 11

Charlie at this point was driving down the road, anger written all over his features. He had to get away, he didn't need Peter or Paul, they were too late to care now. He stopped at the traffic lights a few streets away from the house. The memories of New Year's Day raw in his mind, especially the argument with the boys. He looked in the rear-view mirror, and saw his unshaven face, baggy darkened circles under his eyes, and the slight scar marked on the top of his lip. He frowned at his reflection, squeezing the steering wheel tightly. Then sped off as soon as the lights changed green. He drove around the streets for another hour or so, no destination in his mind. He occasionally stopped at traffic lights, and sighed to himself. Still chastising himself, and the situation with the boys. Peter, who he'd known all of the lad's young life, then these passed few years saw the man he'd become. He sighed, he wasn't part of their family, not really. He was just Peter's “Uncle Charlie" after all, not a real Step-Father to him. He then began to pull away, he needed a drink, and so searched the streets for a corner shop.

-o-

By the time Charlie had returned home, he grabbed the bottle of whiskey that sat on the passenger seat and headed into the house. When he stepped into the hallway his foot squished onto a piece of paper, he closed the door shut. Then bent down to pick it up, he turned it over and saw the drawing in his hands. A few squiggles, and swirls on the page in crayon, and some words written at the bottom.

“Katie wanted to make her Grandpa Charlie smile.”

Tears filled his eyes, as he hugged the page to his chest.

“Oh, sweetheart.” He whispered, his heartbreaking.

He walked down the hallway, carrying the whiskey bottle, and picture in his hands. He heard the telephone voicemail beeping, announcing that there were new messages. He walked up to it, clicking the button to listen to them.

He first heard her cheery voice, asking the caller to leave a message, he smiled as he heard her voice. Then didn't expect the message afterwards –

“Grandpa Charlie, Grandpa Charlie, you like my picture? You there Grandpa Charlie? You smiling now Grandpa Charlie? Grandpa Charlie? D’awww he's not there Daddy.” Katie said, he could hear the cheer in her sweet voice, and then sadness too.

Tears filled Charlie's eyes, as he looked down at the little girl's picture in his hands.

“I'm so sorry sweetheart, I'm sorry.” He clicked off the message and walked into the kitchen.

He slumped down into the kitchen chair, put the picture on the table, as well as the whiskey bottle. He put his head in his hands, as the tears came running down his cheeks. He sniffed back his tears, and looked up at the bottle of whiskey. He then quickly tore open the bottle top, and he took a large gulp from the bottle, then sat it down on the table. The harsh liquid burned down his throat. He sighed deeply, the tears still glistening on his cheeks, and he then took another large gulp from the bottle – trying to numb his pain.

Chapter 10

He sat at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea, bizarrely. When the telephone began to ring, hearing her voice he quickly rose from the table and switched the machine off, he couldn't bare to hear the cheer in her voice.

He sighed, and ran his fingers over his face.

Then his mobile began to ring on the kitchen table. He sighed, and walked back into the kitchen. Looking down at his phone – Peter’s name flashed on the screen. He quickly cancelled the call.

He frowned, wondering why all of a sudden he wanted to speak to him. Then Peter rang once again. He sighed, and decided to at least hear what he had to say. He was her son after all.

“Finally! Uncle Char...sorry, um, Charlie. We've been trying to speak to you all week, where have you been?” Peter urgently spoke.

Charlie sighed, and ran his hand around his neck.

“Busy, just busy.” He replied.

“Paul's here. We've been to see Mum’s grave.” Peter explained.

“Oh.” Charlie answered, slightly shocked.

“We, we, um. Look, I know we weren't there to help as much Uncle Charlie. But, it was hard, so hard to see Mum like that. After everything that happened at New Year. We just, just. Look, Robyn told me you quit your job. And, that you've been, um.” Peter began to babble, trying to get out as much as he could, the guilt palpable in his tone.

Charlie was silent down the phone.

“Mum wouldn't want you to end up like this. We're coming over ok. You were there for Mum. Let us be there for you now too.” Peter explained.

Charlie didn't say anything, he just hung up the phone.

“Uncle Charlie? Uncle Charlie? Oh, for the love of. He's hung up.” Peter said at the other end of the line, Paul was listening in to the call.

Paul was looking at Peter, he shrugged a little.

“Well?” Paul asked.

“He didn't say anything. But, I think he heard what I had to say.” Peter explained, as he looked at Tanya holding their daughter – Katherine in her arms.

“Grandpa Charlie sad?” Katherine asked her father.

“I think so Katie, I think so.” Peter sighed, as he took his daughter in his arms, and she cuddled into him.

“Wanna see Grandpa Charlie Daddy.” Katie told him.

“I know you do sweetheart, I know you do. Let's go and cheer him up shall we? Let's go and give him the picture you've made him, yeah?” Peter suggested, as his daughter nodded and smiled at him.

“Come on then.” Peter signalled to Paul, and Tanya, as they grabbed their belongings, and headed out of the door.

-o-

Charlie at this point, was scowling angrily. He'd grabbed his car keys, and coat, then headed out of the door. He didn't need their pity, not now. Not when they barely made an effort when he needed them to help take care of her. Too busy with their own lives. Didn't listen to him when he explained their Mum wasn't who she was anymore.

New Year taught them that as much. Duffy was confused, and upset seeing her boys, as men. They weren't who she thought they were – her boys were at school, Paul was a toddler. Not a grown man. Not her boys. And, who was the baby? Her granddaughter, no, no, she wasn't a grandmother. She still remembered having Paul, that was only a few years before. It took awhile before Charlie managed to calm her down, resulting in him taking the full force of her confused state as she'd pushed him into the stair banister, causing his injuries. He eventually calmed her down, in the living room, hugging her to him, alone, in their own space. The boys in the kitchen arguing amongst themselves because they hadn't realised she was as bad as she was. Tanya and Katie had left as soon as Duffy's mood had changed, little Katie crying because she wanted to hug her Granny. By the time Duffy was settled, and calmer with a cup of tea in the living room. Charlie returned to the kitchen to tend to his wounds, whilst arguing with both boys. Jake hadn't even bothered to make the journey, stuck in Brazil, apparently. The last thing the boys had done was shout at him –

“You lied to us Uncle Charlie. How could you? You said she was fine. Fine! That's not fine Uncle Charlie. She's not our Mum anymore. How could you?” Peter shouted at him across the room.

