are twenty four hour coffee shops a thing in new york
p sure theyre a thing in any respectable urban area
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@chronomachy
are twenty four hour coffee shops a thing in new york
p sure theyre a thing in any respectable urban area

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frantic weekend asshattery needs to hop off my dick and quit harshing what could otherwise be the choicest of buzzes
"Baby" is still a p)(rase t)(at makes me feel iffy.
i am often uncomfortable using it unless its been well seasoned with sarcasm and blackened in irony
Yes, Dave, let’s invite absolutely everyone to the Olive Garden because abject humiliation will increase chances of what we’re planning.
The entire family definitely needs to be there as well as every single friend and acquaintance. Let’s fill the restaurant with people that we know.
I need another drink.
if were gonna do a whole awkward friend and family affair at a piss poor imitation of an italian restaurant id have picked bucca di beppo for their group sized portions i mean
im not that bad of a planner
cardboard noodles for /everyone/

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I’ll need plenty of it to step foot in an Olive Garden. The tabloids need to think that this is a drunken mistake, not a plan we made. I refuse to be associated with willing consumption of horribly fake Italian food because I have some distant, tiny standards.
(Yes, we’re definitely taking selfies. I’m going to snapchat Gordon Ramsay about our drinking decisions and restaurant plans because fuck that guy.)
im sure gordon ramsay will weep openly at a public conference held tomorrow to discuss the sudden and abrupt loss of our already questionable standards by willfully entering an olive garden without the looming threat of death and torture to motivate us
and then we show up disheveled and disorderly a right motley duo thick with the smell of sweat wine and cheap salad dressing and inform him that the whole experience was a million jillion times more fucking enjoyable than choking down whatever goddamn slopshit he calls food
add him to the list of chefs of obviously detestable moral standing
I’ll start packing my bags immediately for my voyage on the good construction implement There Is A Slight Chance I Will Needle You Mercilessly About Your Star-Crossed Bullfuckery.
I expect my stateroom to be ready when I arrive.
well i mean the whole wrecking balls pretty fuckin crowded all things considered but for you i think we can pull some strings and net you a deal with the sickest fucking garden tub you ever laid eyes on
I actually suggest that we drink it out of completely unsuitable glasses that aren’t disposable. Water glasses. Offend absolutely every wine nerd on multiple levels.
And I demand that we blast this on the speakers while we do since you reminded me of it.
well i got out a water glass for you and my sweet red crayola sippy cup for myself
dole out that liquid courage in style
(were taking selfies because if were going to do something offensive we gotta make sure someone actually gets offended)
Footie Pajamas
Really Now
they also have a buttflap

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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i was about to get mad that you were plotting to steal my beloved footie fatigue pjs from me but then i saw mentions of handcuffs and well
Great!!!! By t)(e way, sorry for not cutting t)(e post. I am stuck on mobile. 38(
Anyway, )(ow )(ave you been???
given that you aint spillin gallons of sea puns my way i think the tumblr community at large can handle the occasional tiny trio of posts before i sweep on in and neatly snip everything tidy and clean like the upstanding netizen i strive to be
its cool were cool i got your back
and if anyone objects its gonna be on your end not mine
(i will of course volunteer my services to textually kick the snot out of anyone on your dash raising a capslock ruckus should the need arise cause fuck knows bitches need more empathy when it comes to the dreaded mobile curse)
And before we explore either of them, let’s have some of that boxed wine that was mentioned during our Kik conversation because otherwise my courage will fail.
you know its time to get sleazy when you bypass the higher quality multi thousand dollar import wines for cheap walmart boxbooze
are we even bothering with wine glasses or are we gonna chug this shit like a bunch of freshman playing at a supposedly semi formal college kegger
(i am unfortunately short of red cups a thousand flustered apologies)
chronomachy Omg…
chill your fins little lady we are one hundred percent a ok here
New plan: I’m going to burn them.
theres only two real reasons to go to olive garden honestly

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I’ve hidden the footie pajamas. Any attempts to locate them will be met with wide-eyed wounded looks.
if by hidden i hope you meant burn because ill turn this place inside and out in an attempt to find them you know i will
so i got some buttflap fatigue bootie pajamas to wrangle up and a fine and noble lady to subsequently seduce