Charlie sighed, as he held a wetted kitchen towel to his lip.

“I told you, but you don't listen. She is living with Dementia. What do you expect? Hmm?” Charlie replied furiously.

“How long has she been like this? We only came to see her a month ago!” Peter yelled at him.

“She has her good and bad days Peter.” Charlie shrugged.

“Good and bad days? What do you call this then, hmm?” Peter replied, pointing at his cut lip.

“Charlie?” Duffy stood at the kitchen door, looking worried, as she noticed him holding the towel to his lip.

“What have you done to your lip? Peter, you haven't done this to him have you?” Duffy marched over to Charlie, and held his arm holding the towel, she glared at her son.

“No, no, Mum. It wasn't me, it was...” Peter shook his head at her and looked at Charlie.

Charlie just looked at Peter, and shook his head.

“Paul, it wasn't you was it?! How could you do that to...” Duffy exclaimed furiously at Paul, and then turned to look at Charlie.

“Didn't see cupboard door was open, walked straight into it didn't I boys?” Charlie interrupted, looking at both boys for clarification.

“Yeah, I was making you a cuppa Mum. Charlie walked straight into the door.” Peter replied, nodding at Charlie.

“What are you like Charlie? Can't see anything in front of your face without your glasses, can you?” She tutted, as she took out his glasses from his shirt pocket, and handed him his glasses.

“So, let's get this dinner ready then. I made Yorkshire puddings especially for you Paul. Didn't I Charlie?” Duffy remarked, as she smiled warmly at Charlie, then back to her boys.

“Yeah, yeah you did sweetheart, you did.” Charlie’s head tilted, and his eyes glistened over, as he saw how happy she looked being with her boys.

“Come on then. Don't want everything going cold now do we?” Duffy said, as she took a few steps over and sat down at the kitchen table.

Peter and Paul just smiled warmly at their Mum, and then looked up at Charlie. Now knowing exactly how hard it had been for him. They all sat down, quickly realising the dinner had now definitely gone cold. Duffy fussed over them all, quickly putting the vegetables in the microwave to warm through.

“No, no, sit down boys. I can do this.” She smiled, at them all, as they all sat in shock, and in wonder as she was back, momentarily as their Mum, and Charlie's wife.

It wasn't long before the food was warmed through, and they all tucked into their dinner. Occasionally Duffy and the boys spoke about what they'd been up to. She looked over at Charlie, who put his hand over hers, as she looked confused at some points. But, she calmed under his touch, and sighed, as they continued to enjoy their meal. The few hours they had together was well spent, she settled, they settled. And for those few hours, she was the Mum and wife she had once been.

They then hugged their goodbye's, and they waved the boys' off as they stood at the front door together. Duffy went into the living room, as Charlie returned to the kitchen to wash up, and tidied things away. An hour later she appeared at the door.

“When are the boy's coming? Why are you putting all of these away?” She asked, confused.

Charlie sighed, as he heard her, as he was putting the last of the plates into the cupboard.

“They've just gone home darling.” He told her.

A flash of recognition on her face.

“Yes, yes, of course, that's right.”

Charlie sighed in relief.

“Let's get you a hot chocolate, hmm?” He ushered her into the room.

“Lovely.” She smiled at him.

She then noticed the cut on his lip, and softly touched his lip.

“What happened to you?” She frowned in concern.

Charlie winced slightly as she touched him.

Charlie just shrugged, and said, “forgot to put on my glasses, walked into a cupboard didn't I?”

She shook her head at him, and replied, “silly old fool.” Then she kissed his cheek.

“Love you.” He told her.

“Love you too.” She hugged into him.

Charlie circled his arms around her, and kissed her on top of her head.

Chapter 9

Days turned into nights, and he still did the same as the day before – turned to the bottom of a whiskey bottle from what ever location he ended up in, or simply bought it from a local shop and drank it at home. Occasionally he gave into his hunger pangs with chips from the local fish and chip shop, or pizza he rang for delivery. He didn't care. Neither did he stop. Each day was the same. He'd end up in a drunken slump on the sofa sleeping it off. One night he threw away all his heart medication, in anger. Sick and tired of looking at them. He'd also managed to ignore the constant disturbances of Robyn, David, and sometimes Jacob. They didn't matter, they weren't his friends, not really. He's spent most of his life helping the people he worked with, so only now they bothered with him. Pfft. Screw the lot of them.

He sat on the sofa nursing a glass of whiskey, in a darkened room, where else would he be?

“So this is your goal now is it? Drinking yourself to death?”

He sighed as he heard her voice, then he took a large gulp of his whiskey.

He didn't answer.

“Will you ever grow up Charlie Fairhead? Alcohol never solves anything!”

“Seems to be doing the trick so far.” He replied, as he took another large gulp.

“Pfft, what she ever saw in you I'll never know.” She scoffed at him.

“Must have been my devilish charms.” He winked at her.

“Silly, deluded girl.” Megan replied shaking her head at him.

“Where is she by the way?” He asked, as he looked around the room.

“Busy.” Megan replied sternly.

“Oh.” He sighed, deflated.

“She sends her regards.” Megan replied.

“Her regards?” He replied, confused.

“That's all I'm saying. What she wanted to say was unrepeatable.” Megan folded her arms in emphasis.

“Oh, was it?” He smirked at her.

“Wipe that smirk off your face Charlie Fairhead. She won’t see you until you sort yourself out. That's why muggins here is sat talking to you.” Megan sternly told him.

“Oh.” Charlie sighed, and shifted in his seat slightly.

“So put that whiskey down, get in that shower, shave that face of yours and pull yourself together. And maybe, just maybe she'll come and see you.” Megan explained.

“No.” Charlie replied sternly.

“No? Did you just say no, to me?” Megan responded, aghasted.

“The only thing that stands between me being with her or speaking to her now, is this...” He turned to look at her, holding the whiskey aloft at her.

“No one, not even you will stop me from doing it.” Charlie said darkly.

“Charlie!?” Megan answered, shock written all over her face.

Charlie then downed the remaining whiskey in his glass and swallowed it harshly.

“Time doesn’t heal Megan. It never will.” Charlie said, as he looked at her angrily.

He then turned, picked up the whiskey bottle that rested on the nearby table, and refilled his glass.

“Don't Charlie, please.” Megan changed her tactic.

“Why? Hmm? Why not?” Charlie asked, as he took another gulp of whiskey, his eyes burned with his pain.

“It’s not worth it.” She answered truthfully.

“Neither is living without her.” Charlie explained, as his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Megan sighed as she looked at him.

“Just go, leave me alone.” Charlie said angrily, as he waved the whiskey glass at her in emphasis.

In the blink of an eye, Megan was gone.

He sighed, relieved she was. Then he drank the contents of his glass in frustration.

Chapter 8

“You were right.”

“I don't know what to do.”

“You're doing all you can by staying by his side, that's all you can do.”

“What if it's making him worse though?”

“Time is a great healer, you know that.”

“That's the problem. I don't think he wants any more time to heal. He's so broken Megan.”

“I know he is pet, I know. All you can do is stay with him.”

“I can't bare to see him like this, it's all my fault.”

“Don't blame yourself pet. It was just your time that's all.”

“I just wish we had more time together. We deserved it Megan, we spent so long waiting. And now, now he can't wait any longer. Can he? He’s given up. He won't fight any more.”

“This is his fight pet, we can only support him through it. That's all we can do.”

“But what if it's not enough?”

“Time will tell pet, time will tell.”

Charlie stirred slightly in his sleep, sitting slumped on the sofa.

“Shhh, he's waking up.”

“Let him sleep pet, let him sleep.”

“But...”

“Let him sleep.”

Charlie groaned a little in his sleep, and let out a deep snore, then mumbled to himself.

-o-

The sound of the doorbell rang out.

Charlie stirred, and woke with a startle.

Then the flap on the door began to rattle.

Charlie rubbed at his eyes, then he opened them, trying to focus on the room, but the light blinded him.

Then knocking was heard, then banging.

“Go away.” He hoarsely muttered.

Then a shadow appeared at the window.

He tried to focus on it, but the light still dazzled on him. He squinted, and could just about make out who it was – David.

He slowly rose from the sofa, and made his way haphazardly over to the window. He could faintly hear David's words.

“Come on Charlie, let me in. We need to talk.”

Charlie just frowned at David, and swooshed the curtains closed.

David sighed, and frowned at Charlie's reaction.

“I'll come back shall I?” David shouted through the window, hoping he'd be heard.

David then began to walk up the drive, and took out his phone from his bumbag as he did so, then proceeded to dial Robyn's number.

“Robyn? I'm outside Charlie’s now. He doesn't look good. No, no nothing serious. He's up and about but, well, he looks a bit, um. How can I put it? Hungover, and um. A bit worse for ware. I'll leave him be for now. But, Robyn. I think he just needs a bit of space, just for a little bit. I'll come and check on him in a few days. No, no. Just leave him for now. Yes, ok, I'll check on him tomorrow then. Ok, bye.” David, ended the call, and turned to look back at the house, then sighed, and carried on walking away.

-o-

Charlie had, by this point taken off his shoes, and coat, and had already descended the stairs. He'd already used the bathroom. Unsurprisingly he didn't wince as the water ran over his hands, he scraped the gravel out of the cuts. The pain was dull, even though his cuts were raw. He didn't care, didn't feel it, couldn't feel it. He then poured himself a glass of water, drank it, and refilled the glass, and drank it again. Once finished, he then padded into the bedroom slamming the door shut as he went.

He sat on the edge of his bed, took off his clothes, except his t-shirt under his shirt. Then pulled back the covers up and over him, as he lay down on the bed. He sighed. His head pounding, as he closed his eyes, and tried to sleep once again.

Chapter 7

By the time he'd reached his front door, he was struggling to find the lock to open it. He chastised himself numerous times, after several failed attempts he eventually heard the click of the lock, then he pushed the door open. Stepping into the porch, he pulled the main door shut, then unlatched the glass-panelled door, and headed into the house, closing it behind him. He threw the keys on the table by the door in frustration. He began to then take off his coat, and struggled with that as well, he swore to himself, as his hands were cold, bleeding and sore. But, he was numb to the pain. He gave up, and stumbled backwards, as he had kicked over the red box filled with his things from work. Photo frames and items spilled out and scattered all over the floor. He looked down at the items, the old photograph of the team from years ago lay face up nearest to him. He bent down to pick it up. Seeing her face, and Megan's staring back at him.

“Look at the state of you.”

He dropped the photograph as he heard her voice.

“Megan?”

“Well, if you won't listen to your wife Charlie. You better listen to me!” She said, as she folded her arms at him. She stood in her green uniform, just like in the photograph.

“Go away!”

He frowned, and stumbled down the hallway into the living room.

“Oh no you don't. Don't you walk away from me Charlie Fairhead!”

Charlie slumped into the sofa, still in his coat and shoes, his head spinning, his stomach still growling at him.

He looked down at his cut hands and rubbed the blood and gravel off them onto his trousers.

“She sent you did she?” Charlie slurred his words.

“If you mean Duffy, then yes, she did.” Megan replied, as she took a seat on the sofa opposite him.

“Pfft.” Charlie mocked.

“Oh, it's gonna be like that is it?” Megan replied, annoyance in her tone.

“Go away Megan. It's not going to work.” He replied, as he closed his eyes, his head spinning further.

“Just look at you, a drunken mess.” She told him.

He didn't reply, he just tried to concentrate on stopping the pounding in his ears.

“No wonder she wanted me to talk to you.” She explained.

“You talk about me often do you, the two of you?” He answered, not opening his eyes.

“It passes the time.” Megan shrugged.

“Time, pfft.” Charlie mocked, as he shook his head.

“You've never showed up before.” He asked, as he finally opened his eyes, and looked at her.

“Didn't need to before now.” She shrugged.

“Oh, is that so.” He answered, as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

He sighed then said, “I don't need you to check up on me Megan.”

“No, you need a kick up your backside that's what you need.” Megan retorted.

Charlie frowned at her.

“Just because you're an old man now, doesn't mean you get off lightly.”

“Pfft.” He mocked her.

“Tired, old, and alone.” He muttered, as he rose his hand to massage his brow.

“And jobless too I hear.” She countered.

“So.” He shrugged.

“That job is your life Charlie, always has been.” She reminded him.

“Not anymore. Not for a long time.” He explained.

“I don't believe it.” She was shocked at his remarks.

“It's just a job. Meaningless.” He explained, as he looked at her.

“You don't mean that Charlie.” She asked, genuinely concerned.

“Oh I mean it alright. There's no point in it. Not anymore.”

“But Charlie, it's all you've ever known.”

Charlie sat with his head in his hands.

“No, it’s all I had. The job. Nothing else, not until she came back.”

“Oh Charlie.” Megan replied softly.

“I should have left, should have walked away when I had the chance. Then we could have had more time. And now, now she's gone. There's nothing there for me now. Not any more. Not any more.” Charlie’s shoulders began to shake, tears filled his eyes, as he sobbed into his hands.

“Oh Charlie. I'm so sorry pet. I'm so sorry.” Megan replied, as her voice faded away.

Charlie just sat and cried, long and deeply. By the time his tears had ran dry, he looked up to see the empty sofa in front of him. The darkened shadows had already filled the room. And he was alone once again.

Chapter 6

By the time he woke, his head pounding had ceased, but he still felt rotten. He dragged himself up from the bed, and padded into the bathroom. After relieving himself, he washed his hands. Then he splashed his face with some water, looked up at his reflection, fresh stubble had appeared. He opened the mirrored bathroom cupboard, instinctively grabbed his razor then paused, and put it back on the shelf. He closed the mirrored cupboard and didn't look back at his reflection, as he frowned and walked out of the bathroom.

He grabbed some fresh clothes, put them on. Then padded down the stairs. He frowned as he stopped at the bottom of the steps. The framed photograph of them sat on the doormat. He bent down to pick it up, and sighed as he saw her smiling face, the photo of them both that had stood on his desk at work.

He sighed, furrowed his brow, then put it on the table beside the door, face-down.

He slipped on some shoes by the door, then grabbed his coat that lay on the floor. He searched for his house keys, then found them on the table by the door. Once he'd opened the front doors, he peered down and saw the box of his things he'd packed from work the day before.

He frowned, sighed, then picked them up and dumped them in the interior of the door way inside the house. He closed the main door, and shoved his hands into his pockets. A stern look on his face, as he walked off, into the now darkened evening.

-o-

Hours later he was perched on a stool, that stood behind the bar, of the nearest pub to his house.

The sound of the busy bar rang in his ears, as he nursed his umteenth whiskey.

He ignored the growl that stirred in his stomach, he'd not eaten since, since, he didn't care when. As he drank the contents of his glass, and signalled to the barman for another.

“Look, I know it's none of my business Charlie. But, you should go easy.”

Charlie just looked up at the barman, Norman, and shrugged.

“You're right.” Charlie replied, as he moved the glass across the bar towards Norman.

Norman sighed, and smiled.

“It's none of your business. Just pour the bloody drink Norman.” Charlie slurred his words as he answered.

Norman just shook his head at him, and picked up the glass and turned to refill it for him.

“That's your last one then.” Norman said, as he put the glass down in front of Charlie.

“Pfft, fine.” Charlie picked up the glass and downed it in one.

“Here.” Charlie said, as he slammed the glass down on the bar.

Then wrestled a £5 note from his pocket and threw it on the bar top.

Norman picked up the note from the bar, then said.

“What would Duffy think, hmm? Look at the state of you.” Norman said, as he shook his head at him.

Charlie didn’t reply, those words stung. He just moved off the stool, stumbling as he did so. He then backed away from the bar, he swayed, as he tried to regain his balance. Then attempted to weave his way through the groups of people chatting amongst themselves, and ended up bumping into them as he did so. He made his way to the exit of the pub, then he pushed the door open, the coldness of the night air hit him fiercely.

As he began to walk down the stone steps he stumbled and slipped. He came crashing to the floor, grazing his hands and knees as he fell. Two young men, who were smoking outside, came over to help him to his feet.

“Steady on gramps, you had a bit much, eh?” One young lad asked him, as he helped him up.

“Get off me, I can manage. Get off.” Charlie slurred, as he tried to push them off.

“Ok, ok, sorry.” The young lad replied, as he backed away from him.

“Take it easy pal. We're just help'n ya.” The other young lad explained.

“I don't need help.” Charlie practically growled at them both.

“Ok, ok. Jessus.” The other lad replied.

The two young lads looked at each other puzzled, and backed away from Charlie. Then walked back up the steps into the pub.

Charlie tried to dust himself off, and swayed at he did so. He looked down at his hands, cut, and covered in gravel. He shoved his hands into his pockets, then attempted to carry on walking, stumbling and swaying as he did so. He brow furrowed, and angry.

Chapter 5

He flopped down on the bed, after removing his clothes, and threw on a t-shirt and his pj trousers. Lying down, his head still pounded, he needed sleep, he didn't care that it was mid-morning. His head ached, his body ached, and the tiredness was overwhelming. He sank into the bedsheets, pulling up the duvet. His eyes were heavy, and he was sure he heard something before closing his eyes.

“Sleep well sweetheart.”

Moments later he was drifting off to sleep, gentle snores grew into deeper ones after a few more minutes.

He tossed and turned as he slept, the hours ticking by.

“Shhh, it's ok darling, it's ok.”

His furrowed brow softened, and he began to settle.

He managed to sleep deeply, and long for hours, and hours. Something he had struggled with for weeks.

-o-

Suddenly the doorbell rang out, and continuously.

He was gripping the pillow, and blinked a few times. As the noise intensified. He groaned and rolled over, throwing up the duvet over his head.

The doorbell continued to ring out.

He ignored it, didn't stir, didn't care either.

Then the doorbell stopped, and the clang of the letter box flapped, as something hard dropped down onto the mat.

Then there was silence.

He gripped the pillow, and sighed. Then tried to drift off back to sleep.

Moment later the telephone began to ring out. He stirred once again.

“Oh for the love of...” He rolled onto his back in frustration, eyes wide open, clearly annoyed.

Then the voicemail clicked on.

He heard her voice announcing they weren't in, and to leave a message.

He sighed, as he heard the voicemail.

“Charlie, Charlie. I know you're there. I just care Charlie. We all do. Will you just answer the phone? *sigh Fine, but don't think that I'm just giving up like that. I've left your things from work on your doorstep. I know they mean a lot to you Charlie. You can't just walk away like this. From all of us. Charlie?!”

The voicemail from Robyn ended, and he sighed.

He just rolled over, threw the duvet back over himself, and closed his eyes, and tried to sleep once again.

Chapter 4

He stood at the kitchen sink, gulping down a cold glass of water, his head pounded.

“I told you, you'd end up with a bad head.”

He choked on his water, as he turned his head.

He stood, shocked, as he looked at her. Her face frowning at him, her arms folded, unamused.

“But, but...” He muttered.

“I'm not a dream if that's what you're thinking.”

“But, but, how?” He stammered.

“Does it matter?” She shrugged.

“No, but.” He replied, frowning, unsure if it was just a trick of his imagination.

“Can't leave you to look after yourself, now can I?”

He grimaced slightly, shrugging.

“You don't need to drink so much Charlie.”

He sighed.

“It's not good for your heart condition, or did you forget about that as well?”

“It doesn't matter.” He replied, then turned to refill his glass with water from the kitchen sink.

“Why?”

He ignored her, and drank the water from his glass.

“You've stopped taking your meds, I know you have. You're not eating properly. And now, now, you stupidly quit your job. What are you thinking of, you silly man.”

He ignored her, then put the empty glass down onto the kitchen sink, in frustration.

“Don’t ok.” He replied, as he stood gripping the side of the kitchen cupboard.

“Why not? You've clearly...” She began to say.

He turned to look at her, as she realised what was happening to him.

“You've, you've...” She tried to say.

“I don't care anymore Duffy, I just don't care.” He replied, his eyes red and puffy, his voice hoarse.

“Oh, Charlie. This isn't the way.” Her tone softened, as she stood looking at him. Her folded arms now at her sides.

“Isn't it?” He asked her, his eyes tearing up once again.

“It's not your time yet.” She said, as she tilted her head at him.

“I can't do it anymore Duffy, I just can't.” He replied.

“You can. You have to.” She answered him.

He turned his head away from her, he didn't want to see her reaction.

“Not anymore I don't.” He sighed, as he gripped the kitchen counter top tighter.

Silence fell as he expected her to reply. He turned to look up and she was gone.

He sighed, and he frowned, unsure what had just happened.

He turned and bowed his head over the kitchen sink, and closed his eyes, as they teared up once again.

“I can't live without you.” He whispered, then broke down and sobbed.

Chapter 3

He could feel her breathe on his skin, as she lay on his chest, he ran his fingers up and down her arm.

She looked up at him and smiled, the light shone through the curtains framing her features.

“I wish we could just stay like this forever.” She said, as she gently ran her fingers delicately on his chest.

“We have all the time in the world.” He replied, as he reached up and ran his fingers through her hair.

“Says the man who is on shift in a few hours?” She smirked at him.

“Maybe I could throw a sickie?” He winked at her.

“What will the team say?” Duffy frowned.

“They can think what they like.” He said, as his hands began to go lower down her back.

“Is that so?” She smirked at him.

“Worth it.” He said, as he turned her onto her side in one shift motion.

“What is?” She bit her lip, teasing him.

“You.” He replied, and kissed her.

-o-

He blinked a few times, the light blinding him. He moved his hand to his eyes, the clinking of the glass banging against his thigh and the empty bottle that lay next to him. He rubbed at his eyes, as he opened them, the light stung, his head pounding. He rubbed at his neck, the pain shot through him as he tried to move. His mouth was dry, he was confused as he began to move.

“Duffy?” He called out. He whispered, he was confused. Unsure where he was.

He turned to look, his eyes focusing around the room. The couch bare, the room quiet and still. He looked down, something on his lap, staring up at him was a photograph of her. It was a photo taken on their honeymoon - they'd walked along the beach, holding hands, carrying their shoes, laughing and giggling as the sun was setting. He stopped her suddenly, captivated by her beauty. He had to capture the moment – the way the light from the setting sun caught the colour of her hair, framing her face, and her beautiful smiling face. He treasured that photograph since. He stroked her face, smiled down at her, as tears once again filled his already red, puffed eyes.

“We had all the time in the world?” He whispered.

He sighed, as an errand tear ran down his cheek.

Chapter 2

He stood wrestling with the key in the door lock, as he eventually managed to open it, and the other door to make his way into their home. Throwing the keys down on the table by the door in frustration. He attempted to remove his jacket and shoes, cold and wet from the walk home, but soon gave up trying, as he swayed in the hallway.

He then weaved his way into the kitchen and began searching for something to take the edge off. Three whiskey bottles were already in various locations around the house - one half-empty on the kitchen table, an empty one in the recycling bin, and another that was left in the sitting room from the night before. He picked up the bottle that stood on the kitchen table, tore at the bottle top. He was shaking from the cold night, but he managed to fill the glass already left out. Then he downed it in one gulp. The whiskey burned at the back of his throat only helping momentarily. He picked up the bottle, and swayed towards the sitting room. Colliding his shoulder against the door frame he pushed himself off it, and stumbled into the living room, slumping himself down on the sofa.

He took a deep breath, his head spinning, as he attempted to fill the glass in his hand. Then he rested the bottle next to his lap.

“Don't you think you've had enough?”

He shrugged.

“It helps.”

He said as he then took a gulp of the whiskey.

“Charlie?!”

He sighed, as he rubbed his eyes.

Then he poured himself another whiskey.

“You'll have a bad head in the morning?”

“So.” He replied, as he drank the contents of the glass once again.

“You're so bloody stubborn Charlie Fairhead.”

“So were you.” He replied, a small smile curled at his lips.

“Fine, drink yourself silly. See if I care.”

“I will, don't you worry.”

He poured himself another glass full.

Silence fell, as he then sipped at his drink, rather than gulping it down quickly.

“It won't change anything Charlie.”

“No, it won’t.”

He sipped at his drink again.

“But it helps. It, stops the, the...”

“The what?”

“The pain.” His eyes began to tear up.

“Oh Charlie.”

“I miss you, so much Duffy, so much.” He crumbled as his tears fell, and his voice cracked.

He looked up, saw a faint glow, around her as she sat on the couch opposite him, dressed in her sister's uniform. Her face looking sorrowfully at him, she reached for him, as she said.

“I miss you too.”

He reached for her hand, and in a heartbeat, and a blink, she was gone. The dark shadows engulfed the room, only an empty couch visible in front of him.

Tears fell, as he dropped his hand, and his head, he sobbed, and whispered.

“I miss you darling, I miss you so much.”

He sat sobbing, his head spinning, his heart breaking. Why did life have to be so cruel? Why take her? Why her? His Duffy?

Chuffy fic - set in Series 34, just after Charlie quits his job at the ED.

Chapter 1.

Charlie walked down through the hospital ambulance bay, away from them all, away from his job, only one destination, and one goal in his mind.

Avoiding the Hope and Anchor, he headed into town. The cobbled streets full with busy crowds. As he avoided them all, he eventually found where he was looking for.

He withdrew his hand from his pocket, only to open the large door in front of him. The busy environment he walked into was what he’d expected, as he weaved his way to the front of the queue – at the bar.

“Double whiskey.” He said to the barman.

He delved into his pocket, opening his wallet, and seeing her face as he did so, he sighed at her image – his heart sank, and he sighed. He gulped, furrowed his brow, then handed the barman the £20 note.

He then quickly downed the contents of the glass given to him, then said.

“Keep ‘em coming mate.”

And he shoved his wallet back into his pocket. He sighed, then rested his forehead in his hand, leaning on the bar.

“Bad day?” The barman asked, and he put the freshly replenished whiskey glass in front of him.

“Bad? Pfft.” Charlie scoffed, then downed his whiskey once more.

The barman rose his eyebrows at him in shock, then shook his head.

“Another one?”

Charlie just glared at him, and nodded.

Then Charlie felt the phone in his pocket vibrate, he ignored it until it stopped, then delved into his pocket. He didn't need the hassle, he didn't need them – Robyn and David, he didn't need that job. He glanced down at her image on the screen of his phone – he needed her, just her, but he couldn't have her, not anymore. Tears filled his eyes, as he switched off his phone.

He then stood propping up against the bar, as he continued to drink. Drowning his sorrows, as he thought of her, the time ticking by.

-o-

“Time’s up everyone. Time to go home.” The barman called loudly, as he rang the bell.

Charlie looked up from the bottom of his glass and sighed, as he swirled the last of the whiskey, before downing it in one swift motion. He swayed as he turned towards the exit.

Shoving his hands into his pockets he stumbled out of the pub doors, into the cold night air.

Walking down the cobbled streets he heard the loud sirens of an ambulance turning down the road. He looked up as he saw two men swearing at each other, both bleeding from head and facial wounds. He stopped to look at them both, one of their girlfriends or wives holding one back from hurting each other more. The other was being held back by his friends. He shook his head at them.

“Idiots.” He muttered to himself, and he continued walking down the street, just as the ambulance pulled up to assist them. He didn't want to help, he didn't want to get involved, he also didn't care either.

As he continued on his journey, he swayed and stumbled. The cold air not bothering him, nor did it matter. He continued to walk, his mind swimming with the days events. Each time he thought about it, the more he realised he should have walked away from his job sooner. So he could...he sighed, as those thoughts filled his mind...so he could have had more time with her. That's what he was going to do anyway, leave his job, retire, be with her and care for her full-time. Bad days or not, that time would have been better spent with her. Not fixing people up, allowing them carry on with their lives. Living with people they loved. Now, now what? Now he'd lost her, his job was meaningless to him. Why save others if he couldn't even save her? Tears filled his eyes, as that fear, that loss, sank deeper through him. He tried to fight it, tried to fight the guilt, the pain. But, it was useless.

Chuffy fic – set in New Year, in series 34.

-x-

He heard a ping from the phone in his pocket, as he sat in the taxi on his way to his destination.

He sighed, taking out the phone, he tapped on it, and read the new message.

I’M HERE, SEE YOU SOON. BILL X

His brow furrowed, and the anger rose in him once again. Since the entire conversation with Duffy a week ago, he had wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk off Bill's face for even thinking a:

HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY CHRISTMAS. HOPE YOU ARE WELL. LOVE BILL X

Would be in any way acceptable to send to HIS wife! Given the circumstances, and given the fact that Duffy had wanted nothing more to do with Bill. Or so he thought. But, when Duffy uttered the words:

“I'd rather be alone than with you. You're nothing compared to Bill.”

That hit him so hard, it took the breath away from his body, and felt like he had been stabbed in the chest. Then more pain, as he had to hear her explain how she was going to go out with Bill, making herself look pretty for him, how excited she was to go to the cinema with him. It had got to the point where he didn't know if she was telling the truth, or whether she was back to being a teenager again when she originally went out with Bill. It was confusing. It was hurtful. And, as Charlie sat thinking more and more about it in the last week. He needed to know whether things had started up again with Bill, once and for all. Or, whether it was her Dementia talking, and not her, not the really Duffy.

He sighed, as he typed up a message in reply. It made him physically sick in doing so, but, he had to know, and he had only one person he could ask.

ON MY WAY IN THE TAXIS. D X

Charlie hit send. And the taxi sped down the road towards the pub.

Back in the pub, Bill smiled as he checked his phone, then ordered his coffee.

-o-

Stirring his coffee in a quieter than usual pub. He looked up as he heard the door swing open, hoping she was finally here to meet him.

Charlie looked around the room, and locked onto his reasoning for being there – Bill.

Bill rose his eyebrows in shock, as he saw Charlie’s angry stare at him, then Charlie began to walk towards him.

Bill began to rise from his chair, just as Charlie stood at his table.

Bill swallowed hard, and began to say.

“Look Charlie, it's...”

“Not here. Outside.” Charlie said, as he stared right at Bill.

Charlie quickly turned around and headed for the door.

Bill sighed, then grabbed his coat and began to make his way gingerly towards the pub door.

Charlie had banged the door behind him, and was pacing outside, his hands clenched into fists, the anger in him bubbling and bubbling.

Bill then appeared from the pub door, as the door banged shut.

Charlie had his back to him, as he suddenly heard his excuses.

“Look Charlie, it's not what you th...”

Charlie spun around, his eyes blazing with fire, and hit him clear in the jaw.

Charlie's fists tightened again, as he stood breathing heavily as the adrenaline ran throw his veins.

Bill rubbed at his jaw, and turned to Charlie, seeing how angry he really looked.

“Charlie, look...” Bill began to say.

“No, not a word.” Charlie replied, pointing his finger at him.

Bill then looked at Charlie, as he rubbed his chin. And suddenly just laughed at him.

Charlie's brows furrowed further.

“Just stay away from her!” Charlie said, as he waved his finger at him, then took a few paces back from him.

Bill then shrugged.

“It's her choice.”

“Her choice? Her choice?!” Charlie reiterated, his voice getting louder, as he clenched his hand into a fist and punched Bill once again.

“She's my wife!” Charlie shouted at him.

And took a step back away from Bill, the anger heavily etched on Charlie's face.

Bill just grabbed his nose, as blood began to pour from it.

“She's not happy.” Bill retorted.

“She's not happy...Right, yes, right, of course...that's it then is it?” Charlie said, as he began to pace, and turned to Bill.

“I know she's not.” Bill said, as he frowned at him.

“Oh, you do, do you.” Charlie angrily replied, squaring up to Bill once again.

“She told me.” Bill replied.

“When, hmm, when did she tell you?” Charlie asked, tension written all over his face.

“Last year. And...” Bill began to say.

Charlie turned away hearing his reply.

“And?” Charlie he asked.

“Last week.” Bill answered.

“How?” Charlie asked him, as he turned to look at Bill, digging further.

“By phone. She, called me. Last week.” Bill finally said.

“Oh, last week. She did, did she?” Charlie sighed, as he then turned away from him, and rubbed his neck once again.

“She never turned up though.” Bill added, still holding his nose.

“Never what?” Charlie asked.

“At the cinema, she never showed up.” Bill explained.

“Oh, yes, the cinema.” Charlie the replied sarcastically.

“You know about that then?” Bill asked, as he then rubbed at his chin, and sighed.

“Oh, she told me all about it. You'll be pleased to know she was excited about going.” Charlie added, again, sarcasm in his voice.

“She was? She told you that?” Bill replied, confused.

Charlie sighed, and turned away from him, trying to regain his thoughts. Trying to push out Duffy's voice as he heard her repeating those words once again in his mind.

Bill looked shocked, and didn't know how to react. Then, he knew, he knew he needed to do something.

“She has a choice Charlie. You can't stop her doing what she wants.”

“No?...” Charlie said, as he turned back to look at Bill.

“...No, I suppose I can't, can I?” Charlie said, as he had tears in his eyes, then turned and walked a few steps away from Bill.

Bill once again looked confused.

“Then let her go Charlie.” Bill said, as watched Charlie.

Charlie stopped, and then turned his head slightly, then said.

“She's not happy, but, not because of me.”

“Why then?” Bill asked confused.

Charlie then said, “because she has Vascular Dementia. She doesn't know what she's doing anymore.”

Bill took in a breath in shock, stunned.

“What?”

“Just leave her alone Bill. Just leave her alone.” Charlie said, as he then turned away from him, put his hands into his pockets, and walked off into the night.

Bill stood stunned, as he watched Charlie walk away from him.

“She has Dementia?” Bill said under his breath.

Chapter 2

Chuffy Fic – set in Series 13 – NSFW.

-o-

Charlie re-entered the living room, and scanned the room in search of her. He spotted her standing at the back of the room, unsure what to do, or who to talk to. Everyone in the room knew each other, and she had only just met them for the first time today. She looked nervously at the couples dancing, getting more and more amorous like before. She shook her head at herself, in annoyance, and gulped some of her wine. She then looked up, and noticed Charlie watching her.

She caught his gaze, and sighed to herself. Charlie sighed at her too. She then turned away from him, and found a friendly face in Amy, as she began to make small talk. Charlie frowned and then took a large gulp of his whiskey.

Charlie wasn't in the mood for small talk, but, Josh insisted on bending his ear as he appeared a few moments later. Although his apparent attention was elsewhere, as he kept on looking over at Duffy.

“Are you even listening?” Josh eventually said.

“Sorry what?” Charlie sighed in frustration, as he took another gulp of his whiskey.

“About last week's serious TA. Turns out it was a gang of drug dealers you know. Car chases the lot. The police have been after them for months apparently. Amy's boyfriend was telling me.” Josh explained again.

“Really?” Charlie replied, disinterested.

“Then all four of them turn up in resus, at the same time. Hell on wasn't there?” Josh added.

“Charlie, Charlie? Wasn't there? Hell on?” Josh pried further.

“Yeah, yeah. Hell on.” Charlie replied, again, only repeating what Josh had said.

“No wonder they were tight-lipped. Saying that one of them was banging his wife. Ha, ha. And I believed them too!” Josh said, taking a gulp of his whiskey shaking his head.

“Yeah, yeah. Me too.” Charlie answered.

Charlie saw Duffy finishing the last of her wine, and briefly gestured to Amy that she wanted another drink. She then began to weave her way through the room, her eyes then locked onto Charlie's.

Without drawing breath Charlie hurriedly drank the contents of his glass and followed her path as he watched her leave the room.

“Going for a top up.” Charlie said, as he began to walk away from a bewildered Josh.

“Oh, um. Right.” Josh said, as he took another sip of his own whiskey, shrugging to himself.

Duffy had already closed the door to the kitchen, and was stood with her back against the counter top, waiting.

She stood in anticipation as the handle of the door turned moments later.

He immediately gazed at her as he entered the room, closing it gently without breaking eye contact with her.

She turned and bit her lip at him, and took a step towards him.

He tossed the empty whiskey glass onto the kitchen counter top. And, without drawing breath he took her by the waist and kissed her urgently. They stumbled back against the kitchen counter. Duffy's fingers gripped his shirt. Charlie’s hand wandered up her waist, and over her blouse to her breast. Their desire for each other intensified with each breath. A soft moan escaped her lips, between breaths of their kiss. This encouraged Charlie to make his move, he left her lips and then sucked the soft nape of her neck. Duffy’s free hand cradled his head as he did so. He squeezed her breast, making her moan again. He then returned to kissing her lips, with such an urgency. He pressed his growing erection against her. Duffy caressed his hair, and began to move her fingers down his neck, and shoulders – squeezing his shirt once again with her fingers. Charlie began to sneak his fingers up the bottom of her blouse, and stroked her bare back with his fingers. His touch sent shivers up her spine. Her free hand was also making an hurried exploration, as she traced the contours of his chest, down to his waist and the top of his jeans. She felt his arousal with the tips of her fingers and she then stroked his length. That touch was all Charlie needed to know. He left her lips once again, and kissed her ear, then neck. She squeezed his erection. He moaned against her neck breathing heavily. She stroked her fingers up his erection once again. He then reached down and grasped her hand with his. He pulled back from kissing her and looked into her eyes and saw the desire in her. He stood back from her, both breathed heavily, both driven by a want, a desperate need for the other.

“Not here.” He whispered to her.

She frowned at him, confused, flushed, and incredibly turned on.

She was just about to speak when the door suddenly opened.

“Talk about a boisterous lot. Those young'n's can barely keep their hands off each other.” Josh said as he entered the room, shaking his head.

Charlie just looked at Duffy a few feet away from him, and looked horrified. He turned his back to Josh quickly, coughed slightly, as he tried to regain his composure. Duffy just tried to hurriedly rearrange her blouse, and straighten her hair, without Josh noticing.

“Yeah, yeah, kids huh?” Charlie frowned at Duffy, and smirked at her a little.

Duffy just shook her head at him, and smirked herself.

Josh just busied himself by taking a bottle of whiskey and poured it into the glass in his hand.

“You tell Duffy about those drug dealers mate?” Josh asked, his back still to them both.

Charlie rose his eyebrows at her, and he shrugged unsure what to say.

“Oh, yeah, four of them wasn't there Josh.” Duffy hurriedly replied, as she tilted her head at Charlie.

“Yeah, yeah. All of them in resus, absolute hell on.” Josh replied, shaking his head.

“Yeah, the police were pretty lucky to get them all at once really.” Duffy added, as she folded her arms at Charlie.

Who had just shook his head at her in amazement.

“Damn lucky. Months they'd been after them. Months.” Josh reiterated, shaking his head.

“Yeah. Damn lucky.” Charlie interjected, as he then coughed slightly as he looked at Duffy, whilst he straightened his shirt collar.

Duffy tried to stifle her laugh at Charlie, by hiding her grin with her fingers.

“And then there's this lot. Who...” Josh said, as he picked up the Jameson's bottle.

“Know how to throw a decent party.” He added, as he then put the whiskey bottle down in emphasis.

“But, ha ha, don't know when to get a room. Huh, huh? Am I right?” Josh said, as he began to laugh, as he turned to look at them both.

“Um, yeah.” Charlie said, as he looked at Duffy, then back to Josh.

“Kids huh?” Josh said, as he shrugged at Charlie.

“Yeah, kids.” Charlie said, as he looked at Josh, and tutted, then glanced nervously at Duffy.

Duffy just smirked at Charlie.

“Right, gonna see what other records Sonny has. You coming?” Josh nudged Charlie.

“Na, it's you're alright Josh. Duffy is wanting to go home. I said I'd walk her back.” Charlie said, as he looked at Duffy, then back at Josh.

“Oh, oh right. Oh ok. You off now then Duffy?” Josh asked her.

“Um, yeah, yeah. It's been a long day.” Duffy replied, feigning a yawn.

“Aw, well good to see you back. Catch you later then.” Josh said, as he smiled cheerily at her.

“Yeah, it's good to be back. Thanks Josh.” Duffy returned his smile.

Josh then swayed slightly as he left the two of them in the kitchen.

Duffy took a step towards Charlie. Reached up, ran her fingers down his chest then said.

“Kids huh?” She said as she looked at him, her cheeks flushed once again.

“Yeah, kids.” He replied, he swallowed hard as his eyes glazed over once again.

She bit her lip at him.

“Mine?” He suggested.

She nodded at him, and walked passed him.

He bit his lip and let out a deep breath.

Duffy just walked down the hallway, casually looked through the mounds of coats to find her own.

Charlie turned and saw her as she put on her coat.

She looked up and caught Charlie’s eye still stood in the kitchen.

He smirked to himself, and walked towards her. Grabbing his own coat from the mound of coats on the banister.

She opened the door and he was suddenly behind her, coat in his hand.

She turned to look at him. The cold night air hitting them as they smirked at each other. Charlie quickly put on his coat. They then left the party unnoticed and intoxicated. Heading in the direction of his home. Clearly desperate to find a room of their own.